Compulsive Gambler in Recovery
It is better to build character than to be one.
Friday, June 06, 2008
"Chaos Theory" Disproved
I had a few errands to run yesterday afternoon so I departed work earlier then usual. I dispensed with my errands and made my way over to the gym. I decided that working out in the late afternoon on Wednesdays and Thursdays works out very well for me and especially this week since the marathon was only a few days ago. I returned to running last night at the gym and this is very different for me from any other of my completed marathons. I have now participated in six marathons (San Diego 3 times, Arizona, Las Vegas and Los Angeles all once) and completed five of those marathons.
The only marathon I did not complete was the Arizona Marathon where I developed a severe case of tendonitis at mile 15 and decided to stop. I still have a little regrets about this decision but at the time it was the right thing to do. After this marathon I didn’t run for six months as I rehabbed my knee and concentrated on cycling. Fortunately I must have done something right because I have done something right because the tendonitis has not come back and I am a better today then I was three years ago. All of the other marathons that I completed I didn’t return to running for at least two weeks. This is why returning to running only three days after the marathon is a major accomplishment for me. I only ran 4 miles but that is 4 miles more then I have ever run so soon after completing a marathon.
Something in my brain has changed over the past 6 years since I started concentrating on running marathons. As my younger sister said to me, “Prison did wonders for you” when we were talking about how well I had run in the marathon. I do believe this to be the case because through prison and most certainly in recovery I have a completely new perspective on everything. The sky is so much bluer, the grass is so much greener and everything is truly wondrous. I do my best to look and be positive each and every moment of everyday and this is helping my running tremendously.
I remember finishing my first marathon (6 years ago) and never wanting to run again. Now 6 years later I am running so soon after completing the marathon yes, things have changed and they have changed for the positive. The run felt great and all of the stiffness and soreness from the marathon has disappeared. I won’t delude myself into thinking I could run another 26.2 miles this weekend but I am fairly pleased with wanting to run at all. I have discovered that I don’t have to kill myself every workout session and sometimes it is best to do less instead of more. In the past I would be fanatic about getting in an intense workout just about every session but I have discovered that there is a time and a place for these workouts and it isn’t every time I go to the gym.
I got in a very good workout and I was in the mood for Souplantation. I usually go this restaurant with another person but it was just me last night and since I still had some funds remaining on the gift card my mother had given to me I figured, why not go by myself and this is what I did. I do enjoy this restaurant tremendously because it is inexpensive and the food is very good. The meal was very nice and I didn’t mind sitting by myself. As I was sitting I received a telephone call which I allowed to go to the voice mail. This was a person who was trying to reach me after I had sent a resume in response to an ad. We were playing “telephone tag” and this person’s messages were very intriguing.
The messages were saying my last name sounded very familiar and did I know anyone who lived in New Jersey and was a barber. When I heard this message I figured out this person knew my father who did live in New Jersey at one point in his life and was a barber as well. I had to call this person back and we finally connected. I am a firm believer of things happening for a reason and this isn’t the “chaos theory”. As it turns out this person went to high school with my father 45 years ago and has been living in California for the past 26 years.
As everyone knows I am a compulsive gambler so please forgive me for what I am about to write but I cannot think of a better sentence; what are the “odds” of this kind of thing happening. Here I am in California sending off my resume to a blind advertisement, the person who receives my resume who also resides in California went to high school with my father in New Jersey 45 years ago. This is fairly freaky but something that really doesn’t surprise me. The ad I answered was for a “Life Coach” and had a great deal to do with the “Power of Intention”, “The Secret” and the law of attraction. I’m not sure if I actually attracted this person into my life or vice versa but next week we will meet.
I don’t know about the “job” because it is really more of starting my own business which requires capital. My capital is limited (at best) but I am very interested in helping others. In the past I would fixate on the compensation but now I know everything is going to work out for the very best and the money will be there. I am not in it for the money as much as I would love to help others. I explained my “entire” situation to this very nice person and I was commended for my “full disclosure”. Where this leads I have no idea but I did connect on so many levels with this person I had chills coursing through my body as we spoke with one another. My “Higher Power” does work in mythical ways and I do believe this evidence of those mythical ways.
This morning I did make my way into the gym and once again ran keeping with my previous training regimen. I ran for over an hour this morning and it was wonderful. I have to comment on my new running shoes as they are the most comfortable running shoes I have ever owned. I think I wore the “crap” out of my old running shoes because these new shoes feel so much better. Every step of the marathon was effortless as these shoes provided exceptional cushioning and support. I am so very happy I purchased these running shoes and I highly recommend the New Balance 826 running shoe.
Since today is Friday this meant I was back on the golf course this time with my unexpected pen pal from prison. I had a wonderful time with this exceptional person. I played a lousy game of golf which hopefully doesn’t foreshadow my golf game for the rest of the weekend because I am meeting my friends in Palm Springs over the weekend as we reconvene our annual Palm Springs golf trip. I didn’t care that I played lousy today because our conversations are so much better then my horrid golf shots. The round moved very slowly but this gave us more time to speak with one another. Once again it is amazing how things work out and yes, they continue to work out for the very best.
I do consider this person a friend and there were two important things this friend had brought up today during our 5 ½ hours together. The first was drawing a comparison between the compulsive gambler and the occasional gambler. The occasional gambler recognizes the fact that when money is lost it is lost forever. Where the compulsive gambler not only doesn’t recognize this fact but believes they can win the money back and then some. The second point was regarding my situation and how I have an obligation to give back in my recovery. My friend is right and I think of it as an honor not an obligation to give back to others.
I do enjoying speaking to others about recovery and hopefully I can help people steer clear of the road I went down. Hopefully my ego remains in check because I do realize that no matter how much I do to help others recover I can do their recovery for them. Ultimately as is the case with me; the decision to continue in recovery is mine and mine alone. Thankfully this is decision which will be with me one day at a time for a lifetime.
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