Recovery; A Better Way of Life

There are good intentions, bad intentions and half hearted intentions. Last night I made one of those half hearted intentions thinking I would change up my workout sessions but since it was half hearted the intention went unfilled. I was hoping to get up and workout this morning which would be a little different for me since my off day has been on Monday for several months. I must have miscalculated how much golfing in 105 degree temperatures took out of me as I was very tired this morning. I even awoke at my usual time only to say I need another hour of sleep. In the past I would feel guilty for doing this but over the past three years I have learned guilt has no place in my life nor do justifications. If I want to sleep in after a fairly active wonderful weekend then so be it. I know I will make my way back to the gym at some point.

I did essentially rollover and get that extra hour of sleep to start my work week. Today was one of those days that zipped on by so quickly. There has been a great deal of commotion at work and I would like to say it was positive commotion but it wasn’t positive or for that matter negative. It was just commotion and I have a very easy time putting things into perspective thanks to recovery. I am so happy for my positive attitude and understanding when to let go. Acceptance is a huge ingredient of my recovery and I hope this doesn’t get misconstrued with ambivalence. I am certainly not ambivalent to my surroundings but by the same token I won’t get upset over the little things and outside of life threatening situation for my family most things are little.

There is a person who worked at the center and is doing with a horrible event. I don’t know how acceptance translates when an event as horrible as this occurs and I hope I never have to experience anything like this. Hopefully I never have to experience anything like this because it is something no person should ever have to experience but very unfortunately it does happen. I am not going into to details but it is as bad as it can get and coping with such tragic events are often times difficult. I have no idea how I would react to an event such as this but I do hope my recovery continues to teach me so much about everything each and everyday.

In recovery comes learning, acceptance, tolerance and such a better way of life. Gone are the days of lying, cheating, stealing, justifying and all those other negative traits. I am so much aware of my feelings now then I have ever been in my life and I continue to find out new and wonderful things about myself and this world. As I have mentioned I had a wonderful weekend between GA and golfing with my friends. I am so happy I haven’t lost my true friends and have gained so many more true friends through recovery. I remember previous golf outings with these friends and my mind seemed to be a blur as to what was transpiring at those particular times. Now I enjoyed every moment of the weekend all thanks to recovery.

My mother made a comment to me the other day that I had “kicked” my compulsive gambling addiction and although I would like to believe this to be the case my compulsive gambling addiction will never be “kicked”. It certainly is under lock and key; and as long as I continue in recovery it will remain this way. However; falling away from recovery removes the lock and all bad things will transpire. I prefer the good things as opposed to the bad things which are why my life is indeed wonderful.

Come to think of it I played golf from Friday to Sunday all with people who knew me before recovery. So often I have heard other members who enter Gamblers Anonymous that they lose everything and everyone close to them; I am blessed in this regard. I may have lost monetary possessions but I am so grateful I have not lost those close to me which does include family and friends. In fact my life has been enhanced and continues to be enhanced through recovery with a tremendous support network.

I was told a long time ago when I first got into trouble with gambling to never forget the feeling I had at the time which was guilt, shame and remorse. Somewhere along the way that feeling diminished and since I didn’t have a program of recovery I reverted to my old ways. My program of recovery will keep me on the proper path as long as I stay diligent in my recovery which is my intention. Unlike getting up early this morning this is not a half hearted intention this is a solid good intention. I am doing something about my compulsive gambling addiction and I am eternally grateful.

Yes, the day went by so quickly I can’t believe it is already time for the Monday evening GA Speaker’s meeting which is wonderful meetings. The days, weeks, months, and years do pass so quickly which is why it is imperative for me to enjoy every moment which is what I am doing each and everyday.

A quick aside since I got back late yesterday from my golf outing I missed my usual laundry day and with my work and meetings schedule I won’t have an opportunity to do laundry until later this week so I had to either move 50 boxes to find the rest of my clothes or go to Target and purchase the needed clothing items. Since I am very big on the “path of least resistance” I opted for going to Target so now I am good until next Sunday. Oh the simple pleasures of living in a truly “free” society!!!