"True" Recovery

Here it is over four months since my last posting and if there was ever a doubt life does move so quickly!! In summary the last four months have been wonderful, another softball season was completed, my son made his First Holy Communion and unlike when my daughter made hers I was able to see my son make his. It was a great occasion and my incredible family and incredible wife's family made their ways out west to partake in the joyous occasion. Work has taken a turn for the absolute best, truth be told I wasn't exactly "happy" over the early part of this year; however; I continue to learn it is better to be content with what I have as opposed to be discontented with what I don't have. As faith would have it and yes, I am a very big believer in karma everything changed for the better over the past month. I cannot overstate the fact that I am beyond fortunate to even have a job let alone the type of job I have so yes, I am grateful for everything that is bestowed upon me, life is awesome.

That just about sums up the past four months and I realize if I had been writing every day or every other day over that same period I would have had forty or fifty pages not four or five sentences!!! In any event I have been thinking a great deal about "true" recovery over the past few weeks. I believe I am far from being in "true" recovery and I am uncertain if this is even attainable. I am not saying I am falling away from my recovery in fact I embrace recovery each and every day because recovery continues to save and enhance my life at every moment.

"True" recovery in my opinion is having balance in life. I encountered people in recovery every day and some embrace the concepts and others not so much. I do embrace those concepts but I do believe there can be too much of a good thing. For example, I love to run and if I were to run 20 miles every day I am feel better physically (I do think there will be problems with injuries in the long haul especially logging those long miles) but it would become another addiction. Can people become addicted to recovery, in my opinion yes, and I believe anyone (especially me!!) can become addicted to anything good or bad. If a person is addicted to recovery are they still recovering? This is tricky because of course I am recovering from my compulsive gambling addiction and it has been over 5 years since my last wager however; if there is something else that is taking over my life I am no longer in control of my life.

Another for instance is if I work too much is this another form of an addiction and the short answer is yes, and there is a term for it workaholic. I am not and never have prescribed to being a workaholic but I have to say I enjoy being at work and strangely enough in my 20 plus year working career my current position and my current employer is the most amount of fun I have ever had. Yes, there is stress and sometimes I wonder where the day went and what I actually did during the day but I look forward to going into the office. I have gotten off track regarding "true" recovery so to get back to my point (if there is one!!) I think "true" recovery is something to try for but can really never be attained especially for people like me who have addictive type personalities. I am running in the San Francisco Marathon later this month and this will be my 13 marathon and oh by the way I did finally qualify for the Boston Marathon which I will be running next April. I am addicted to running but I do my best to ensure it doesn't take over my life and it all goes back to that balance.

Most "normal" (not sure who that would be!!) people understand the concept of balance while us addicted people know what it means but really don't pay much attention to this concept. I try and sometimes I am successful and other times I am not so successful to have balance in my life but it isn't as simple as it seems. In summary (I have gone a long way with no apparent point, my apologies!!) I seek "true" recovery but understand life moves quickly and as long as I am being constructive as opposed to destructive life continues to improve each and every day!!

More than 3 Months, WOW!!

Oh my goodness I can't believe it has been more than three months since my last entry, my goodness how time flies when you (and I mean me!) are having fun!! I need to offer everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!!! Yes, the time continues to pass so quickly and each time I say to myself I am going to blog something invariably takes me away from doing this so today while I was messing around on the Internet I decided to stop by and write something. Normally I have an idea of what I would like to write but today I am just writing to write because it is therapeutic and I have missed this aspect of my therapy.

I continue to attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings although I have missed the past week due to the Valentines Day Holiday and Softball obligations. Yes, my wife and I had a very nice Valentines Day just the two of us seeing The Blindside and having a nice dinner. I highly recommend The Blindside and I thought Sandra Bullock was great and the story was very inspiring. I couldn't believe how recent this story was since the main character was drafted by the Baltimore Ravens last year. Someone wrote the book and got the movie produced within the last five years which seems rather quick to me but nevertheless it was a very good movie.

Life continues to move along and I am back to coaching my daughter's softball season for the Spring Season. Softball is taken very seriously around here but my philosophy is to ensure the girls have fun. I don't know how well our team will do during the season but I can say this a great group of girls and we are having fun. Our first game is March 1st and it is a whirlwind for the next two months before the season ends in May. My daughter will get much more playing time at pitcher since she is one of our two main pitchers and when she pitches well her smile is as bright as I have ever seen. On the flip side when she doesn't pitch well her frown is on the other side of the spectrum. There is an adage that girls have to FEEL well to play well where boys have to PLAY well to feel well. In my daughter's case she has to play and feel well to play and feel well if that makes any sense!! She is a very focused 12 year old and yes, she turned 12 this month and my son turned 9 this month as well. Yes, it does seem like we were just taking them home from the hospital in Las Vegas those February days but here we are looking at the teenage years starting next year, oh my!!

Work is moving along and it would be dishonest to say everything is great. Overall everything is great but there are some down days but the up/good days far exceed those down days. I am in a position that I would have never dreamed of when this odyssey of mine started nearly five years ago. Yes, I am fast approaching my fifth year anniversary/birth date and if all goes well next Sunday February 28th that would mark five years without having placed a wager of any type. I had a conversation with a friend of mine who asked if I had any urges to place a bet and I can say without hesitation that I haven't had an urge whatsoever. This means nothing because I know from firsthand experience I am and will always be a compulsive gambler. This brings me to an unfortunate event that happened to a person with nearly 40 years of abstinence in the GA Program. This particular member somehow went back out gambling which at first glance was mind boggling. However, the more I thought and talked about it with my sponsor who puts everything in perspective when he said, "Does anything a compulsive gambler surprise you??" Yes, that does put in perspective and I know no matter how long I have abstinent from gambling that path of destruction is always ready to take me. The key is to continue on the path of recovery and avoid the destructive path through the GA Program and really embracing the principles. I wish this person nothing but the best and I know this is a wake-up call for me.

I would be remiss not to mention Tiger Woods because I have written about him in the past. Make no mistake I am and I still am a very big Tiger fan. I have watched this very unfortunate saga unfold over the past three months and when I first heard I really wasn't surprised. Not that I ever expected any of what has come out with this story but I can empathize with Tiger and I know how destructive an addiction can be. I do hope Tiger is getting the help he needs and at some point he returns to what he does best which is to play golf. However; he has more pressing needs to attend to such as his family and his addiction. I realize many people find the "addiction" concept a convenient excuse but deep down we are all good people and life throws us so many curves. I am rooting for Tiger to get better and I think if he is serious about getting his life in order he won't return to golf for at least the next six months and probably shouldn't come back until he feels he is on the road to recovery.

Another item in the local news had another "scandal" at my previous employer. It is very strange and ironic how things tend to work out in this world. A very large indictment was handed down and I know or I should say I knew the two who have been indicted. I really do feel sorry for them and I know firsthand what they are facing and where they are. The place is a hell hole and I do hope everything works out for the best.

That did feel good to write and hopefully I can get here more often than every three months, thanks!!

Clearly on the "Other Side"!!

The theme for me these past few months has been the days passing by so quickly. There were a few occasions in the past two weeks where I wanted to sit down and write but I never made the time and that time just flew right by. I have heard so many people say “I never have the time to do fill in the blank….” I was never a big proponent of this and I am still not a proponent of this because to me it is a just another excuse. It is up to me to find the time and to make the time to do those things that keep me in recovery. In the past I let the time just go by now I am doing my very best to make the “best” of the time. As time goes I have now been out in the free world longer than I was in the not so free world. I served 19 ½ months and believe it or not it has been 20 ½ months on the “other side”.

