Returning "Home"

The trip to New Jersey has come and gone so quickly. Here I am once again sitting on airplane but this time the airplane is headed west back to California. The visit went well and now my wife is staying one more week and the children will be staying two more weeks. It was great to see everyone and there was an added bonus this time as my Dad was in New Jersey. This was the first time I had seen my Dad in nearly 5 years. Yes, 5 years which was “before” all the “stuff” had happened. We went to Florida (that is where my Dad lives with his very special wife) back in 2004 to visit my Dad for his 60th birthday and the summer of that same year my Dad came out to California to visit us. I hadn’t seen him since that time and oh yes a great deal has transpired between the last time we had seen one another.

My father was not exactly a big “fan” of mine over the past four plus years when all Hell broke loose and rightfully so. The quote that sticks out in my mind when was my father said to me, “I love you but I don’t like you very much,” when it all started over four years ago. Thankfully our relationship has gotten so much stronger through all of this and from that initial quote I got a very big hug a few days ago from my father as he said, “I love you.” I did tell him I loved him as well and oh yes, I am so fortunate how everything continues to work out for the very best.

I had no idea where all of this was going back four years ago all I could do is live one day at a time. Yes, I owe this all to the Gamblers Anonymous Program and my life is filled with incredible joys. These incredible joys are daily and this past weekend it was indeed wonderful seeing my father and giving him that big hug. It does appear I have come a very long way in a short period of time and I must be mindful because all of this is fleeting. If I lose focus or get complacent it can all come crashing down at any moment. I have no plans or intentions of losing focus or getting complacent which is why I love and embrace recovery one moment at a time. The past few days have been filled with wonderful moments and seeing my Dad along with everyone added to those special moments.

The Christening went well and it is truly amazing how quickly the children are growing up. My sister who resides in New Jersey has three children and all three of her children are older than my children. Her oldest just graduated from high school and is headed to college in a few months. My nephew who turned 16 a few months ago is a taller than me and such a great person. My sister’s youngest who is only 10 months older than my daughter is almost a foot taller than my precious daughter; time does wait for no one and keeps on moving on so rapidly. It was great seeing them and it was great seeing the nieces and nephew on my wife’s side of the family. They are a little younger than my children but they are going so rapidly as well. One niece has gone through so many ordeals that no person let alone a five year old should go through yet is still a very normal five year old. The new niece is so cute and the littlest nephew is a typical three year old.

I was able to visit with my 86 year old grandmother who has battled her share of health problems over the very recent years yet her mind is so sharp. Wow; I have been blessed with such a special family on both sides of the aisle. Thankfully I am now more aware of these blessings than I have ever been at any point in my life and yes, this is directly related to recovery.

I was able to get in two runs during the visit and these were very good runs outside in the greenery of New Jersey. Yes, believe it or not New Jersey does have greenery in spite of its reputation and with all the rain the area has had it was very green! It was so nice to just run and enjoy the area. I still prefer California for a many reasons but New Jersey really isn’t so bad! I know my wife will enjoy the remainder of her stay and our children are in great hands with their grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and all the rest of the wonderful people who provided so much love while they lived there for two years. Life is an amazing journey and this journey is truly tremendous.

Flying East Once Again

It really does seem like yesterday when I last sat on an airplane and typed. It has been almost one year since that very special day I made my way from Southern California to New Jersey in order to reunite with my wife and children. Yes, we have been all together for almost one year all living together enjoying each very special moment. Today we are making our way east for our annual trip to New Jersey. This time I didn’t need any special permission and it does feel wonderful. We are traveling to New Jersey to celebrate the birth of a new cousin/niece. My wife’s brother and his wife welcomed a beautiful baby daughter this past April and we will be celebrating her christening this weekend.

In the past trips to New Jersey did cause me consternation but ever since reuniting with my family last year I am welcoming this trip with open arms. I do need to provide a disclaimer since I am not staying very long only four days but this is due to work. I realize that life is not about work; however; there does need to be a balance and that balance seems to be a “work in progress”. I was hoping we would be able to take other vacations this summer while the children were off from school but this summer seems to be packed already.

My wife is staying in New Jersey for an extra week and the children are staying another week longer. They will return with my mother and hopefully my niece where my mother will stay another week. This puts us into the ladder part of July and then my brother-in-law’s family will be visiting us for one week. By the time all the trips and visits are completed the children will be back in school; wow summer does move so quickly!!! The children “only” have 8 weeks off for the summer since school starts in the early part of August. Their school year is 10 months long and there has been talk about shortening the school year due to the fact that California is going broke but no definitive word has been released.

