Happy Birthday "Big Man"

Today is an exciting day for my family as my son turns 7 years old. It certainly does seem like yesterday that my wife was giving birth to him in the Las Vegas hospital. We had a head start a few months before hand as the ultra sound received showed that it would be a boy. I have heard stories about the fallibility of the ultra sounds, but they were right on for both my son and daughter. He didn’t waste any time entering this world as my wife delivered him 5 hours after entering the hospital. Compare this to the 24-hour ordeal my wife faced three years earlier when she delivered my daughter. It is funny how things turn out because my son is as easygoing as a 7 year old boy can be and rarely gives my wife difficulty. On the other hand, my daughter and wife have had their issues over the years and I believe it was no coincidence my son arrived without difficulty and my daughter was the opposite case. Anyhow my “big man” as I have aptly nicknamed him turns 7 and for the second consecutive year, I won’t be able to be there with him as he celebrates. This did bother me, but when I saw my children back in July for the first time in a year, none of it mattered to them and me as well. What mattered was we were all together and what will matter is we will all be together very shortly.

My son is a precious child and at times a very special person. I have fond memories of him climbing into bed with my wife and me during the early morning hours. He always had a smile on his face when he came into our bedroom even though he was half asleep. He would place himself between the two of us and within minutes he would be back asleep. I would just watch him and even as he slept he seemed to ooze happiness. He does light up a room whenever he enters and is just so loveable in so many ways. As I write this, I have his Christmas picture attached to the desk and in the picture he doesn’t have his natural smile, but I can still see the aura of happiness. My son for the most part does go with the flow and seems unaffected by having to move across the country for the past 19 months.

He was a bigger than average baby weighing in at 8 pounds – 9 ounces and 20 inches long. He was solid at birth and 7 years later he is still solid. He has been nicknamed “Hoover’ by his aunts and uncles because like the vacuum of the same name he seems to devour everything he puts in his mouth. I will need more jobs than just one to keep his appetite satisfied and it is a good thing my daughter doesn’t eat much because my son would eat everything given the opportunity. He is sweet, gentle, and sensitive; and I love him so much. I miss him everyday, but on days like today, I miss him even more if that is all possible. I will be able to see him very soon and I cannot wait. I have missed the 19 months of his life which given his age is a good percentage of his life. However, as long as I continue the successful path of the past 3 years, I will be able to fill-in the gaps. I believe this will happen and as has been the case, my life continues to get better with each day.

The day was the usual and now I maybe a bit on auto pilot as I finished cleaning the bathrooms almost the same time I would finish when there were the two of us working. I discovered an accelerated method which gave me more time to do the “Harvard Wall”.

The day was moving along, but I must have contracted whatever my roommate had because my head was all stuffy and my nose runny. These colds are annoying and I thought I had built up a resistance, but it appears not to be the case. I have had three colds in the last three months and all of them have started the same way in my sinuses. The fortunate part is the colds haven’t lasted very long with the longest cold staying three days with me. Other then the area above my nose I feel great and other then having a leaky nose, I would be fine. Oh well, I tried my best to take a nap this afternoon after taking one of those cold medicines. The medicine seemed to dry up my nose for about 15 minutes. I guess this is why the package reads “should last UP TO 4 hours.” It appears 15 minutes falls into this category. I wasn’t successful taking a nap because the tiniest of sounds seem to rouse me from my sleep. I would call it rest – not sleep – for an hour this afternoon.

Then I went with my roommate to play ping pong. I was in a bit of a funk for the first two games, but came up with my own brand of “aerobic” ping pong. The key is to keep your feet moving all through the game and we laughed for the next 30 minutes. We do find that whatever the two of us are doing, we are always laughing. This is so amazing how we found each other and here is a little secret the two of us share; in a prison system where the majority of inmates are here for drug offenses, neither my roommate nor I have ever had or even tried an illegal drug of any type. This certainly does not make us better than anyone else. I am just trying to illustrate how it was certainly fate that the two of us found one another. I am no longer into “odds” (thank God) but the odds are fairly astronomical that two people in this prison system who have never had the inclination to try drugs are now roommates.

The aerobic ping-pong match was over and it was time to call my family so could whish my son a happy birthday. I was able to get through which is always good. I did speak with him and wished him a Happy Birthday. He wasn’t feeling very well earlier in the day as he was running a 102 degree fever so he stayed home from school. He sounded like his usual self on the telephone – he is extremely resilient. I spent much of the time listening to him recant the Giants victory this past Sunday. His uncles are doing a great job with him because he recited the winning play without flaw. I was very impressed the way he recalled that play. It was great to speak with him and I am sure he was having a wonderful birthday.

Before I spoke with my son I did speak with my wife. She gave me some very bad news regarding my son’s first grade teacher. This past Sunday, his teacher suffered a choking incident and after her husband dislodged the particle, she fell into a coma. The details seem sketchy and she took a turn for the worst and passed away this week. My wife had just returned from the wake. Make no mistake, life is precious in every way and all anyone has is right now. The future is not guaranteed to anyone which is why the principles of the GA Program and even the “Tao” states to live one day at a time. This is such an unfortunate example of how fleeting life can be. Life is a gift and each day is a blessing. My thoughts and prayers go out to her family. I don’t know how this was conveyed to the group of first graders and I am somewhat curious to hear how the administrators approached this. I didn’t have time to ask my wife if she had said anything to our son. As I mentioned before children especially a group of 7 year olds are very resilient. I’m not sure if they are fully aware of the consequences that death brings on which can be a positive. Somewhere along the way we all lose the innocence of children which cam make life more difficult. When I think of my 7 year old son, I think of unrequited happiness. I can see him handling this tragedy very well and life will go on. I don’t want to make light of this because when anyone dies it is terrible and when it is unexpected the sadness seems to deepen. However, in every instance for those affected and even those unaffected life does go on. This brings up the full meaning of recovery and life which is to enjoy each day and of itself because this is all any of us have.

I was also able to speak with my daughter briefly and as we were speaking, she started to sob somewhat uncontrollably. I couldn’t seem to get her attention as she continued to cry. At first I thought she was sad for her brother’s teacher because my soon to be 10 year old daughter is very sensitive. Then I came to find out from my wife that my son had poked? or pinched? (not sure) My daughter does have a tendency to exaggerate certain consequences and I think this is what happened as we talked. It still doesn’t condone my son’s behavior and my wife did give him a talking to. I felt unabashedly powerless when my daughter was crying and I felt anger arise inside of me for the first time in a long time. I am very anxious to be a full-time father and hearing all of this left me wanting to be there with them. Yes, patience is a virtue and in a few months this too shall pass and we will be all back together as a family.

In the Two's

As this morning arrived, I realized I now have only two more Thursdays remaining before my release. I have started to think more about life on the outside as I get closer to my release date. More precisely, I have “allowed” myself to think about life on the outside. It has been a long time since I thought about this which has been by design. I am focused on living one day at a time which has helped tremendously get me this far. In living one day at a time I have prohibited myself from thinking about living in the outside world, this is up until recently. I have always thought about being with my family without fail. Thankfully, I will see my wife as she will pick me up on my release day. I am now focusing on seeing my son and daughter in April at my daughter’s communion. I am hoping to go out there for one week, hopefully, encompassing two weekends for my daughter’s communion at the end of April. It would be nice to be able to go back with my wife but after meeting with the parole agent who visited the camp, I’m not sure if this is realistic.

I am digressing a little so let me circle back to my original thought which was visualizing back in society. I will be returning to the same area I departed some 19 months ago. I won’t be going back to the home where we lived for almost 5 years because that was sole. I am very fortunate to have amazing friends and I will be staying with them for awhile. I certainly don’t want to overstay my welcome so I will see how this goes. I have visualized myself going back to the same gym I used to go to and the same grocery store – most notably Trader Joe’s. I see myself walking in the store and nothing has changed over the past 19 months. I also see myself walking into the gym and likewise nothing has changed. The critical component in all of this is me as I have changed and I must be cognizant of not falling back into the same old routine. I can see this happening certainly not right away as I won’t be settled until my family returns. I am very much looking forward to their return but in the meantime, I will get on my feet also my recovery is tantamount to my survival. I do have plans for my recovery which most certainly centers on the fabulous GA meeting I joined 3 years ago.

