Much Better Circumstances

Yesterday morning I talked myself out of working out but this morning I was back at the gym for the morning workout. I have been some what bummed out about my new running shoes being “broken” (for lack of a better term). The running shoes maybe “broken” but I still managed to run 12 miles in them on Sunday and today I cycled 21 miles in them as well. I have contacted the place where I purchased them and have been informed that it has been over 30 days (31 days to be exact) which meant they would not accept a return on the running shoes. This did upset me so I contacted the manufacturer of the running shoes (New Balance) and have been informed I can return the running shoes to their corporate address in Massachusetts. I was very encouraged with this news because I do like these shoes very much and that is what I call “customer service”.

I was feeling a bit lethargic this morning and it took me awhile to get into the workout. I even struggled a bit on the cycle but quickly warmed up covering the 21 miles while dripping with sweat. There are some days such as today where I seem to sweat so much more then other days. I’m not sure what it was but it could have something to do with my inner stress level.

I will readily admit I am feeling the “stress” (again for lack of a better word) of everything that is happening or for that matter everything that is NOT happening. I woke up this morning and I could feel my heart beating quite rapidly. This was very unusual and after a few calming deep breaths the rapid heart beat went away. Of course, this is all from what is circulating around me. I am anxious to hear about the house and my trip. I do feel I will hear about the house prior to hearing about the trip because today yet again I left another message to no avail. I know there is nothing I can do with either one of these situations and I am doing my best to let it all take its course.

The main reason for this blog is for me to be honest. I have come to the belief that there isn’t a difference between being a little or completely honest. Either I am honest or I am not. There is brutal honesty which is something I do my best to stay away from but there is honesty in my life, finally. I have said this in the past and it bears reiteration; I would lie because it was much easier to do then to tell the truth taking the path of least resistance. I was having a conversation the other day regarding how difficult it can be to be honest. I did disagree with this concept because now I find it much easier to be honest then to lie. Lying progressed me into a prison cell and the truth has certainly let me free in every sense of the word.

I need to maintain this honesty through this blog and sure I do struggle sometimes but the struggles are very minimal. I am coming to an end of a phase where I have been separated from my family and I am looking forward to finally being a family after two years of the separation. All of what I am currently going through will pass as everything passes. “This too shall pass” is a great quote and somewhere down the road I will look back and say, “What was I getting so excited about?” It is a process and I am firmly embedded in the process as I move toward being with my family. The plan I had in mind has changed several times but it is the plan that is intended. This course of my life is moving forward with honesty, dignity, and in a wonderfully positive manner. This doesn’t mean there are down times but those down times are certainly minimized.

Today I met two wonderful dear friends for lunch. The last time I met these friends was under completely different circumstances as they visited at the fire camp back in January. These dear friends were vacationing in San Diego and were driving back home to Las Vegas so we met for an incredible lunch. I selected my old favorite of the Souplantation which certainly serves a great purpose and has very good food. The food did not matter at all it was the company that mattered.

These are great friends whom I have known for many years (over thirty years). It is always wonderful to see them and today was great seeing them while not wearing orange!!!! The hour and a half lunch went by so quickly and as I was greeted with big hugs we hugged good-bye. I cannot say enough about these dear friends and they made my day today. I am blessed beyond belief in every way imaginable and some unimaginable!

The wonderful lunch was over and I returned to the office as I prepare for being away from the office for the next two days. I am attending the National Council on Problem Gambling’s Annual Conference. This is something I have looked forward to for at least one year. The Executive Director of the Council invited me when I was in prison and now here it is one day away. Time does go quickly and more importantly I will see some very dear friends and I am actually staying with one of these dear friends for the three day conference.

I am very interested in the all aspects of problem gambling and I do believe I bring a “unique” perspective to the table being a compulsive gambler (thankfully in recovery) and having worked for the gaming industry. There will be many gaming executives at the conference and some of which I had worked with in the past. It is inevitable that my path shall cross this way and I no longer hide from myself. I am at peace with myself and it is a wonderful place to be!!!