Asunder

“Life is what happens when you are busy making plans” said one famous philosopher. What happens when the best laid plans go asunder? I guess that goes back to the first statement as life keeps going no matter the amount of planning. I thought I had a very good plan set for our housing needs starting next month and this good plan was assisted greatly by our dear friends. However; a very long sorted story made short we need to come up with another plan for our housing needs. We were getting an unbelievable deal all thanks to our dear friends but this has gone astray. Now it is on to Plan B or is it Plan C or D? I have lost track but this is all part of the process of life.

One of our dear friends explained the situation to me last night and I think our dear friends were more upset then me all of this didn’t pan out. I am eternally grateful to them for all that they have done for me over the past four months and over the past three years. I am extraordinarily blessed with extraordinary friends and this process has been made so much easier all because of them. It would have been wonderful if the plan stayed on course but even the best laid plans can come unglued. All of this has been completely out of my hands so I have no right to be angry, mad or distraught. It truly is what it is and I do know whatever transpires over the next few days will be for the best as this news has happened for a reason.

I spoke with my wife last night and told her the news. I was thinking of waiting until today but I had to tell her and in retrospect it wouldn’t have matter if I did wait until today. My wife was a little disappointed and didn’t really like my Plan B and as I listened to her words it became clear to me I needed another plan. I do have some control over this part of the plan so I spent a good part of the evening searching for houses to rent in our area. I was shocked by all of the listings and the price ranges were very reasonable. The housing market debacle apparently has lead to many rentals and the prices are all over the place. The price per square foot is much less then I imagined and I certainly know everything will be great.

I called another dear friend today seeking some assistance and I was assured “not to worry” and “anything for you”. This friend knows someone who is in the housing rental business and finding something “should not be a problem”. The timing of all this is not how I planned as I wanted to have everything moved in prior to my wife and children’s return. With my departure up in the air and hopefully I will know next week whether or not I will be able to go; the timing actually may work out for the very best. I know to take things in stride because this is another one of those “small things” in life where it makes no sense to get upset. I’m not sure when it makes sense to get upset but this is certainly not one of those times.

After being on the internet for a few hours researching the houses I had enough and decided it was time for sleep. The temperature here has been very hot with daytime high’s over 105 degrees but unlike when we used to live in Las Vegas the temperature does cool down at night. I remember many summer nights in Las Vegas where the temperature was still 100 degrees at midnight so the cooling trend didn’t happen until October. Here it is plausible to open the windows at night which I had been doing all this week. Last night I forgot to open the window and woke up sweating in the middle of the night but this was quickly rectified by opening the window and letting the cool air in.

I woke up at my usual time and decided to forego the early morning workout. There was something I forgot to do at work and I needed to get to the office so I could get this done. I was in the office early and was able to do what I needed to do before the Saturday morning Gamblers Anonymous meeting. While I was sitting in my office my cell phone rang and it was a good friend informing me I had “made the papers, again”. My heart may have missed a beat when my friend told me this because for a split second I thought oh boy here we go again and then thought why I would make the papers.

My friend explained that my former employer had some more misdoings and someone was arrested for these nefarious acts. At the end of the article my nefarious acts were mentioned but fortunately my name was not mentioned; I was referred to as the “casino executive who was sentenced to four years in prison for embezzling $500,000 from the casino to fuel an online gambling addiction.” I guess my 15 minutes of infamy haven’t subsided yet but it was good that my actual name was not mentioned as I move forward in recovery. A quick back story to this latest misdeed at my former employer; the person who was arrested (read more here) also has a compulsive gambling addiction and I have this on very good authority. I hope this person seeks recovery because it is so much better to be in recovery then the lies, cheating and stealing which occurred prior to recovery. Recovery and GA continues to save my life.

Yes, it was time for the Saturday morning GA meeting and our attendance continues to grow. We are back at the numbers when I departed some two years ago. The meeting was very good and some very good things were said. One of the items I found very poignant was the discussion of being in recovery and having to deal with a spouse who isn’t in recovery and may feel like they have been left behind. This is one of the paradoxes of the program and yes, I wholeheartedly believe in the program but too much of anything (recovery included) can be detrimental.

I know I have and continue to embrace the program and have had the luxury to be able to attend many meetings. However; GA is a huge part of my life but it isn’t my life. I continue to seek balance and when my family returns next month I will be closer to being in balanced more so then I have been in a long time. Recovery is essential to my survival and GA will be in my life one day at a time for a lifetime. My family is also essential to my survival so I need to balance the two which at times can pose a challenge. I have been blessed with an extraordinary wife who understands my need to attend GA meetings so this has never been an issue; however; I owe it to myself, my wife and the program to balance all the good in my life. Without this balance I am back to where I was over three years ago and I need to always be mindful of this balance. It is one of the more challenging things in the program and not to be taken lightly. I was so happy for the discussion and something I will continue to work on.