In the meantime I am sitting here with my wife on my right and my children on my left. The children are GREAT travelers and the amazing thing is that the two of them are actually sitting next to one another. I can’t stress that enough because on the first leg my son sat next to me and my daughter sat next to my wife as we were across the aisle from one another. The option was given to my children on this flight and it was my daughter’s idea to sit next to her brother. I do think she had an ulterior motive but hey I will take what I can get and yes, they do like one another!!

The trip has been uneventful so far and this is always a good thing. The flight from San Diego to Houston went quickly and now we are headed from Houston to Philadelphia. We are flying into Philadelphia for cost reasons and it really isn’t that far from where my mother resides. In any event this isn’t our “normal” travels but really what does “normally” mean????

Earlier this week I had the opportunity to speak at the Monday Gamblers Anonymous meeting. This marked my third time as a speaker and each time the program’s principles are reiterated loud and clear. At this meeting there was a first time member and it was obvious this person wanted to be anywhere other than in the room. A friend had basically coerced this person to attend and I believe the friend got more out of the meeting than the other person. It certainly “takes what it takes” to fully surrender to the baffling hideous addiction of compulsive gambling. God knows I am a prime example of this foolishness. It did take handcuffs to finally drop me to my knees knowing that gambling took over my life and it was totally out of control. The signs were there for years yet I ignored them and the disease continued to grow.

The analogy to cancer has been made time and time again in the program and I do believe that compulsive gambling is a disease of the brain which manifests itself in many other areas. The only treatment for my disease is practicing the principles of the program which is to live life one moment at a time along with a embracing the GA Program into my life. Thankfully I walked into that room over four years ago and life continues to be incredible. There isn’t any shortage of great days and really each day is a great day.

The question of me putting on a “façade” was posed a few days ago and the only way I can answer this question is with my actions. Yes, I have been extremely fortunate how well everything is working out and I do believe that is a direct result of doing the right things. If I didn’t do the right things none of this would happen and life would be very different. This doesn’t mean that I still have a long way to go because I most certainly do have a long way to go. I still have a great deal of unfinished business which definitely relates directly to my recovery. I have amends to make both personally and financially and I have been postponing this for awhile. If I am going to “walk the walk” I need to do these things or else I can see myself repeating the mistakes of my past. I am far from “amazing” and for now all I can do is the right thing. These “right things” are completed moment by moment for a lifetime and as long as that is the case life will continue on its wonderful path.

The "Haircut"

The school year ended last week for both of my children. This marked the end of second grade for my son and the end of fifth grade for my daughter. It also marked the end of my daughter’s elementary school career as she is moving on to middle school. It really seems just like yesterday (if yesterday could be six years ago!) we were dropping her off for her first day of kindergarten in this elementary school. The elementary school is located two blocks from our house and it was only three blocks from our other house so it was very convenient.

The middle school is only one mile away; however; my daughter won’t be attending that middle school as we heard some very unsettling things. She will be attending a middle school about a 10 minute car ride away and amazingly many of her friends will be attending this middle school as well. I am sure she will continue doing well and her friend base will continue to expand. She was a bit sad to leave her school which she enjoyed very much. It was great to hear that her favorite teachers were here in California but the two years she spent attending school in New Jersey did serve her very well. My son was also sad to see the school year end but I believe his thoughts are more social than scholastic. His favorite subject is recess and does enjoy playing over reading books. My daughter was sort of the opposite and it is interesting how different yet similar these two children have become.

Next school year the children will be separated and the next time they will be together at the same school will be my daughter’s final year in high school as my son will be starting his first year in high school. My son and daughter are very close (despite my daughter’s opinion!) and it will be fascinating to see how this dynamic works out as they attend separate schools. My mother has always preached togetherness with my sisters and for the most part we are close (obviously not by location since the three of us are spread across the country) and hopefully this will carry over to my daughter and son. Life does continue to move fast and now the children are enjoying their summer vacation.

Work continues to go well and everyday there is something different. I learned a valuable lesson last week which was to never too comfortable. What I think and what others may think could be very different even though our relationship. People are protective of certain matters and I need to understand those boundaries. Thankfully everything did work out for the very best but I do know those boundaries very well now.

Gamblers Anonymous has been very good over the past several weeks. I don’t know what is happening to the Sunday Night meeting because over the past few weeks the attendance has been dismal; only the people with time in the program have been attending. The day after the conference there were only three of us in attendance and the other two were the people who organized the conference thus spending a great deal of time the day before but yet made it a point to get to the meeting. Last week there were only four of us in attendance and this week there were only two in attendance. There has been an “issue” with the location of the meeting and thankfully we have put the “principles” ahead of the “personalities” and the meeting will be relocated in July to a more “acceptable” location. I won’t go into to specifics but I can say I was very disappointed when I heard what transpired but fortunately everything has worked out for the very best.

