Reactive Attachment Disorder

The technology has changed in the past two plus years while I was away. An example of this occurred last night as we watched a movie directly from the internet. The movie was not only from the internet it was also displayed on our television and the transmission was almost seamless. I remember when I first used to surf the internet over 10 years ago via “dial-up” that the downloads of most websites seemed to take forever. Now here it is only 10 years later and we are sitting as a family watching a movie as we would watch a DVD and this movie didn’t freeze like the DVD did over the weekend. I was amazed I was able to figure out how to attach the laptop to the television along with attaching the sound as well. It did take me awhile but I finally got it altogether and we watched a family movie in National Treasure 2.

The family had seen this movie before but I had not. I did see the first movie National Treasure and thought this sequel was very much like the first one with some things changed. It really didn’t matter the content of the movie it mattered that the four us were in the same room and in fact we were all snuggled up against each other watching the movie as a family. This is so cool and one of those moments I cherish because of the simplicity. There was a wonderful connection with the family last night as we watched the movie and I enjoyed it tremendously.

This morning was yet another typical morning for me but I was out the door a little early as I had a full day of appointments planned. The workout went well and I think I am getting used to this regime of running 5 times per week. This is the fourth week of the training schedule and I remember in the previous 2 training schedules my legs were aching at this point. I don’t have any of the aches or pains and it is unusual because the intensity has increased. I guess it is all part of the process.

The early part of the morning took me to a meeting at the local school district. This is a meeting of community partners that addresses the needs of the students in the community. These needs range from drug addiction, alcohol addiction to learning disabilities. These are people just trying to help in any way possible and my first meeting was last month. The program was started a little over two years to combat the drug and alcohol issues effecting students. This is a great first step whereas in the past the denial was the community was immune from these types of issues.

I sat there and listened to two wonderfully educated speakers. The topic was “Reactive Attachment Disorder.” I had never heard of this before and was educated on “RAD”. Reactive Attachment Disorder is defined as complex psychiatric illness that can affect young children. It is characterized by serious problems in emotional attachments to others. RAD usually presents by age 5, but a parent, caregiver or physician may notice that a child has problems with emotional attachment by their first birthday. This often happens in children placed in foster care or who have neglectful or absent parents. These children have difficulty forming relationships with anyone because their brains weren’t formulated for bonding.

It was fascinating listening to the dissertation because the techniques utilized for children affected with this disorder were almost counterintuitive. One of the techniques involved NOT making eye contact when dealing with a RAD child. Apparently eye contact heightens this condition and the children do not listen. The proper technique is sitting side by side and forming a personal bond through calmness. The key is to stay calm no matter how the child reacts. The speaker went on to say that all of our brains are connected and when one person is stressed the other person becomes stressed so it stands to reason the inverse. The inverse is being calm which brings calmness to the other party.

I thought more about this concept on how ALL of our brains are connected and I do believe this to be the case. No matter the religious belief we as humans were created the same way so there must be a connection for all human beings and that even goes for the test tube babies. Taking this one step further on a personal note; in my recovery I have become connected to people who have the desire to stop gambling and this keeps me focused in my own recovery. I do believe that this does have something to do with the success of Gamblers Anonymous in my life. I tried the “on my own” method which worked horribly and now I can go to a place along with practice a program that reinforces this connection to live a life without the horror of compulsive gambling. The key is the “connection” and in the rooms and in the program the profound connection is everyone being on the same page to recovery. Sure some people fall away from the program and some go back to their old ways but I know that as long as I stay connected and practice the principles of the program my life continues to get better.

After the meeting I made my way to the office and on my way to the office I placed a telephone call to someone I had not spoken to in almost 4 years. Life is a very funny thing and it is cosmic journey of some proportions. This person surfaced in a conversation I was having a few weeks back and I just couldn’t get them out of my head. As it turns out two very dear friends are coming to visit this weekend to play golf and thankfully I am able to join these two friends.

This person I spoke with today used to be part of these golf outings in a “previous life” and I thought it was a natural that I would invite them to play golf this Sunday. I was a bit nervous placing the call and I played the “worst case scenario” out in my mind. The worst case scenario was the person just hanging up on me and I thought that wouldn’t be so bad at least I tried. Well the person did not hang up on me in fact it was quite the opposite. We had a very cordial conversation and they did accept my invitation to play golf this Sunday so we could do some catching up.

I can’t say it enough about how blessed I am in some many ways. I continue to meet interesting people and I do have some very wonderful people in my life. It is obvious that I screwed up in the things I have done but everything continues to work out as intended which is wonderfully.