Yes, Another Marathon!!

This past week marked the very end of my latest training regimen as I prepared for the Camp Pendleton Marathon. I think it is safe to say I am now addicted to running marathons!!! I may need a 12 step program as I have traded my compulsive gambling addiction in for marathon running. I am being a bit facetious but there could be some truth in those words. In the past 11 months I have now run 4 marathons bringing my career total to 9. I can still remember my first marathon back in 2002 when I completely disappointed myself with my performance. When I finished that marathon I was more upset than anything else now 7 years later and 8 marathons since I was anything but disappointed when I completed the marathon on Saturday. I didn’t achieve my time goal of 3 hours and 20 minutes but that didn’t matter and even the fact that my family wasn’t waiting for me at the finish line didn’t bother me either. I was more than happy to run 26.2 miles on a military base covering very prime real estate overlooking the Pacific Ocean.

This marathon was different than any other I have run for several reasons. One of those reasons was the fact that it was on a Saturday which was interesting and not so bad. Another reason was the fact that it was filled with rolling hills. When I completed the Arizona Rock n’ Roll Marathon back in January I was looking for a marathon that was relatively flat and run prior to the San Diego Rock n’ Roll Marathon at the end of May. I thought the Camp Pendleton Marathon was relatively flat because there wasn’t much of an elevation change but I was woefully wrong!! There may not have been much of an elevation change but there were certainly hills are through the course.

I arrived on the military base well in advance of the marathon and was impressed with the large size of the facility. It is truly a world unto to itself and I have always respected the wonderful men and women who serve this country but seeing this up close gave me new found respect. This was the very first time this marathon was run and I was very impressed with the organization. I had only run one other first time marathon which was the Arizona Rock n’ Roll Marathon back in 2004 which wasn’t a very good experience. The marathon this past Saturday was a wonderful experience and it was a very intimate affair. There were only 450 participants who made the start very easy and I certainly enjoyed the fact of not having to wait for the outhouses!! This maybe lost by those of you who have never run in an event like this but not having to wait for the outhouses does make a world of difference.

I was very moved as the “Colors” were presented 10 minutes prior to the start and I took a couple of deep breaths mentally preparing myself for the 26.2 miles which lay ahead of me. The gun sounded and off everyone went towards the Pacific Ocean into a fairly strong headwind. I completed the first mile in a very quick 7 minutes and thought I was moving much too fast but the next few miles ahead would set the tone for the entire race. I was just about on pace but the rolling hills caused my pace to be very erratic and as the headwind strengthened I knew my goal time would be fleeting very quickly. The headwind lasted just until the halfway point and it was so strange as I headed in the other direction it was as if the wind had been turned off. Instead of a headwind I thought there would be a tailwind but this tailwind was very quiet. I could feel the sweet building on my forehead and seeping into my eyes.

I did my best to take in the scenery with the big beautiful Pacific Ocean on my left and as I made the turn back it was on my right. There really wasn’t much else to look at and I did my best to get into a rhythm but this rhythm was very elusive. It became apparent that I would not be qualifying for the Boston Marathon as I finished the 21st mile. My mile pace had slowed considerably and I didn’t have much left in my legs. I didn’t want to quick but I just couldn’t get back to the pace I needed to finish the marathon in my goal time. Again this didn’t matter; what mattered most was the fact I was actually running and enjoying every footstep.

I finished the race in what was my worst time in the past 11 months but I was very happy. I covered the 26.2 miles in 3 hours and 26 minutes but I was energized crossing the finish line. I found out later on that I finished 3rd in my age category and yes, there were more than 3 participants in the category!! There were actually 22 participants in my age category and overall I finished 29th out of 450 people. This really isn’t so bad for an old man and yes, I intend on running my fifth marathon in the last twelve months next month as I enter the San Diego Rock n’ Roll Marathon for the fourth time. I think it is only fitting that my very first marathon will be the marathon I actually qualify for the Boston Marathon. I really have no idea and I just read an article about others who are and have tried to qualify for the Boston Marathon to no avail. These people have tried at least 12 times and finally qualified so I don’t feel so bad having only attempted three times so far!! In any event I am running in a mere month and I know I will enjoy every moment along the way.