Yes, I am very excited to rejoin society and my mind does drift to life on the outside. I suspect it will be this way while I am driving down the road with my wife. Quite frankly, the release seems real but it won’t be really real until that day. I have purposely not thought about the outside world recently because I just wanted to get through this journey which is concluding shortly.

Since I didn’t receive any mail last night, I really have nothing new to report. With less than 3 weeks remaining, I surmise my mail delivery will lessen considerably and I have written my last letters to both my sister and father. I am not sure if there would be any mail forwarding to me and if I had to guess, I would say this is something the system does not do. This is why in my letters to my sister and father – I wrote there is no need to respond and I will be able to actually speak with soon. I have been fortunate to speak with my sister on a handful of occasions over these past 19 months. I have not been fortunate with my father as the last time I spoke with him was over 19 months ago. Thankfully, we have corresponded through letters and that communication has gotten so much better over these months.

Once again, I must reiterate that I cannot control what others think about me nor is it any of my business. However, when it comes to someone I have known all my life and was responsible for binging me into this world, it is difficult knowing the pain I have caused him. I can’t change the past nor can I change anyone’s views of me. All I can do is stay true to recovery which has profoundly altered the existence of my life in such a positive manner.

Pondering Unconditional Love

The highlight of my day yesterday came when I telephone my mother, and we talked for that lightning fast period of 15 minutes. Normally, I call my mother on the weekend, but this weekend I was remiss. I was scheduled to telephone her on Monday night, but the meeting with the parole agent conflicted with my scheduled telephone call. I was very fortunate to be able to call last night. It is always wonderful speaking with my mother, and now I have only three more of the exorbitant collect telephone calls remaining. It most assuredly was the highlight of my day.

Prior to the telephone call, I received a letter which caused me to ponder the meaning and existence of unconditional love. I have never really given this much thought until the events of the last three years happened. I have a much better understanding of what unconditional love means and how I have become incredibly affected by this. The definition of unconditional love is fairly simple; to show love without condition. However, in practice, it gets a little more complicated, or does it? I have unconditional love for my wife, children, and other family members along with some very dear friends. I have received an abundance of unconditional love from a variety of people not limited to family or friends. I have been, and continue to be, blessed with this love each day. On the flip side, I have been made aware of conditional love from a variety of people not limited to family or friends. I am very grateful that the number of people who have given me unconditional love far outnumbers the people who exhibit conditional love. It is not in my nature to avenge those people who seem to display conditional love to me, which is why I love without condition. We are all God’s creatures (if I may?) and are made up of goodness through and through. The human part of this experience makes each one of us fallible while the spirit in each of us makes us infallible. I choose to focus on the spirit, not the human conditions. It is a shame how some people put conditions on their love, and I believe these people are missing the big picture.

All through this journey, I have received so much support and love. Yes, most of this has been of the unconditional variety. I continue to learn valuable lessons, and unconditional love is certainly one of them. The unconditional love in my life has always been there, and it took this journey to finally understand. There will always be people who display conditional love, and for me, that quote I keep on learning, “What you think of me is none of my business,” is appropriate. I am so grateful for this journey as it truly is a bright new awakening.

I have had a great deal of time to think/ponder in these past 19 months, and I often thought how I would react if my son or daughter faced something similar. I think my first reaction would be of their wellbeing, and I would be there every step of the way. There have been some rather heinous crimes committed by sociopathic people, yet it seems their mothers stand by them to the end. This is unconditional love to the nth degree. I often found myself wondering how anyone could stand by someone so gruesome, but it all goes back to unconditional love. Often in life, society sets conditions on just about everything, and I can see it in the advertising of just about everything. You need to “fill in the blank” to be happy, which is a condition on happiness, and it is sad. I fell prey to the “whatever” you need, and the truth of the matter is I don’t need those material things to be happy because I choose to “be.” I can look out my window and stare at the hill with nature at work. As I look, I can’t help but smile. I once put so many conditions on myself that it led to disaster. As long as I can “be,” I am happy, and this is all part of recovery. Everything and every person have a place in this world, and it would only be my “ego” that would place conditions on anyone or anything. I am at peace with myself.

Today being Wednesday marked “hump day” of the week, and it was just like the two previous days. I was back outside for the early morning workout with my roommate. The area of my back feels very good, and although I was never really in any pain or discomfort, that feeling has subsided considerably. The issue occurred on Saturday where I was doing an exercise I have done 1,000 times before. I guess the area in my back was slightly out of line, causing the sensation. I did take off two consecutive days which seemed to help. I will take this as a sign, and I was able to listen. The rest of the day was the usual, and I even went for a fast run at lunchtime. One of the other inmates who is in extraordinarily good shape used me as a pacer as we ran. This inmate is 10 years younger than me, and we ran very fast for 10 laps. He thanked me for going at the quick pace and stopped. I kept going for a few more laps, and this session felt excellent. I haven’t had someone push me like this in a long time. I really accelerated my heart rate and got a great sweat. It was a great way to pass the lunch hour.

Parole Agent Came To Camp

There are so many decidedly real advantages to being at this camp as opposed to being at a “real prison.” One of these appeared last night as a parole agent came to camp to speak with anyone interested. My roommate and I were interested, and so were 10 other inmates. The parole agent held a 90-minute Q&A session which was very informative and eye-opening to me. I sat back most of the time listening and observing. I am being released in three weeks, which ends this part of the journey, but I will be on parole most likely 13 months. Prior to coming to prison, I was introduced to a person who served five years in the California Prison System, and when we met, he was just completing parole. He did give me the “lowdown” on the prison system which certainly helped to alleviate many of my concerns. He also filled me in on the parole system. His case is eerily similar to my roommate’s case as he, too, was implicated and found guilty as part of a conspiracy. I am getting a little off point, so let me get back to the parole issue. This former roommate who was on parole said that parole was very uneventful when you do the “right thing.”

This is the message I heard last night, and I will continue to do the right thing because to me there is no other option. The parole system is not exactly geared to people like me and my roommate. We are the “square pegs” to the “round holes.” My roommate had many questions, and as the parole agent answered in the group discussion, these answers did not sit well with him. At one point, I patted him on the arm and said, “Don’t worry, it will be okay.” After the group discussion was over, we spoke with the agent on an individual basis. I gathered that each parole agent has a great deal of latitude/discretion, and each parolee is unique. The system does lend itself to grouping of the parolees because so many of them have alcohol and drug addictions. I do have a gambling addiction, but this is not easily addressed. My roommate has no addictions, which seems to complicate matters because it doesn’t fit nicely into the equation.

As I spoke with the parole agent, I raised the question about my job and if there would be and parole conditions that would prevent me from doing this job. The parole agent did mention that I should have received my conditions already since I only have three weeks to go. I haven’t received these conditions, which really isn’t surprising. Quite frankly, I don’t expect to see the conditions until I meet with the parole agent on the day of my release. There isn’t anything I can do about the conditions now as opposed to when I am released, so I have no concerns. It was a bit disconcerting to hear this parole agent say, “I may not be able to do the job I have been offered because of the nature of my crime.” The parole agent was speaking in general terms, and he is not my parole agent. My soon-to-be employer knows all about my past and is willing to hire me, which should say something. I do know that whatever is specified on my parole conditions I will abide by. For instance, if it says I cannot have a credit card, I won’t have a credit card. There are a whole list of possibilities, and I am not about to drive myself crazy thinking about these possibilities. In the words of that great philosopher, “It is what it is.” I will cross that bridge when I get there.

I did bring up the issue of being able to travel to New Jersey to see my family. The parole agent did inform me that going to New Jersey a few days after my release is not something he allows his parolees to do as he typically likes to evaluate them for 30 to 60 days upon their release,. Again, this determination is made by the parole agent on a case-by-case basis. He did say that he would most definitely allow me to attend my daughter’s First Communion at the end of April as it is beyond that 30- to 60-day period. I do know everything will continue to work out for the best, and I will have answers to these questions very shortly.