There isn’t a comparison to which amount of time went faster but it really is hard to believe the five year mark is coming up very quickly. Now my life is filled with blessings and the days are whizzing by in a mere heartbeat. In terms of things whizzing by we completed the softball season this past Saturday as our team was eliminated from the end of the season tournament. Even though we didn’t do as well as I had hoped I had so much fun coaching my daughter and the team. There were some trying moments especially near the end of the season when our best player decided to forego our team for her All-Star team but in the end everyone seemed to have a great deal of fun. I do want to coach again in the spring and I got the “ok” from my daughter.

There is no doubt I am a very compulsive person as witnessed from my compulsive gambling days to my fanaticism of running and my insane diet. Another facet of my compulsive nature appeared as I became very compulsive with coaching the softball team. I was always looking out for new drills and constantly playing with the line-ups. Hopefully this is a good thing and I do believe it is a good thing because it did not take over my life. There were times where I spent many hours planning for the upcoming game and or practice but overall it was a wonderful experience. I was blessed with a great group of parents and made some new friends as well. Strangely enough these new friends have law enforcement backgrounds and it is so nice to have the past in the past as I was called “Coach” the entire season. Wow, what a difference a few years makes and what a difference a life in recovery makes!!

We had the team party last night at a very cool pizza/arcade. The great part about was seeing the girls interact with one another and it was only 2 ½ months ago that we started the season but there were some friendships formulated. Life is really about experiences and hopefully the girls along with the parents had a positive experience over the season. I know I had a very positive experience through and through. I really can’t wait for the spring season to start so I can plan, devise and strategize!!!!

Work had hit an “interesting” patch a few weeks ago but it that has past and work is going very well. This is yet another one of the many blessings in my life. It is so fascinating how a small decision nearly 5 years ago has altered my life for the better. As the “walls” were closing in on me I made a decision to attend a class and from that class started a friendship and from that friendship I am where I am today. I took a class to be a Counselor to Compulsive Gamblers and met my now boss. I did pass the class but I don’t have the necessary hours to be a counselor. However; once again everything in my life does work out for the very best.

It is hard to believe the holiday season is rapidly approaching with Thanksgiving only one week away. I have so much in my life to be thankful for and it starts with my family. My wife is incredible, my daughter and son are incredible and so is my life. The holidays are a very special time of the year but no matter the “special” day all my days are extra special.

Yesterday we had a parent/teacher conference with my son’s third grade teacher. This was a different type of conference that my wife and I had as compared with the conferences with our daughter’s teachers. Our daughter has spoiled us because she is a great student through and through and requires little to no attention. My son on the other hand requires much more attention and it appears he is at a crossroads in his scholastic career. The teacher stated “he is a good kid” which did mean a great deal; however he is struggling with reading. This isn’t a surprise and last year he received special attention but do to the budget cuts this year that special attention has gone away. I have confidence in my son because it is apparent he can do the work but he is so easily distracted.

The teacher was great explaining the process to us and she put it very succinctly that the current system is very hard on an active third grade boy. My son would rather play outside than do anything else in the world so getting him in front of a book has been a challenge. He could very well be on “fence” but I do believe he will move to the right side of the fence and straighten things out. He really is a sweet kid and it is up to us to provide the delicate balance he needs to move in that proper direction. I am sure there will be some bumps on the way but once again everything will indeed work out for the very best.

Disappointment Noted

It has been a wonderful two weeks since I last sat down to write a blog. My Mom came out for a visit and I was able to see my sister and her family along with a very pleasant surprise. Last week my Mom came in from New Jersey and we met her in Disneyland. My younger sister had a scheduled vacation with her family in Disneyland and since it is so close it was a natural to go and see them. It was supposed to be a surprise for our children because we didn’t let them know Grandma was coming but that surprise wasn’t as good as it could have been. There was another surprise that I was not in on. As we were waiting for Grandma to make her entrance into my younger sister’s hotel room in walked my older sister. This was a surprise to me and at first it took a few seconds to register. I was indeed surprised; however; I did ask her if my niece joined her since we were short players for our softball game the following day, yes, it is always about softball!! No, my niece didn’t join her but it was great to see my sisters all in the same room.

It doesn’t happen often that all of us are in the same state let alone the same room. I live in California, my younger sister lives in Colorado and my older sister lives in New Jersey so getting us all together is a major accomplishment. My Mom has stressed the importance of staying close and in spite of our geographical differences we are very close. It was tenuous with my older sister due to all of my “issues”; however; as time has passed my older sister and I get along very nicely. We had a very good conversation as I took my sister back to the airport for her return trip home. I can’t say enough about my younger sister who has been a steadfast supporter from the beginning and I owe her so very much for all the tremendous support.

Everyone had a great time at Disneyland and we did the usual attractions frequenting California Adventure mostly. My son even stepped up and went on Californian Screaming which he passed on during our last visit to Disneyland back in January. (By the way the last time we were in Disneyland my Mom joined us as well!) He still wanted no part of Tower of Terror but based on his progression I surmise he will be joining my daughter and me on this ride during our next visit.

Yes, it was a great trip to Disneyland and it is always great to have my Mom here for a visit. This is her third time this year and fourth time since we all returned to California. Her visit went so quickly and was filled with baseball and softball games. Upon our return we made our way to the respective “diamonds” with my daughter and son both having games during my mother’s visit. My daughter’s game last Saturday was very interesting because we only had 8 players due to injuries, prior commitments and family trips. The girls played hard and my daughter pitched as much as she has ever pitched in her short career. She ran out of gas in the last inning and we were on the short side of the ledger but we returned against the same team the following Monday and were on the winning side of the ledger. This was very cool to see the girls bounce back and no matter what happens during the year end tournament I have had a blast coaching this team.

My son has turned a corner and just like most of his season he is coming into his own. He had some very good hits and is certainly hitting the baseball better than he has all season long. My mom got to witness all the games and the whirlwind of our days. The days consist of going to work and getting the kids to and from their various games and yes, those days fly by and so did my mother’s visit. It was hard to believe I was taking her to the airport for her return trip home. We had a very nice lunch on the way to the airport and my mom is such a special person I am blessed to have her in my life.

I had a few “trying” days at work earlier this week and I had to call on all my recovery powers. I did manage to lose my “cool” during a discussion which is very unlike my demeanor. Normally I just listen and let the “tough” moments blow over but I felt I needed to say something. In retrospect I should have kept my mouth shut and just took it so I will chalk it up to a learning experience. I am very fortunate to be in the position I am and very grateful to the people I work for and with. I need to acquiesce to their wishes no matter how I feel because it is their business and I need to respect their wishes. I have to get down to business and make those people happy because this in turn will make me happy and truth be told I don’t have many (if any!) other options. I do enjoy what I am doing and I do enjoy everyone in the office so I do need to suck it up!!!!

I did have some unfortunate news this past week and it has to do with this insidious addiction of compulsive gambling. I “quasi” sponsor a person in the Gamblers Anonymous Program and this is a person I met several months ago. I received a very strange text and subsequently had a very strange conversation. I just didn’t understand the conversation but it became clear a few hours after the conversation. I received a text and the information in the text made what had happened abundantly clear. This person had gone back out gambling and as our little yellow combo states the results weren’t so good.

I cannot and will not work anyone’s recovery other than my own. I am here and I will listen along with hopefully offer some very sound suggestions but I cannot control another person’s thoughts and actions. I was a bit disappointed but this was a wake-up call to me. No matter how well I think I am doing I need to keep the Gamblers Anonymous Program in my life by attending meetings and keeping in touch with those in the program. If I don’t the results are disastrous and I have no intention of walking those paths every again. However; the only way for me to continue my recovery is to work the program to the best of my ability. I owe everything I have to the Gamblers Anonymous Program because I not only have my life back this is a much better life than it has ever been. Wow; life does work in mysterious ways and I am very fortunate in every aspect of my life.

Attitude Revisited

Another week in the books and wow these days are roaring by!!! I remember a time not so long ago when I wanted the days to be “fast forwarded” now I want the days to be put on “pause”!! Lately the “fast forward” has been fully enforced and this isn’t necessarily a good thing but compared to those days when I wanted this button to be pushed this is a great thing!

