A "Discussion"

Last week when we were at the book store for the school fund raiser each of our children picked out several books. Over the years I had accumulated several gift cards to this particular bookstore and combined this with other credits the children were allowed to select just about any books they wanted. My son selected four books and his selections ranged from Pokémon to Football while my daughter went for the more fundamental “chapter” books appropriate to her age. My daughter does seem to enjoy reading while my son has yet to find joy in reading. Anyhow my daughter is reading a series of books by an author that shares her first name and has a great last name, “Myracle.” It is a series of stories about a young girl and the books are titled to the girl’s age. The last book my daughter read was titled, “11” and selected “12” when we were at the book store.

This particular book could be considered a little “advanced” for a girl my daughter’s age since it is from a perspective of a 12 year old girl experiencing the “changes” that getting older brings. The book states that it is appropriate for ages 10 and older but in today’s world where children seem to grow up much too fast who knows if this is accurate. We had to make an assessment whether or not our daughter should read this particular book and knowing that our daughter really enjoyed the two previous books of the series it wouldn’t be an easy decision.

My wife perused through the book and came across the possible inappropriate parts and she showed me. I am of the mind that the more information available to my children the better and my mind could possibly be too open in some cases. An example of this was the whole discussion on Proposition 8 the “Gay Marriage” issue where the opponents were showing that gay marriage would be taught in school. I struggled to find the negative aspect of this being taught in school while most people were appalled that it would be taught in school. I thought that children are going to be exposed to this at some point in life so why not open a discussion when their minds are more opened. With this stated my opinion on whether or not we should allow our daughter to read this book was a foregone conclusion. I do need to qualify this by saying that the “inappropriate” parts weren’t extremely “inappropriate” in my opinion. My wife did know my answer prior to her asking and my wife’s thinking was along the same lines as mine so we decided to allow our daughter to read this book.

I didn’t want our daughter alerted to the potentially inappropriate parts of this book so neither one of us said anything as our daughter read this book. I was curious if our daughter would have any questions and yes, we did say that if she had any questions about the book that she could ask either of us. Well last night the questions came and they were very good questions. I noticed that my daughter was nearing the conclusion and I had asked how the book was and she replied, “Good.” I didn’t want to pry any further so I just kissed her good night and headed downstairs. No sooner than two minutes later I was being called back upstairs by my wife. My daughter did indeed have some questions about the book but she felt more comfortable asking these questions to my wife which was very understandable.

My wife wanted me to be part of the discussion and I’m not sure if any father is comfortable explaining the “facts of life” to their daughter I did my very best. Yes, this was the inappropriate portion of the book as the main character was discussing the changes that go on between girls and boys at their particular ages (12). I explained and it wasn’t easy but after a few minutes the discussion lead to a more formal version of the “birds and the bees.” I know my daughter has more of an idea about the “birds and the bees” even though she hasn’t formally had the discussion. Last night was a fairly in depth discussion and I wanted to impress upon my daughter that she can ask either one of us anything and to not feel embarrassed. My main concern was keeping the lines of communication open because once these lines of communication close things get very bad for all parties. I wanted my daughter to feel comfortable and I think both my wife and me did accomplish this.

I was happy to have this discussion and I do believe that the more information the better. I remember my discussion of the “birds and the bees” with my father that consisted of him handing me a book and asking if I had any questions. I must give my father credit because he would answer any question that I may have asked but I was too scared to ask anything. I don’t remember “reading” the book only “looking” at the pictures and most of what I learned of the birds and the bees came much later on in life. I want both my daughter and son to feel comfortable asking questions and I want to hear those questions. I know my father has a wonderfully open mind when it comes to these types of issues because as of late we have had great conversations about the same sex marriage issue and prejudices. I want to carry this further now with my children.

It has taken me a long time to establish my open mind and it has been there all along but through recovery I realize that having an open mind is the right way to go through life. If there is anything I can impress on my children is the concept of acceptance which is part and parcel of having an open mind. Acceptance can be implemented on any aspect of life and this world would be a much nicer place if everyone shared this concept. I accept the fact that my daughter is growing up fast and in the next few years she will experience “strange” things both physically and emotionally. I want to be there every step of the way and as much as I want to protect her from the world I realize this is impossible because she has to grow and part of growing is experiencing things for herself. I can’t shield her from all the “inappropriateness” in this world I can only hope to add some guidance. Thankfully I have been given a second chance and I am making the best of this second chance. My daughter is a great person and will have a great life; I am eternally grateful to be able to witness that life.