Clearly on the "Other Side"!!

The theme for me these past few months has been the days passing by so quickly. There were a few occasions in the past two weeks where I wanted to sit down and write but I never made the time and that time just flew right by. I have heard so many people say “I never have the time to do fill in the blank….” I was never a big proponent of this and I am still not a proponent of this because to me it is a just another excuse. It is up to me to find the time and to make the time to do those things that keep me in recovery. In the past I let the time just go by now I am doing my very best to make the “best” of the time. As time goes I have now been out in the free world longer than I was in the not so free world. I served 19 ½ months and believe it or not it has been 20 ½ months on the “other side”.

There isn’t a comparison to which amount of time went faster but it really is hard to believe the five year mark is coming up very quickly. Now my life is filled with blessings and the days are whizzing by in a mere heartbeat. In terms of things whizzing by we completed the softball season this past Saturday as our team was eliminated from the end of the season tournament. Even though we didn’t do as well as I had hoped I had so much fun coaching my daughter and the team. There were some trying moments especially near the end of the season when our best player decided to forego our team for her All-Star team but in the end everyone seemed to have a great deal of fun. I do want to coach again in the spring and I got the “ok” from my daughter.

There is no doubt I am a very compulsive person as witnessed from my compulsive gambling days to my fanaticism of running and my insane diet. Another facet of my compulsive nature appeared as I became very compulsive with coaching the softball team. I was always looking out for new drills and constantly playing with the line-ups. Hopefully this is a good thing and I do believe it is a good thing because it did not take over my life. There were times where I spent many hours planning for the upcoming game and or practice but overall it was a wonderful experience. I was blessed with a great group of parents and made some new friends as well. Strangely enough these new friends have law enforcement backgrounds and it is so nice to have the past in the past as I was called “Coach” the entire season. Wow, what a difference a few years makes and what a difference a life in recovery makes!!

We had the team party last night at a very cool pizza/arcade. The great part about was seeing the girls interact with one another and it was only 2 ½ months ago that we started the season but there were some friendships formulated. Life is really about experiences and hopefully the girls along with the parents had a positive experience over the season. I know I had a very positive experience through and through. I really can’t wait for the spring season to start so I can plan, devise and strategize!!!!

Work had hit an “interesting” patch a few weeks ago but it that has past and work is going very well. This is yet another one of the many blessings in my life. It is so fascinating how a small decision nearly 5 years ago has altered my life for the better. As the “walls” were closing in on me I made a decision to attend a class and from that class started a friendship and from that friendship I am where I am today. I took a class to be a Counselor to Compulsive Gamblers and met my now boss. I did pass the class but I don’t have the necessary hours to be a counselor. However; once again everything in my life does work out for the very best.

It is hard to believe the holiday season is rapidly approaching with Thanksgiving only one week away. I have so much in my life to be thankful for and it starts with my family. My wife is incredible, my daughter and son are incredible and so is my life. The holidays are a very special time of the year but no matter the “special” day all my days are extra special.

Yesterday we had a parent/teacher conference with my son’s third grade teacher. This was a different type of conference that my wife and I had as compared with the conferences with our daughter’s teachers. Our daughter has spoiled us because she is a great student through and through and requires little to no attention. My son on the other hand requires much more attention and it appears he is at a crossroads in his scholastic career. The teacher stated “he is a good kid” which did mean a great deal; however he is struggling with reading. This isn’t a surprise and last year he received special attention but do to the budget cuts this year that special attention has gone away. I have confidence in my son because it is apparent he can do the work but he is so easily distracted.

The teacher was great explaining the process to us and she put it very succinctly that the current system is very hard on an active third grade boy. My son would rather play outside than do anything else in the world so getting him in front of a book has been a challenge. He could very well be on “fence” but I do believe he will move to the right side of the fence and straighten things out. He really is a sweet kid and it is up to us to provide the delicate balance he needs to move in that proper direction. I am sure there will be some bumps on the way but once again everything will indeed work out for the very best.

Disappointment Noted

It has been a wonderful two weeks since I last sat down to write a blog. My Mom came out for a visit and I was able to see my sister and her family along with a very pleasant surprise. Last week my Mom came in from New Jersey and we met her in Disneyland. My younger sister had a scheduled vacation with her family in Disneyland and since it is so close it was a natural to go and see them. It was supposed to be a surprise for our children because we didn’t let them know Grandma was coming but that surprise wasn’t as good as it could have been. There was another surprise that I was not in on. As we were waiting for Grandma to make her entrance into my younger sister’s hotel room in walked my older sister. This was a surprise to me and at first it took a few seconds to register. I was indeed surprised; however; I did ask her if my niece joined her since we were short players for our softball game the following day, yes, it is always about softball!! No, my niece didn’t join her but it was great to see my sisters all in the same room.

It doesn’t happen often that all of us are in the same state let alone the same room. I live in California, my younger sister lives in Colorado and my older sister lives in New Jersey so getting us all together is a major accomplishment. My Mom has stressed the importance of staying close and in spite of our geographical differences we are very close. It was tenuous with my older sister due to all of my “issues”; however; as time has passed my older sister and I get along very nicely. We had a very good conversation as I took my sister back to the airport for her return trip home. I can’t say enough about my younger sister who has been a steadfast supporter from the beginning and I owe her so very much for all the tremendous support.

Everyone had a great time at Disneyland and we did the usual attractions frequenting California Adventure mostly. My son even stepped up and went on Californian Screaming which he passed on during our last visit to Disneyland back in January. (By the way the last time we were in Disneyland my Mom joined us as well!) He still wanted no part of Tower of Terror but based on his progression I surmise he will be joining my daughter and me on this ride during our next visit.

Yes, it was a great trip to Disneyland and it is always great to have my Mom here for a visit. This is her third time this year and fourth time since we all returned to California. Her visit went so quickly and was filled with baseball and softball games. Upon our return we made our way to the respective “diamonds” with my daughter and son both having games during my mother’s visit. My daughter’s game last Saturday was very interesting because we only had 8 players due to injuries, prior commitments and family trips. The girls played hard and my daughter pitched as much as she has ever pitched in her short career. She ran out of gas in the last inning and we were on the short side of the ledger but we returned against the same team the following Monday and were on the winning side of the ledger. This was very cool to see the girls bounce back and no matter what happens during the year end tournament I have had a blast coaching this team.

My son has turned a corner and just like most of his season he is coming into his own. He had some very good hits and is certainly hitting the baseball better than he has all season long. My mom got to witness all the games and the whirlwind of our days. The days consist of going to work and getting the kids to and from their various games and yes, those days fly by and so did my mother’s visit. It was hard to believe I was taking her to the airport for her return trip home. We had a very nice lunch on the way to the airport and my mom is such a special person I am blessed to have her in my life.

I had a few “trying” days at work earlier this week and I had to call on all my recovery powers. I did manage to lose my “cool” during a discussion which is very unlike my demeanor. Normally I just listen and let the “tough” moments blow over but I felt I needed to say something. In retrospect I should have kept my mouth shut and just took it so I will chalk it up to a learning experience. I am very fortunate to be in the position I am and very grateful to the people I work for and with. I need to acquiesce to their wishes no matter how I feel because it is their business and I need to respect their wishes. I have to get down to business and make those people happy because this in turn will make me happy and truth be told I don’t have many (if any!) other options. I do enjoy what I am doing and I do enjoy everyone in the office so I do need to suck it up!!!!

I did have some unfortunate news this past week and it has to do with this insidious addiction of compulsive gambling. I “quasi” sponsor a person in the Gamblers Anonymous Program and this is a person I met several months ago. I received a very strange text and subsequently had a very strange conversation. I just didn’t understand the conversation but it became clear a few hours after the conversation. I received a text and the information in the text made what had happened abundantly clear. This person had gone back out gambling and as our little yellow combo states the results weren’t so good.

I cannot and will not work anyone’s recovery other than my own. I am here and I will listen along with hopefully offer some very sound suggestions but I cannot control another person’s thoughts and actions. I was a bit disappointed but this was a wake-up call to me. No matter how well I think I am doing I need to keep the Gamblers Anonymous Program in my life by attending meetings and keeping in touch with those in the program. If I don’t the results are disastrous and I have no intention of walking those paths every again. However; the only way for me to continue my recovery is to work the program to the best of my ability. I owe everything I have to the Gamblers Anonymous Program because I not only have my life back this is a much better life than it has ever been. Wow; life does work in mysterious ways and I am very fortunate in every aspect of my life.

Attitude Revisited

Another week in the books and wow these days are roaring by!!! I remember a time not so long ago when I wanted the days to be “fast forwarded” now I want the days to be put on “pause”!! Lately the “fast forward” has been fully enforced and this isn’t necessarily a good thing but compared to those days when I wanted this button to be pushed this is a great thing!