The meeting was, indeed, informative, and it appears (according to the parole agent) that the 6-month parole issue has been dropped. There had been talk about reducing parole for nonviolent offenders (which is me); however, any discussion on this has stopped. As it appears, as long as I can continue to do the “right thing,” I will be off parole in 13 months. Oh yes, the “right thing” I will do, and any question I may have, you can better believe I will call my parole agent and ask. My goal when I came into prison was to be a “model” inmate, and for the most part, this has worked out that way. Now as I approach parole, I intend to be the “model” parolee. The days of my taking shortcuts are long gone all thanks to recovery.

After the meeting, my roommate and I returned to our room where we discussed the meeting. My roommate paroles on September 1st and does have a lot of unknowns. I feel for him so much. He has the right attitude, and I do believe things will come together as the time approaches. I am very blessed to be able to go right into a job, have a place to live, and also to have a car. All of this has been made possible by my very dear friends. Life continues to get better with each passing day, and I know things will work out for my roommate.

Earlier in the evening, I received three pieces of mail. One was a “Congratulations” card from a very dear friend, and the caption read, “You have a lot to celebrate.” I do have so much to celebrate in so many different aspects. The other two pieces were from my dear sister. One I was not allowed to mention as my sister pleaded for me not to mention it, so I won’t. The other was a very nice letter which is most likely my sister’s last letter. She touched on a subject I have been thinking a lot about, and as my sister can, she put it perfectly; to paraphrase, “What I did was wrong – what happened to my wife and kids as a result of what I did, stinks – but you can’t change it now.” Now, the critical sentence, “Feeling badly and letting things happen instead of asserting your (which is me) opinion won’t help in the long run.” My sister doesn’t want me feeling badly any longer, and she is right! I have been purposefully silent because of what I did, but at some point, I must get past this or I will go backwards. No matter what, I am who I am, and if people want to hold what I did over my head for the rest of my life, so be it. These aren’t the people I want in my life. The “magic eraser” doesn’t work, and I have to be true to myself. Enough said, and as always, thank you so much for the wisdom little sister!

Bedtime was much later than usual due to the parole agent meeting, so the early morning came quicker than usual. My back is feeling better, but this bed and pillow is not exactly conducive to good posture. The area seems aggravated when I sleep, most likely due to the non-orthopedic pillow and mattress. Anyhow, I was feeling up to working out this morning, so I rejoined my morning exercise routine with my roommate. I did take it easier than usual, and fortunately, the back felt very good all through the workout. It was good to be back after two days of taking off. From this point on, it was a very normal day. My cleaning abilities have gotten faster, most likely due to the fact I only have three weeks remaining, and I wanted to hike the hill before lunchtime. I was able to get in over an hour’s worth of hiking on the hill before lunchtime. It felt exceedingly good to bound up and down the hill. The afternoon was filled with writing.

Super Bowl XLII

Wow, what a game! In the history of the Super Bowl, there have only been a handful of games as exciting as the one which took place yesterday in Super Bowl XLII between the New York Giant and New England Patriots. Amazingly, my son’s favorite football game pulled out the improbable victory. I can hardly imagine what my brother-in-laws were going through yesterday during the game agonizing with each play. I most certainly thought of my son all game long, and I was very happy to think he was watching the game with long (very excited as well) family members. I also thought about an old friend who was a “gambling buddy” a number of years ago. This old friend has always been a die-hard New York Giants’ fan. The Giants appeared in Super Bowl XXV back in 1991, and this was at the height of my second journey into compulsive gambling. The Giants were a decided underdog to the Buffalo Bills, and back then we were gambling on any and all games; however, when it came to the Super Bowl, we could “only” wager $50 on the Giants because my friend got enough of a rush watching the Giants perform at the Super Bowl, and the miniscule $50 wager was due to the fact we had to have “something on the game.” I say miniscule $50 because at that time our regular wagers were between $300 and $500, so the $50 wager was nothing. The more I look back on my previous gambling behavior the more I become confounded at my sick and twisted logic. Oh, by the way, the Giants did win that Super Bowl also in a stunning upset, and I am sure we gambled away the $50 win the very next day!

I’m not sure why, but all during the game, I was being nostalgic maybe due to the fact I can specifically recall where I was for all three of the previous Super Bowl appearances by the Giants. The first one was Super Bowl XXI. (Please don’t consider me Romanesque remembering the exact numerals of the Super Bowl as I remarked the Super Bowl and I are the same age, which makes it easier). I remember watching that Super Bowl in my college apartment at the University of Maryland in a driving snowstorm, but I made it in time to watch the game. The aforementioned Super Bowl XXV I watched in my grandmother’s basement which also functioned as my grandmother’s basement. I watched this with the old friend and gambling buddy. The Giants didn’t return to the Super Bowl until 2001 for Super Bowl XXXV, and I watched that game at my good friend’s house. This is the same good friend who came to visit me this past Saturday. Completing the New York Giants’ Super Bowl appearances was yesterday as I watched in the camp’s television room with 60 or 70 other inmates. I certainly won’t forget this Super Bowl for a number of reasons.

It was a stellar performance by the New York Giants’ defense who stuffed the favored New England Patriots’ offense. I kept waiting for the Patriots to take control of the game, but that never materialized. Even when the Patriots took the lead with less than three minutes remaining in the game, I had a strong suspicion the Giants would prevail. I turned to the person next to me who was lamenting the fact that he believed the Patriots would win. I said to him that the game was not over and that Eli Manning (the Giants’ quarterback) could win the game. Eli did lead the Giants down the field for the victory in the waning moments. I was very impressed with them, and the Patriots’ remarkable season was all for naught.

The game was very fast paced, and even for a defensive struggle, it was very intriguing. Most of the commercials were good. The usual suspects; such as Pepsi, Coke, and Anheuser Busch, had good commercials, but my favorite was the dancing lizards with Naomi Campbell promoting Sobe Lifewater. The halftime show by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers was excellent as he played four songs, all of which were among my favorites. The camp ran a great program yesterday because dinner (pizza and wings) was served before the game, and banana splits were given out at halftime. I saved my pizza for after the game, and I ate only the bananas out of the banana split. They were frozen as the banana splits were premade, and everything was frozen until it was time to pass them out. I enjoyed the frozen banana and thought it was a nice treat. Everything was well done, and although I would have much preferred to watch the game with my family, under the circumstances, it wasn’t a bad way to spend Super Bowl Sunday in prison.

The positive aspect about watching these events on the west coast is the game is over at 7:00 p.m.; whereas, on the east coast this translates to 10:00 p.m. I do wonder if my son made it through the whole game, and if he did, was he able to get up for school today? The game was over, and I must say, in a room of almost 70 people, at the beginning of the game only a handful of people were rooting for the Giants, but by the end of the game, it seemed like everyone was rooting for them. I guess everybody likes a winner. I was rooting for the Giants from the very beginning, but my expectations were low. As the game continued, I did think they had a legitimate opportunity to win. I was very excited for Eli Manning who has had a difficult four years in the New York press. He silenced (at least for now) all of those critics with his performance yesterday. He does come from a football family with his brother, Peyton, winning the Super Bowl last year, and his father, Archie, a member of the Football Hall of Fame. I have read a few articles on the family, and from what I can surmise, they seem like good people. Tom Brady, New England’s quarterback, has three Super Bowl victories, a super model girlfriend, not to mention a very handsome man, so it was very good to see the mild-mannered Eli Manning outperform him.

Yes, it was a very good day yesterday, and I returned to my room after the game to eat my pizza. My roommate is not a football fan, so he was very content with staying in the room reading and listening to music. The room was very peaceful during the game as everyone seemed to be in the television room. I recounted the game for my roommate in a few minutes, and then I read the newspaper. My roommate fell asleep very early, and I found myself drifting off to sleep. I did officially fall asleep, and I was mindful of my upper back. I was toying with the idea of working out this morning, but I could still feel some discomfort in the area, so I remained in bed while my roommate went outside. It is getting better, and I don’t want to re-aggravate anything, so staying in bed was the prescription for today. At this point, it was time to start my work week, and after this week, I only two more to go! It does seem like an endless loop, but in a little over three weeks, the loop will end.