Our little GA group had the first (hopefully of many more to follow) “Milestone” birthday meeting this past Friday night. This will become a monthly tradition as we celebrate anyone with a “milestone” in the program the second to last Friday of the each month. The meeting was great as we celebrated five birthdays starting from one year all the way to five years. I do know each celebrant and it is wonderful to be at these celebrations not only celebrating the people but really acknowledging the program for how well it continues to work.
Yesterday there was some controversy as I took it upon myself to have my son get a “summer” haircut in spite of my wife’s insistence to the contrary. A few months ago my son and I talked about having him shave his head for the summer to get a “no maintenance” hairdo. He was all for the idea and was looking forward to getting that haircut. I took him to the Barbershop and when I told the barber to give him a “number one” she took a deep breath asking me if I realized how short that really is. After a few seconds I nodded my head yes, and off went my son’s blonde locks. (If anyone has access to Facebook please check out the picture of my son to get a visual of what I am referring to.)

My son’s uncle (my brother-in-law) he keeps his hair this short and my son does have a striking resemblance to his uncle with basically no hair on his head. When the barber finished shaving she showed my son his new look and his response “O. M.G.” but he did smile going on to say, “Daddy you should have gotten a number two!” Oh yes, it does look like my son has no hair on his head and he gives a new meaning to the term “peach fuzz”. Hopefully the hair will come back sooner than later but for the time being he has a great no comb head!!

My wife was none too pleased that I had this done to my son and we had a very long talk last night. There was some screaming and crying but there was also some laughter. We worked through many things and the “haircut” was just the “tip of the iceberg”. There is no need to go into anything further but I do know there was a reason for all of this. Thank God for recovery and living life one moment at a time. This were some very tense moments yesterday but thankfully we were able to have a wonderful dinner with two awesome friends as a buffer between our discussions. Life is anything but boring and thankfully everything is great. By the way Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads out there!!

My Life is AWESOME!!!

Just a very quick post to report on the end of my son's baseball season. My son is only 8 years old and there are times where I do forget this fact. He does seem older and ever since he was born he seemed very advanced in the way he looked and carried himself. He is such a great kid and he does have some very good athletic talent which he certainly gets from my wife's family!! I maybe able to run marathons but when I was 8 years old I couldn't hit a baseball like my son hits a baseball!!

The season ended tonight with a loss but my son saved his best game for last. He smacked three hits, threw out a runner at second and scored a run to boot!! He played his little heart out and the cool thing was he took the loss in stride. I have a feeling (God willing) there are going to be many more great games in store for my son and this could be the start of something. He was invited to join the All Star team but just like my daughter our trip to New Jersey prevented him from committing to the All Star team. Once again he was unfazed by this and his attitude is just wonderful. He seems to have a very good balance between taking things in stride and being competitive.

I am so proud of him and tonight was one of those days that I embrace these blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I am so grateful and so fortunate to be able to be a part of these awesome days. I realize that my children are young for such a short period of time and I fully intend to do everything in my power to relish each and every moment. Tonight was one of those moments and really each day presents very special moments as I live life in recovery. I have been given a second chance and I thank God for this second chance along with thanking everyone in my life for standing by me; wow life is just AWESOME!!!

Best of Both Worlds!!

Yes, it does appear I am getting older!! It wasn’t too long ago that I could rely on my memory for just about everything; however; this past Friday that memory failed me. Our incredible group of Gamblers Anonymous was hosting its very first mini-conference on Saturday and I had the privilege and honor (along with a very dear friend) to help facilitate one of the workshops. We prepared a PowerPoint presentation with the very able assistance of my 11 year old daughter (without her this would not have been a very good slide show!) and were scheduled to go on first thing Saturday morning. I had secured a projector screen to display the PowerPoint presentation. However; as I mentioned earlier my memory failed me and I completely forgot to pick up the screen. Thankfully and very fortunately I have a great friend who was able to make some calls on my behalf and the screen was delivered (by this great friend) 15 minutes prior to the presentation. The lesson for me is that I need to write things down and as my daughter said, “Daddy, you need to make a list.” Yes, I do need to make a list and my memory is not as good as it once was!

Saturday morning started very early with me going to the gym. I continue to working out and it appears my next marathon will be in October as I again try to qualify for the Boston Marathon. In September there is a triathlon that I would like to enter and I do need to adjust my training accordingly. I did sign up for a half marathon in the middle of August and this is one I have run in the past. The half marathon is a good distance and unlike the marathon this distance does not debilitate my senses!! In any event I haven’t officially started training for anything but have gone back to the gym to maintain my fitness routine. I had a slow start in the morning as my memory failed me once again but I was able to collect what I needed for the day and make it out the door.