My family wasn’t at the finish line because Saturdays are filled with baseball and softball games and the logistics of getting down to the marathon were too much. My son competed in his baseball game and that didn’t go so well for his team as they were held hitless for the first time all season. I did make it back for my daughter’s softball game and her team didn’t do so well either. This was the last regular season game of the year and my daughter’s team only one won game all year. However; my daughter’s attitude has gotten so much better over the past few weeks and her pitching performance was excellence only giving up one run in her only inning. It was the first time all year she only gave up one run and her team even backed her up during that inning. She was very happy but there was an altercation with a player from the other team who didn’t play very “nicely”. I did my best to console my daughter and it seemed to work.

This was another wonderful week through and through and on Sunday I attended the Gamblers Anonymous meeting which was very good. On Monday I attended the Speaker’s Meeting which was also very good and life is moving so well as recovery is wonderful. I am also helping someone in our program at work and I get to play “counselor” three times a week which is much better than my “real” job during the day. It is amazing how things work it and my life is working out exceptionally well.

Serious Issues

I thought I would just post once a week and for the most part I will stick with that plan; however; this evening I was checking the stats for the blog and came across a fairly disturbing incidence. In the stats I can see how a person came upon the blog whether it was a direct entry or from a search engine. Most of the people who visit this blog come in directly but there are a few others who came here via a search engine. One such entry came today at 11:03 am Pacific Time from a server located in San Francisco. This is not unusual what is unusual is the search strand; "Compulsive Gambler and want to Die". Yes, those are the exact words someone used and they accessed this blog. Unfortunately this is all I know and the person didn't stay very long only looking at the first page.

I would like to know what happened after this and yes, this is a very serious addiction. Just the other day I had a conversation with my boss about the perils of compulsive gambling and what it does to a person. We read the same line in every Gamblers Anonymous meeting; "prison, insanity or death". This isn't a joke and this isn't a joking matter; compulsive gamblers have the highest rate of suicide of any addiction; at least one in four compulsive gamblers attempt suicide.

I can only hope and pray that the person who accessed this site earlier in the day with that ominious search hasn't done anything drastic. It may seem like the end of the world when all the material possessions have been gambled away along with many personal issues; however; there is help and my help continues to come from the Gamblers Anonymous Program. I implore anyone with a compulsive gambling problem to contact their local chapter. Here is a listing of all the meetings around the world. If there isn't a meeting in your vicinity please call 1-800-GAMBLER and they will direct to a place that can help.

I want everyone to know there is help and they are not alone. This seems to be a very lonely disease and at time there appears to be no way out but I can say firsthand there is a way out and it is through recovery. Please if you are thinking about ending your life stop and call someone, anyone the 1-800-GAMBLER is a great service along with just reaching out for help. People are there to help and my email address is paul.delvacchio@gmail.com and I can be reached toll free at 1-866-942-7943 anytime. Thank you!!!!

Bruuuuce!!!!!

Yes, another week down and it was a great week. Our Easter Sunday was “unique” in the fact that it was just the four of us. Usually we spend the holidays with friends or family but last week we spent the day with only us. It was a good day all the way through as we ended the day at the beach for a Southern Californian Easter Sunday. This was the first time in two years I was with my family on Easter Sunday and now I can put those “first times” to rest. I am approaching one year since my family returned and life has returned to an incredibly new normal in every facet.

Since it was Easter Sunday I didn’t make my way to the usual Sunday Gamblers Anonymous meeting; however; since it was the second Monday of the month I did attend the Monday Speaker’s meeting. These are wonderful meetings and a great opportunity to get the incredible members of the program. I am so happy I am serving as Secretary of this meeting and last Monday was yet another great meeting. The stories are different but the underlying theme is always the same which is the inability to live a sane life while the compulsive gambling took over the person’s life. Yes, it is always insanity to hear these stories but after the world comes crashing down the GA Program is there to pick up the pieces. I can say firsthand that these pieces are fitting together incredibly well in my life and yes, all thanks to the GA Program.

My life is moving forward as well as I could have ever imagined and this week as it always seems to be was wonderful. The children are on their second week of Spring Break which meant there weren’t any “ball” games during the week. It was a good week at work and on Thursday my wife and I attended the Bruce Springsteen concert I had been so looking forward to for the past few months. Interestingly enough I had seen Bruce 25 years ago in this same venue when I attended the University of Southern California as second year college student. I really wasn’t much of fan of Bruce while I was growing up in New Jersey. However; something seem to happen when I went away to Southern California for college and I became a fan. I became an even bigger fan of Bruce when I witnessed firsthand his incredible concert some 25 years ago.