The week has been filled with the usual of work, softball and I was even able to attend a Gamblers Anonymous meeting during the week. I wasn’t able to attend last Sunday evening as we were stuck in the Verizon store getting my wife a new cell phone as a replacement to a broken cell phone. This took much longer than either of us anticipated but fortunately there weren’t any softball games (only practices) during the week I was able to attend a Wednesday evening meeting.

I was very impressed with the size of the meeting and it appears our group has adjusted to the new meeting times and venue. There was an internal issue with the Wednesday meeting but this was more aligned towards where we hold the meeting. The meetings are held at the place I work at and since our GA group has grown along with another meeting the meeting space has become a hot topic. Hopefully this will be all worked out in a few weeks as we accumulate more meeting space but in the meantime I was very happy to be the mediator.

The meeting was very good and the topic very appropriate to my week. The topic was “attitude” and I spent the past few days prior to this dealing with attitude. It all started at last week’s softball game where one of the players displayed less than stellar attitude. I had a few complaints and had to address the issue at our practice on Monday. I did have a discussion (albeit one sided!) with my daughter on having a “good” attitude as opposed to a bad attitude prior to the Monday’s team meeting. At the meeting I stressed the importance of maintaining a positive attitude over a negative attitude and I was quite impressed when the player in question pointed out her own flaws. I thought this to be a great sign and hopefully my words of “wisdom” (tongue firmly planted in cheek!) hit home to some of the players.

I know it is often a struggle with my own daughter who I have had a very difficult time with over the past few days. Yesterday I nearly ripped her head off as she wasn’t ready for the game and made a ridiculous respect. I know I am blessed with an incredible family and our children are really very good; however; there are times such as yesterday where I do wonder where I have gone wrong. I don’t like it at all when my daughter expects certain things and I am certain the finger comes right back to me because she has been given these things by wife and me over the past 11 years. Material items should not be the most important aspect in anyone’s life and it does drive me crazy when I hear this from my own daughter. I am a bit frightened as my daughter enters her teenage years but I have faith through all the bumps and bruises along the way everything will turn out great.

Softball keeps moving along and my coaching skills are being enhanced (I hope!!). We haven’t won a game in the past three games and the errors are killing us. We had a great week of practice and I thought this would translate into a great game. However; yesterday those errors were prevalent and we lost to what seemed like an inferior team. I too made some coaching errors as I tried a few things that didn’t work out so well. This is the fall and thankfully standings aren’t kept. There is a tournament at the end of the season to assess what the teams have learned and hopefully by that time we will have gotten all the bad stuff out of the way!! In the meantime it has been a great deal of fun coaching these young ladies and if my daughter allows me I will most likely coach again in the spring.

17 YEARS!!!!

Seventeen years ago yesterday I said “I do” to my incredible wife. Yes, it has been 17 years already; it does seem like a blink of an eye because I can remember that day just like it was yesterday, heck even better than yesterday!!! It was a beautiful Autumn New Jersey day sandwiched between two dreary Autumn New Jersey days. I woke up that day just like I woke up yesterday and headed to the gym. I was explaining our wedding day to our 11 year old and she asked, “Who works out on their wedding day?” Yes, her Dad worked out on his wedding day and my son chimed in with an answer to this question, “Daddy was looking good for his wedding!” Wow how did I get so blessed with such an incredible family???

Back to that day 17 years ago and I do need to put it all in the proper context of my compulsive gambling addiction. I was in the midst of my second bout of my compulsive gambling addiction and I wasn’t the “usual” compulsive gambler because I wasn’t going to ruin my wedding day by gambling. I knew enough (but certainly not enough!!) that I couldn’t mess up my wedding day and I thought I could just stop gambling. Oh yes, that worked for about three weeks but I went right back to my old behaviors. Thank God for Gamblers Anonymous because it has been 4 years 7 months and 14 days since my last bet and I know if I follow the guidelines of the program I will make it 4 years 7 months and 15 days. I didn’t know about this 17 years ago and hey maybe things would have been different but everything continues to work out the way it is supposed to work it which is wonderfully.

It has been quite a ride these past 17 years and I am so fortunate to continue to spend each day with my wife. She had every right to abandon ship when all hell broke loss over 4 years but here we are. We spent most of the day on the softball and baseball diamond. First was the softball game and our team didn’t fare too well. Additionally there seemed to be some dissension in the ranks of the players and I was feeling the full affects of being a head coach for 11 pre-teens that some seem to be battling much bigger issues than fielding a softball. I have a sneaking suspicion everything will work out for the best or at least the way it should it be but it will be an interesting ride for the next month. Then it was time for the baseball diamond and my son finally got his first hit this season. It was a grounder to third and he was so proud of himself. The rest of his game went well and the day was finally over.

The children were taken care at their friends’ houses last night while my wife and I went out for a very nice dinner. We made our way to a new restaurant for the special occasion. The food was great and so was the company. We had a great time and it was a wonderful way to spend our 17th wedding anniversary talking the night away. The night ended supremely as the children came home from their friends’ houses. As I laid down I had a shiver come across my body savoring every moment of the past 17 years and knowing how blessed a person I am. Wow; my life is certainly incredible!!!

Powerful Clip!!

The week was great!! We had two softball games; one didn’t go so well and one went very well. Work is moving along very well and so is life. The weather is outstanding and even though I am more inclined to warmer temperatures I do love the autumn air. Yes, even in Southern California there is a hint of fall in the air!! We really don’t experience the full effect of the four seasons but I do like these subtle changes as summer finally broke. I played golf yesterday in what I would consider the perfect temperature of 72 degrees; not too hot and not too cold. We have more days of the year like this than most places do and I am extremely fortunate.

I am extremely fortunate for every facet in my life which brings me to this posting; http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1259192799495 Not sure if you need to have an account with Facebook to access but if you don’t please try to view this message. It is a very powerful message on how addiction causes so much pain to not only the addict but to the loved ones. There is so much I can write about this passage but I will refrain for now only saying my heart goes out to this family and all families touched by addiction. SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) states that EVERY family in the United States is affected by addiction. That statistic cannot be understated and it would be naive to believe otherwise. I come from experience and now my family has been affected by MY addiction. I am not blaming myself I am just pointing out a fact and thank God I am now in recovery because my life is incredible all thanks to recovery.

Please view this clip and I would like to hear what everyone thinks, thanks!!!

Gravity Does Work!

It is never a good thing to hear a wife scream in virtual dismay while laying in a semi-deep sleep at 11:00 pm!! Yes, this is exactly what transpired yesterday evening. I had fallen asleep a few minutes earlier but was awaken by some very disconcerting noises from my wife. My wife was in the bathroom very near the toilet and a very small connecting piece broke off and water was gushing everywhere. As soon as I heard my wife I leaped out of bed and made my way into the bathroom. I did my best to turn the valve off to stop the water but the valve would not close. There was water gushing everywhere and after what seemed like and entirety I decided I needed to turn off the main water valve to the house. This valve is located in the garage (downstairs from the master bathroom). I scampered downstairs and as I entered the kitchen I noticed the water leaking from the ceiling. The kitchen is directly below the master bathroom and it only made sense that the water was leaking from the ceiling as gravity was doing its job!

After struggling with the main water valve I managed to get it closed and the gushing water stopped. However; the damage was already done as the water was cascading from one of the light fixtures in the kitchen and the air conditioning vent as well. I am not exactly sure how long the water was gushing for but my best guest estimate would be around 6 or 7 minutes which apparently is a great deal of water. Thankfully everyone acted quickly and towels were thrown down along with makeshift buckets to catch the water. This could have been much worse and I hesitate to think if this had happened when no one was home, yikes!!

