Compulsive Gambler in Recovery
It is better to build character than to be one.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Weekly Blog and a Farily Significant Date
I have had a sneaking suspicion that the daily writing of this blog would come to an end since has become increasingly more difficult to write on a daily basis. I have been able in the past to “catch up” on the daily passages I have missed but lately ever since life got back to a great wonderful new “normal” the days pass and my computer time has become very limited. Yes, this is a positive and although I most likely will not be able to post on a daily basis I will attempt something different starting with today; a summary of this past week’s events and how recovery continues to enhance my life.
Last Saturday evening we spent it with our dear friends for a “game night”. Ever since my wife has started working the visits with these dear friends have been minimal at best. Yes, it is our responsibility to make the effort for at least a monthly “game night” and this is exactly what has been planned. “Game night” was as always a great deal of fun and the only game we did play was my least favorite but now seems to be “mandatory” in Pictionary. The “guys” were not victorious last week as the “gals” had their game on despite the constant laughter. It is very funny because the day before playing I was talking with a friend about Pictionary and how bad a drawer I am and how I despise drawing animals; and guess what my first draw was that of a dog! Yes, that figures and it does figure in a smaller scale to the “Law of Attraction”!!
Sunday I did attend the Gamblers Anonymous meeting which was as always very good with a very good turnout. I do get so much out of the meetings and thank God for Gamblers Anonymous as it continues to save along with enhance my life. It certainly enhanced my life on Monday evening when a very dear friend was the featured speaker for the Speaker’s meeting. This dear friend will celebrate their fifth year in the program and the hour long speaker’s meeting was very insightful. My dear friends chose the topic of the “Gamblers Anonymous 20 questions” and as fortune would have 2 brand new members were in attendance which has a tendency to be a bit tricky in this type of format but the topic was perfect for a new member especially how my dear friend presented those 20 questions. As it turns out the session was so well received my friend and I will be presenting this at our mini-conference in June. I thought that was a great idea and I look forward to adding my “two cents” to those 20 questions.
Tuesday brought the baseball and softball games as we were “double booked” for the evening. Yes, both my son and daughter had games which meant my wife would have to drop off, drop off and head back. Thankfully my wife’s new job has very convenient hours which allow her to get the children to and for their “ball” activities. My daughter is required to be at her game one hour prior to the start time whereas my son needs only to be there about 30 minutes prior to game time so this means my daughter gets dropped off then my son and then my wife returns to my daughter’s game. I go directly to my son’s game as it is only a 3 minute drive from my office which again figures into the whole “how everything continues to work out for the very best” scenario; yes, even the little things are made that much better through everything.
My son’s game went well and ended in a tie with my son going his usual one for two with the one being a base hit and the other “one” being a strike out. He is the “star” catcher and catches most of the game and yes, I think he is having a good time. My daughter’s team ended their one game winning streak and returned to the losing column. My daughter continues to be the “go to” pitcher on her team and I can see her patience wearing thin with her teammates as the losses are piling up. This is a good learning experience for my daughter but I doubt she feels like she is learning anything as the losses are clouding her judgment. In any event my daughter continues to give 110% and does her very best all game long.
Wednesday brought the rare “day off” from events and I ended up working much later than expected. I had an interesting conversation with a person who is in a very important position outside of my company. I didn’t know this person “before” and I don’t know if this person knows my “history” but I was very encouraged with the conversation. It is truly remarkable how well everything is working out and this includes these conversations. The very fact that I am in a position to have these types of positions is a true testament to recovery. I am so fortunate and blessed to be where I am today all thanks to recovery. I had to stop and take a breath after this conversation and take stock of how far I have come in such a short time, wow!
Yes, it has been a short time as this all started over 4 years ago. On Friday my parole officially concluding as I made it through the last 13 months without any incidence. There was no doubt in my mind that there wouldn’t be an incident as I continue to practice all the good things in my life. However; I must admit I was somewhat leery headed into the last 13 months especially hearing all those horror stories. I realized when I heard those stories that every circumstance is different and as long as I did right thing all the right things would happen and yes, this is how it all has transpired.