I started today just like any other work week cleaning the bathrooms. I finished at my normal time and decided to do some core/Ab exercises. I got about 20 minutes into the workout session and had to cut it short. Everyone was summoned for one of the random drug tests. This was my first random drug test was a condition of the family visit. I drank enough water so by the time it was my turn, I had no problem “going.” Obviously, I will submit to these drug tests all day long as I have nothing to hide, and it did seem everyone else shared my same philosophy which I thought was good. It was a minor inconvenience to cut my workout short, but I took this as a sign I shouldn’t be working out today and went about the rest of my day without incident.

Still Sore

It wasn’t the most comfortable sleep I have had last night. I have come to realize I sleep best on my side and when I don’t sleep on my side, I sleep on my back which causes me to snore. I rarely sleep on my stomach and with the pulled or pinched nerve in my upper back this may have been the best way to go. Instead I slept on my side trying to figure out which side took the most pressure off the upper left side of my back. Oddly enough laying flat on my back caused the most discomfort as I could certainly feel something as I moved my neck. I settled on the right side then on the left side – each side seemed to take away some of the discomfort, but the soreness was indeed noticeable. It was more noticeable than any other time during the day. The time arrived for my normal exercise time and I never entertained the idea of exercising. I remained in bed and out of a courtesy to my roommate, he also remained in his bed foregoing the normal workout.

This feeling in my upper back is strange because it feels sorer than anything else. I wouldn’t deem this feeling as pain as it is more of a soreness. I obviously did something during that exercise and need to do my best not to aggravate the condition. The hot shower seemed to work well, but the water temperature is automatically regulated and I would have liked it if the water was hotter. In only 23 days, I will be able to regulate the temperature of hot water so for now I understand my situation. I was preparing for a visit from some more dear friends. The weather was very much like last Sunday as the rain was falling down. It appears Southern California is returning to a normal rainy season as the drought conditions lessen. Since it was raining all the visits were moved to the dining hall which was a positive. I was so cold yesterday I thought having the visits in the dining hall would have been a better idea.


Beautiful Dear Friends

The weather did delay my dear friends, but only for a few minutes. These are the same friends who visited me over a year ago in Jamestown and today would be their last joint visit. This was a positive prospect because the next time I will see them will most likely be at the GA birthday celebration for two friends and myself on March 15th. The date keeps getting moved up and I think has settled on the 15th of March. Yes, it has been a long strange road which is quickly coming to a close. These visits have meant the world to me and today was incredible. Of course, they came well stocked with food as today’s theme was Super Bowl food. I loved the concept of my dear friend’s idea of Super Bowl food which was smoked salmon, blue tortilla chips, salsa, dip, peanuts, hot cocoa, and the special diet Hansen’s sodas. We greeted each other with warm hugs and kisses. We were joined by my roommate which was very nice. My dear friends were impressed with his gregarious personality. My roommate and I thoroughly enjoyed the smoked salmon and we had a lovely conversation. All the facets of my world were coming together during this visit as my roommate (who has been a blessing to me) spent time with my dear friends and me (who have also been a blessing to me). It was a magnificent morning as the time passed so quickly. I am very fortunate for all the people in my life and I am also so grateful.

Earlier today I was telling my roommate how these dear friends visited me in Jamestown and he asked me how I met them. I explained it was through GA and he said, “I need to join a 12 step program.” Yes, he meant this in a joking way, but the truth is the GA Program is a Godsend in my life as these two dear friends are also Godsends. As they walked out, I had a big smile and a warm feeling all across my being. I continue to be touched by these fantastic people. Mere words don’t do these incredible people justice. I am in awe of them. The visit ended and it was time to wait for Super Bowl XLII. The Super Bowl and I are always the same age and thanks to the genius marketing ability of the NFL, I always know my age in Roman Numerals!


Amateur Hour

I was informed over 20 years ago by a therapist that no matter how long I abstain from gambling the old pangs/urges would reappear on days such as the Super Bowl. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday. Of course, I remember little else of that session as I went back to gambling a few years later. I am more cognizant of this then ever before. However, even in my gambling days I treated the Super Bowl as amateur hour. It wasn’t the Super Bowl where I would place the majority of my wagers on – it was the seemingly insignificant college basketball game between Santa Clara and St Mary’s that I would focus on. I did (in my sick twisted mind) to “professionalize” my gambling and the Super Bowl provided “no value” to wagering. This didn’t stop me from wagering on the game and I would rationalize it as recreational gambling. The simple fact is gambling in my life has caused so much harm and I cannot be a “recreational” or a “professional” user. It has taken me a long time to learn this and I remind myself daily. I will watch the Super Bowl as a fan of both teams. My son is back in NJ rooting for the NY Giants with his uncles. I am hoping for a competitive game and viewing it solely from an entertainment prospective. I will also keep my eye on the commercials. This is my last Super Bowl of my incarceration and I look forward to sharing many more with my family. This is only possible if I adhere to the principles of my recovery. I have found a beautiful new life without gambling and will live this life one day at a time. I am fortunate to have only spent two Super Bowls “inside” and for this I am very fortunate.

Ouch!

It was time to arise for my daily workout with my roommate – friend – workout partner – he really is a friend first and foremost. I got out of bed quickly and dressed – tapped on my roommate’s bed and amazingly he responds by groggily making himself get out of bed. He then - half asleep – walks down the hall to the bathroom with his eyes half-opened and half-closed. It is quite a comical sight to say the least. He manages to drag himself outside and usually greets everyone with a “good morning.” Also depending on the song playing on the radio, he sometimes is inclined to “bust a move” which again is quite comical. This morning’s workout was concentrating on the chest area and is one of my favorite workouts. I so look forward to these as they are most times the highlight of my day. Today was no exception and I was progressing through the workout. The fourth group of exercises we do are decline bench presses with dumbbells. I was moving along nicely, but somewhere in the middle of my third set as I was pressing the dumbbells forward, I felt a searing pain in my upper back which caused me to immediately let go of the rather heavy dumbbells and proclaim, “OUCH!” I remained lying on the bench with the very sharp pain in my upper back. Another person working out at the same time witnessed this and immediately told me get up while he would help me. Fortunately, my roommate has a level head and took control of the situation. He told me to stay down until I was ready to get up. I took a minute to collect myself and with the help of my roommate and the other person, I got up from the bench.

The pain in my back was as if someone severely pinched the area around my left shoulder blade. It is not a debilitating injury because I have full range of motion in that area. It just feels very sore. I stretched out after getting off the bench and my roommate told me I was done for the day. I reluctantly took his advice and went inside to ice down the area which felt very good and the pain slowly subsided. I felt much better after the hot shower and was even considering running. I quickly talked myself out of this because with 24 days remaining, the last thing I need is an injury which would cause me to be moved back to Jamestown. I am paroling from here on February 27th so missing a run or more runs is okay. I have a tendency of getting caught up in my exercise routine a little too much. I have been very fortunate to have had minimal injuries. I have thrown my lower back out twice and had a problem with my knee. All of those problems were temporary and rest was part of the remedy. The positive aspect is that whatever happened (pinched nerve, muscle or tendon) it has happened on the upper part of my back as opposed to the lower part. There is discomfort but at least I can move around. I’m sure my roommate will monitor my progress as he has unequivocally told me I will not be working out tomorrow. He is correct and now more than ever my body is telling me to rest. It won’t be easy but I will listen.


A Surprise Visit

I iced down my back followed by a hot shower and for a moment any discomfort vanished. I was entertaining the idea of a power walk, but some discomfort reappeared and I thought I would just take it easy all day. I went over to the library and selected two books; one by John Grisham THE LAST JUROR and the other by Brad Metzler ZERO GAME. I have read many Grisham books but somehow I missed this one. The first few chapters moved along slowly so I stopped reading and began writing. AS I was writing I heard my name announced over the loudspeaker informing me I had a visit. I wasn’t expecting one so I wasn’t “visit ready”. I dressed warmly and headed down to the visiting area. As I walked down, I noticed my good friend’s car resting in the parking area. This is the same good friend who attempted to come two weeks ago but got derailed by tire issues. In his letter, he stated that he would attempt to comeback and apparently today was the day.