Since we are renting the house I placed a phone call to the property manager whose wife wasn’t exactly to hear from me at such a late hour but thankfully the Property Manager was very responsiveness. It was much too late to get someone at the house so the best course of action was to wait until the morning especially since the water had been turned off. My wife who was borderline hysterical when she saw the water cascading from the ceiling into the kitchen had calmed herself down. I am not exactly the “comforting” type in these types of situations because my reaction to her was that this is very inconvenient but certainly not the end of the world and yes, it could have been much worse.

We mopped up all of the freestanding water and the makeshift buckets were doing their job so we decided to go to sleep. I did a better job of comforting my wife once we got into bed and we both smiled before falling asleep. This morning since the water was off and all of the “facilities” were off limits I needed to go to the gym earlier than planned. Also I couldn’t do my planned workout because the plumber was on his way and I wanted to get back to meet him. I got in a substandard workout and for some reason my stomach did not feel well at all. I managed to get in an hour workout and I like my new IPod (thanks Mom!). I still have to be aware of what caused the damage to my old IPod which was my excessive sweating during the workouts so I have employed a new tactic positioning the IPod on my arm instead of my waist. Who know if this will be effective but if it isn’t I need to think of something drastically different because I can’t keep going through an IPod every year.

I came home and after an hour the plumber did arrive and his assessment gave us comfort as he stated it wasn’t that bad. There was some damage to the ceiling in the kitchen and the good thing for us is the fact that the landlord shoulders the responsibility for these repairs. We are in the process of trying to buy the home and as fate would have it I made an official offer just yesterday. I wonder if this issue will hamper the process but I am very glad we don’t have to pay for the damages. In any event the ceiling needs to be re-done which should take about 2 days worth of work. Oh well; crazy things do happen and life is anything but boring!!!

Exceptional Everything

The beat continues on as the weeks keep passing in a blink of an eye. Wow life is certainly fantastic in every aspect. The days are filled with work and softball. If anyone is concerned yes, I am still working out but I am in between races. I decided not to run a marathon next month and I am considering if I will run the half marathon instead. My body needs a break and it appears my next marathon will be in either November or December. I was hoping to be able to run the New York City Marathon this year but I was not fortunate enough to gain an entry. I will try again next year and from all accounts it is “the” marathon to participate in. The crowds are huge and the atmosphere electric. I have cut back on the running for now but I am still going to the gym between 4 and 5 days a week.

Last week I received a voicemail message from a long lost friend and I was taken by surprise. This is a friend that I have not spoken to in over 4 years. I have yet to catch up with this old friend as we keep exchanging voicemails. This is nothing new because I have a very dear friend who I have been trying to get a hold of since earlier this month but we must have exchanged at least 15 voicemails along with a few emails. It is interesting because in this day and age communications are at our fingertips but for some reason the personal connection of actually speaking with the other person is the best (at least in my opinion). In any event I am certain I will be able to speak with both of these friends in the not so distant future.

Softball is moving along as we won and lost our last two games. My daughter pitched in the game we won but it was a very interesting game as we gave up a big lead but won in the last inning. The game last night was not very good as our best player was busy with another endeavor and our team seemed to be asleep for the game. We made a gallant comeback but lost in a horribly played game by both teams (more so by us!). It continues to be a pleasure to coach the team and even though we played terrible the girls seemed to have bonded as a team. After the game I gave my post game “speech” and the girls didn’t disperse like they normally do. I took this to be a good sign and I know everyone has a terrible game and hopefully this was our one and only terrible game.

I had the pleasure of attending a Yankees/Angels game yesterday as I spent the day with my two bosses watching the Major League Baseball game. I still have a soft spot for the Yankees and even though I am a Mets fan and have been one for many years I don’t dislike the Yankees. I believe most Mets fans do hate the Yankees but I am not one of them. I am a big fan of Derek Jeter and don’t know how anyone could dislike the man. He carries himself with class and is quite possibly the best postseason player of all time. Sure the Yankees have been buying there way to the pennant which really hasn’t worked very well since 2000 but I was rooting for them yesterday albeit very quietly. The Yankees did field there “C” team but won the game in a very non-eventful 3-2 fashion. It was a great way to spend a Wednesday afternoon.

Work keeps moving along and I have some help thankfully. I found I am not very good by myself and work much better as a “director” as opposed to the person who actually performs the work. I found a very good assistant and it is working out very well so far. Business has been good lately and hopefully we can gain some momentum as we head to the historically slow months of November and December. I am very fortunate to be in the position I am in and very grateful for everything in my life. My boss was correct when he said, “we are the best thing that has happened to you post-sentence”. There is no doubt about this statement at all.

The days and weeks are passing soon enough and these days and weeks are filled with all good things. Last week was the fourth milestone celebration of our Gamblers Anonymous group. This marked two four year birthdays. One of the members has been a stalwart in the program and I do remember this person when they first entered the program. The other member came from a nearby group which was floundering four years ago yet somehow continued in the program and now has celebrated four years with the program. My sponsor stated it very clearly when he said this proves the program does work for anyone in any circumstance when the program is embraced wholeheartedly. Once again I am very fortunate in all these aspects and my life is indeed exceptional.

1-2-3!!!!!

Astutely my mother has pointed out that I haven’t written anything in over two weeks. She is correct and in that time span instead of writing I have been very busy with all the good things in life. Work is moving along (more on that later), softball is taking a life of its own and overall everything is outstanding. I am really enjoying coaching my daughter’s softball team and I had no idea what I was getting myself into! The fall season is “supposed” to be instructional and non-competitive and for the most part this is how I am approaching the season. I have received a few “mixed” signals along the way but I am trying my best to filter out those mixed signals. The practices are going very well and I am very fortunate to have a great deal of help from many parents. This is a huge help because there is no way I could do all of this by myself. I schedule out the practices and the girls are improving with every practice.

This past Saturday we had our first game and I was very impressed as to how well each team played. We came out on the short end of the score but it wasn’t for lack of effort. We had one bad inning and really didn’t hit the ball when we needed to. However; all in all losing 4-1 wasn’t so bad. I even got my daughter into the game as a pitcher and I was more nervous about this than anything else. This is a very big transition year for her playing with and against girls one year older and much bigger. She is such a great competitor and the last thing I wanted to do was demoralize her. Thankfully the opposite happened as she recorded a 1-2-3 inning as the opposing team went down without a fight. The timing could not have been any better since she was facing the bottom three players in their batting order; however; even though my daughter did receive some help from one of the players she pitched great and as she came off the field she was beaming from ear to ear. Last season it took her all year to produce a 1-2-3 inning and here she was in her first game with the 1-2-3 inning, I was so happy!!

Yesterday we played our second game of the season and unlike the first game our bats were alive and well. We didn’t have any bad innings and made quick work winning 8-2. My daughter didn’t get a chance to pitch (I am picking my spots with her this season) but she did collect her first hit and first run scored of the season. She hit a very solid single to right field and made her way to home plate all the way from first base. It was great telling her to go home as the throw from third went into left field and she scampered home. I am so blessed experiencing all these wonderful things in life, wow!!

I can’t forget my son and it does feel weird not being at his games as much I have in the past. The roles have reversed and I am more involved with my daughter but I did see a little of his first two games. He too is facing a transition year in baseball as he moves up to play with 9 and 10 year olds. The rules are certainly more like “real” baseball with wild pitches, stolen bases and ball fours. My son is still searching for his first hit having walked three times and struck out twice in the first two games. He just needs some confidence and he is a very slow starter. He was playing great at the end of last season and I do expect he will find his own as the season continues.