The week has been filled with the usual of work, softball and I was even able to attend a Gamblers Anonymous meeting during the week. I wasn’t able to attend last Sunday evening as we were stuck in the Verizon store getting my wife a new cell phone as a replacement to a broken cell phone. This took much longer than either of us anticipated but fortunately there weren’t any softball games (only practices) during the week I was able to attend a Wednesday evening meeting.

I was very impressed with the size of the meeting and it appears our group has adjusted to the new meeting times and venue. There was an internal issue with the Wednesday meeting but this was more aligned towards where we hold the meeting. The meetings are held at the place I work at and since our GA group has grown along with another meeting the meeting space has become a hot topic. Hopefully this will be all worked out in a few weeks as we accumulate more meeting space but in the meantime I was very happy to be the mediator.

The meeting was very good and the topic very appropriate to my week. The topic was “attitude” and I spent the past few days prior to this dealing with attitude. It all started at last week’s softball game where one of the players displayed less than stellar attitude. I had a few complaints and had to address the issue at our practice on Monday. I did have a discussion (albeit one sided!) with my daughter on having a “good” attitude as opposed to a bad attitude prior to the Monday’s team meeting. At the meeting I stressed the importance of maintaining a positive attitude over a negative attitude and I was quite impressed when the player in question pointed out her own flaws. I thought this to be a great sign and hopefully my words of “wisdom” (tongue firmly planted in cheek!) hit home to some of the players.

I know it is often a struggle with my own daughter who I have had a very difficult time with over the past few days. Yesterday I nearly ripped her head off as she wasn’t ready for the game and made a ridiculous respect. I know I am blessed with an incredible family and our children are really very good; however; there are times such as yesterday where I do wonder where I have gone wrong. I don’t like it at all when my daughter expects certain things and I am certain the finger comes right back to me because she has been given these things by wife and me over the past 11 years. Material items should not be the most important aspect in anyone’s life and it does drive me crazy when I hear this from my own daughter. I am a bit frightened as my daughter enters her teenage years but I have faith through all the bumps and bruises along the way everything will turn out great.

Softball keeps moving along and my coaching skills are being enhanced (I hope!!). We haven’t won a game in the past three games and the errors are killing us. We had a great week of practice and I thought this would translate into a great game. However; yesterday those errors were prevalent and we lost to what seemed like an inferior team. I too made some coaching errors as I tried a few things that didn’t work out so well. This is the fall and thankfully standings aren’t kept. There is a tournament at the end of the season to assess what the teams have learned and hopefully by that time we will have gotten all the bad stuff out of the way!! In the meantime it has been a great deal of fun coaching these young ladies and if my daughter allows me I will most likely coach again in the spring.

17 YEARS!!!!

Seventeen years ago yesterday I said “I do” to my incredible wife. Yes, it has been 17 years already; it does seem like a blink of an eye because I can remember that day just like it was yesterday, heck even better than yesterday!!! It was a beautiful Autumn New Jersey day sandwiched between two dreary Autumn New Jersey days. I woke up that day just like I woke up yesterday and headed to the gym. I was explaining our wedding day to our 11 year old and she asked, “Who works out on their wedding day?” Yes, her Dad worked out on his wedding day and my son chimed in with an answer to this question, “Daddy was looking good for his wedding!” Wow how did I get so blessed with such an incredible family???

Back to that day 17 years ago and I do need to put it all in the proper context of my compulsive gambling addiction. I was in the midst of my second bout of my compulsive gambling addiction and I wasn’t the “usual” compulsive gambler because I wasn’t going to ruin my wedding day by gambling. I knew enough (but certainly not enough!!) that I couldn’t mess up my wedding day and I thought I could just stop gambling. Oh yes, that worked for about three weeks but I went right back to my old behaviors. Thank God for Gamblers Anonymous because it has been 4 years 7 months and 14 days since my last bet and I know if I follow the guidelines of the program I will make it 4 years 7 months and 15 days. I didn’t know about this 17 years ago and hey maybe things would have been different but everything continues to work out the way it is supposed to work it which is wonderfully.

It has been quite a ride these past 17 years and I am so fortunate to continue to spend each day with my wife. She had every right to abandon ship when all hell broke loss over 4 years but here we are. We spent most of the day on the softball and baseball diamond. First was the softball game and our team didn’t fare too well. Additionally there seemed to be some dissension in the ranks of the players and I was feeling the full affects of being a head coach for 11 pre-teens that some seem to be battling much bigger issues than fielding a softball. I have a sneaking suspicion everything will work out for the best or at least the way it should it be but it will be an interesting ride for the next month. Then it was time for the baseball diamond and my son finally got his first hit this season. It was a grounder to third and he was so proud of himself. The rest of his game went well and the day was finally over.

The children were taken care at their friends’ houses last night while my wife and I went out for a very nice dinner. We made our way to a new restaurant for the special occasion. The food was great and so was the company. We had a great time and it was a wonderful way to spend our 17th wedding anniversary talking the night away. The night ended supremely as the children came home from their friends’ houses. As I laid down I had a shiver come across my body savoring every moment of the past 17 years and knowing how blessed a person I am. Wow; my life is certainly incredible!!!

Powerful Clip!!

The week was great!! We had two softball games; one didn’t go so well and one went very well. Work is moving along very well and so is life. The weather is outstanding and even though I am more inclined to warmer temperatures I do love the autumn air. Yes, even in Southern California there is a hint of fall in the air!! We really don’t experience the full effect of the four seasons but I do like these subtle changes as summer finally broke. I played golf yesterday in what I would consider the perfect temperature of 72 degrees; not too hot and not too cold. We have more days of the year like this than most places do and I am extremely fortunate.

I am extremely fortunate for every facet in my life which brings me to this posting; http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1259192799495 Not sure if you need to have an account with Facebook to access but if you don’t please try to view this message. It is a very powerful message on how addiction causes so much pain to not only the addict but to the loved ones. There is so much I can write about this passage but I will refrain for now only saying my heart goes out to this family and all families touched by addiction. SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) states that EVERY family in the United States is affected by addiction. That statistic cannot be understated and it would be naive to believe otherwise. I come from experience and now my family has been affected by MY addiction. I am not blaming myself I am just pointing out a fact and thank God I am now in recovery because my life is incredible all thanks to recovery.

Please view this clip and I would like to hear what everyone thinks, thanks!!!

Gravity Does Work!

It is never a good thing to hear a wife scream in virtual dismay while laying in a semi-deep sleep at 11:00 pm!! Yes, this is exactly what transpired yesterday evening. I had fallen asleep a few minutes earlier but was awaken by some very disconcerting noises from my wife. My wife was in the bathroom very near the toilet and a very small connecting piece broke off and water was gushing everywhere. As soon as I heard my wife I leaped out of bed and made my way into the bathroom. I did my best to turn the valve off to stop the water but the valve would not close. There was water gushing everywhere and after what seemed like and entirety I decided I needed to turn off the main water valve to the house. This valve is located in the garage (downstairs from the master bathroom). I scampered downstairs and as I entered the kitchen I noticed the water leaking from the ceiling. The kitchen is directly below the master bathroom and it only made sense that the water was leaking from the ceiling as gravity was doing its job!

After struggling with the main water valve I managed to get it closed and the gushing water stopped. However; the damage was already done as the water was cascading from one of the light fixtures in the kitchen and the air conditioning vent as well. I am not exactly sure how long the water was gushing for but my best guest estimate would be around 6 or 7 minutes which apparently is a great deal of water. Thankfully everyone acted quickly and towels were thrown down along with makeshift buckets to catch the water. This could have been much worse and I hesitate to think if this had happened when no one was home, yikes!!

Since we are renting the house I placed a phone call to the property manager whose wife wasn’t exactly to hear from me at such a late hour but thankfully the Property Manager was very responsiveness. It was much too late to get someone at the house so the best course of action was to wait until the morning especially since the water had been turned off. My wife who was borderline hysterical when she saw the water cascading from the ceiling into the kitchen had calmed herself down. I am not exactly the “comforting” type in these types of situations because my reaction to her was that this is very inconvenient but certainly not the end of the world and yes, it could have been much worse.

We mopped up all of the freestanding water and the makeshift buckets were doing their job so we decided to go to sleep. I did a better job of comforting my wife once we got into bed and we both smiled before falling asleep. This morning since the water was off and all of the “facilities” were off limits I needed to go to the gym earlier than planned. Also I couldn’t do my planned workout because the plumber was on his way and I wanted to get back to meet him. I got in a substandard workout and for some reason my stomach did not feel well at all. I managed to get in an hour workout and I like my new IPod (thanks Mom!). I still have to be aware of what caused the damage to my old IPod which was my excessive sweating during the workouts so I have employed a new tactic positioning the IPod on my arm instead of my waist. Who know if this will be effective but if it isn’t I need to think of something drastically different because I can’t keep going through an IPod every year.