I witnessed five of the seven shows back 25 years ago and I was in awe. Now 25 years later I am still in awe and the Boss hasn’t lost a step in all those years. The concert was magnificent and the building where I first saw him hasn’t changed at all in that time period. Bruce labeled it the “dump that jumps” and yes, it is a dump but it did jump for 2 hours and 40 minutes while Bruce and E Street Band brought down the house.

It was well worth the 2 ½ hour drive through horrific traffic and I did have my doubts we would see the beginning of the show but as it turned out we didn’t miss a moment. I looked around the “dump” and there were people of all ages but mostly a little older than my 43 years. Bruce has been rocking for 35 years and there were fans from his early years. It is amazing the collection of work over those 35 years and more amazing was the energy the 59 year old brought. It was clear to me that Bruce loves what he does and it showed throughout the entire performance. Wow; it was a fantastic show and I didn’t mind at all getting home at the very late hour because I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Saturday brought the usual “ball” games with my son and daughter having their games. This was an early start and they both had games at the same time. This meant I went with my son and my wife went with our daughter. My son’s game went very well and I am having a great time coaching the kids. It was my responsibility to warm up the pitchers before and during the game. The kids on his team are really good and it is a blast. The game was well played and my son’s team prevailed 5-1. My son went 1 for 3 and scored one run. He is a good little player that just needs some more confidence. I can see his confidence increasing and it was a very good game all the way through.

After my son’s game we made our way to my daughter’s game where she was playing the second game of the scheduled doubleheader. The first game was close but unfortunately my daughter’s team was not successful. My daughter’s attitude has gotten better about her team as she realized the season is ending soon. The second game was a rout by the other team but my daughter did smack a solid single to centerfield but was caught stealing second base. Yes, her season is ending in the next two weeks but she is going to try out for the All Star team. My daughter does have the skills but the All Star league is a very big commitment and because we are going back to New Jersey this summer she will miss a few weeks of that season. I think this will hurt her chances but she does understand and trying out for the team will be a good experience.

Last night we reconvened “Game Night” with our dear friends and initially there were supposed to be a few other families joining us but in the end it was the usual dear friends. The evening went by so quickly and thankfully we gave Pictionary the night off. Instead we tried a trivia game which wasn’t well received and a charade type game which is always fun. The games are great but spending time with our friends is even better. I am so blessed in every way possible and having these types of nights are indeed blessings. I am so grateful for everything in my life and yes, it was indeed another wonderful week!!!

Easter Sunday 2009

Happy Easter!!! Wow, it is Easter again. It seems like just yesterday that I was spending the day by myself without my family last year but thankfully this year all of that has changed for the better. This marks the very first “holiday” of my new found “freedom”. I was free to go anywhere as I did not need permission. Yes, this is a great sign but really my life is fantastic and now life has moved into a wonderful “new” normal. Today waking up with my family under one roof was indeed the highlight of my day; the rest of the day was just like the icing on the cake. I cannot say enough how well my life is moving and it is all thanks to recovery. This recovery is multi-faceted but the main ingredient is living my life with a positive purpose doing the right thing no matter the circumstance. I am eternally grateful for my life and for everyone in my life especially my family. I love my family with all my being and yes, life is great.

This past week started last Sunday as I attended the Sunday Gamblers Anonymous meeting. I can no longer attend four or five meetings a week when I first entered the program over four years ago. Now I do my very best to honor my commitment of attending one meeting per week. This week was the “in between” week of the Speaker’s meeting and which meant there wasn’t a Speaker’s meeting so I needed to attend the Sunday meeting which was wonderful. The meeting was once again inspirational and there are so many dear friends in this program. I am very blessed to be in the position I am in all thanks to the GA Program. Yes, I returned to the area of my misdeeds but this has not been an issue at all again all thanks to recovery. This was a great start to the week.

On Tuesday my son had a baseball game and what a game he had! He had his best game in his brief Pony League career going three for three, knocking in three runs, and scoring three runs as well. Additionally he did make a great defensive play as he fielded a pop up sliding to catch the ball from his catcher’s position. Yes, it was a great game through and through. His three hits were two doubles and a single. In his league if the pitcher throws four balls the coach comes out and throws two pitchers, the batter either hits one of those two pitches or is out.

My son did receive four balls on those three at bats and he drilled a double off of me in his first at bat. This was the first time I was the “pitching coach” and not only did he drill that double the rest of his hits came off of me as well. I was shocked at that first double because it wasn’t very far from the outfield fence. My son seemed energize to hit off of his dear old Dad and whatever the case he was a fantastic game. His team was victorious and is approaching .500 on the season.