I don’t think I felt any different when I woke up on Friday morning as I did the usual making my way to the gym as the calendar read March 27, 2009. I have had my eye on this date ever since my release 13 months ago and the only real difference is that my “leash” has been severed. I am no longer required to “report” on my whereabouts and if I need to leave the great state of California I can without any issues. Additionally my civil rights have been restored and I can vote along with being eligible for jury duty. I don’t believe I took those duties for granted prior to losing them but I never really took stock of how fortunate I am. This is the biggest difference in the last four years; the little things have tremendous meaning and yes, it is all little things outside of any harm to my incredible family. I have been more than fortunate over the past 13 months and although my leash has been severed I will continue doing the right things as this is the “right thing” to do.
Yesterday arrived and it was another Saturday on the diamond with the children. This week my daughter had a game first followed by my son’s game. My daughter’s team once again didn’t fare so well but my daughter had two very solid hits and drove in 3 runs. She did pitch and pitched well but it is very difficult for her as her team doesn’t seem to make the plays. There aren’t any routine plays for my daughter’s team as every play seems like an adventure. My daughter was very upset during the game and I did my best to calm her down; and thankfully she was able to get that second hit in between her anger which did calm her down. She has a very affable coach who headed my plea to go out to the mound as I saw my daughter simmering; her coach went out there and did calm her down. She is quite the competitor and this has been a very trying year for her but I do believe it is building character for her down the road.
My son’s team played a very good game and was in a “dog fight” with the best team in the league. Unfortunately they fell one run short but it wasn’t for lack of trying. My son went one for three striking out twice. My son has a tendency of keeping the bat on his shoulder and it cost him in his final at bat. He watched the third strike cross the plate despite my imploring of him to swing and as he returned to the dugout I was less than cordial telling him he needed to swing the bat on any pitch that was close. He didn’t like what I had to say and started to cry; I admit I was less than congenial and could have used a better tone. I did apologize and he did stop crying.
Normally I am not like this but there was something in the air during the game. The opposing coach was having a bad day and let his anger out at the umpire in a few incidents. I have never seen this before as all of the opposing coaches are good people and never argue with the very impressionable umpires (these are kids themselves barely hitting puberty). I couldn’t believe the opposing coach was doing this and it had a ripple effect on the kids playing. The focus was off playing baseball and on the coach; my son even became quiet which is unusual for him and I asked him what was wrong and he just pointed to the other coach asking what was the matter with him??? I did my best to explain and for my son to just focus in on playing baseball. In any event the opposing did calm down as the game wore on and I think that this coach was just having a bad day.
The games were over and everyone needed a shower when we got home. After the shower we decided that we should celebrate my completing parole (or PATROL as my daughter calls it!!) and go out to dinner. P.F. Chang’s just opened up in the area and we decided to head over there dinner but since it just opened up the wait was an hour and a half which was too long so we went with Plan B which was to utilize a gift certificate. We hadn’t been to this particular restaurant before so it was some place different for us. It wasn’t what we expected but the price was right and the fact that the four us were having dinner together celebrating the passage of the last 13 months. It certainly didn’t matter how the food tasted since the dinner was “edible” (my wife’s words) and it was a great evening being a family altogether.
This morning was the usual Sunday morning fare of the CBS Sunday Morning show followed by my now “famous” protein pancakes. Instead of just hanging out at home I decided to take the children to a nearby ball field and practice their softball and baseball skills. This was a wonderful way to spend a sunny Sunday afternoon. I must admit lately it has been increasingly more difficult to maintain “consistency” with my son. We would do an activity he suggested a few minutes later if things weren’t going his way he would either stop participating or just complain. I had to speak with him about this attitude and hopefully made some headway. My daughter on the other hand was just happy practicing her pitching and hitting and did participate in my son’s suggested games.
We spent a long time at the ball field and gave my wife some much needed “alone” time as Sunday’s are the day to catch up. Sunday’s do come so quickly and pass so quickly but this is where “enjoying” the journey comes in to play. I am certainly enjoying every moment of this journey and what started out as the “unknown” over four years ago has transferred into the “known” of enjoying these moments as the happen one day at a time. I didn’t know what 12 step program was over 4 years ago but now this is how I have shaped my life; my life it is all about doing the right things each and every day. I have detailed how blessed and fortunate I am and this has always been the case but prior to recovery I never gave it thought. Now in recovery this is how I live my life cherishing these blessings and moments. It is an incredible journey and continues to get even more incredible as the days pass.
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