Work is moving along very well and of course there are ups and downs. My ups far exceed my downs but there is something that has come up over the past week that is just one of those things. No matter how far I am from my past my past is still MY PAST. I know I can’t change any of what has happened and yes, I am doing my damndest to ensure that it NEVER happens again. However; perceptions are perceptions and I can’t shake or shape those perceptions. Fortunately I have great bosses who understand and really don’t care about those perceptions. I wouldn’t be truthful if I said I didn’t care about those perceptions either because there is a small part of me that wants to smack myself in the head for those perceptions. It is one of those “it is what it is,” things. I have to deal with it as best as I can and know I am on the right path to a wonderful life because my life is wonderful beyond my wildest dreams. I have an exceptional wife, awesome children, incredible family and fantastic friends. I need to move forward in positive and thoughtful matter.

I did miss a Gamblers Anonymous meeting over the Labor Day weekend because we were having a picnic with some dear friends. The picnic went well and it was great to reconnect with these dear friends. Normally I would be able to attend a GA meeting during the week but due to softball practices I wasn’t able to get to a meeting until the following Sunday. I needed that meeting this past Sunday because it is that connection to GA that keeps me on the right road of recovery. Also I haven’t been so good in keeping in touch with my sponsor which I need to make a much better effort in the coming weeks. Life is great and there are those ups and downs that go with life. I have all positive in my life and I owe all of this to recovery. I realize that with recovery life for me does not exist and I need to stay focused each and every day!!

Happenings....

Oh yes, it has been awhile (once again!!). Let's see since the last time I posted I ran a half marathon, turned 44 and was named Head Coach for my daughter's softball team!!! That is only the highlights of the past few weeks because everything in between was as usual; wonderful!! I did have an interesting happenstance at work and I called on those things I cannot control as it was "strange" moment. That moment passed and yes, everything worked out great and continues to work out great; I even have an assistant which is a good thing. I am really good with people and there are some things that I am not really good with such as organizing. My offices always tend to be a mess and even in recovery I can't seem to shake my old habits of having a very messy office. Thankfully I found someone who is organized and will whip me into to shape, yay!!

I ran the America's Finest City Half Marathon for the second time. The first time was five years ago and although it was my best run since I was suffering from a horrible case of shin splints. My time was only 11 seconds slower than it was five years ago but those last two miles were very much the last two miles of a marathon. I have taken some time off from running only cycling because my legs need a break from the pounding and I was advised that it would be best for my shin splints. I was thinking about running the Long Beach Marathon in October but now that I have "softball obligations" I think it would be best to run the half marathon instead of the full marathon.

Yes, I have "softball obligations" as I have volunteered my services to coach my daughter's team. I have been promising her for the past year and this season I got the call that the league needed one more head coach. I was the "warm body" and this past week I have been immersed into all things softball. I am very excited and I met the entire team for the first time last night. I have a nice mix of girls and it should be a very good Fall season.

Earlier this week I did turn 44 and it was a very low key event which is the way I like it. We just went out to dinner as a family and that was all I needed. I had a great talk with my Dad prior to my birthday and we have come a very long way in the past four years which is very cool!! Life is indeed wonderful and I wouldn't be truthful if I said it was all wonderful. There are some down times but the "up" times far exceed those down times and I am eternally grateful for everything and everyone in my life!!!

Full Days and Weeks

Yes, it has been two weeks since my last posting and I was really hoping to post on a weekly basis; however; the days and weeks have been very full. All of this is positive and my goodness the time is moving so quickly. Over the past two weeks we had visitors and I made a visit to of all places Las Vegas. Our visitors were in the form of family members and hopefully everyone had a great time. I have even played some golf in the past few weeks to fill in some of those days. The visitors made great use of their time visiting some of the hot spots in Southern California such as the San Diego Zoo, Legoland and the beach along with visiting some local wineries.

Yes, I did make my way to Las Vegas last week for a work event and had a very good time bonding with my two bosses. I had no urges to gamble and really entering those resort casinos still makes me very angry. I know at some point I need to "let it go" but as of now I am not ready to "let it go". I lived in Las Vegas for over 7 years, my children were born in Las Vegas and I was building a very good career in the casino industry until my transgressions caused by my compulsive gambling addiction took that all away. This is why I still get angry when I visit Las Vegas because I really understand that business and did have a "good thing" going. I do realize that everything does work out for the very best and I am at a place where I should be.

I was in town for three days and three nights. The first night I spent at a very dear friend's house and we played golf the next morning at a great course. I hadn't played that particular course in nearly five years and I was very impressed. I do like the town of Las Vegas and it does have a soft spot in my heart knowing that is the birthplace of my children. I passed the hospital where they were both born and I had to smile. Those seven plus years weren't so bad and it has led me to where I am right now. I couldn't see raising our children in Las Vegas and thankfully we are in one of the most family friendly places in all of Southern California. Sure California has its problems but really I am so blessed for everything in my life.

The past week I had a surprise visitor in my sponsor coming in from Colorado. I hadn't seen my sponsor since last year and we met prior to the Saturday morning Gamblers Anonymous meeting. My sponsor is a great person who has overcome some tremendous adversity and is a huge influence in my life. We had a wonderful time together and it was great having him in a meeting for the first time in a very long time. I continue to learn so much for this incredible person and I know everything will work out for the very best in his life.

It was a great weekend with my sponsor visiting and the following day my family attended the Mets/Padres game in San Diego. It was almost five years to the day that my son and daughter had attended their very first Major League Baseball game and yes, it was also the Mets/Padres. My son and I are Mets fans and surprisingly so is my daughter. The Mets are having such a tough season with all the injuries they have faced. They were victorious yesterday and lately those victories have been few and far between. It was great being at the game with my family and this time unlike the last time (yes, five years ago) my son stayed awake for the entire game!! He did fall asleep at that first game as a three year old but this time everyone was having a great time.

Life does move so quickly and those full days and weeks are whizzing by but I am so blessed being able to enjoy each and every moment. Yes, I had a great time in Las Vegas and it didn't involve gambling whatsoever. I was able to bond with my bosses and I am so fortunate to be in the position I am in. Wow; life is wonderful!!!!!

Swiftness of Life

The summer is almost over for the children. We have another set of visitors coming in tomorrow and after they depart my children will have only one more week before school commences. My children’s school is a 10 month program leaving them only 8 weeks off for the summer and yes, this summer has gone quickly. It started with a trip to New Jersey and a return with Grandma and their cousin topped off with a visit from an Aunt, Uncle and two more cousins.

Wow time does fly when you are having fun. I can safely say time moves ahead no matter the circumstances which are why it is best to enjoy each and every day. I had a teacher in high school explain the movement of time by using fractions and it has stuck with me ever since. One year in a one year old life marks 100% of their life where one year in life of a 50 year old marks 1/50th of their life which is a huge difference and which is why time does move by so quickly.

Yes, two weeks have come and gone since I last wrote this blog and interestingly enough there has been some Google searches in the past few days which have landed some people here looking for assistance with compulsive gambling. My only advice to someone seeking help for their addiction or a loved one’s addiction to compulsive gambling is to go to the Gamblers Anonymous website www.gamblersanonymous.org. Hopefully there will be a meeting nearby and hopefully they will attend and take hold of the miracles inside of the program.

Life does move swiftly and lately I have been unable to attend the Sunday evening meeting but thankfully I have been able to attend a few meetings during the week. Last week I attended the Wednesday Topic meeting and the Friday Milestone meeting. Both meetings were very good and the Milestone meeting had two celebrants one with 3 years and the other with 2 years in the program. It is a remarkable program with remarkable results and these 2 celebrants were very well received.

My mom and niece returned back to New Jersey last week and we all had a great time during their visit. We had a great dinner party with four of my “new” friends but really these are all old friends. I am so blessed in every aspect of my life and the sharing the evening with my family and friends was great. The journey of life does have twists and turns along the way but all these “twists” and “turns” have been incredible and have brought these blessings into my life. I am so fortunate to have so many loving, caring and giving people in my life and although we couldn’t invite all these friends the other night I thank each and every one of them for entering my life.

