Reality isn't so Bad

My son was incredible as I sat in the Gamblers Anonymous meeting. I was somewhat expecting him to enter the room while the meeting was going on but apparently he has become quite comfortable in the office. He knows where the refrigerator is and where I keep the pretzels. This is all he needed as he watched a couple of Disney Channel programs on the computer.

The door to the meeting room did open halfway into the meeting but it wasn’t my son. He was safely tucked away in my office drinking root beer, eating pretzels and watching the computer, not a bad life!!! By the way my son was asked if he wanted to stay for the meeting and his reply, “I don’t want to stay for the boring meeting!!”

This comment does make sense for a seven year old and may make sense to other people who are not recovering from a compulsive gambling addiction; however; it does not make sense for me. These meetings are vital and the only way I will be able to stay away from gambling. I tried the alternative which was will power done by myself and it led me to places I never thought I would be in a million years. I will continue to go to these anything but boring meetings since I never know what is going to be said. Last night the theme was the importance of Gamblers Anonymous.

In my short time in the program I have seen so many people enter the room and never come back again for whatever reason. I have also seen people come in the room and come back a considerable period of time later in worse shape than the first time. I know I was given a few “warning shots” prior to my ultimate fall from grace due to my compulsive gambling addiction and none of those except for the last “warning shot” brought me to Gamblers Anonymous. I am eternally grateful to the program for providing me a better way of life and this is very important to my growth.

I am in recovery and I understand there is no such thing as a “recovered compulsive gambler”. The program of Gamblers Anonymous does not teach people to gamble “normally” rather it teaches our wonderful members to live a better life and in that better life there isn’t any gambling whatsoever. I know a longtime member who proposed “Controlled” Gamblers Anonymous which didn’t last very long and I can understand why. I am conditioned and wired to gamble compulsively. I thought I could control the gambling but in the end gambling controlled me. Now with gambling out of the picture everything in my life gets better each and everyday.

Last night concluded a wonderful Sunday from start to finish. I had a great day with my son and even attended a GA meeting to maintain some of the balance I am seeking. I was up early this morning to officially start my training for the Long Beach Marathon in October. I have once again sought the assistance of Runner’s World on-line which provides a wonderful training program. I have decided to be a little more aggressive with my training regimen in hopes of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. I didn’t realize until well after I finished the San Diego Rock n’ Roll Marathon that I was a mere 5 minutes away from qualifying for the Boston Marathon.

I couldn’t have made up those five minutes if I knew about the qualifying time but it does show me I am right there on the cusp. As long as I continue the training I have a very good opportunity to better my time. I have decreased my times considerably over the six years since I started running marathons taking almost an hour off of the time of my very first marathon to my last marathon. I know I have a better time in me because I started to fade in the last marathon and with a little “tweaks” to my training regimen I should be in the neighborhood.

Yes, today was the first official day but I have been maintaining my conditioning since my last marathon so getting into the swing should be seamless. Seamless it was as I went for an “easy run” of 9 miles at a little faster than my previous training regiment. I have a habit of running the last mile of any training session faster than the previous miles no matter the distance. This is my twist to the posted training regimen and something I enjoy doing. I enjoy it because it gets my blood pumping even more and the sweat just rains down as I finish the run. This was the case today and I felt very good with the “easy run”. This training session is much more aggressive and I am looking forward to working out that much harder.

The day had begun and instead of going into the office I had an “appointment” or more precisely an “interview” to attend. I have to look for another job because my current position has its “challenges”. I am so happy for the opportunity but with my family now back I have some real financial responsibilities and I have to a job I can rely on. I’m not sure if the interview I went on today was a job I can rely on but my options are indeed limited. Most of the opportunities (such as today) are sales job based solely on commission which can be daunting. However; with my current position I am forced to look for something else.

The interview today was very interesting because it was a sales job selling art to business and personal residences. The owner of the company met with me for a whole 3 minutes and according to him “really liked me”. I have a fairly good ability to “read between the lines” and know why he “really liked me”. I was the oldest person in the waiting room by at least 15 years and I didn’t have any visible tattoos!!

The owner’s philosophy is a good one for him as he is hiring a sales force to sell this art work and my guess is 10% of the people he hires will indeed work out. It is a game of numbers and his risks are limited because there isn’t any salary just commission. I was invited back to spend a day with a “top producer” next week and I am not sure whether or not I will pursue this any further.

I know my options are limited at best since my field of expertise has been prohibited due to my transgressions. I know there is something out there and I have a clear picture of this in my mind. No, it isn’t selling art but I have to find something to pay the bills. I am working on what will be a career for me but this will take time so in the meantime I need to find something. I will and I know everything will be great as it has been great over the past three years as I move with recovery.