The visiting area was quite crowded and the only table open was one without a fire pit. The skies were overcast and the temperature in the 40’s. The concrete picnic table accentuated the cold and my good friend who probably has thinner blood than I do pulled his hooded sweatshirt over his head which was underneath another jacket. We were both cold but I was warmed by the conversation. He once again brought the special submarine sandwiches from my favorite sandwich shop in Las Vegas. We spent the next 2 ½ hours talking. We were able to crowd in on an on-going fire pit for further warmth. He is truly an incredible friend because he made the 500 mile round trip voyage all today. He departed his house early this morning and returned after our wonderful visit. We even made some tentative plans for a golf outing soon after my release with a few of our other buddies. It will be interesting to pick up a golf club after an almost two year hiatus. Golf is supposedly a game of muscle memory and I wonder if my muscles suffer from memory loss! Yes, it was a great visit and I continue to be blessed with so many incredible people.

On a side note when we crowded in on the fire pit, we struck up a conversation with a fellow inmate who filled me in on “tax issues.” My friend and I were talking about my particular tax problems and this inmate overheard. Thankfully, he gave me some sage advice and any concerns I may have had have been eliminated. It is funny how life moves along and how solutions to issues are everywhere. It was a great day!


Telephone Call

After the visit I called my wife and after a brief disconnect, we were able to talk. My wife had recently received a long-term temporary job which will help to alleviate some of her financial concerns. We spoke about her coming out to pick me up on my release date and how our daughter’s first cheering competition is three days after my release. My wife was facing a slight dilemma because she wanted to stay out here with me for a few days after but also wanted to be in NJ for the cheering competition. This was not a dilemma to me because by all means my wife should return to NJ so she could attend the competition. Ideally I would love to surprise my daughter by also attending the competition. I don’t know if this is possible because I need permission to travel. This is why I asked my wife to call my parole officer to see if I could indeed travel back to NJ to be with our children. Hopefully, my wife calls this week and if all goes well I would be flying back with my wife. I also spoke with my son who was very excited about the Super Bowl and will be watching it with his uncles who are very big NY Giants fans. I didn’t speak with my daughter who was at cheering practice.

Serious Consequences

I had every intention to devote this passage to the fact that it is finally February and I can say, “I get out this month.” However I need to talk about a letter I received last night. This was from someone who has been directly affected with the serious consequences of a compulsive gambler. This was an 8 page letter written by someone who has been reading this blog over the past few months. This is the first letter I have received from a reader of the blog that I have never met before. This was a very heartfelt letter and was very complimentary towards my recovery. This person is a spouse of a compulsive gambler who has wreaked not only financial havoc but emotional havoc over the course of their marriage. I had to stop reading the letter in a few instances because the story was so sad. Unfortunately, this compulsive gambler is still in denial and is still gambling their life away.

I can’t precisely recall the statistic, but I believe compulsive gamblers directly affect the lives of six other people and in this letter the lives of three people have been severely damaged. Denial in this and I guess any addiction - look at two glaring examples – Amy Winehouse and Brittany Spears – addiction runs deep and the harm is horrendous. The story is heartbreaking. I fully intend on answering this letter with my experiences. I am not in a position to render advice to someone who has been directly affected by a compulsive gambler. I am the compulsive gambler who has directly affected others but thankfully I am in recovery. I know what has turned my life around which is stepping into that GA room almost 3 years ago. I continue to learn so much about myself and I realize each day is a learning experience.

There was so much anger in this letter towards the compulsive gambler spouse and I cannot blame the person for this anger. When one person takes away another’s way of life then anger will and does arise. Letting go and letting God is a key phrase I have learned over these past three years. In some cases, this is easier said then done. Also, especially in this case when one person has been so wronged by another person letting go and letting God is difficult. I am still blaming myself and I know I need to let go and let God. I believe I am afraid to do this because I feel I may slip back into my old ways. This is just a convenient excuse and as long as I adhere to the principles of recovery there will be no slip, and life will continue to improve. How can I possibly instruct someone to let go of the anger but really this is the only way (for me) to grow in a positive direction.

Dr. Wayne Dyer has been a huge influence in my life as his books put everything into perspective. Anger is a negative emotion and can only attract negative thoughts. At some point, life needs to move forward in a positive manner. I believe we are all created in kindness with kindness. As we move through this human experience (as I also believe we are all spiritual beings having a human experience) that kindness gets warped especially in cases of addiction. I am not inferring to just turn the other cheek because that really takes a special person like the Dalai Lama or Dr Dyer. However, turning the other cheek while moving forward in a positive manner can work wonders.

I know all of this has happened to me for a reason. I may not necessarily know the precise reason but I do know all of this continues to save my life. I was headed for the ultimate self-destruction had the events of the last three years not happened. I am grateful for the reawakening and look forward to the bright beautiful new beginning which commences later this month.

Compulsive gambling is sometimes a tragic addiction causing numerous consequences to not only the compulsive gambler, but also those closest to the compulsive gambler. I’m not a big bible quoting person so I can’t reach into scriptures for the appropriate lines. I do try to apply common sense to most situations and to me forgiveness comes to mind. I am well aware that I need work in the forgiveness field as it relates to myself. Just because I forgive myself doesn’t mean I will forget. I really screwed up, but amazingly everything continues to workout for the best. In a few weeks I will be released and embark on a beautiful journey. There are questions which remain unanswered such as will my wife and children rejoin me when the children complete school in June. I love my family with all my being and do want them with me as soon as possible. If for some reason this is not the plan then I must stay true to my recovery which means letting go and letting God. The script has been written well in advance and I will follow the directions. Life does happen when you are making plans and my life is truly wonderful.

I may have gotten a bit off track but the letter I received last night really hit home with me. Compulsive gambling is a baffling insidious disease which knows no bounds. Denial prevents recovery and in true recovery – life does get better. I believe everyone whether they have addictions or not can benefit from a recovery program and a spiritually based program. I tried for so long to control my addiction and for that matter – my life. It lead to an out of control life. I realize now there were some things I can control such as my thoughts and actions, wile there are so many other things I cannot control like the thoughts and actions of everyone else. I continue to be granted the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can. There is a quote which is posted adjacent to my bed “Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, love is knowing I am everything and between the two my life moves.” I am a blessed, grateful and fortunate person in anyway imaginable. Bad things do happen in life, but I prefer to focus on the good things which is why my life is wonderful.

So Long January!

First off – Happy Birthday to my mother-in-law in NJ. (Did I need to specify NJ? It’s not as if I have more than one mother-in-law! If I did then I would be in even bigger trouble.) The family celebrated her birthday this past weekend at my brother-in-law’s house. I hope my mother-in-law had a wonderful day and thank you so much for all that she has done for our family.

Secondly, I am very glad to say so long to January! Here it is finally the last day of January and I am happy to turn the page on the calendar for a variety of reasons. First and foremost my release date is one day closer which is very prevalent in my mind. I might be a little too fixated on February 27th and yes, it is approaching but I need not get ahead of myself. I am still counting down the days and once the calendar officially reads “February”, my anticipation level will most likely rise. It is a one-day at a time process and I need to remind myself of this. The days will pass and the end of this part of the journey will be here as will the beginning of the next journey.

Life is certainly a journey and thankfully I continue to learn how to embrace this journey. I am embracing it and will fall head over heels as the next part of the journey transpires. It is less than 4 weeks which is such a wonderful thought. Speaking of wonderful thoughts earlier this week I received a letter from my very dear friend who is also my GA sponsor. In his letter he asks when is the last date that he should send me a letter. This is a wonderful thought because this means I will no longer reside at this address, as I would have moved on. I liked this prospect and told him the date of February 16th as the last date to send me a letter. A thought just popped into my head in regard to how the world in here moves at a slower pace than out there. This thought lends itself to my major form of communication which is sending and receiving letters through the regular mail delivery system. The outside world has become “instant” when it comes to communications in so many different forms of media. These forms are cell phones, text messaging, email and all other forms of media that I have forgotten. In my current world I can make a collect telephone call which costs over a dollar a minute or write letters. I do have my weekly telephone calls but for the most part I write letters. This cycle of sending and delivering can take from 10 days to over a month depending on the responses. My point being even outside communications are slowed down to a half. Once again I need to keep all of this in mind as I remember the world of “instants.” I am sure getting caught up but living slowly is much better than racing through life. I have enjoyed this journey and now I will enjoy every moment of the free world. This is a new perspective for me and I am grateful.