The rest of the week was the usual with the exception of on Thursday I took my son to work. The children are off for Spring Break and with my daughter sleeping over a friend’s house and with our dear friend away who had been looking after our children while my wife and I were at work; we decided to take my son to work. He was so good keeping himself occupied on the computer, with a book and with his electronic game. I was able to go about my normal day with my son a few feet away. The day went very well and after lunch I dropped him off at my wife’s work where she had only an hour left in her day. It was very cool taking my son to work and I had to smile each time I looked over to him.

I continue to train for the marathon in less than two weeks. I completed the intense sessions this week and my mileage had peaked at 56 miles this week. I modified the training sessions to suit my needs much better covering that distance in only four days instead of five. This meant I had three 12 mile days and one 20 mile days. If I had to compare this most recent 20 mile run to the 20 mile runs I have completed in the past 8 months I must say this was the best run I have had to date. I ran the first 10 miles in one hour and 15 minutes and covered the final 10 miles in less than one hour and 10 minutes. This is exactly what I had planned and I was feeling as good as I have ever felt in that last mile than I have ever felt before. I was moving along great and it is simply amazing how fast time slips by as the miles pile up. I don’t know if this will translate into my finally qualifying for the Boston Marathon but I am giving it my all.

Rounding out the week was of course Easter today. As I mentioned earlier the joy came early this morning and as always lasted all day long. We did the usual Easter things in going to church and going to breakfast but for the most part it was a very low key day. I did fit in watching some of the Masters Golf Tournament and for the first time viewed on a High Definition Television and my goodness that course is gorgeous. In any event after watching we headed for the beach. It was a perfect Southern California day and the beach was the perfect place to be. The children went on a few rides and we played on the beach. My son and daughter were having a good time and my son brought much of the beach home with him!! Yes, it was a great Easter Sunday 2009!!

Tale of the Dog

Where do the weeks go??? My oh my another week in the books and time is certainly passing so very quickly. Yes, this past week was more of the same but that “more of the same” is music to my ears. I was wondering if I would ever receive “official” confirmation of me being released from my parole commitment and yes, I did finally receive the word. I received word on April fool’s Day (no less!) but this wasn’t a joke as the “quasi-official” paperwork was sent to me later in the day. (I am supposed to receive some type of more official notification in three months but in the meantime I do have documentation that states my commitment has been fulfilled.) It is interesting because I have been looking forward to this day for a long time and when I received the “official” word from the powers that be it was more anticlimactic than anything else.

I continue to learn so very much in my recovery and I believe one of those lessons of continuing to take life “one day at time” rang true when I received the official word. I am very relieved my commitment has been fulfilled; however; if I have learned anything in recovery the fact that I am no longer required to do the “right thing” should make no difference at all. I will continue to do the right things because this is how I must live my life. If I don’t do the right things the wrong things will happen and having gone down that road I have no desire to revisit those horrible consequences. Sure this is a part of me that still kicks myself for doing what I did but I do believe that is a positive because I don’t dwell in those thoughts. Those thoughts are a reminder of what has happened and I don’t want to forget those reminders as I did the first two times I inadequately dealt with my compulsive gambling addiction.

My favorite phrase in Gamblers Anonymous is written in the Seventh Step; “Compulsive gambling is a LEARNED INADEQUATE RESPONSE TO LIFE”. There is no doubt in my mind what I did to propagate my compulsive gambling behavior was most definitely a LEARNED INADEQUATE RESPONSE TO LIFE. Now in recovery I am learning an adequate response to life which goes back to doing the right things even when no one is watching. This is a true testament of a person’s character and I have been given a second chance to display these characteristics. I am in a position at my job where I must display these characteristics or else I will go back to square one. I have an incredible life with an incredible family along with amazing friends. I would not trade this journey for anything and yes, I continue to learn so very much on this journey; life is wonderful!!!

There were the usual softball and baseball games this week. My son’s team won one game and lost the other. My daughter’s softball team continued their losing ways and this is wearing very thin on my daughter. She is doing her best but the play of the other girls on her team is affecting my daughter in a negative way. I can only offer her encouraging words and when she says she wants to quit I inform her that if she quits she has no chance of playing on the All Star team when the season ends. There is a good possibly that my daughter may make the All Star team for her age group because she is one of the better players in the league but if her attitude continues and her play continues to deteriorate because of her attitude she will not have an opportunity to play on the All Star team.