I came home and after an hour the plumber did arrive and his assessment gave us comfort as he stated it wasn’t that bad. There was some damage to the ceiling in the kitchen and the good thing for us is the fact that the landlord shoulders the responsibility for these repairs. We are in the process of trying to buy the home and as fate would have it I made an official offer just yesterday. I wonder if this issue will hamper the process but I am very glad we don’t have to pay for the damages. In any event the ceiling needs to be re-done which should take about 2 days worth of work. Oh well; crazy things do happen and life is anything but boring!!!

Exceptional Everything

The beat continues on as the weeks keep passing in a blink of an eye. Wow life is certainly fantastic in every aspect. The days are filled with work and softball. If anyone is concerned yes, I am still working out but I am in between races. I decided not to run a marathon next month and I am considering if I will run the half marathon instead. My body needs a break and it appears my next marathon will be in either November or December. I was hoping to be able to run the New York City Marathon this year but I was not fortunate enough to gain an entry. I will try again next year and from all accounts it is “the” marathon to participate in. The crowds are huge and the atmosphere electric. I have cut back on the running for now but I am still going to the gym between 4 and 5 days a week.

Last week I received a voicemail message from a long lost friend and I was taken by surprise. This is a friend that I have not spoken to in over 4 years. I have yet to catch up with this old friend as we keep exchanging voicemails. This is nothing new because I have a very dear friend who I have been trying to get a hold of since earlier this month but we must have exchanged at least 15 voicemails along with a few emails. It is interesting because in this day and age communications are at our fingertips but for some reason the personal connection of actually speaking with the other person is the best (at least in my opinion). In any event I am certain I will be able to speak with both of these friends in the not so distant future.

Softball is moving along as we won and lost our last two games. My daughter pitched in the game we won but it was a very interesting game as we gave up a big lead but won in the last inning. The game last night was not very good as our best player was busy with another endeavor and our team seemed to be asleep for the game. We made a gallant comeback but lost in a horribly played game by both teams (more so by us!). It continues to be a pleasure to coach the team and even though we played terrible the girls seemed to have bonded as a team. After the game I gave my post game “speech” and the girls didn’t disperse like they normally do. I took this to be a good sign and I know everyone has a terrible game and hopefully this was our one and only terrible game.

I had the pleasure of attending a Yankees/Angels game yesterday as I spent the day with my two bosses watching the Major League Baseball game. I still have a soft spot for the Yankees and even though I am a Mets fan and have been one for many years I don’t dislike the Yankees. I believe most Mets fans do hate the Yankees but I am not one of them. I am a big fan of Derek Jeter and don’t know how anyone could dislike the man. He carries himself with class and is quite possibly the best postseason player of all time. Sure the Yankees have been buying there way to the pennant which really hasn’t worked very well since 2000 but I was rooting for them yesterday albeit very quietly. The Yankees did field there “C” team but won the game in a very non-eventful 3-2 fashion. It was a great way to spend a Wednesday afternoon.

Work keeps moving along and I have some help thankfully. I found I am not very good by myself and work much better as a “director” as opposed to the person who actually performs the work. I found a very good assistant and it is working out very well so far. Business has been good lately and hopefully we can gain some momentum as we head to the historically slow months of November and December. I am very fortunate to be in the position I am in and very grateful for everything in my life. My boss was correct when he said, “we are the best thing that has happened to you post-sentence”. There is no doubt about this statement at all.

The days and weeks are passing soon enough and these days and weeks are filled with all good things. Last week was the fourth milestone celebration of our Gamblers Anonymous group. This marked two four year birthdays. One of the members has been a stalwart in the program and I do remember this person when they first entered the program. The other member came from a nearby group which was floundering four years ago yet somehow continued in the program and now has celebrated four years with the program. My sponsor stated it very clearly when he said this proves the program does work for anyone in any circumstance when the program is embraced wholeheartedly. Once again I am very fortunate in all these aspects and my life is indeed exceptional.

1-2-3!!!!!

Astutely my mother has pointed out that I haven’t written anything in over two weeks. She is correct and in that time span instead of writing I have been very busy with all the good things in life. Work is moving along (more on that later), softball is taking a life of its own and overall everything is outstanding. I am really enjoying coaching my daughter’s softball team and I had no idea what I was getting myself into! The fall season is “supposed” to be instructional and non-competitive and for the most part this is how I am approaching the season. I have received a few “mixed” signals along the way but I am trying my best to filter out those mixed signals. The practices are going very well and I am very fortunate to have a great deal of help from many parents. This is a huge help because there is no way I could do all of this by myself. I schedule out the practices and the girls are improving with every practice.

This past Saturday we had our first game and I was very impressed as to how well each team played. We came out on the short end of the score but it wasn’t for lack of effort. We had one bad inning and really didn’t hit the ball when we needed to. However; all in all losing 4-1 wasn’t so bad. I even got my daughter into the game as a pitcher and I was more nervous about this than anything else. This is a very big transition year for her playing with and against girls one year older and much bigger. She is such a great competitor and the last thing I wanted to do was demoralize her. Thankfully the opposite happened as she recorded a 1-2-3 inning as the opposing team went down without a fight. The timing could not have been any better since she was facing the bottom three players in their batting order; however; even though my daughter did receive some help from one of the players she pitched great and as she came off the field she was beaming from ear to ear. Last season it took her all year to produce a 1-2-3 inning and here she was in her first game with the 1-2-3 inning, I was so happy!!

Yesterday we played our second game of the season and unlike the first game our bats were alive and well. We didn’t have any bad innings and made quick work winning 8-2. My daughter didn’t get a chance to pitch (I am picking my spots with her this season) but she did collect her first hit and first run scored of the season. She hit a very solid single to right field and made her way to home plate all the way from first base. It was great telling her to go home as the throw from third went into left field and she scampered home. I am so blessed experiencing all these wonderful things in life, wow!!

I can’t forget my son and it does feel weird not being at his games as much I have in the past. The roles have reversed and I am more involved with my daughter but I did see a little of his first two games. He too is facing a transition year in baseball as he moves up to play with 9 and 10 year olds. The rules are certainly more like “real” baseball with wild pitches, stolen bases and ball fours. My son is still searching for his first hit having walked three times and struck out twice in the first two games. He just needs some confidence and he is a very slow starter. He was playing great at the end of last season and I do expect he will find his own as the season continues.

Work is moving along very well and of course there are ups and downs. My ups far exceed my downs but there is something that has come up over the past week that is just one of those things. No matter how far I am from my past my past is still MY PAST. I know I can’t change any of what has happened and yes, I am doing my damndest to ensure that it NEVER happens again. However; perceptions are perceptions and I can’t shake or shape those perceptions. Fortunately I have great bosses who understand and really don’t care about those perceptions. I wouldn’t be truthful if I said I didn’t care about those perceptions either because there is a small part of me that wants to smack myself in the head for those perceptions. It is one of those “it is what it is,” things. I have to deal with it as best as I can and know I am on the right path to a wonderful life because my life is wonderful beyond my wildest dreams. I have an exceptional wife, awesome children, incredible family and fantastic friends. I need to move forward in positive and thoughtful matter.

I did miss a Gamblers Anonymous meeting over the Labor Day weekend because we were having a picnic with some dear friends. The picnic went well and it was great to reconnect with these dear friends. Normally I would be able to attend a GA meeting during the week but due to softball practices I wasn’t able to get to a meeting until the following Sunday. I needed that meeting this past Sunday because it is that connection to GA that keeps me on the right road of recovery. Also I haven’t been so good in keeping in touch with my sponsor which I need to make a much better effort in the coming weeks. Life is great and there are those ups and downs that go with life. I have all positive in my life and I owe all of this to recovery. I realize that with recovery life for me does not exist and I need to stay focused each and every day!!

Happenings....

Oh yes, it has been awhile (once again!!). Let's see since the last time I posted I ran a half marathon, turned 44 and was named Head Coach for my daughter's softball team!!! That is only the highlights of the past few weeks because everything in between was as usual; wonderful!! I did have an interesting happenstance at work and I called on those things I cannot control as it was "strange" moment. That moment passed and yes, everything worked out great and continues to work out great; I even have an assistant which is a good thing. I am really good with people and there are some things that I am not really good with such as organizing. My offices always tend to be a mess and even in recovery I can't seem to shake my old habits of having a very messy office. Thankfully I found someone who is organized and will whip me into to shape, yay!!

I ran the America's Finest City Half Marathon for the second time. The first time was five years ago and although it was my best run since I was suffering from a horrible case of shin splints. My time was only 11 seconds slower than it was five years ago but those last two miles were very much the last two miles of a marathon. I have taken some time off from running only cycling because my legs need a break from the pounding and I was advised that it would be best for my shin splints. I was thinking about running the Long Beach Marathon in October but now that I have "softball obligations" I think it would be best to run the half marathon instead of the full marathon.