The usualness continues for me as the das pass. Yesterday evening was another dose of beans and salad for dinner. I continue to be bewildered at some of my fellow inmates who seem to complain about the food. I have no right to complain about the food because it is my choice to continue the restrictive diet. I am grateful for whatever food I receive and yes; it has worked out for the very best. Yet there are others who seem never to be satisfied. The bottom line is this – it is still prison no matter how it is dressed up. This is called a “camp” but make no mistake no one is here on a weekend pass. We have all either committed crimes or have been found guilty by the courts so we have been separated from the “free society”. I am fortunate to be here at this camp because it is the best place to serve time in the CDC, I am not subjected to the gun towers, razor wires, block walls, locks, and all other assorted things that go with the real prisons. I am in a serene setting, but I must remain here until February 27th.

I was speaking with someone over the weekend and I was telling that person the biggest punishment for me has been the separation from my family. It is sometimes heart breaking to see the little children of fellow inmates who come to visit. There was an example of this over the weekend as two very young children (much younger than my own children) were visiting with their very young father. This is so difficult to reconcile but my focus is on the present. Through recovery, the present is wonderful and my life continues to get better with each day passing.

I will miss the companionship of my roommate and working out with him as I move to the next part of my journey. I am blessed and if I could have scripted this, I could not have come up with a better script!

Three More Wednesdays!

I’m sure I am repeating myself but boy do these days blend into one another! Here it is Wednesday, officially the hump day of the work week, and as today finishes, I have only three more full Wednesdays to go! On the fourth Wednesday from today, this journey will come to an end, and another journey will commence. I have a feeling I will sit down next Wednesday and write I have only two more Wednesdays to go. It is obvious I am anxious for this journey to end and the next one to start; however, I must remain patient living one day at a time. The days also blend together, but they do pass by quickly. It is truly amazing as to how time does move quickly even when there isn’t much to do. In here, time passes swiftly, and out there, time most likely rockets by. I need to be cognizant of this as I re-enter the real world. I know no matter what time will pass, and it is what I do with this time that matters most. Thankfully, because I am starting a job right away thanks to a dear friend and the GA program, I can start planning.

My plan includes working and, as always, recovery. I do unfortunately have many financial needs to address. I will address these as I do with my recovery which is one day at a time. It did take me some time to amass this problem, and it will take some time to rectify it. I will most likely need to pick up a second job, and I do have several months before (hopefully?) my family returns in June. I find it more exciting than daunting, and it is a new world to me. There are challenges that lie ahead, and I welcome each of them. Yes, the grass will seem greener, the sky bluer, and everything else in between will be extraordinary.

Last night, I was interested in the Florida primaries. I had forgotten that the Democratic National Party stripped Florida of all its delegates because it moved up its primary without the consent of the DNC. The primary was held with the winner only garnering bragging rights. The winner was Hillary Clinton in a resounding victory over Barack Obama. I don’t know if any of these candidates even advertised in the state as nothing was really at stake. I did find the victory margin shocking considering how close these two are. I guess all eyes are on next Tuesday, February 5th, for the 22 state primaries. The outcome of those states should shape the candidates for our next president. As for the Republicans, John McCain continues to astound and confound me! I had written him off before the primaries/caucuses had even started. I thought his window closed in 2000, but it just shows what little I know about politics. I thought Mr. McCain had no chance, and the way things are panning out, he could very well receive the Republican nomination. I sort of analogize this to the “none of the above” candidate because the folks running for President on the Republican side are less than stellar. I wrote to my father a few weeks ago, and in that letter, I wrote about the Republican candidates. I listed what I thought were all of the candidates detailing their flaws (in my opinion), and I completely missed John McCain because he didn’t even occur to me as a viable candidate. Well, the joke is on me as he appears to be the front runner and could very well be the next President of the United States. I do find this amazing. I have to say that John McCain does not have a commanding speech presence. I heard his Florida victory speech and anything but impressed. This really doesn’t mean much because our current President is not exactly a great speaker. It would be interesting to see John McCain debate Barack Obama – talk about two dramatically opposed speakers. If I were an advisor to Mr. McCain, I would advise limiting those debates to only one because their speaking differences are glaring. Oh well, the races are shaping up as John Edwards appears to be dropping out of the Democratic race and John McCain takes the lead for the Republicans. It should be very interesting to see what happens next week.

My sleep was identical to the night before as it was up and down several times. I attributed this to my lack of aerobic exercise, which is why today I hiked the hill for almost an hour. I needed a good sweat, and this is exactly what I got. I was going to go for more but refrained, and I will see what tonight brings. Yes, the rest of my day was very much the same old same old, but I happily checked today off the calendar as I get one day closer!

Reading Section Of My Therapy

I have lost track on how many books I have read during my incarceration. I remember early on I had read something like 30 books in a little over a month. If I maintained that pace, I would have read close to 300 books. Thankfully, as I moved through this journey, I started to do more things than read. My first 30 days when I was at the county jail, there wasn’t anything else to do other than read. Yes, it got better each step of the way; however, reading has been an integral part of my own therapy. I have detailed how reading writing, and exercising have not only allowed me to pass the time in a productive manner, they also keep me sane.

I haven’t read as many books as I have read in the past 18 months in my entire lifetime. When I use to travel for business, I was a very big reader as it helped to pass the time on airplanes. This was pre-IPod days! I went through many books in that 2-1/2 year period, but nothing compared to this period. I have read mostly fiction books sprinkled in with non-fiction works. I continue to read Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life – Living The Wisdom Of The Tao” on a daily basis. Today, I read verse 53 “Living Honorably” and have 28 more verses to go. It is no coincidence I have 28 verses remaining because this exactly corresponds to the number of days I have remaining on my sentence. In four weeks from today, I will be in my last full day in prison, and if I had to guess, it will be much like today, which was filled with reading, writing, and exercising.

Yesterday, based on a recommendation from my roommate, I started “First Counsel” by Brad Meltzer. When I used to read much more back when I was traveling for business, I remember reading the first book, “The Tenth Justice” published by this same author. Over 10 years later, this author has now published five additional novels. I enjoyed “The Tenth Justice” and for some reason had not read any of his other novels until now. My roommate recently read “First Counsel”, and he did enjoy it, which is why he recommended it. I have read the first few chapters, and “First Counsel” is much like I remembered the writing in “The Tenth Justice.” Also, the story evolves around the White House, and the dialogue along with the storyline is very much like the television show “West Wing”, which was my favorite drama television show as I always found the writing very intelligent, crisp, and fascinating. This book by Brad Meltzer is almost identical, yet it is still original.

Sometimes, my memory of books is not as good as I forget certain storylines of the novels I have read. As I started “First Counsel”, I thought that I may have read it already, so I had to ask my roommate a few questions. As he answered, it became apparent to me that I had not read it. Just the other day, one of my neighbors was reciting a quote and asked me what book it was from. I had no idea even though I had only read the book a few weeks ago; however, to my credit as he started explaining the quote, I did remember the book and storyline. I do believe there is only so much room in my brain for information, and most of that room is taken up with useless information! I have been this way since birth so nothing has changed.

The alternatives to red meat seem to have come to an end in an aboveboard matter. Mondays have resumed with hamburgers and hot dogs night in the dining hall. In the past, I was able to receive the garden burger or Boca burger in lieu of the hamburgers and hot dogs while standing in the food service line. I don’t know the exact details of how this was stopped, but getting it was a bit different. The rules still do change daily, and sometimes, it is difficult to keep up. With four weeks remaining, none of this matters as I am very grateful to serve my time here. Last night, I was given baked fries instead of French fries by one of the kitchen workers. I did not ask for these yet this person knew my eating habits and gladly prepared them. Living a positive, purposeful life is incredible, and I continue to be blessed. Baked fries would not seem like a blessing, but it wasn’t the baked fries themselves, it was all in the presentation. This person did not have to do this nor was I expecting this, yet through goodness, I was presented with the baked fries. It seems good things are happening like this to me very frequently, and I am grateful.

Sleep came easy, but I couldn’t stay asleep very long. I had probably the worst up-and-down night I have had in a long time. I would like to trace this back to something I drank or ate, but I ate and drank the same things a week ago and didn’t have this problem, so I am at a loss. I must chock it up to the “small kidneys” I have been blessed with. Some days are better than others, but clearly, last night was not one of those nights. I still managed to get out of bed at the early hour to exercise. The rainstorm had moved through, and the cold temperatures returned. The temperature was below freezing as there was ice on the ground. This didn’t stop my roommate and me as were out in the weight area bright and early. We did get an excellent workout.

