Recovery Focused Life

There is something that has been on my mind for the past week and I wanted to take the time to share some of this. Six months ago I was released from prison for crimes committed as a result of my compulsive gambling addiction. I have been extremely fortunate in the past six months which started off with dear friends taking me into their home where I stayed for a number of months. I was also able to take position with another member from Gamblers Anonymous where I worked up until last week. In July I was able to fly back to New Jersey and drive with my family as we reunited. This week I started a wonderful position with another good friend who I met all because of recovery. All of the previous sentences have been made possible because of recovery. I owe everything in my life to recovery because without it I would be nothing and in very bad places.

In Gamblers Anonymous we read it all the time where compulsive gambling takes people; “prison, insanity or death”. I talk about it all the time that I have been insane and have been to prison so the next step for me would be death; however; thankfully due to recovery I shouldn’t to experience death for a very long time; God willing. This brings me to what has been on my mind for the past week and it all goes back to my previous employer. I had no choice but to move on because things weren’t very good financially and not being paid in three months does have its limitations. Over that period of time I became much disenfranchised with my position and didn’t do my very best. I departed last week having left a few items unfinished.

I would have thought my employer would have wanted to know what I had completed or not completed but this was not the case. I informed the person I thought who would be taking over the position about the unfinished items. Apparently this person is not responsible for these items and I got word yesterday that my previous boss was not happy with what I had left. He has not called me to talk about this and I have been concerned with this over the past week. I know from a business standpoint I can justify my actions but not from a recovery standpoint. I didn’t do my best and this has been bothering me. I tried to communicate what was needed to get down but this fell on deaf ears.

I really feel bad for my previous employer because the situation is dire in a business sense. Once again I tried to offer my assistance but this too went nowhere. I think what bothers me the most is my actions because they weren’t the right thing. The right thing would have been to complete all of the work handed to me regardless of being paid but I had trouble separating those two issues. I would offer my services to complete these tasks but I understand someone is currently working on these things. I think my mind is getting the best of me and I need to let this all go. It certainly is what it is and life will continue to take its course. This has served as a learning experience for me and I need to be more mindful of recovery in all aspects of my life.

I am having a hard time getting into an early morning workout routine. I want to be home when the children wake up which requires me to either go to the gym very early or go when they children leave for school. I have been opting for the latter over the former all week long and today was no exception. I do have a great deal of latitude with my position but I want to get into more of routine. I have come to learn that these routines help tremendously and when I lack a routine I get myself into trouble. Anyhow I was up with the children and it is very special when my son comes into our bed with us when he alarm goes off at 6:00 am. I’m not sure why he sets his alarm so early but I won’t argue since he is so very loveable even at this early hour of the morning.

The children were awake and ready for school. Things haven’t changed as my daughter waits until the last minute to come downstairs and today she only had enough time to eat half her bagel. She does push it to the limit whereas my son is done with breakfast and outside playing on his scooter even before my daughter gets dressed for school. It is such an interesting dynamic because my daughter and son are very much alike yet they are very much different. I love finally being here for these types of moments because to me that is what life is all about.

The children were on their way to school and I was on my way to the gym. I had a very good workout this morning and I am amazed how the gym attendance dwindles as the week where’s on. This is very much like January when everyone makes their New Year’s resolution only to fizzle out in the third week of January. It appears people are gung ho early on in the week but not so much later on in the week. Today the gym was very empty which doesn’t really matter to me either way.

I go about my exercises and then jump on the treadmill for a 9 mile run this morning. The run was good and once again those aches and pains dissipated after the second mile. I do have so much respect for those elite runners who log between 25 and 30 miles per day. This puts it all into perspective for me because on average I run between 35 to 45 miles per week let alone in one day. I finished my rather pedestrian 9 miles with a very good sweat and it was on to start the day. The day was once again not all that productive but I did have some time to get into the garage to finally clear a space to the refrigerator. I cleaned the refrigerator and at least now the children can have cold beverages!!!