Yes, I have "softball obligations" as I have volunteered my services to coach my daughter's team. I have been promising her for the past year and this season I got the call that the league needed one more head coach. I was the "warm body" and this past week I have been immersed into all things softball. I am very excited and I met the entire team for the first time last night. I have a nice mix of girls and it should be a very good Fall season.

Earlier this week I did turn 44 and it was a very low key event which is the way I like it. We just went out to dinner as a family and that was all I needed. I had a great talk with my Dad prior to my birthday and we have come a very long way in the past four years which is very cool!! Life is indeed wonderful and I wouldn't be truthful if I said it was all wonderful. There are some down times but the "up" times far exceed those down times and I am eternally grateful for everything and everyone in my life!!!

Full Days and Weeks

Yes, it has been two weeks since my last posting and I was really hoping to post on a weekly basis; however; the days and weeks have been very full. All of this is positive and my goodness the time is moving so quickly. Over the past two weeks we had visitors and I made a visit to of all places Las Vegas. Our visitors were in the form of family members and hopefully everyone had a great time. I have even played some golf in the past few weeks to fill in some of those days. The visitors made great use of their time visiting some of the hot spots in Southern California such as the San Diego Zoo, Legoland and the beach along with visiting some local wineries.

Yes, I did make my way to Las Vegas last week for a work event and had a very good time bonding with my two bosses. I had no urges to gamble and really entering those resort casinos still makes me very angry. I know at some point I need to "let it go" but as of now I am not ready to "let it go". I lived in Las Vegas for over 7 years, my children were born in Las Vegas and I was building a very good career in the casino industry until my transgressions caused by my compulsive gambling addiction took that all away. This is why I still get angry when I visit Las Vegas because I really understand that business and did have a "good thing" going. I do realize that everything does work out for the very best and I am at a place where I should be.

I was in town for three days and three nights. The first night I spent at a very dear friend's house and we played golf the next morning at a great course. I hadn't played that particular course in nearly five years and I was very impressed. I do like the town of Las Vegas and it does have a soft spot in my heart knowing that is the birthplace of my children. I passed the hospital where they were both born and I had to smile. Those seven plus years weren't so bad and it has led me to where I am right now. I couldn't see raising our children in Las Vegas and thankfully we are in one of the most family friendly places in all of Southern California. Sure California has its problems but really I am so blessed for everything in my life.

The past week I had a surprise visitor in my sponsor coming in from Colorado. I hadn't seen my sponsor since last year and we met prior to the Saturday morning Gamblers Anonymous meeting. My sponsor is a great person who has overcome some tremendous adversity and is a huge influence in my life. We had a wonderful time together and it was great having him in a meeting for the first time in a very long time. I continue to learn so much for this incredible person and I know everything will work out for the very best in his life.

It was a great weekend with my sponsor visiting and the following day my family attended the Mets/Padres game in San Diego. It was almost five years to the day that my son and daughter had attended their very first Major League Baseball game and yes, it was also the Mets/Padres. My son and I are Mets fans and surprisingly so is my daughter. The Mets are having such a tough season with all the injuries they have faced. They were victorious yesterday and lately those victories have been few and far between. It was great being at the game with my family and this time unlike the last time (yes, five years ago) my son stayed awake for the entire game!! He did fall asleep at that first game as a three year old but this time everyone was having a great time.

Life does move so quickly and those full days and weeks are whizzing by but I am so blessed being able to enjoy each and every moment. Yes, I had a great time in Las Vegas and it didn't involve gambling whatsoever. I was able to bond with my bosses and I am so fortunate to be in the position I am in. Wow; life is wonderful!!!!!

Swiftness of Life

The summer is almost over for the children. We have another set of visitors coming in tomorrow and after they depart my children will have only one more week before school commences. My children’s school is a 10 month program leaving them only 8 weeks off for the summer and yes, this summer has gone quickly. It started with a trip to New Jersey and a return with Grandma and their cousin topped off with a visit from an Aunt, Uncle and two more cousins.

Wow time does fly when you are having fun. I can safely say time moves ahead no matter the circumstances which are why it is best to enjoy each and every day. I had a teacher in high school explain the movement of time by using fractions and it has stuck with me ever since. One year in a one year old life marks 100% of their life where one year in life of a 50 year old marks 1/50th of their life which is a huge difference and which is why time does move by so quickly.

Yes, two weeks have come and gone since I last wrote this blog and interestingly enough there has been some Google searches in the past few days which have landed some people here looking for assistance with compulsive gambling. My only advice to someone seeking help for their addiction or a loved one’s addiction to compulsive gambling is to go to the Gamblers Anonymous website www.gamblersanonymous.org. Hopefully there will be a meeting nearby and hopefully they will attend and take hold of the miracles inside of the program.

Life does move swiftly and lately I have been unable to attend the Sunday evening meeting but thankfully I have been able to attend a few meetings during the week. Last week I attended the Wednesday Topic meeting and the Friday Milestone meeting. Both meetings were very good and the Milestone meeting had two celebrants one with 3 years and the other with 2 years in the program. It is a remarkable program with remarkable results and these 2 celebrants were very well received.

My mom and niece returned back to New Jersey last week and we all had a great time during their visit. We had a great dinner party with four of my “new” friends but really these are all old friends. I am so blessed in every aspect of my life and the sharing the evening with my family and friends was great. The journey of life does have twists and turns along the way but all these “twists” and “turns” have been incredible and have brought these blessings into my life. I am so fortunate to have so many loving, caring and giving people in my life and although we couldn’t invite all these friends the other night I thank each and every one of them for entering my life.

Yesterday I was able to play golf with an “old” friend and we had a great time. This is a friend who has been there “before” and now “after”. We don’t see each other as often as we did in the past but we make each time that we see each other count. We shared a round of golf on a hot day in Southern California but the heat didn’t matter as the conversations flowed steadily throughout the afternoon. There is an “issue” that needs to be resolved and we both took a very big step in tackling this issue and I do know everything will work out for the very best because it always does.

Work is moving along very well and I am taking my first business trip in a very long time. We are headed to yes, Las Vegas which isn’t the ideal place for a compulsive gambler but gambling is not exactly on my mind. I wasn’t the casino gamer but I did gamble in casinos periodically. I have zero desire and I am looking forward to the “business” aspect of the trip. I am travelling with my two bosses who are great and they know my background intimately. If there was any doubt I wouldn’t have been invited and I look forward to hanging out with them for a few days. Wow, what a difference a few years makes and yes, my life is incredible!!!

Another Milestone of Sorts

It has been a very nice week without the children. My wife got back from New Jersey this past Tuesday evening and it has been just the two of us this week. The children are being well taken care of in New Jersey by Grandma and company this week and will be back next week. They come back with Grandma and their cousin which starts off our visitors this month. Grandma stays for a week and the following week my brother-in-law and his family will arrive for a one week visit. This week could be considered the “calm before the storm” and in any event it has been a nice respite with just my wife. We have had a great weekend going out to dinner and seeing a very funny movie (The Hangover). Today my wife was kind enough to allow me to play golf with my friends who were visiting from Las Vegas and it is always good to see them.

Wow; what a difference three years makes; yes, it was three years ago today I was sentenced and to say that wasn’t such a good day would be a bit of an understatement. However; that was the beginning of the end and the start of a wonderful beginning. I had been dreading that day three years ago but when it happened I was certainly relieved because all the waiting and not knowing had come to an end. I could concentrate on my sentence which was in judicial terms four years which meant I would serve two years and if I made it to fire camp that sentenced would be reduced. I was fortunate enough to make to fire camp and I ended up serving 19 ½ months of those 24 months which was certainly blessing.

I have now been out a little over 16 months and my life is incredible. I have been bestowed with incredible blessings and I never have a right to complain about anything. I certainly chose not to complain about anything because my life is turning out the way it was intended. I did deviate from this wonderful life but thanks to recovery I am right back on track and this track is even more beautiful than it has ever been in my life. I was rejoined by my family just about one year ago and I have been fortunate enough to land a fantastic job in this dreadful economy. Yes, wow I am a very fortunate person in every way possible.

Life is moving along as well as possible and it would be a disservice not to mention more about recovery. I have a job that is all about recovery and although my position is not exactly recovery related I do understand recovery fairly well. This all stems from the Gamblers Anonymous Program and yesterday morning I spoke with a member who is new to the program and was struggling. We talked for awhile and I mentioned a few things and I was happy to hear, “You’re right” a few times during our conversation.

I don’t believe this was just lip service and I do hope this person did the things we spoke about. The furthest thing on my mind is placing a bet but this was one of the first things on this person’s mind. I utilized the tools in the program and reminded this person to “play the tape all the way through”. This is so important because I know there isn’t anything good that happens when I gamble. I had such a twisted mindset when I was gambling I often wonder how I functioned all those years. Yes, hopefully this member does play the tape all the way through and continues doing the things that has made them successful.