Yesterday I was able to play golf with an “old” friend and we had a great time. This is a friend who has been there “before” and now “after”. We don’t see each other as often as we did in the past but we make each time that we see each other count. We shared a round of golf on a hot day in Southern California but the heat didn’t matter as the conversations flowed steadily throughout the afternoon. There is an “issue” that needs to be resolved and we both took a very big step in tackling this issue and I do know everything will work out for the very best because it always does.

Work is moving along very well and I am taking my first business trip in a very long time. We are headed to yes, Las Vegas which isn’t the ideal place for a compulsive gambler but gambling is not exactly on my mind. I wasn’t the casino gamer but I did gamble in casinos periodically. I have zero desire and I am looking forward to the “business” aspect of the trip. I am travelling with my two bosses who are great and they know my background intimately. If there was any doubt I wouldn’t have been invited and I look forward to hanging out with them for a few days. Wow, what a difference a few years makes and yes, my life is incredible!!!

Another Milestone of Sorts

It has been a very nice week without the children. My wife got back from New Jersey this past Tuesday evening and it has been just the two of us this week. The children are being well taken care of in New Jersey by Grandma and company this week and will be back next week. They come back with Grandma and their cousin which starts off our visitors this month. Grandma stays for a week and the following week my brother-in-law and his family will arrive for a one week visit. This week could be considered the “calm before the storm” and in any event it has been a nice respite with just my wife. We have had a great weekend going out to dinner and seeing a very funny movie (The Hangover). Today my wife was kind enough to allow me to play golf with my friends who were visiting from Las Vegas and it is always good to see them.

Wow; what a difference three years makes; yes, it was three years ago today I was sentenced and to say that wasn’t such a good day would be a bit of an understatement. However; that was the beginning of the end and the start of a wonderful beginning. I had been dreading that day three years ago but when it happened I was certainly relieved because all the waiting and not knowing had come to an end. I could concentrate on my sentence which was in judicial terms four years which meant I would serve two years and if I made it to fire camp that sentenced would be reduced. I was fortunate enough to make to fire camp and I ended up serving 19 ½ months of those 24 months which was certainly blessing.

I have now been out a little over 16 months and my life is incredible. I have been bestowed with incredible blessings and I never have a right to complain about anything. I certainly chose not to complain about anything because my life is turning out the way it was intended. I did deviate from this wonderful life but thanks to recovery I am right back on track and this track is even more beautiful than it has ever been in my life. I was rejoined by my family just about one year ago and I have been fortunate enough to land a fantastic job in this dreadful economy. Yes, wow I am a very fortunate person in every way possible.

Life is moving along as well as possible and it would be a disservice not to mention more about recovery. I have a job that is all about recovery and although my position is not exactly recovery related I do understand recovery fairly well. This all stems from the Gamblers Anonymous Program and yesterday morning I spoke with a member who is new to the program and was struggling. We talked for awhile and I mentioned a few things and I was happy to hear, “You’re right” a few times during our conversation.

I don’t believe this was just lip service and I do hope this person did the things we spoke about. The furthest thing on my mind is placing a bet but this was one of the first things on this person’s mind. I utilized the tools in the program and reminded this person to “play the tape all the way through”. This is so important because I know there isn’t anything good that happens when I gamble. I had such a twisted mindset when I was gambling I often wonder how I functioned all those years. Yes, hopefully this member does play the tape all the way through and continues doing the things that has made them successful.

I needed this telephone call because I do need to be reminded where compulsive gambling can take me. There is no guarantee in life and the only thing I can do is stay mindful of doing the right things. This may seem over simplistic but keeping it simple does help me tremendously. I do the right things and the right things happen. I do the wrong things and the wrong things happen. Yes, that is a very simple choice and I cannot forget where I was three years ago to this very day. That was a journey and this journey continues in a much better manner.

What 27 Years Already???

I am “baching” it this week as the family continues their visit in New Jersey. In the years past I would like forward to these times of me being a “bachelor” but not anymore. I miss them and life is fairly uneventful without the family. Yes, I was without my family for nearly 2 years and 19 ½ months of those 2 years I was in place no one should ever experience but thankfully those days are long gone. It has been uneventful these past few days and really I could only work so long during the day and I can only exercise so much during the weekend. I look forward to the return of my wife this week as the children stay for one more week visiting the family. I am so fortunate to have such a great family on both sides of the aisle. There is so much family back in New Jersey that I know the children are in good hands and will continue their great visit.

I haven’t been doing much with myself over the past few days other than the aforementioned work, exercise and yesterday I reintroduced myself to my golf clubs. I hadn’t swung a golf club in nearly six months and it was good to get out on the golf course. There really isn’t much time for golf nowadays with the children’s activities on the weekend and work during the week. It seems like I always “found” time in the past to get out and play golf but that time is so much more precious today and I would much rather be at a baseball or softball game on the weekends as opposed to chasing a little white ball around! I did have fun chasing the little white ball yesterday and even though I couldn’t hit a lick on the driving range my swing seemed to return and it was a very fun round.

I didn’t ask anyone to play so I went out by myself and played the first 7 holes by myself. I was really enjoying that period of time and swinging the club very well. I did pair up with a very nice gentleman for a few holes and my game seemed to suffer during those holes. I don’t know what it was but I seemed to play much better by myself and it seems if I am going to play a good round of golf no one should be around!! That wouldn’t be much fun and I do enjoy the company of my friends while playing golf but yesterday no one was available so I made do and it was alright.

Work is moving along and I have several projects I need to complete in the coming days. I need to motivate myself much better and realize I am much better at managing people than I am at doing the actual work. That is probably a bad thing but it is the truth. I do manage only one person in the office and this is a pleasure. I have always found it better to treat people like adults and let them make their own decisions. This has worked out great over the years and it seems to be working out very well now. I am not a micro-manager but I am always there to answer any questions and offer advice. I can remember a few episodes in my “previous life” where I would just shake my head as to how other managers treated their subordinates. Fortunately in my current environment I don’t have to shake my head anymore.

I had a horrible run yesterday morning and for the first time in a very long time I just wanted to stop running before I was finished. I fought through the last few miles and did stop after 12 miles. I initially wanted to do 16 miles but I was winded and had enough at mile 12 calling it a day. I did try to cycle for another 30 minutes but I listened to my body at the 12th minute as I headed for the shower. It was interesting how I felt so bad at a pace I have done and exceeded many times prior. It was one of those and yes, those days do happen but thankfully they are few and far between.

Yesterday the Fourth of July marked the 27th anniversary of the first time I met my wife. Yes, it was 27 years ago we went out on our first date and I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I was at a picnic with my Dad and a very good friend of mine (at that time). We returned early and I was talked into going on a double date that night and now 27 years later along with a great deal of memories and two extraordinary children life is wonderful. It is funny how a seemingly insignificant event turned into a momentous event. This is exactly why all moments should be experienced with open arms because who knows what may transpire from that one moment. I wouldn’t have predicted that going on that double date would lead to a life with such an extraordinary person in my wife. I just thought “why not?” and look what happened. There were so many “what ifs” 27 years ago and this crazy plan by a Higher Power is magical; thankfully because of recovery I am able to really embrace the wonderment of life. Wow; 27 years; where has the time gone and guess what it is not about to slow down! I love you sweetie and thank you for everything!!!!

Returning "Home"

The trip to New Jersey has come and gone so quickly. Here I am once again sitting on airplane but this time the airplane is headed west back to California. The visit went well and now my wife is staying one more week and the children will be staying two more weeks. It was great to see everyone and there was an added bonus this time as my Dad was in New Jersey. This was the first time I had seen my Dad in nearly 5 years. Yes, 5 years which was “before” all the “stuff” had happened. We went to Florida (that is where my Dad lives with his very special wife) back in 2004 to visit my Dad for his 60th birthday and the summer of that same year my Dad came out to California to visit us. I hadn’t seen him since that time and oh yes a great deal has transpired between the last time we had seen one another.