As is always the case, after working out and showering, I went to breakfast. This being Tuesday meant pancakes and oatmeal were the faire of the day. I still coat the pancakes with peanut butter, and I am thinking of adding peanut butter to the pancake batter when I prepare pancakes for my family. I’m not sure how my wife feels about this, but my children should enjoy it. At the very least, the peanut butter adds protein, and I do know my children, especially my daughter who shares my “peculiar” eating habits, need the protein. Yes, I am once again looking ahead to that day where I can cook beautiful breakfasts for my family like I used to on Sundays gone by. Sorry about the digression! The rest of the day was the usual as I cleaned the bathrooms, read, and wrote. I was considering running during the lunch hour but somehow talked myself out of it. I do know that I much prefer exercising in the morning to any other part of the day. As I plan on re-entering society, the early morning workout will once again be the start of my day. I just want to ensure this doesn’t conflict with any family obligations. Balance/moderation is what I aspire to, which is why I have cut back on running over the past few weeks. My eyes are more wide open than they have ever been, and this will continue one day at a time.

The Last 28th And So Forth

I finished reading “Beach Road” yesterday afternoon, and I was completely taken by surprise. Before I started reading this book, I read the book cover to get an idea of the storyline. I also read the snippets of reviews enclosed inside the book. I was intrigued by the story as the main character had a few things in common with Harlan Coben’s protagonist Myron Bolitar. In the review, there were many mentions of a “major” twist. I kept this thought in the back of my mind as I read. The story was moving along rather nicely, and sometimes, I can see the twist coming, but in this novel, I did not see it coming at all. The story had apparently reached its conclusion, but as I turned the page, the twist had transpired. I was impressed, and it turned an okay book into one of Mr. Patterson’s better novels. It seems the more I read these types of books (suspenseful thrillers) the more the endings aren’t so happy. This book was published in 2006, and if memory serves me correctly, many of these recently published books don’t seem to have the nice, tidy, happy endings. I have read quite a few of Mr. Patterson’s novels, and they all seem to be entertaining. His novels go by so quickly and do make for easy reading. This was no exception, and yes, I did enjoy it very much.

The weekend had come and gone very quickly as it usually does. Now, I have only four more weekends remaining before my release. My dear friend informed me yesterday at the GA meeting/visit that she would be coming again next Sunday for another visit. These are the dear friends who came to visit me when I was in Jamestown. They visited me the weekend after Christmas so I wouldn’t be alone. They have become incredible friends, and I continue to be blessed with their presence. This means that of the four remaining weekends, only one of those I don’t have a scheduled visit. I don’t know when my good friend who attempted to come last week will again visit. Conceivably, all four those weekends I could be receiving visits. I have been blessed with so many visits, especially since I arrived here over 8 months ago. Each of these visits has been very special to me, and I am eternally grateful. This journey has been a blessing.

The rest of yesterday was the usual. My roommate and I listened to “69 Minutes” last night as it has become our Sunday evening ritual. Prior to this, I did call my family and spoke to my wife, daughter, and son. This was a very good telephone call, and everyone seemed to be doing very well. My daughter was so cute as she told me about how she does “crunches” during her cheerleading practice. These are “Ab” exercises, which are exactly what my daughter told me. She wanted to know to get rid of the pain in her Abs the day after she performs them. I found this to be so precious because my soon-to-be-10-year-old daughter sounded so much older. Her Abs were sore, and she wanted to know how to rectify this. I informed her the more often she does the crunches the less there will be pain. The pain is good because because she is doing the exercise properly, and as she progresses, the pain will subside. As I explained this, she seemed to grasp it very well. My daughter continues to grow up, and I can’t wait to see her along with her brother. I did speak with my son, albeit briefly, as the 15-minute time limit was running out. He was very excited that his New York Giants were playing in the Super Bowl next week. He even knew that the game will be played on February 3rd.

It won’t be long now before I do get to see them, and it will be nice to be part of their daily lives. My wife has essentially been a single parent for the past 1-1/2 years. I look forward to joining her so we can once again be a two-parent family. Everything has and continues to work out for the very best. The situation 19 months ago was anything but ideal. I believe it was Erma Bombeck who said, “When life throws you lemons, make lemonade.” The past 19 months has been more lemonade than lemons. I can visualize that first hug when I finally see my children. It would be great to think that I will see them shortly after my release date, but quite frankly, this decision is out of my hands. I was speaking with another inmate yesterday about traveling to see my family while I am on parole. This inmate informed me it is very easy to travel. This peaked my interest, and he went further to say that all you have to do is just go, and as long as you don’t get into trouble, everything will be fine. I understood this to mean that I should not ask my parole officer for permission to travel because I won’t get into trouble. Well, I certainly do not intend on getting into trouble, but as part of my recovery and really new life, everything I do is done through honesty. If I cannot leave California without permission, I will not leave California. I would much rather have the permission, and if I can’t garner the permission, I will remain in California until I receive permission. The only question I have is on the timing of traveling so soon after my release. I would imagine obtaining permission is a process, and my better alternative would be to receive permission to travel at the end of April for my daughter’s communion. By the way, my daughter did also inform me she received the “sacrament” of confession in her catechism class where she confesses all her sins. I was raised Catholic and was baptized along with making the first communion and confirmation. I thought confession didn’t come until confirmation, but apparently, confession is happening for my daughter. Whatever the case, I do plan on big hugs and kisses the first time I see them. I was very fortunate to be able to spend three days with my wife and children back in July. I was able to see my children once in the past 18-plus months which will move to probably once in the past 20 months if not more. Saying I miss them dearly is an understatement. I love them dearly and can’t wait until I tuck them into their beds on a daily basis. I am moving closer to this as each day passes.

The rainy morning came quickly, but unlike yesterday, I go up, dressed, woke up my roommate, and went outside to exercise. In spite of the dreary weather, we had a very good workout session. The rest of the day was rainy and dreary, but this didn’t matter to me. What matters is today’s date, January 28th. This means this is the last 28th day of whatever month that I will be incarcerated. Since I am now officially under one month to go, the days after today will be the days of my incarceration. For example, tomorrow being the 29th is the last 29th of my incarceration and so forth. The 28th day of next month I will have been a free person for almost 24 hours. I will have a new routine which will include walking/running outside when I want, not when it is designated. It will also mean I can eat what I want when I want. The best part is I will be able to hold my wife, which means the world to me.

One Month From Today!

Here I am one month from today – the day of my RELEASE ~

When I started this journey I was looking at serving 24 months on the 4 year sentence. I started counting down those months and when I arrived here at fire camp I received a reduction in my term. Now I can say that I have one month remaining on my “lease.” When this is all said and done, I will have spent 19 ½ months on my sentence. I did realize these months would pass thanks to being in recovery and living one day at a time. What I didn’t realize was how fast these months would go by. I have days remaining instead of months and I will continue living one day at a time. Those days will reach February 27th soon enough.

Last night was a scrabble night and the evening went quickly as we played scrabble and drank hot chocolate. Then it was time to go to sleep. “I waved” from breakfast because my dear friends would be here for the GA meeting/visit. Like clockwork they arrived as they normally do. I was very happy to see them as they made the drive in the rain. Since it was raining we were in the dining hall for the meeting for the first time. I would guess this was the 15th GA meeting/visit and 14 of those meetings were held outside in the regular visiting area. The venue may have changed but the meeting was as always wonderful. There were four of us (including me) today and the number of people does not matter - what matters most is the friendship I have developed with these incredible people. We spent two hours experiencing the embodiment of the GA program. GA is all about experiencing, sharing, and hoping. This is exactly what we did and I do love the Program as well as the people within the Program. We talked, laughed, listened, ate and enjoyed every moment.