I needed this telephone call because I do need to be reminded where compulsive gambling can take me. There is no guarantee in life and the only thing I can do is stay mindful of doing the right things. This may seem over simplistic but keeping it simple does help me tremendously. I do the right things and the right things happen. I do the wrong things and the wrong things happen. Yes, that is a very simple choice and I cannot forget where I was three years ago to this very day. That was a journey and this journey continues in a much better manner.

What 27 Years Already???

I am “baching” it this week as the family continues their visit in New Jersey. In the years past I would like forward to these times of me being a “bachelor” but not anymore. I miss them and life is fairly uneventful without the family. Yes, I was without my family for nearly 2 years and 19 ½ months of those 2 years I was in place no one should ever experience but thankfully those days are long gone. It has been uneventful these past few days and really I could only work so long during the day and I can only exercise so much during the weekend. I look forward to the return of my wife this week as the children stay for one more week visiting the family. I am so fortunate to have such a great family on both sides of the aisle. There is so much family back in New Jersey that I know the children are in good hands and will continue their great visit.

I haven’t been doing much with myself over the past few days other than the aforementioned work, exercise and yesterday I reintroduced myself to my golf clubs. I hadn’t swung a golf club in nearly six months and it was good to get out on the golf course. There really isn’t much time for golf nowadays with the children’s activities on the weekend and work during the week. It seems like I always “found” time in the past to get out and play golf but that time is so much more precious today and I would much rather be at a baseball or softball game on the weekends as opposed to chasing a little white ball around! I did have fun chasing the little white ball yesterday and even though I couldn’t hit a lick on the driving range my swing seemed to return and it was a very fun round.

I didn’t ask anyone to play so I went out by myself and played the first 7 holes by myself. I was really enjoying that period of time and swinging the club very well. I did pair up with a very nice gentleman for a few holes and my game seemed to suffer during those holes. I don’t know what it was but I seemed to play much better by myself and it seems if I am going to play a good round of golf no one should be around!! That wouldn’t be much fun and I do enjoy the company of my friends while playing golf but yesterday no one was available so I made do and it was alright.

Work is moving along and I have several projects I need to complete in the coming days. I need to motivate myself much better and realize I am much better at managing people than I am at doing the actual work. That is probably a bad thing but it is the truth. I do manage only one person in the office and this is a pleasure. I have always found it better to treat people like adults and let them make their own decisions. This has worked out great over the years and it seems to be working out very well now. I am not a micro-manager but I am always there to answer any questions and offer advice. I can remember a few episodes in my “previous life” where I would just shake my head as to how other managers treated their subordinates. Fortunately in my current environment I don’t have to shake my head anymore.

I had a horrible run yesterday morning and for the first time in a very long time I just wanted to stop running before I was finished. I fought through the last few miles and did stop after 12 miles. I initially wanted to do 16 miles but I was winded and had enough at mile 12 calling it a day. I did try to cycle for another 30 minutes but I listened to my body at the 12th minute as I headed for the shower. It was interesting how I felt so bad at a pace I have done and exceeded many times prior. It was one of those and yes, those days do happen but thankfully they are few and far between.

Yesterday the Fourth of July marked the 27th anniversary of the first time I met my wife. Yes, it was 27 years ago we went out on our first date and I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I was at a picnic with my Dad and a very good friend of mine (at that time). We returned early and I was talked into going on a double date that night and now 27 years later along with a great deal of memories and two extraordinary children life is wonderful. It is funny how a seemingly insignificant event turned into a momentous event. This is exactly why all moments should be experienced with open arms because who knows what may transpire from that one moment. I wouldn’t have predicted that going on that double date would lead to a life with such an extraordinary person in my wife. I just thought “why not?” and look what happened. There were so many “what ifs” 27 years ago and this crazy plan by a Higher Power is magical; thankfully because of recovery I am able to really embrace the wonderment of life. Wow; 27 years; where has the time gone and guess what it is not about to slow down! I love you sweetie and thank you for everything!!!!

Returning "Home"

The trip to New Jersey has come and gone so quickly. Here I am once again sitting on airplane but this time the airplane is headed west back to California. The visit went well and now my wife is staying one more week and the children will be staying two more weeks. It was great to see everyone and there was an added bonus this time as my Dad was in New Jersey. This was the first time I had seen my Dad in nearly 5 years. Yes, 5 years which was “before” all the “stuff” had happened. We went to Florida (that is where my Dad lives with his very special wife) back in 2004 to visit my Dad for his 60th birthday and the summer of that same year my Dad came out to California to visit us. I hadn’t seen him since that time and oh yes a great deal has transpired between the last time we had seen one another.

My father was not exactly a big “fan” of mine over the past four plus years when all Hell broke loose and rightfully so. The quote that sticks out in my mind when was my father said to me, “I love you but I don’t like you very much,” when it all started over four years ago. Thankfully our relationship has gotten so much stronger through all of this and from that initial quote I got a very big hug a few days ago from my father as he said, “I love you.” I did tell him I loved him as well and oh yes, I am so fortunate how everything continues to work out for the very best.

I had no idea where all of this was going back four years ago all I could do is live one day at a time. Yes, I owe this all to the Gamblers Anonymous Program and my life is filled with incredible joys. These incredible joys are daily and this past weekend it was indeed wonderful seeing my father and giving him that big hug. It does appear I have come a very long way in a short period of time and I must be mindful because all of this is fleeting. If I lose focus or get complacent it can all come crashing down at any moment. I have no plans or intentions of losing focus or getting complacent which is why I love and embrace recovery one moment at a time. The past few days have been filled with wonderful moments and seeing my Dad along with everyone added to those special moments.

The Christening went well and it is truly amazing how quickly the children are growing up. My sister who resides in New Jersey has three children and all three of her children are older than my children. Her oldest just graduated from high school and is headed to college in a few months. My nephew who turned 16 a few months ago is a taller than me and such a great person. My sister’s youngest who is only 10 months older than my daughter is almost a foot taller than my precious daughter; time does wait for no one and keeps on moving on so rapidly. It was great seeing them and it was great seeing the nieces and nephew on my wife’s side of the family. They are a little younger than my children but they are going so rapidly as well. One niece has gone through so many ordeals that no person let alone a five year old should go through yet is still a very normal five year old. The new niece is so cute and the littlest nephew is a typical three year old.

I was able to visit with my 86 year old grandmother who has battled her share of health problems over the very recent years yet her mind is so sharp. Wow; I have been blessed with such a special family on both sides of the aisle. Thankfully I am now more aware of these blessings than I have ever been at any point in my life and yes, this is directly related to recovery.

I was able to get in two runs during the visit and these were very good runs outside in the greenery of New Jersey. Yes, believe it or not New Jersey does have greenery in spite of its reputation and with all the rain the area has had it was very green! It was so nice to just run and enjoy the area. I still prefer California for a many reasons but New Jersey really isn’t so bad! I know my wife will enjoy the remainder of her stay and our children are in great hands with their grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and all the rest of the wonderful people who provided so much love while they lived there for two years. Life is an amazing journey and this journey is truly tremendous.

Flying East Once Again

It really does seem like yesterday when I last sat on an airplane and typed. It has been almost one year since that very special day I made my way from Southern California to New Jersey in order to reunite with my wife and children. Yes, we have been all together for almost one year all living together enjoying each very special moment. Today we are making our way east for our annual trip to New Jersey. This time I didn’t need any special permission and it does feel wonderful. We are traveling to New Jersey to celebrate the birth of a new cousin/niece. My wife’s brother and his wife welcomed a beautiful baby daughter this past April and we will be celebrating her christening this weekend.

In the past trips to New Jersey did cause me consternation but ever since reuniting with my family last year I am welcoming this trip with open arms. I do need to provide a disclaimer since I am not staying very long only four days but this is due to work. I realize that life is not about work; however; there does need to be a balance and that balance seems to be a “work in progress”. I was hoping we would be able to take other vacations this summer while the children were off from school but this summer seems to be packed already.

My wife is staying in New Jersey for an extra week and the children are staying another week longer. They will return with my mother and hopefully my niece where my mother will stay another week. This puts us into the ladder part of July and then my brother-in-law’s family will be visiting us for one week. By the time all the trips and visits are completed the children will be back in school; wow summer does move so quickly!!! The children “only” have 8 weeks off for the summer since school starts in the early part of August. Their school year is 10 months long and there has been talk about shortening the school year due to the fact that California is going broke but no definitive word has been released.

In the meantime I am sitting here with my wife on my right and my children on my left. The children are GREAT travelers and the amazing thing is that the two of them are actually sitting next to one another. I can’t stress that enough because on the first leg my son sat next to me and my daughter sat next to my wife as we were across the aisle from one another. The option was given to my children on this flight and it was my daughter’s idea to sit next to her brother. I do think she had an ulterior motive but hey I will take what I can get and yes, they do like one another!!

