“What the bleep do we know?”

The pain is evident on most anyone that walks into a Gamblers Anonymous meeting for the first time and there are some who walk back into the room after trying to “control” their own gambling compulsion and their pain is evident as well. The Gamblers Anonymous Program provides a roadmap to any compulsive gambler that is willing to accept the fact that gambling has them defeated. It is a program of recovery and my wish is that anyone that walks through that door stays one day at a time for a lifetime. However; I know from my own experiences that this is a difficult task.

I was giving a “warning shot” at a very early age but I turned my back on this “warning shot” and tried to overcome my compulsive gambling addiction by myself. This was not the best way to go about embracing recovery as I failed miserably ending up in a very unlikely place; prison for crimes committed to support my compulsive gambling addiction. The reasons are clear as to why this had happened to me the way it did and I am eternally grateful for recovery. I had to be brought to my news in order to give up my seemingly never-ending need to control everything. I may be good at controlling certain aspects of my life but I am horrible at controlling gambling. In recovery and in the Gamblers Anonymous Program I know I am not alone and I am completely powerless to gambling. I have given up attempting to control my gambling which is why I choose to remain gamble-free one day at a time.

The pain, the destruction and the insanity can take a compulsive gambler years like it did me; however; now it can go much quicker and damage can be caused in a short period of time. I believe compulsive gambling is just a symptom of some disconnect in the brain or in life. I was disconnected to reality because I thought gambling was the answer to my entitlement and my ego. I lost contact with my Higher Power over the years and now in recovery I am slowly gaining contact with my Higher Power one step at a time. I have a long way to go as my Higher Power continues to redefine itself seemingly every week. I may continue to redefine my Higher Power but I know there is something greater then me which lets my ego get out of the way. I don’t need to have all the answers which is why letting go is the way to go.

I don’t have the easy answers for anyone that walks into a GA meeting for the first time or even a returning member. The only requirement for Gamblers Anonymous is a DESIRE to stop gambling. There are no dues, fees or membership required only the desire is required. I see people who have the desire and arrive at their first meeting in despair. Usually at the end of this meeting these members are feeling better because possibly for the first time in their lives they are surrounded by people who know exactly what they are saying and feeling. However; invariably many of these new members don’t come back for their second meeting and some only come for a few months thinking the worst is over. I know for myself I need and want GA in my life which is why I stay connected to the Program everyday.

Even when I was incarcerated I remained connected to Gamblers Anonymous because it truly is my lifeline to a much better way of life. I went almost one year without a meeting but my therapy and connection to GA was through letters to various members who are my dear friends. These dear friends then brought the meetings to me when I arrived at fire camp. These meetings/visits were Godsends and I do believe the work of a Higher Power. I came to seek comfort in these meetings and continue to receive comfort in the meetings out here in the free world. My life is entirely better now in recovery then it ever was when I was lying, cheating, stealing and gambling. All of this has been replaced with honesty, integrity and openness.

All of the wonderful things that are happening in my life are a direct result of recovery through GA. I would not be experiencing any of this had it not been for recovery which is why I thank my Higher Power each and everyday. Yesterday afternoon before the Sunday evening GA meeting I had the great pleasure of joining my dear friends and their family for dinner at a brand new restaurant. These are fantastic people and I continue to be amazed as to how well everything continues to work out.

The GA meeting was very good even though attendance was off a bit probably due to the holiday weekend. There doesn’t need to be a large group for a good meeting and some of the better meetings are with a smaller group. However; I do wish more people would embrace the program on a consistent basis. This is neither here nor near as I can only work my own recovery to the best of my ability and no one else’s. Anyhow the meeting was indeed very good and it was back home for the evening.

A good friend of mine gave me a copy of the movie “What the bleep do we know?” This friend thought I would enjoy the movie because there was a section on addiction in the quasi-documentary. I had heard about this movie a few years ago but not being in recovery at the time I really didn’t understand. Now the movie had a whole different meaning to me as it looked at quantum physics in every aspect of human life. Essentially the 90 minute movie was Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “The Power of Intention”.

The human mind is a powerful tool and our energies do set the foundation for our lives. Addictions only inhibit our true intentions and as one prominent psychologist stated, “addictions only hurt ourselves and dissuade us from becoming who we are meant to be”. This is very profound and the truth as I apply it to myself. Now I fully understand the “Law of Attraction” and being connected. Like attracts like whether it is positive or negative which is why I choose positive. I must remain connected to the source which continues to provide amazing events in my life. The only way I can continue this path is in recovery otherwise I am disconnected and addiction will completely obliterate my life. My life is enhanced in recovery and my connection true to the source each and everyday.