My father was not exactly a big “fan” of mine over the past four plus years when all Hell broke loose and rightfully so. The quote that sticks out in my mind when was my father said to me, “I love you but I don’t like you very much,” when it all started over four years ago. Thankfully our relationship has gotten so much stronger through all of this and from that initial quote I got a very big hug a few days ago from my father as he said, “I love you.” I did tell him I loved him as well and oh yes, I am so fortunate how everything continues to work out for the very best.

I had no idea where all of this was going back four years ago all I could do is live one day at a time. Yes, I owe this all to the Gamblers Anonymous Program and my life is filled with incredible joys. These incredible joys are daily and this past weekend it was indeed wonderful seeing my father and giving him that big hug. It does appear I have come a very long way in a short period of time and I must be mindful because all of this is fleeting. If I lose focus or get complacent it can all come crashing down at any moment. I have no plans or intentions of losing focus or getting complacent which is why I love and embrace recovery one moment at a time. The past few days have been filled with wonderful moments and seeing my Dad along with everyone added to those special moments.

The Christening went well and it is truly amazing how quickly the children are growing up. My sister who resides in New Jersey has three children and all three of her children are older than my children. Her oldest just graduated from high school and is headed to college in a few months. My nephew who turned 16 a few months ago is a taller than me and such a great person. My sister’s youngest who is only 10 months older than my daughter is almost a foot taller than my precious daughter; time does wait for no one and keeps on moving on so rapidly. It was great seeing them and it was great seeing the nieces and nephew on my wife’s side of the family. They are a little younger than my children but they are going so rapidly as well. One niece has gone through so many ordeals that no person let alone a five year old should go through yet is still a very normal five year old. The new niece is so cute and the littlest nephew is a typical three year old.

I was able to visit with my 86 year old grandmother who has battled her share of health problems over the very recent years yet her mind is so sharp. Wow; I have been blessed with such a special family on both sides of the aisle. Thankfully I am now more aware of these blessings than I have ever been at any point in my life and yes, this is directly related to recovery.

I was able to get in two runs during the visit and these were very good runs outside in the greenery of New Jersey. Yes, believe it or not New Jersey does have greenery in spite of its reputation and with all the rain the area has had it was very green! It was so nice to just run and enjoy the area. I still prefer California for a many reasons but New Jersey really isn’t so bad! I know my wife will enjoy the remainder of her stay and our children are in great hands with their grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and all the rest of the wonderful people who provided so much love while they lived there for two years. Life is an amazing journey and this journey is truly tremendous.

Flying East Once Again

It really does seem like yesterday when I last sat on an airplane and typed. It has been almost one year since that very special day I made my way from Southern California to New Jersey in order to reunite with my wife and children. Yes, we have been all together for almost one year all living together enjoying each very special moment. Today we are making our way east for our annual trip to New Jersey. This time I didn’t need any special permission and it does feel wonderful. We are traveling to New Jersey to celebrate the birth of a new cousin/niece. My wife’s brother and his wife welcomed a beautiful baby daughter this past April and we will be celebrating her christening this weekend.

In the past trips to New Jersey did cause me consternation but ever since reuniting with my family last year I am welcoming this trip with open arms. I do need to provide a disclaimer since I am not staying very long only four days but this is due to work. I realize that life is not about work; however; there does need to be a balance and that balance seems to be a “work in progress”. I was hoping we would be able to take other vacations this summer while the children were off from school but this summer seems to be packed already.

My wife is staying in New Jersey for an extra week and the children are staying another week longer. They will return with my mother and hopefully my niece where my mother will stay another week. This puts us into the ladder part of July and then my brother-in-law’s family will be visiting us for one week. By the time all the trips and visits are completed the children will be back in school; wow summer does move so quickly!!! The children “only” have 8 weeks off for the summer since school starts in the early part of August. Their school year is 10 months long and there has been talk about shortening the school year due to the fact that California is going broke but no definitive word has been released.

In the meantime I am sitting here with my wife on my right and my children on my left. The children are GREAT travelers and the amazing thing is that the two of them are actually sitting next to one another. I can’t stress that enough because on the first leg my son sat next to me and my daughter sat next to my wife as we were across the aisle from one another. The option was given to my children on this flight and it was my daughter’s idea to sit next to her brother. I do think she had an ulterior motive but hey I will take what I can get and yes, they do like one another!!

The trip has been uneventful so far and this is always a good thing. The flight from San Diego to Houston went quickly and now we are headed from Houston to Philadelphia. We are flying into Philadelphia for cost reasons and it really isn’t that far from where my mother resides. In any event this isn’t our “normal” travels but really what does “normally” mean????

Earlier this week I had the opportunity to speak at the Monday Gamblers Anonymous meeting. This marked my third time as a speaker and each time the program’s principles are reiterated loud and clear. At this meeting there was a first time member and it was obvious this person wanted to be anywhere other than in the room. A friend had basically coerced this person to attend and I believe the friend got more out of the meeting than the other person. It certainly “takes what it takes” to fully surrender to the baffling hideous addiction of compulsive gambling. God knows I am a prime example of this foolishness. It did take handcuffs to finally drop me to my knees knowing that gambling took over my life and it was totally out of control. The signs were there for years yet I ignored them and the disease continued to grow.

The analogy to cancer has been made time and time again in the program and I do believe that compulsive gambling is a disease of the brain which manifests itself in many other areas. The only treatment for my disease is practicing the principles of the program which is to live life one moment at a time along with a embracing the GA Program into my life. Thankfully I walked into that room over four years ago and life continues to be incredible. There isn’t any shortage of great days and really each day is a great day.

The question of me putting on a “façade” was posed a few days ago and the only way I can answer this question is with my actions. Yes, I have been extremely fortunate how well everything is working out and I do believe that is a direct result of doing the right things. If I didn’t do the right things none of this would happen and life would be very different. This doesn’t mean that I still have a long way to go because I most certainly do have a long way to go. I still have a great deal of unfinished business which definitely relates directly to my recovery. I have amends to make both personally and financially and I have been postponing this for awhile. If I am going to “walk the walk” I need to do these things or else I can see myself repeating the mistakes of my past. I am far from “amazing” and for now all I can do is the right thing. These “right things” are completed moment by moment for a lifetime and as long as that is the case life will continue on its wonderful path.

The "Haircut"

The school year ended last week for both of my children. This marked the end of second grade for my son and the end of fifth grade for my daughter. It also marked the end of my daughter’s elementary school career as she is moving on to middle school. It really seems just like yesterday (if yesterday could be six years ago!) we were dropping her off for her first day of kindergarten in this elementary school. The elementary school is located two blocks from our house and it was only three blocks from our other house so it was very convenient.

The middle school is only one mile away; however; my daughter won’t be attending that middle school as we heard some very unsettling things. She will be attending a middle school about a 10 minute car ride away and amazingly many of her friends will be attending this middle school as well. I am sure she will continue doing well and her friend base will continue to expand. She was a bit sad to leave her school which she enjoyed very much. It was great to hear that her favorite teachers were here in California but the two years she spent attending school in New Jersey did serve her very well. My son was also sad to see the school year end but I believe his thoughts are more social than scholastic. His favorite subject is recess and does enjoy playing over reading books. My daughter was sort of the opposite and it is interesting how different yet similar these two children have become.

Next school year the children will be separated and the next time they will be together at the same school will be my daughter’s final year in high school as my son will be starting his first year in high school. My son and daughter are very close (despite my daughter’s opinion!) and it will be fascinating to see how this dynamic works out as they attend separate schools. My mother has always preached togetherness with my sisters and for the most part we are close (obviously not by location since the three of us are spread across the country) and hopefully this will carry over to my daughter and son. Life does continue to move fast and now the children are enjoying their summer vacation.

Work continues to go well and everyday there is something different. I learned a valuable lesson last week which was to never too comfortable. What I think and what others may think could be very different even though our relationship. People are protective of certain matters and I need to understand those boundaries. Thankfully everything did work out for the very best but I do know those boundaries very well now.