The trip has been uneventful so far and this is always a good thing. The flight from San Diego to Houston went quickly and now we are headed from Houston to Philadelphia. We are flying into Philadelphia for cost reasons and it really isn’t that far from where my mother resides. In any event this isn’t our “normal” travels but really what does “normally” mean????

Earlier this week I had the opportunity to speak at the Monday Gamblers Anonymous meeting. This marked my third time as a speaker and each time the program’s principles are reiterated loud and clear. At this meeting there was a first time member and it was obvious this person wanted to be anywhere other than in the room. A friend had basically coerced this person to attend and I believe the friend got more out of the meeting than the other person. It certainly “takes what it takes” to fully surrender to the baffling hideous addiction of compulsive gambling. God knows I am a prime example of this foolishness. It did take handcuffs to finally drop me to my knees knowing that gambling took over my life and it was totally out of control. The signs were there for years yet I ignored them and the disease continued to grow.

The analogy to cancer has been made time and time again in the program and I do believe that compulsive gambling is a disease of the brain which manifests itself in many other areas. The only treatment for my disease is practicing the principles of the program which is to live life one moment at a time along with a embracing the GA Program into my life. Thankfully I walked into that room over four years ago and life continues to be incredible. There isn’t any shortage of great days and really each day is a great day.

The question of me putting on a “façade” was posed a few days ago and the only way I can answer this question is with my actions. Yes, I have been extremely fortunate how well everything is working out and I do believe that is a direct result of doing the right things. If I didn’t do the right things none of this would happen and life would be very different. This doesn’t mean that I still have a long way to go because I most certainly do have a long way to go. I still have a great deal of unfinished business which definitely relates directly to my recovery. I have amends to make both personally and financially and I have been postponing this for awhile. If I am going to “walk the walk” I need to do these things or else I can see myself repeating the mistakes of my past. I am far from “amazing” and for now all I can do is the right thing. These “right things” are completed moment by moment for a lifetime and as long as that is the case life will continue on its wonderful path.

The "Haircut"

The school year ended last week for both of my children. This marked the end of second grade for my son and the end of fifth grade for my daughter. It also marked the end of my daughter’s elementary school career as she is moving on to middle school. It really seems just like yesterday (if yesterday could be six years ago!) we were dropping her off for her first day of kindergarten in this elementary school. The elementary school is located two blocks from our house and it was only three blocks from our other house so it was very convenient.

The middle school is only one mile away; however; my daughter won’t be attending that middle school as we heard some very unsettling things. She will be attending a middle school about a 10 minute car ride away and amazingly many of her friends will be attending this middle school as well. I am sure she will continue doing well and her friend base will continue to expand. She was a bit sad to leave her school which she enjoyed very much. It was great to hear that her favorite teachers were here in California but the two years she spent attending school in New Jersey did serve her very well. My son was also sad to see the school year end but I believe his thoughts are more social than scholastic. His favorite subject is recess and does enjoy playing over reading books. My daughter was sort of the opposite and it is interesting how different yet similar these two children have become.

Next school year the children will be separated and the next time they will be together at the same school will be my daughter’s final year in high school as my son will be starting his first year in high school. My son and daughter are very close (despite my daughter’s opinion!) and it will be fascinating to see how this dynamic works out as they attend separate schools. My mother has always preached togetherness with my sisters and for the most part we are close (obviously not by location since the three of us are spread across the country) and hopefully this will carry over to my daughter and son. Life does continue to move fast and now the children are enjoying their summer vacation.

Work continues to go well and everyday there is something different. I learned a valuable lesson last week which was to never too comfortable. What I think and what others may think could be very different even though our relationship. People are protective of certain matters and I need to understand those boundaries. Thankfully everything did work out for the very best but I do know those boundaries very well now.

Gamblers Anonymous has been very good over the past several weeks. I don’t know what is happening to the Sunday Night meeting because over the past few weeks the attendance has been dismal; only the people with time in the program have been attending. The day after the conference there were only three of us in attendance and the other two were the people who organized the conference thus spending a great deal of time the day before but yet made it a point to get to the meeting. Last week there were only four of us in attendance and this week there were only two in attendance. There has been an “issue” with the location of the meeting and thankfully we have put the “principles” ahead of the “personalities” and the meeting will be relocated in July to a more “acceptable” location. I won’t go into to specifics but I can say I was very disappointed when I heard what transpired but fortunately everything has worked out for the very best.

Our little GA group had the first (hopefully of many more to follow) “Milestone” birthday meeting this past Friday night. This will become a monthly tradition as we celebrate anyone with a “milestone” in the program the second to last Friday of the each month. The meeting was great as we celebrated five birthdays starting from one year all the way to five years. I do know each celebrant and it is wonderful to be at these celebrations not only celebrating the people but really acknowledging the program for how well it continues to work.
Yesterday there was some controversy as I took it upon myself to have my son get a “summer” haircut in spite of my wife’s insistence to the contrary. A few months ago my son and I talked about having him shave his head for the summer to get a “no maintenance” hairdo. He was all for the idea and was looking forward to getting that haircut. I took him to the Barbershop and when I told the barber to give him a “number one” she took a deep breath asking me if I realized how short that really is. After a few seconds I nodded my head yes, and off went my son’s blonde locks. (If anyone has access to Facebook please check out the picture of my son to get a visual of what I am referring to.)

My son’s uncle (my brother-in-law) he keeps his hair this short and my son does have a striking resemblance to his uncle with basically no hair on his head. When the barber finished shaving she showed my son his new look and his response “O. M.G.” but he did smile going on to say, “Daddy you should have gotten a number two!” Oh yes, it does look like my son has no hair on his head and he gives a new meaning to the term “peach fuzz”. Hopefully the hair will come back sooner than later but for the time being he has a great no comb head!!

My wife was none too pleased that I had this done to my son and we had a very long talk last night. There was some screaming and crying but there was also some laughter. We worked through many things and the “haircut” was just the “tip of the iceberg”. There is no need to go into anything further but I do know there was a reason for all of this. Thank God for recovery and living life one moment at a time. This were some very tense moments yesterday but thankfully we were able to have a wonderful dinner with two awesome friends as a buffer between our discussions. Life is anything but boring and thankfully everything is great. By the way Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads out there!!

My Life is AWESOME!!!

Just a very quick post to report on the end of my son's baseball season. My son is only 8 years old and there are times where I do forget this fact. He does seem older and ever since he was born he seemed very advanced in the way he looked and carried himself. He is such a great kid and he does have some very good athletic talent which he certainly gets from my wife's family!! I maybe able to run marathons but when I was 8 years old I couldn't hit a baseball like my son hits a baseball!!

The season ended tonight with a loss but my son saved his best game for last. He smacked three hits, threw out a runner at second and scored a run to boot!! He played his little heart out and the cool thing was he took the loss in stride. I have a feeling (God willing) there are going to be many more great games in store for my son and this could be the start of something. He was invited to join the All Star team but just like my daughter our trip to New Jersey prevented him from committing to the All Star team. Once again he was unfazed by this and his attitude is just wonderful. He seems to have a very good balance between taking things in stride and being competitive.

I am so proud of him and tonight was one of those days that I embrace these blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I am so grateful and so fortunate to be able to be a part of these awesome days. I realize that my children are young for such a short period of time and I fully intend to do everything in my power to relish each and every moment. Tonight was one of those moments and really each day presents very special moments as I live life in recovery. I have been given a second chance and I thank God for this second chance along with thanking everyone in my life for standing by me; wow life is just AWESOME!!!

Best of Both Worlds!!

Yes, it does appear I am getting older!! It wasn’t too long ago that I could rely on my memory for just about everything; however; this past Friday that memory failed me. Our incredible group of Gamblers Anonymous was hosting its very first mini-conference on Saturday and I had the privilege and honor (along with a very dear friend) to help facilitate one of the workshops. We prepared a PowerPoint presentation with the very able assistance of my 11 year old daughter (without her this would not have been a very good slide show!) and were scheduled to go on first thing Saturday morning. I had secured a projector screen to display the PowerPoint presentation. However; as I mentioned earlier my memory failed me and I completely forgot to pick up the screen. Thankfully and very fortunately I have a great friend who was able to make some calls on my behalf and the screen was delivered (by this great friend) 15 minutes prior to the presentation. The lesson for me is that I need to write things down and as my daughter said, “Daddy, you need to make a list.” Yes, I do need to make a list and my memory is not as good as it once was!

Saturday morning started very early with me going to the gym. I continue to working out and it appears my next marathon will be in October as I again try to qualify for the Boston Marathon. In September there is a triathlon that I would like to enter and I do need to adjust my training accordingly. I did sign up for a half marathon in the middle of August and this is one I have run in the past. The half marathon is a good distance and unlike the marathon this distance does not debilitate my senses!! In any event I haven’t officially started training for anything but have gone back to the gym to maintain my fitness routine. I had a slow start in the morning as my memory failed me once again but I was able to collect what I needed for the day and make it out the door.