I had a good workout and headed over to the venue for the mini conference. As I pulled up at the very early hour of the morning I was extremely impressed with the cadre of volunteers already in attendance helping set up for the event. This is the majesty of the Gamblers Anonymous program because here were many people who had given up their Saturday to help in any way they could for the betterment of the Program. I had to smile as I walked in and witnessed all the good things that were happening before my very eyes. I am not an event planner in any way, shape or form. I have attended many conferences as a participant and visitor but this was something very different and very special. This was indeed very special and I am so happy to be a very small part of this exquisite undertaking.

Our presentation was on the “Twenty Questions” as produced in the Gamblers Anonymous Program Combo Book. My dear friend had down his rendition a few months ago in the Speaker’s Meeting and it went very well. We took this idea and had our own workshop. Everything went well and the presentation seemed to be very well received. We did run a little long but that didn’t matter one bit and it felt great to be speaking in the workshop. I do so enjoy speaking in front of people and ever since my first speech back in high school I have always felt more comfortable in front of the group than I have while inside the group.

I was very fun and I was again very fortunate to have all the “stars aligned” as I was able to make it to my son’s baseball game. There was a distinct possibility that I could miss his game but as fate would have it I made it to the field with plenty of time to spare. My son is near the end of the season and one more loss would mean the end of the season. My son’s team was playing a team that hadn’t beaten all year but finally broke through for an 8-2 victory. My son was hit in the hip in his very first at bat and he seemed like he could be hurt but shook it off and in his third at bat stroked a legitimate triple to right field. I do have to highlight the fact that it was a legitimate triple with no errors by the opposing team. He was so happy rounding the bases and gave me a fist pump as he made it to third base. This was so cool and he is improving every game.

The game ended and my son’s team lives to play another day (Monday). I made my way back to the mini conference and I need to note that there was nothing “mini” about this conference because it was major in every sense of the word. I was able to observe the closing ceremonies and once again I am so happy I made my way back to be a small part of this very special event. People came from far and wide to attend and our group should be very proud of this incredible accomplishment. I was able to see some members I haven’t seen in awhile and it was great to reconnect with them. Wow, wow, and more wow should be given to everyone who helped. We have two very special members of our group who are affectionately known as the “Godmother” and the “Godfather”. Without these two very special people know of what transpired on Saturday would have ever happened. I am blessed, grateful and in awe to know these great people. If there was any doubt about the Gamblers Anonymous Program all those doubts were erased with the outpouring of love at this conference, thank you so very much!!!

Yes, It has been Awhile!

Oh my I can't believe it has been over two weeks since my last post!! Yes, a great deal has happened and of course all that has happened has been all wonderful! The family is great, the job is going well and yes, I have run another marathon!! I didn't run fast enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon and it was my slowest marathon in the past year. This does make five marathons in one year and two marathons within a five week period. This is my obsessive compulsive behavior rearing its head once again but thankfully this is productive not destructive like it once was.

I didn't achieve my time goal in the marathon but I did enjoy the 26.2 miles and I had a very welcomed partner for almost the last 3 1/2 miles. A dear friend met me at mile 22 and did his very best to "inspire" me for those 3 1/2 miles. This is a very dear friend and it is amazing how life always seems to work out for the very best. This friend was made in the most unlikely set of circumstances and I have to believe this is a power greater than I at work in all of this. Wow; life is so cool and although I wasn't very good company at that stage of the marathon but that didn't deter my dear friend from coaxing me the entire time. My dear friend was not allowed to enter the finish area because only runners of the marathon were allowed to enter however; my wife and son were waiting for me at the finish line. My daughter had a better offer which is why she wasn't in attendance. She went camping with a friend and had a wonderful time.

Prior to the marathon my son had a baseball game and he performed like an All Star. He had two hits, drove in two runs, had a great catch and pitched a scoreless inning in his debut as a pitcher. He was all smiles as he came off the mound and it does appear we have two children who are fairly good athletes. (They obviously take after my wife's family!!!) It was such a cool game and it didn't matter that his team lost by one run because it was a very fun time. This did set the tone for the weekend and although we were minus one (my daughter) the weekend went great.

The past two weeks had a few baseball games, a Patriotic Play, a DARE graduation and great deal of fun!! Life is certainly wonderful and there are some good things brewing underneath everything. The person I helped "counseled" continues to communicate with me and by all accounts is doing very well. We are gearing up for a Gamblers Anonymous Mini-Conference this coming weekend and another dear friend and I will be giving our rendition of the "20 Questions" as it relates to the Gamblers Anonymous Program. Once again I apologize for the absence and will do my best to report "something" on a much more timely basis!!!