Gamblers Anonymous has been very good over the past several weeks. I don’t know what is happening to the Sunday Night meeting because over the past few weeks the attendance has been dismal; only the people with time in the program have been attending. The day after the conference there were only three of us in attendance and the other two were the people who organized the conference thus spending a great deal of time the day before but yet made it a point to get to the meeting. Last week there were only four of us in attendance and this week there were only two in attendance. There has been an “issue” with the location of the meeting and thankfully we have put the “principles” ahead of the “personalities” and the meeting will be relocated in July to a more “acceptable” location. I won’t go into to specifics but I can say I was very disappointed when I heard what transpired but fortunately everything has worked out for the very best.

Our little GA group had the first (hopefully of many more to follow) “Milestone” birthday meeting this past Friday night. This will become a monthly tradition as we celebrate anyone with a “milestone” in the program the second to last Friday of the each month. The meeting was great as we celebrated five birthdays starting from one year all the way to five years. I do know each celebrant and it is wonderful to be at these celebrations not only celebrating the people but really acknowledging the program for how well it continues to work.
Yesterday there was some controversy as I took it upon myself to have my son get a “summer” haircut in spite of my wife’s insistence to the contrary. A few months ago my son and I talked about having him shave his head for the summer to get a “no maintenance” hairdo. He was all for the idea and was looking forward to getting that haircut. I took him to the Barbershop and when I told the barber to give him a “number one” she took a deep breath asking me if I realized how short that really is. After a few seconds I nodded my head yes, and off went my son’s blonde locks. (If anyone has access to Facebook please check out the picture of my son to get a visual of what I am referring to.)

My son’s uncle (my brother-in-law) he keeps his hair this short and my son does have a striking resemblance to his uncle with basically no hair on his head. When the barber finished shaving she showed my son his new look and his response “O. M.G.” but he did smile going on to say, “Daddy you should have gotten a number two!” Oh yes, it does look like my son has no hair on his head and he gives a new meaning to the term “peach fuzz”. Hopefully the hair will come back sooner than later but for the time being he has a great no comb head!!

My wife was none too pleased that I had this done to my son and we had a very long talk last night. There was some screaming and crying but there was also some laughter. We worked through many things and the “haircut” was just the “tip of the iceberg”. There is no need to go into anything further but I do know there was a reason for all of this. Thank God for recovery and living life one moment at a time. This were some very tense moments yesterday but thankfully we were able to have a wonderful dinner with two awesome friends as a buffer between our discussions. Life is anything but boring and thankfully everything is great. By the way Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads out there!!

My Life is AWESOME!!!

Just a very quick post to report on the end of my son's baseball season. My son is only 8 years old and there are times where I do forget this fact. He does seem older and ever since he was born he seemed very advanced in the way he looked and carried himself. He is such a great kid and he does have some very good athletic talent which he certainly gets from my wife's family!! I maybe able to run marathons but when I was 8 years old I couldn't hit a baseball like my son hits a baseball!!

The season ended tonight with a loss but my son saved his best game for last. He smacked three hits, threw out a runner at second and scored a run to boot!! He played his little heart out and the cool thing was he took the loss in stride. I have a feeling (God willing) there are going to be many more great games in store for my son and this could be the start of something. He was invited to join the All Star team but just like my daughter our trip to New Jersey prevented him from committing to the All Star team. Once again he was unfazed by this and his attitude is just wonderful. He seems to have a very good balance between taking things in stride and being competitive.

I am so proud of him and tonight was one of those days that I embrace these blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I am so grateful and so fortunate to be able to be a part of these awesome days. I realize that my children are young for such a short period of time and I fully intend to do everything in my power to relish each and every moment. Tonight was one of those moments and really each day presents very special moments as I live life in recovery. I have been given a second chance and I thank God for this second chance along with thanking everyone in my life for standing by me; wow life is just AWESOME!!!

Best of Both Worlds!!

Yes, it does appear I am getting older!! It wasn’t too long ago that I could rely on my memory for just about everything; however; this past Friday that memory failed me. Our incredible group of Gamblers Anonymous was hosting its very first mini-conference on Saturday and I had the privilege and honor (along with a very dear friend) to help facilitate one of the workshops. We prepared a PowerPoint presentation with the very able assistance of my 11 year old daughter (without her this would not have been a very good slide show!) and were scheduled to go on first thing Saturday morning. I had secured a projector screen to display the PowerPoint presentation. However; as I mentioned earlier my memory failed me and I completely forgot to pick up the screen. Thankfully and very fortunately I have a great friend who was able to make some calls on my behalf and the screen was delivered (by this great friend) 15 minutes prior to the presentation. The lesson for me is that I need to write things down and as my daughter said, “Daddy, you need to make a list.” Yes, I do need to make a list and my memory is not as good as it once was!

Saturday morning started very early with me going to the gym. I continue to working out and it appears my next marathon will be in October as I again try to qualify for the Boston Marathon. In September there is a triathlon that I would like to enter and I do need to adjust my training accordingly. I did sign up for a half marathon in the middle of August and this is one I have run in the past. The half marathon is a good distance and unlike the marathon this distance does not debilitate my senses!! In any event I haven’t officially started training for anything but have gone back to the gym to maintain my fitness routine. I had a slow start in the morning as my memory failed me once again but I was able to collect what I needed for the day and make it out the door.

I had a good workout and headed over to the venue for the mini conference. As I pulled up at the very early hour of the morning I was extremely impressed with the cadre of volunteers already in attendance helping set up for the event. This is the majesty of the Gamblers Anonymous program because here were many people who had given up their Saturday to help in any way they could for the betterment of the Program. I had to smile as I walked in and witnessed all the good things that were happening before my very eyes. I am not an event planner in any way, shape or form. I have attended many conferences as a participant and visitor but this was something very different and very special. This was indeed very special and I am so happy to be a very small part of this exquisite undertaking.

Our presentation was on the “Twenty Questions” as produced in the Gamblers Anonymous Program Combo Book. My dear friend had down his rendition a few months ago in the Speaker’s Meeting and it went very well. We took this idea and had our own workshop. Everything went well and the presentation seemed to be very well received. We did run a little long but that didn’t matter one bit and it felt great to be speaking in the workshop. I do so enjoy speaking in front of people and ever since my first speech back in high school I have always felt more comfortable in front of the group than I have while inside the group.

I was very fun and I was again very fortunate to have all the “stars aligned” as I was able to make it to my son’s baseball game. There was a distinct possibility that I could miss his game but as fate would have it I made it to the field with plenty of time to spare. My son is near the end of the season and one more loss would mean the end of the season. My son’s team was playing a team that hadn’t beaten all year but finally broke through for an 8-2 victory. My son was hit in the hip in his very first at bat and he seemed like he could be hurt but shook it off and in his third at bat stroked a legitimate triple to right field. I do have to highlight the fact that it was a legitimate triple with no errors by the opposing team. He was so happy rounding the bases and gave me a fist pump as he made it to third base. This was so cool and he is improving every game.

The game ended and my son’s team lives to play another day (Monday). I made my way back to the mini conference and I need to note that there was nothing “mini” about this conference because it was major in every sense of the word. I was able to observe the closing ceremonies and once again I am so happy I made my way back to be a small part of this very special event. People came from far and wide to attend and our group should be very proud of this incredible accomplishment. I was able to see some members I haven’t seen in awhile and it was great to reconnect with them. Wow, wow, and more wow should be given to everyone who helped. We have two very special members of our group who are affectionately known as the “Godmother” and the “Godfather”. Without these two very special people know of what transpired on Saturday would have ever happened. I am blessed, grateful and in awe to know these great people. If there was any doubt about the Gamblers Anonymous Program all those doubts were erased with the outpouring of love at this conference, thank you so very much!!!