I had a good workout and headed over to the venue for the mini conference. As I pulled up at the very early hour of the morning I was extremely impressed with the cadre of volunteers already in attendance helping set up for the event. This is the majesty of the Gamblers Anonymous program because here were many people who had given up their Saturday to help in any way they could for the betterment of the Program. I had to smile as I walked in and witnessed all the good things that were happening before my very eyes. I am not an event planner in any way, shape or form. I have attended many conferences as a participant and visitor but this was something very different and very special. This was indeed very special and I am so happy to be a very small part of this exquisite undertaking.

Our presentation was on the “Twenty Questions” as produced in the Gamblers Anonymous Program Combo Book. My dear friend had down his rendition a few months ago in the Speaker’s Meeting and it went very well. We took this idea and had our own workshop. Everything went well and the presentation seemed to be very well received. We did run a little long but that didn’t matter one bit and it felt great to be speaking in the workshop. I do so enjoy speaking in front of people and ever since my first speech back in high school I have always felt more comfortable in front of the group than I have while inside the group.

I was very fun and I was again very fortunate to have all the “stars aligned” as I was able to make it to my son’s baseball game. There was a distinct possibility that I could miss his game but as fate would have it I made it to the field with plenty of time to spare. My son is near the end of the season and one more loss would mean the end of the season. My son’s team was playing a team that hadn’t beaten all year but finally broke through for an 8-2 victory. My son was hit in the hip in his very first at bat and he seemed like he could be hurt but shook it off and in his third at bat stroked a legitimate triple to right field. I do have to highlight the fact that it was a legitimate triple with no errors by the opposing team. He was so happy rounding the bases and gave me a fist pump as he made it to third base. This was so cool and he is improving every game.

The game ended and my son’s team lives to play another day (Monday). I made my way back to the mini conference and I need to note that there was nothing “mini” about this conference because it was major in every sense of the word. I was able to observe the closing ceremonies and once again I am so happy I made my way back to be a small part of this very special event. People came from far and wide to attend and our group should be very proud of this incredible accomplishment. I was able to see some members I haven’t seen in awhile and it was great to reconnect with them. Wow, wow, and more wow should be given to everyone who helped. We have two very special members of our group who are affectionately known as the “Godmother” and the “Godfather”. Without these two very special people know of what transpired on Saturday would have ever happened. I am blessed, grateful and in awe to know these great people. If there was any doubt about the Gamblers Anonymous Program all those doubts were erased with the outpouring of love at this conference, thank you so very much!!!

Yes, It has been Awhile!

Oh my I can't believe it has been over two weeks since my last post!! Yes, a great deal has happened and of course all that has happened has been all wonderful! The family is great, the job is going well and yes, I have run another marathon!! I didn't run fast enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon and it was my slowest marathon in the past year. This does make five marathons in one year and two marathons within a five week period. This is my obsessive compulsive behavior rearing its head once again but thankfully this is productive not destructive like it once was.

I didn't achieve my time goal in the marathon but I did enjoy the 26.2 miles and I had a very welcomed partner for almost the last 3 1/2 miles. A dear friend met me at mile 22 and did his very best to "inspire" me for those 3 1/2 miles. This is a very dear friend and it is amazing how life always seems to work out for the very best. This friend was made in the most unlikely set of circumstances and I have to believe this is a power greater than I at work in all of this. Wow; life is so cool and although I wasn't very good company at that stage of the marathon but that didn't deter my dear friend from coaxing me the entire time. My dear friend was not allowed to enter the finish area because only runners of the marathon were allowed to enter however; my wife and son were waiting for me at the finish line. My daughter had a better offer which is why she wasn't in attendance. She went camping with a friend and had a wonderful time.

Prior to the marathon my son had a baseball game and he performed like an All Star. He had two hits, drove in two runs, had a great catch and pitched a scoreless inning in his debut as a pitcher. He was all smiles as he came off the mound and it does appear we have two children who are fairly good athletes. (They obviously take after my wife's family!!!) It was such a cool game and it didn't matter that his team lost by one run because it was a very fun time. This did set the tone for the weekend and although we were minus one (my daughter) the weekend went great.

The past two weeks had a few baseball games, a Patriotic Play, a DARE graduation and great deal of fun!! Life is certainly wonderful and there are some good things brewing underneath everything. The person I helped "counseled" continues to communicate with me and by all accounts is doing very well. We are gearing up for a Gamblers Anonymous Mini-Conference this coming weekend and another dear friend and I will be giving our rendition of the "20 Questions" as it relates to the Gamblers Anonymous Program. Once again I apologize for the absence and will do my best to report "something" on a much more timely basis!!!

Circumstances and More...

Alright so much for me dedicating a few minutes each day to writing; there were a set of circumstances that preventing me from sitting down. One of these circumstances had my laptop put on resuscitation measures since it crashed very hard and was out of commission for almost one week. The timing was very suspect in all of this because the laptop turned one year old and with it the warranty expired and wouldn’t you know it the very next day after receiving notification of the warranty expiring the laptop crashed; coincidence or a vast conspiracy??? I am not one who is big on conspiracy theories but I am also not into coincidences so I guess it fell somewhere in between!! Additionally I could have used our regular computer but I just didn’t allocate the time to sit down and write these past 10 days and I do apologize.

Happy belated Mother’s Day to all the Mother’s and by the way if anyone really cares what is happening in my life they can always find my Facebook page which gives a snapshot usually on a daily basis. Mother’s Day was extremely nice as we joined our dear friends for an afternoon on the beach. We arrived a little later than planned (but really with us we always seem to be behind schedule!) however; the afternoon was great with a picnic on the beach and a Scrabble game for the adults. The children were very brave and went in the water while the adults watched from a far. The interesting thing about the beaches in Southern California is the air temperature which seems to drop precipitously as the afternoon went on; I was very cold as the sun was setting but the children were having a grand old time splashing around in the water; oh to be young again!!

Mother’s Day did mark another “first” for me as I was finally able to be with my wife on Mother’s day for the first time since 2006 yes, there were two Mother’s Days I missed and I think that concludes the “first” events as life moves along at a very rapid pace. Life maybe moving on at a rapid pace but each day is so enjoyable. I do marvel at how well everything is progressing and yes, this is a direct result of recovery. In the past few weeks I have noticed a few of my friends struggle with their daily lives and the stresses of life inevitably seem to creep up on them. I constantly remind myself to “stay in the moment” and yes, enjoy each and every moment as they occur. I have never had the clarity I have had and this is another direct result of recovery.

Speaking of recovery this past week I concluded my “counseling” sessions with one of our clients at work. Yes, I had the honor and pleasure of sitting with a fellow compulsive gambler three times a week for at least an hour each time (we always went well past the hour). This was so rewarding and I was certainly blessed with the right “client” as he certainly had a very good foundation prior to my “guidance”!! I wouldn’t say it was a counseling session as much as it was reinforcing the principles of the Gamblers Anonymous Program. I went through an excellent resource provided by GA and this was the basis of our sessions.

I am beyond fortunate to have been able to assist in any way I could and really this helped me as much maybe even more than it helped the other person. I did enjoy those sessions and I pray that this person truly “walks the walk” because they had the “talk” down from the onset. I did take a cue from our Clinical Director asking on a scale of zero to ten with zero being “never to gamble again” and ten being “yes, I will gamble again”; the answer I received was a very heartfelt “ZERO!” According to our Clinical Director this is a very good indicator that the person will do very well as they move forward in recovery. Yes, I did my best and it wasn’t very difficult at all; I just instilled the things that have been passed down to me from some of the long time members and newer members of GA. It was very cool to have this opportunity and the best part is I made a friend in the process; recovery is indeed wonderful.

The children are doing very well; yes, my daughter has completed her softball season and won’t be on the All-Stars because she couldn’t commit to the full schedule; this is just as well and even though she was a little taken a back she has gotten over it very quickly. My son continues with his baseball season and last week I had arranged a private session for the team with a professional baseball player. The team really enjoyed the lesson but the very next day they went out and promptly lost not being able to hit anything!! I don’t believe it had anything to do with the private lesson but the timing was less than desirable. The great thing about 8 year olds is that the final score does not matter as much as what is the snack at the end of the game. After the snacks were devoured the game was a distance memory. I swear the adult coaches take so much more seriously than the kids!!! My son has three more games to go and then the playoffs. He also has the opportunity to make the All Star team but again since he will miss 2 ½ weeks his chances are certainly lessened.