There is another “kicker” to the All Star team and it is the commitment. Right now my daughter has two games per week with one practice which encompasses three days total during the week. The All Star team practices six days a week and their games cover three to four days starting on Memorial Day. I didn’t know about the All Stars when I booked our trips to New Jersey and if my daughter does make the team she will miss half of their tournaments because she will be in New Jersey. I don’t know if this will be a hinder to her making the team because after all it really isn’t fair to another girl who possibly has the same ability and can make all the tournaments. We shall see what happens as the try outs are the first week in May and yes, my daughter really wants to make the team.

My son continues to be very perplexing in his baseball hitting. He has the ability to hit the baseball but has a tendency to just stand there and watch the pitches go by. I have tried just about everything and now I am down to reverse psychology encouraging my son to just stand there and watch the pitches. This seemed to have the most affect on him as he actually swung at the pitches but got called out on a very questionable call by the umpire. In any event I received the team’s statistics from my son’s head coach and my son is the third leading hitter on his team hitting a cool .429. He does have the ability but his confidence is a bit shaky so when he saw the statistics his confidence seemed to rise and it is so interesting how different but similar my two children are. I have to basically discouraged my daughter since she is so intense (which does remind me of myself when I was her age) whereas my son needs encouragement since his intensity level is a little low. I must say that my son does have a great deal of heart and is really enjoying the catcher’s position. Whatever the case I love these days and afternoons at the ball fields so very much.

My wife and I had a “Date night” this past week while a very good friend took our children out for a very fun evening. My wife and I went to our favorite local restaurant and had a great dinner officially celebrating my newly gained freedom. The children and our friend went to dinner then to a movie and capped off the evening with some frozen yogurt. Yes, our friend did spoil them so very much but everyone appeared to have a great time. It is so fascinating how life works out because I haven’t known this very dear friend very long yet we share a very common bond and seeing their faces when they came home was well worth everything. Life is a strange and fascinating journey through and through and these incredible twists and turns are wonderful in every way possible. I am not sure if our dear friend had a better time than our children on their very fun night out but whatever the case there is a bond building and this bond will hopefully build for a lifetime.

I have mentioned before that our children have been lobbying for a dog over the past few months. My wife subscribes to something called “Freecycle” which is an email list that local people utilize to give away many different things for free. Occasionally there will be pets and over the weekend a family was giving away a 5 year old female beagle. I saw the email and asked my wife if she would be interested since she really isn’t a dog person. After receiving some photographs of the very cute dog and a description that basically read the dog is very sweet and loving my wife had given her approval.

The children were very happy and tonight we were going to meet the dog. However; I made a mistake by not asking our landlords if we could actually have a dog in the house. I did call earlier today and the landlords weren’t very receptive to the idea of having a dog in the house no matter how big or small. The request to have a dog was denied and this meant I had to explain it to my children and my wife. My wife was even disappointed having warmed to the idea of actually having a dog which is a very big step. My son seemed to take it in stride like he does most things while my daughter who last night had her reservations about getting the dog as she pontificated whether or not our family was “ready” to have a dog; took the denial very hard. She cried and asked why we couldn’t have our own house where we could have a dog and she could paint her room any color she wanted.

These were great questions and all I could say is that we will have our own house some day. I couldn’t dwell on the fact that the fact that we don’t have our house; is my entire fault as it fell victim to my compulsive gambling addiction. I could only reassure her that we will have our own house and at the very least live in a place where we can have a dog and she can paint her room whatever color she wanted. This was heart wrenching because yes, it is my fault but I won’t beat myself up as the damage is done and I must live one day at a time. I really don’t know when I will be in a position to purchase a home because I still have debts I need to pay which I am working on albeit a bit slowly.

In any event I know everything will work out for the very best because it always does. I would have loved to have the dog but it just wasn’t meant to be at this point. Even something as seemingly insignificant as this does happen for a reason and I have an idea as to what that reason was. I will be handed these questions going forward such as the ones posed by my daughter and it is how I handle those questions that will determine if I am indeed living life one moment at a time. I do my best each moment and today was very difficult seeing the sadness on my daughter’s face. I was able to wipe away the tears and garner a smile on her beautiful face. I do have a great deal of work ahead of me but in recovery I know it won’t be “work” as much as it will be an fantastic experience as the incredible journey progresses.