An Oddity!!!

The other day I was driving to the office and I noticed something I hadn’t seen happen in the four months since my release; the price of gas at one gas station actually went down from the previous day. The price went down 2 cents but this is a far cry from the daily increase over the past four months. The price of gas at these gas stations has been very reminiscent of the billboard in New York City which displays this country’s national debt as those numbers never went down only up, up and up some more!!!

The price of gas has been like this in my four months but somehow this one gas station had a decrease from the previous day. I thought it might be an oversight but gauging from the other gas stations which didn’t register a decrease but unusually didn’t register an increase as well. Maybe there is a stabilization of some sort but I doubt it as it is more of a brief pause before the price reaches $5 a gallon in the next month or so.

Out here in California we have one of the highest prices of gasoline because we have the highest amount of drivers in the nation. Simple economics play very well with the demand being very high in spite of the very expensive price. I guess we Californians love our cars and I haven’t noticed a decrease in the number of cars on the number again despite the price of gas.

At some point something has to give because there is only a finite amount of money available to most people and I am in this category. I am very fortunate to live close to my office and my driving is very limited other then yesterday when I made the unnecessary trek to the very brief training session. If all goes well with the house I visited yesterday I will be even closer to the office and conceivably could take a bicycle to work which I am considering.

I have to make a choice next week on whether or not to pursue a second car and if I am that close to work my wife and I could most certainly car pool which means we really need only one car. Sure this could be an inconvenience as we have always had two vehicles ever since we were married. We were down to one car about a month prior to my sentence as I had to sell my car and some how we did manage.

I know we can manage and it is all about being fiscally responsible which has been elusive for a number of years. This is something I should have been doing all along but my addiction prevented me from thinking clearly. Thankfully in recovery I can think much more clearly and even though my salary has significantly been reduced from previous years I think we will be in better financial shape. Of course this is a day at a time venture and really only time will answer these questions.

Yesterday evening was another edition of the Monday evening Gamblers Anonymous speaker’s meeting and this was another splendid speaker. There are so many powerful stories in Gamblers Anonymous and it really is incredible where this disease can bring some people. Sure it brought me to a place where I never thought I would end up (prison) and the person who spoke yesterday evening went to the brink of death. In Gamblers Anonymous it is very clear where compulsive gambling can take a person; prison, insanity or death. There have been some unfortunate souls who have taken part in all three of these horrible aspects. I have taken part of two of the three and I know as long as I stay committed to recovery I will not be lead to death by compulsive gambling.

I have a long way to go and so much I want to experience and one of these experiences will commence very soon with the return of my family. The winds of their arrival are swirling and oh by the way I still haven’t received an answer on whether or not I will be able to travel to New Jersey which was supposed to take place next week. I have left messages and it is yet another thing I have zero control over which is why I will let it go accepting whatever happens as the very best. Sure it would have been nice, considerate and other positive traits knowing whether or not I can travel but I will continue to make telephone calls until I receive an answer. Such is my lot in life at the present moment and I am not about to get upset or lose faith; it truly is what it is.

Recovery is the way to go and earlier today I was going through some very old correspondences which date’s back to my second fall from grace due to my compulsive gambling addiction and my goodness I was not a nice person. I was very selfish, self-serving and in MAJOR denial. My eyes weren’t ready to open and it took another 13 years before I realized how consumed I had become by gambling. I firmly believe due to my compulsive gambling addiction my brain was incapable of doing the right thing; however; now in recovery now I am not only capable but willing and able to continue to do the right thing one day at a time.