"Completely Different?"

I seemed to have always been a proponent for the theory of “the path of least resistance”. When I entered college oh so many years ago my intention was to become an attorney; however within my first semester I quickly realized this did not prescribe to my theory and set out to find a major that fit my criteria. It didn’t take long as I took an accounting class and averaged an A+ an all the exams. I thought that wasn’t so bad so I enrolled in the second accounting class and again averaged an A+ on all the exams. It seemed I had knack for accounting even though I wanted to stay away from it because my older sister was majoring in accounting as well.

My sisters have always been good students and I was the underachiever. I guess it was my lack of effort that hindered me because I seemed to always manage to get by. However; excelling in the accounting classes gave me renewed hope to follow my path of least resistance. If I had to exert effort I was in trouble which is why I had difficulty in college. I searched for the “easy” classes and I thought accounting was in this category.

This was quickly dispelled as I advanced to the upper level of the accounting classes. I had to take the most difficult class “Intermediate Accounting I” twice because I barely passed the first time. It was clear why I barely passed; I barely exerted any effort. Some how I remained on this track and when I completed my college work I had enough accounting classes to sit for the Certified Accountant Examination. I did sit for it but yet again I put no effort into my studies and failed all four parts. Instead of applying myself I never sat for the examination again. I did pass the Certified Internal Auditor exam a few years later and to this day I think they made a mistake in grading the exam because I still don’t know how I passed!!!

There is a point in all of this I just don’t know how to get there!!! I will try for a point somewhere along the way. What I am trying to get at is I have always taken the easy road all through my life and when I do look back all of this has worked out for the best. This may have not been the right way to approach matters but it was the way I was programmed. Now seemingly going through a “tough” road with prison and being separated from my family for the past two years I would have a different outlook. I’ m not so sure if my outlook has indeed changed that much. I was extremely fortunate to be offered a job even when I was still in prison and I started this job a few days after my release. I am eternally grateful for this opportunity but I think it does fall into my theory of the path of least resistance.

The job was a natural for me as my boss needed someone and I needed a job any job for that matter. I am doing things I have done most of my career and I have had several people tell me in the past few months that they see me doing something very different. On some levels I agree with them very much but on another level taking that leap would be very difficult for me at this point. However; even as I write this there isn’t anything I would do that would be difficult it is my mind making it difficult and I do think I have put myself in a bit of a funk as I wait for my family to return.

I know my family will be with me very soon but at the moment many of the plans I have made aren’t exactly coming to fruition. I have yet to receive permission for my trip to New Jersey and our housing situation seems to be mired in stagnation. I do believe that everything will work out for the best but even with that stated and a having a positive attitude (at least most of the time!) I do find myself just going through the motions. This is what I wanted to refrain from ever since being released from prison. Today I was reminded by a dear friend to do something “completely different” that would make most people laugh. This is a great reminder because life passes by so quickly and so often it is get up, go to work, come home and do the same thing the very next day.

This is exactly what is happening to me I am losing focus of all the positives and this is just wrong. I don’t know what something “completely different” would but I am willing to give it a try. Something different for me is working out after work as opposed to before work and that is just lame!!! I mired myself in a rut when I seemingly had everything which led to my downfall. I will continue to do what is right in my recovery and live life one moment at a time enjoying those moments to the best of my ability. Right now the best of my ability needs to progress and just like most things it is a process. In this process I am eternally grateful for everything in my life.

I don’t know if this qualifies as doing something completely different but this afternoon I had a late lunch with a very good friend. It was a very nice time and coupled with my regular Wednesday evening “dining experience” it appears I will never starve in everyway possible. I had a great time last night and I need to get off my “duff” and make the proper changes. I trust in the process and this is all part of the plan. Whatever happens in regards to my trip is for the very best and even though I so badly want to have a summer vacation with my family driving across country everything will be wonderful no matter the outcome. Finally God willing next summer I will be able to go wherever I want without permission and maybe the gas prices will be under $8 a gallon by then!!!!