Good Friend is "Out"

I was supposed to resume my collegiate career on Friday with a local online university. I had spoken to one of the counselors at length over the past few months going over my previous college transcripts. I was hoping to obtain more credit for those classes taken many years ago but that wouldn’t be the case. I thought I would go ahead and resume my studies with this university but with classes to commence I decided to pursue a different online university. I got one of those “weird” feelings about this particular university because the closer it got to the classes starting strange things were happening. The counselor I was dealing with mysterious disappeared and all of the sudden I was dealing with the Director. I was given some pre-assignments which I completed but didn’t receive any feedback.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense but I have chosen another university which is nationally accredited and I feel more confident in this university than the previous one. This could be construed as me delaying once again what should have been accomplished many years ago and who knows this maybe the case. I want to feel comfortable with the university and bottom line is I just didn’t feel comfortable. If all goes well I will resume my studies next week. I would be remiss to thank my two friends who wrote letters of recommendation for me and yes, this was one of those things I just didn’t understand why I needed a letter of recommendation to attend an online university.

Today was a very special day for a person I met over one year ago. When I arrived at the fire camp last year I met a very special friend and today is the day of this friend’s release. I do know exactly what he is going through because over six months ago I experienced those same emotions. The prison system is not designed for people such as this friend and I along with my friend stuck out like sore thumbs all through the process.

This is not to infer we are better than anyone just different inside a system that is “foreign” to most people. My good friend survived his 29 months stay within the system and today the odyssey ends. He has to be elated, relieved, happy, and all the emotions in between. This is a good person who was put in a very bad situation; however; selfishly I am glad he was in this position because now I have a very good friend. Hopefully once I complete my parole in just 7 months we can reconnect as dear friends would but for now a big congratulations and I know everything will work out for the very best.

Today was one of those lounging around the house days and everyone just took it easy. Nothing earth shattering happened today and it was just one of those very lazy days. I was gearing up for my first day of work tomorrow and working at home may have it positives and negatives. I don’t exactly have an office setup in the house and this could be problematic since structure is a good thing. I think this first week I will be feeling my way around and ultimately I will probably use the downstairs bedroom as an office.

This evening I made my way to the Gamblers Anonymous topic meeting and even though the attendance was down most likely due to the Holiday the meeting was just what I needed. I have gone down to one meeting a week over the last few weeks and I can feel the difference from when I went to four meetings per week. I am doing my best to achieve balance in my life but I am mindful that recovery is the foundation of my life because without it there is no life. There is a long time member in GA who states, “GA is a huge part of my life but is not all of my life.” This makes sense to me because again the balance quest comes into play. If I am full throttle with GA this could be construed as a good thing but other facets of my life such as my family will suffer.

My family has suffered enough because of my misdeeds and I want to end any suffering which is why I walk that line between; family, recovery, work and all the other parts of life in between. Make no mistake my life is wonderful and good things continue to happen all due to recovery. I know that in order for me to continue to recovery GA must be a part of my life. My new position has me talking about recovery to people who don’t necessarily understand recovery which will also help in my recovery but there is no substitute for Gamblers Anonymous.

The meeting tonight brought back focus in my life as the topic was “When did you cross the invisible line?” I know I crossed that line at conception because being a compulsive gambler is in my DNA. As a dear friend says, “I am hardwired to gamble compulsively”. I don’t know any other way so for me there is no choice which is to not gamble and practice the wonderful principles in GA. This all leads to a great positive wonderful life.