Yesterday Wayman Tisdale passed away at the young age of 44; yes, in a few months I will be this same age. Mr. Tisdale fought a courageous battle with cancer over the past two years before losing that battle. I am writing this because I followed his career for the past 20 years. He was a star college basketball player and went on to have a very solid professional career but that isn’t the half of it; he was a very accomplished jazz musician making several very popular albums. I have listened to some of those albums and they are incredible. I do remember his college playing days and I must say there was something different about his style compared to his contemporaries and now I understand why. He wasn’t about being a star basketball player he was about being himself. He did make great music and I am very saddened by his loss. This does reiterate to me the need to enjoy every moment because it is all fleeting. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring but I do know today is a gift. I continue to enjoy these gifts one at a time as I move forward in recovery; yes, it is a wonderful life through an through!!

Softball Controversy Averted

It was brought to my attention earlier today that when I started this blog over 4 years ago my posts were short but I did post daily. Then as I progressed my posts became longer and now I am posting on a weekly basis. The most important part of this conversation was the fact that this blog is all part of my recovery and I must not lose focus. I have become very busy with life over the past few months and this is a very good thing and I thought only posting once a week would be beneficial but after thinking about it this is part of my recovery and I must do a better job of "finding" the time to work an integral part of my recovery.

I am not sure what this has to do with recovery but I do know recovery allows me to have an incredible life!! Over the weekend which was once again filled with softball and baseball games and even a few Gamblers Anonymous meetings. Saturday morning brought me to the Saturday morning GA meeting to help celebrate two very special birthdays. My very dear friend was celebrating 5 years in the program along with another friend who was celebrating 3 years. I had the honor and privilige to Chair the meeting and the meeting went exceptionally well. We do have a tendency in our little group to have "marathon" type meetings but not Saturday as I employed my Monday Speaker's meeting philosophy as the meeting ended in one hour. This seemed to work well and hopefully I didn't offend anyone. I do believe having structure assists the meetings and also assists recovery. I was very happy I attended the meeting and very happy to consider the incredible people celebrating my dear friends.

After the meeting I found myself at my son's baseball game and his team did very well. My son's confidence continues to grow and grow and striking out seems to be in the past. He is now regularly hitting off the pitcher and not waiting for the four balls so he can hit off the coach. He did go only 1 for 3 dropping his batting average below .500 for the first time in a few games. I was shocked to see that my son was the third leading hitter on his team but more importantly he is enjoying himself.

As my son's game ended we made our made to my daughter's game. This was a do or die game for my daughter's team as they faced elimination from the season ending tournament. The game didn't start out so well but my daughter did save her very best for last. She hit a triple in her first at bat driving in one run and that was the only run for the first two innings as her team fell behind 9-1. My daughter entered the game as the pitcher at this point and had the team's first "one two three" inning all season. She was beaming from ear to ear as her team made the plays they didn't seem to make all year. She bounced off the field and into the dugout with such enthusiasm it is ashamed her team ended up on the losing side of the ledger. With that her season ended and I really just wanted her to have one more game because it seemed everything had come together; oh well there will be more games in the near future.

On Sunday morning the tryouts for the All Star game ensued and even though my daughter would miss half of the All Star season she still tried out for the team. It would have been a bit interesting to see if she would have made the team if she wasn't going to miss so many games and practices. She did tryout very well but later on we did learn that she wasn't even considered because of the time she would miss. There seemed to be a very big controversy surrounding the selection process and I believe it was very fortunate my daughter wasn't being considered; had she been considered I do wonder what would have happened because as her coach told me she is a phenomenal player with a huge heart. My daughter was a bit disappointed she didn't make the team but was consoled when I told her what her coach had to say.

Life is moving so quickly and these days are like rapid fire but I am enjoying every moment. Work is going so well and I get to incorporate my recovery principles on a daily basis and I also get to be counselor for the next two weeks. This is wonderful and so rewarding; I am invigorated with these sessions but I must say I am blessed to have a "client" who really understands the basis of recovering from a compulsive gambling addiction. Our hour whizzes by and lately I am running over which is very positive. Life moves in mysterious ways and I love those mysteries of life especially through recovery.

Yes, Another Marathon!!

This past week marked the very end of my latest training regimen as I prepared for the Camp Pendleton Marathon. I think it is safe to say I am now addicted to running marathons!!! I may need a 12 step program as I have traded my compulsive gambling addiction in for marathon running. I am being a bit facetious but there could be some truth in those words. In the past 11 months I have now run 4 marathons bringing my career total to 9. I can still remember my first marathon back in 2002 when I completely disappointed myself with my performance. When I finished that marathon I was more upset than anything else now 7 years later and 8 marathons since I was anything but disappointed when I completed the marathon on Saturday. I didn’t achieve my time goal of 3 hours and 20 minutes but that didn’t matter and even the fact that my family wasn’t waiting for me at the finish line didn’t bother me either. I was more than happy to run 26.2 miles on a military base covering very prime real estate overlooking the Pacific Ocean.

This marathon was different than any other I have run for several reasons. One of those reasons was the fact that it was on a Saturday which was interesting and not so bad. Another reason was the fact that it was filled with rolling hills. When I completed the Arizona Rock n’ Roll Marathon back in January I was looking for a marathon that was relatively flat and run prior to the San Diego Rock n’ Roll Marathon at the end of May. I thought the Camp Pendleton Marathon was relatively flat because there wasn’t much of an elevation change but I was woefully wrong!! There may not have been much of an elevation change but there were certainly hills are through the course.

I arrived on the military base well in advance of the marathon and was impressed with the large size of the facility. It is truly a world unto to itself and I have always respected the wonderful men and women who serve this country but seeing this up close gave me new found respect. This was the very first time this marathon was run and I was very impressed with the organization. I had only run one other first time marathon which was the Arizona Rock n’ Roll Marathon back in 2004 which wasn’t a very good experience. The marathon this past Saturday was a wonderful experience and it was a very intimate affair. There were only 450 participants who made the start very easy and I certainly enjoyed the fact of not having to wait for the outhouses!! This maybe lost by those of you who have never run in an event like this but not having to wait for the outhouses does make a world of difference.

I was very moved as the “Colors” were presented 10 minutes prior to the start and I took a couple of deep breaths mentally preparing myself for the 26.2 miles which lay ahead of me. The gun sounded and off everyone went towards the Pacific Ocean into a fairly strong headwind. I completed the first mile in a very quick 7 minutes and thought I was moving much too fast but the next few miles ahead would set the tone for the entire race. I was just about on pace but the rolling hills caused my pace to be very erratic and as the headwind strengthened I knew my goal time would be fleeting very quickly. The headwind lasted just until the halfway point and it was so strange as I headed in the other direction it was as if the wind had been turned off. Instead of a headwind I thought there would be a tailwind but this tailwind was very quiet. I could feel the sweet building on my forehead and seeping into my eyes.

I did my best to take in the scenery with the big beautiful Pacific Ocean on my left and as I made the turn back it was on my right. There really wasn’t much else to look at and I did my best to get into a rhythm but this rhythm was very elusive. It became apparent that I would not be qualifying for the Boston Marathon as I finished the 21st mile. My mile pace had slowed considerably and I didn’t have much left in my legs. I didn’t want to quick but I just couldn’t get back to the pace I needed to finish the marathon in my goal time. Again this didn’t matter; what mattered most was the fact I was actually running and enjoying every footstep.

I finished the race in what was my worst time in the past 11 months but I was very happy. I covered the 26.2 miles in 3 hours and 26 minutes but I was energized crossing the finish line. I found out later on that I finished 3rd in my age category and yes, there were more than 3 participants in the category!! There were actually 22 participants in my age category and overall I finished 29th out of 450 people. This really isn’t so bad for an old man and yes, I intend on running my fifth marathon in the last twelve months next month as I enter the San Diego Rock n’ Roll Marathon for the fourth time. I think it is only fitting that my very first marathon will be the marathon I actually qualify for the Boston Marathon. I really have no idea and I just read an article about others who are and have tried to qualify for the Boston Marathon to no avail. These people have tried at least 12 times and finally qualified so I don’t feel so bad having only attempted three times so far!! In any event I am running in a mere month and I know I will enjoy every moment along the way.

My family wasn’t at the finish line because Saturdays are filled with baseball and softball games and the logistics of getting down to the marathon were too much. My son competed in his baseball game and that didn’t go so well for his team as they were held hitless for the first time all season. I did make it back for my daughter’s softball game and her team didn’t do so well either. This was the last regular season game of the year and my daughter’s team only one won game all year. However; my daughter’s attitude has gotten so much better over the past few weeks and her pitching performance was excellence only giving up one run in her only inning. It was the first time all year she only gave up one run and her team even backed her up during that inning. She was very happy but there was an altercation with a player from the other team who didn’t play very “nicely”. I did my best to console my daughter and it seemed to work.

This was another wonderful week through and through and on Sunday I attended the Gamblers Anonymous meeting which was very good. On Monday I attended the Speaker’s Meeting which was also very good and life is moving so well as recovery is wonderful. I am also helping someone in our program at work and I get to play “counselor” three times a week which is much better than my “real” job during the day. It is amazing how things work it and my life is working out exceptionally well.