Previous Job

Since I am still stuck in limbo I will speak about my previous job and the people there I have affected. First I need to apologize again to the people I worked with and for. I didn't have any intention of harming anyone and I am sure I have caused some uncomfortable times for many people in the past 4 1/2 months. I have only spoken to a few of my co-workers since "the day" but I have an indication of what has happened since I left. I was speaking to someone a week ago who went through a similar situation and one of their regrets was not being able to say goodbye to their co-workers. I too have the same regret. I worked with some very special people and I was always cherish this time.

I miss Cathy, Lisa, Jeannie, Ryan, Peg, Mike G., Carla, Jodi, Tina, Stacie, Joy, Trish, Rosita, Angela, Rudy, Tom, Joel, Denis, Vicki, Rod, Jean, Christina and a whole host of others. I had six women reporting to me maybe this is why I escaped into the dream world of compulsive gambling?? No, they certainly had there moments but I was fully entranced into the compulsive gambling well before these people came into my life. I am so very sorry for my actions and yes, they were my actions. I hope my actions do not minimize what a great job everyone one of you did while I was there and will continue to do. I did bad things but they are not a reflection on any one of you. I am so sorry I didn't have the chance to say goodbye and I wish each and every one of you the best.

It has been brought to my attention that some of my decisions may have been influenced by my misdeeds. I have thought long and hard about this and it is simply not true. I promoted people based on their skill set and willingness to get the job done. I made some bad decisions like everyone does and I made some good decisions. I miss the interaction with everyone and I know it will be a long time before I have this type of interaction again but I am doing everything in my power to keep my demons arrested.

There were certain aspects of my job that were good and certain ones that were bad. I actually liked dealing with the people the best. This may sound odd coming from an accountant but I really liked the people aspect of the job. I had people come directly to me because no one else would listen and I would always listen and hopefully help them. I miss the interaction I had with my vendors. I cultivated some very good relationships with my vendors but for the most part I obliterated them with my actions. I don't blame anyone from running away from me because an association with me could be a career ender. I had some good times with these vendors and we had a mutual relationship; I treated them well and they treated me well. Unfortunately, my second brain took over my actions and ruined everything.

I achieved what I set out for 12 years ago when I moved to Las Vegas but I sabotaged this happiness. I could not stand success; I had to have more and be a "big shot". Life is not about being a big shot life is about purpose, honesty, and being a good role model for my children. I did not achieve any of those things and each day I try live with a purpose, have honesty and be the best father I can be to my children. Yes, I have an addiction and it ruled me for a number of years. Yes, this is the first time I have finally admitted I have a problem and cannot do this on my own. Yes, it took a catastrophic event for me to realize I have this problem because I denied it for years. Yes, I am in a whole lot of trouble because of my actions . Yes, I took many many things for granted. Finally, I need to let the past rest and focus on today. If I focus on today at least I know today will be filled with purpose, honesty and the proper example for my children.