12 Steps Work for Me

The Monday evening Gamblers Anonymous Speaker’s meeting in our area is incredible and last night was yet another fabulous speaker. I am so happy these meetings were started in our area over two years ago. I had the honor, privilege and pleasure to still be a “free” person when this meeting was started and it is wonderful to see this particular meeting flourishing. Last night was “standing room only” for the speaker and I had to give up my seat several times to other members who arrived a bit late for the meeting. I ended up standing out in the hallway because there wasn’t any more room in the meeting room. I certainly didn’t mind standing out in the hallway as I could hear the speaker.

The speaker last night was not a member of Gamblers Anonymous which is a departure from the usual meeting. It was a member of another 12 step program which in my opinion is one of the more difficult programs to understand. This program is Gam-Anon which is the segment of those us as compulsive gamblers have affected with our destructive compulsive gambling behavior. My wife was an active member of this program when she resided here in California but since she has moved to New Jersey being the “single” parent that she is it is very difficult to find the time for the program.

I am very blessed in so many ways and my wife is at the top of that list. I do believe being a part of Gam-Anon for the year before my wife moved to New Jersey did help in her recovery of what I had done to her and the family. This to me is very difficult because it was me who did the damage to my wife and my family yet my wife attended the Gam-Anon meetings to get a better understanding and as she got involved with the program she was helping others. I understand the Gamblers Anonymous Program very well because without my life is over. I don’t really understand the Gam-Anon program but after hearing the speaker last night I had a much better understanding. Gam-Anon works the same way as GA in people helping people who have been affected by a compulsive gambler.

I do believe 12 step program are very beneficial and even people without destructive addictions can be helped by applying the principles in these programs to their daily affairs. In fact I continue to apply these principles in my daily life even in areas that I wouldn’t consider part of my compulsive gambling addiction. I have a much greater acceptance, tolerance and giving aspect in my life all thanks to Gamblers Anonymous and I see this in every aspect of my life not those limited to my compulsive gambling addiction. I did understand when the speaker made references to their 12 step program and how that particular program helps others and themselves as well. The meeting was very interesting and I do look forward to these meetings a great deal.

The very good meeting had ended and there were two new members in attendance. One new member had a connection to my own compulsive gambling addiction “story” having worked in the same industry I worked for 12 years. It is fascinating how those who work in the gaming industry have a much higher propensity to become compulsive gamblers then the rest of the population. I had read that something like 30% of those who work in the gaming industry are compulsive gamblers and this number is so much higher then the rest of the population which rests at 2%. I know in my case it was all about my ego and thinking I was better then everyone else and I could actually make money gambling.

I only fooled myself because it was never about making money it was about being the big shot and falling prey to my egocentric thinking. I do remember my first sports bet with a bookie and I had this I am so “cool” feeling which manifested into a full blown addiction in a matter of days if not sooner. It has taken me over 20 years to finally realize I cannot gamble because it will end my life. My life has been ruined enough by gambling which is why I thank God for Gamblers Anonymous. My life is full in GA as opposed to empty when I was gambling, lying, cheating and stealing. I had such a warped sense of thinking and when faced with a “moral” decision I was incapable of doing the right thing. Thankfully in recovery I do my very best to continue to do the right thing each and every day one day at a time.

Yesterday and today for that matter flew by so quickly. I was hoping to get confirmation on my trip to New Jersey and had left a message for some type of response. I am still waiting for a response which could be beneficial because in the past when there was an issue I was contacted very quickly so I am going with the fact of “no news is certainly good news.” I do need some type of official confirmation by the end of this week so I can book my airline flight. I will try again tomorrow to elicit some type of response and do hope it will be a positive response.

I was up early this morning taking one of my good friends to the airport and once again this is the least I can do for these dear friends. It didn’t matter to me that it was very early because these are wonderful people and I will do everything in my power to help in anyway possible. The ride to the airport was very smooth and I was at the gym at the regular time I arrive in the early morning. I got in a great workout but for some reason my superior running shoes; the same running shoes I wore in the marathon are causing some minor difficulty. I had to wash the running shoes after the marathon because they were mired in Accelerade and dirt from the 26 mile run. I washed them in the washing which may have been a mistake because I think the shoes particularly the left shoe has shrunk.

I ran on Friday and again today only to have a bloody sock. This isn’t a big deal like the Curt Schilling bloody sock of Game Six in the American League Championship Series a few years back against the Yankees. My bloody sock isn’t a big deal but it is strange. I guess the shrinkage is causing my fourth toe to rub against the side of the running shoe which causing the irritation. I will try to stretch the shoes out because I do enjoy these running shoes so very much and if this doesn’t work I can always exchange them for a new pair since the store I purchased them from has a very liberal exchange policy.

In spite of the “bloody sock” I got in a great run and I was energized this morning exercising. I made my way into work where I pitched to play receptionist most of the day. Since we lost the person yesterday I made it a point to pick up the slack and between myself and another person in the office the day went quite smoothly.