Abandonment Issues?

Last week when my wife and I visited my son in his classroom for the Christmas “pageant” and the gingerbread house making we worked around the room. My son’s teacher always does a wonderful job of decorating the rooms depending on the season and of course with the season being Christmas the room was decorated accordingly. Adorned on the walls were several projects by the children in the class and one project had the children write down what they wanted for Christmas. There was a little twist on this project because the children were given three parameters. The first parameter had to do with what they wanted for Christmas, the second what they wanted for their families and the third what they wanted for the earth. The first parameters were filled with the usual material items such as electronic games and other assorted regular Christmas items. The second was more personal to the child and the third ranged from stopping global warming to peace on earth.

My wife and I sought out our son’s composition and we were able to find it. His first thought was on a skateboard as his “go to” Christmas present. (On a side note I don’t believe Santa will be bringing the skateboard since Santa wasn’t informed in time!) I will jump to the third thought which was to rid the world of global warming. This made sense and was a consensus with the rest of the class. His second thought was more interesting as he wished that his family wouldn’t be taken away from him. I had to read this a few times to really understand what he was saying and after reading it I called my son over to talk with him.

Knowing what I put my family through over the past two years and in those years were two Christmases that I missed I thought this statement made complete sense. However; after to speaking with my son this statement had nothing at all to do with me being “taken away” for those two Christmases. As it turns out a classmate of my son’s has both parents in jail and this is very troubling to my son. My son wanted to know who would watch him if his parents (my wife and I) were taken to jail. I had to tell that I don’t believe that I or his mother would be taken to jail and in the event that something did happen he would be well cared for by his wonderful grandparents, aunts and uncles. This seemed to satisfy him and he went about his business.

I thought long and hard about this little statement made by my son and yes, I was convinced it was me that instilled these potential abandonment issues but this just was not the case. It is so fascinating how life moves and here it is almost a year after I have returned and my son sits next to a young man who has temporarily lost his parents to incarceration and this does seem to bother my son. There are times where I would love to throw a bubble around both my children and protect them from this big bad world but that are not reality and that would cause some very maladjusted people.

Life certainly moves in mysterious ways and I was very grateful to be with my son to try and explain this possibly disturbing happenstance of losing both parents for awhile. I cannot undo the past I can only deal with today the very best way I know which is with honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. Those three items are the cornerstone of my recovery and essentially my life blood. Hopefully my son doesn’t grow up with abandonment issues because I think that can lead to a great deal of negative in a person’s life. I can only do my best and have my actions speak louder than words and hopefully these actions will continue to be guided with the incredible principles of recovery. I know as long as I adhere to these principles there will not be abandonment on any level.

Today was the start of the very short holiday week and my schedule has been adjusted accordingly. I had only a few meetings today and with the children off from school and my wife doing her running around it was best that I limited my “out” time. A funny thing happened to my daughter; she woke up this morning very sore from her softball outing of yesterday. She was certainly “feeling it” in her back and arms from the three hour “practice”. I couldn’t help but to laugh (yes, I know I am a “bad Dad”) because it was very funny watching her move around gingerly. She wasn’t injured she was just really sore and in my sick twisted mind I believe being sore is a positive sign. By the way it was a rainy day and my daughter was content with staying in her “jammies” all day long on this the first day of their winter vacation.