My dear friends brought my parole clothes. Since I am at the one month mark before my release date, I am able to receive the clothes that I will parole in on February 27th. My friends brought a pair of jeans and one of the nicer casual shirts I own along with my wallet. I tried the jeans on to ensure they fit and yes, they fit very well. It appears if anything I may have put on a few pounds as opposed to losing a few pounds. The jeans fit but they seemed more snug in the thigh area. The more I remember about these jeans – the more I believe they have always fit like this. If I had to guess I am probably the same as I was 18 ½ months ago before I started this journey. This really comes as no surprise to me because I have been the same weight for at least 17 years. It will be interesting to see when I finally step on a scale how much I actually weigh. Hopefully, I won’t get hung up on the weight issue and if I gained a few pounds so be it. The positive side is I have not lost my weight which I know was a concern to a few people. The process of receiving my parole clothes does make the prospect of my release that much more real. In the upcoming weeks, I will sign the official parole paperwork which will make it a little more real. I spoke with my mother yesterday who was able to find out my parole officer’s name and which office. She is located in the office I thought it would be. This is all happening and on this exact moment one month from today, I will be a free person!

Tasty Fish Yet Again

As it turns out, my good friend did attempt to visit me last weekend. I received a letter from him detailing his rather adventurous drive from Las Vegas. As he was driving from his house early Sunday morning, his time pressure gauge came on which he recently had an issue with and was presumably rectified. He took out his handy dandy electronic pump to fill up the tire and off he went. The gauge did reflect that the tire was properly inflated and all was well. About 90 minutes after this, the tire pressure gauge again came on. At this point, my friend became a bit exasperated and enlisted his GPS system to locate the nearest tire store which was open on Sunday morning. Long story short – all four of his tires were out of alignment. Also, the gauge had a malfunction which was rectified. By this time, it was early afternoon and he wouldn’t arrive here in time as visiting hours would have been over. It was a 400 mile odyssey and I felt sort of responsible for his misfortune. However, in the letter my friend did mention he would try again to comeback sometime in February. This is most certainly a good friend and one of those many blessings in my life.

With fried fish on the menu, my roommate once again came through with a tasty fish dinner. He actually poaches the fish and it is extremely juicy along with being delicious. He also made the parsnips and I told him he should be a chef. My roommate has always been an amateur chef and ha always enjoyed cooking. Due to some unfortunate circumstances, he is here with me and making the absolute best of a bad situation. I al so grateful he is my roommate and always keeps me well fed. He even prepared parsnips to go with the mushroom encrusted fish. I do believe he should prepare this meal for the entire camp because it is so much better than the fried version. I realize some of my fellow inmates are resistant to change and this type of meal my appear foreign but it is delicious. Once again it was an outstanding meal!

Eating and beginning a new book by James Patterson was pretty much the extent of my evening. To give an indication as to how full I was last night, I didn’t even have room for the evening requisite tea. The night falls quickly and I was off to sleep. I still haven’t gotten used to the flashlight appearing in the middle of the night. I remember someone telling me when I first arrived that I would get used to it. Well, it has now been 8 months and I still seem to wake up when the flashlight appears. I doubt I will suddenly get used to this in the next month which is just as well. I am a light sleeper and have always been on. I guess this will continue ad infinity.

I was more awake at 3:00 am than at 5:00 am when I actually got out of bed. My mind was once again working as I had some dreams. I dreamt I was working for several counseling services as an accountant. I didn’t recognize the people I was working with, but I do remember I wasn’t wearing any shoes or socks as I went about my business. I am certain Freud would have a field day with this, but I have no clue as to the meaning of walking around barefoot while wearing business attire. (Any guesses?) I got up and began my daily exercise routine with my roommate. I am not going to run in the Los Angeles Marathon on March 2nd for a variety of reasons, but I do hope to run the New York Marathon hopefully later this year.

I had my sights on the LA, NYC, and Boston marathons but I obviously have other priorities to attend to. If I am able to run in any of these – that would be great. I would love to have my family be there at each of the finish lines because this does mean a great deal to me. I have run in 5 marathons and my family has always been with me. I also ran in half-marathons and a few of them my family was there with me. It’s just not same when they are not there. I do believe we have many experiences we will share ahead of us and everything will continue to workout for the best.

Another Work Week Complete

The question my roommate and I posed is there is anything I need to do before my release next month. I have thought this over on several occasions and I cannot come up with anything. The book idea has been put on hold indefinitely and really there is not much else. I am truly counting down the days and with another work week complete, I have to clean the bathrooms 21 more times. The day before my release date, I go on what is termed “S” time. (I have no idea what the “S” stands for and my guess would be short) This means I am no longer on the payroll, and take that day to gather all my belongings. With that information I have four full work weeks remaining and one Monday giving me the 21 days of cleaning. If I glance back this equals the same amount of time from New Years Eve until this very day (today). It seems like yesterday, my roommate and I were ringing in the New Year by staying awake until midnight, but in that same time I will be “walking out the door” so to speak. Yes, time moves very quickly and with a little over one month remaining the excitement continues to build.

This excitement is building even though my days are pretty much identical to one another. I do my best to maintain a positive attitude and with only a month remaining – if I weren’t positive, I would need my head examined and I am particularly excited coming out with a job! I have a completely different mindset as I start my new job and I foresee a great deal of smiling on those workdays. I do feel as if a chain has been broken off me. I was swirling and swirling for so long which I ignored. Happily this has all changed for the better and that bright beautiful new beginning beckons. I don’t have much else as my day was the usual. I did have a headache yesterday which is very rare. I took some Ibuprofen and when I woke up the headache was gone.

The typical day continued as I took my time cleaning the bathrooms. As I finished I normally have to go into the office where my roommate spends his day and get the bars of soap for the bathroom sinks. We both started a joke today that whenever we see each other – the first person to call “plank”) which is an exercise for the core where the person supports themselves on their elbows and toes while squeezing the abdomen and lowerback) the other person has to drop down and do a 60 second plank. As I walked past my roommate in the office, I called “plank” and he complied by doing a plank on the sidewalk as well. I must say we have a very good time in this situation. We do laugh more than anything else and I would guess some of the other inmates think we are crazy. We may be crazy, but we have a good time!

After the plank incident, I went back to my room where I waited for the lunch hour. I needed a run and a run is what I did during the lunch hour. The large rain/snow storm never did materialize, but other parts of California are snowed in. The forecast calls for another storm this weekend but it does appear the temperatures are increasing so it shouldn’t be a snow event. The GA meeting/visit reconvenes on Sunday and we have not had this inside the dining hall to date because the weather has always cooperated. Maybe we are due for an indoor meeting, who knows?

Peanuts In The Shower?

The hum of the days going by is hypnotic. Here I sit yet again to jot down my thoughts. 24 hours have passed since the last time I wrote. Quite frankly, in those 24 hours, not a great deal exciting has happened in my life, which is okay by me! I have read two newspapers; USA Today and a local paper, in this time period. Things seem to happen every news cycle, and if they didn’t, I guess the newspaper wouldn’t be very interesting. Would I quantify the newspapers as exciting? No, not really, but they were still informational. This would be my goal for this blog; to make it more informational than anything else. My daily life is anything but interesting, and other than the fact that I am an inmate at a California prison camp, interesting starts and stops there.

Was my dinner interesting? No, as it was the usual rice and beans. The main entrée was sausage and peppers. Since it was pork sausage, an alternative of roasted chicken was given to the non-pork eaters. The camp does cater to non-pork eaters which, I believe, number 12 inmates. It is interesting how the non-pork eaters are catered to, but no other person within the vegetarian or non-red-meat eating categories are catered to. I believe the non-pork eating has a basis in certain religions, which is why an alternative is given. On those nights when pork is served, I happily give the roasted chicken to my roommate. So much for being interesting and informative! With dinner over, the mail call was announced, and I received one piece which was a letter from my father. Earlier on in this journey, I was a bit apprehensive when I received an envelope with my father’s return address; however, now I enjoy reading my father’s letters. It was very good, and my dad has a very good life where is biggest concern is his golf swing. My father is a good golfer, but he has been tweaking his swing for over 30 years. I doubt he will ever stop tweaking the swing because this is what he does. He is enjoying life, and I love reading about his golf game. I haven’t seen my father in quite some time, and it appears (as long as I receive approval) I will see him at my daughter’s communion at the end of April. This will not only serve as my daughter receiving a sacrament but a family reunion of sorts for me. Both of my sisters are planning on attending along with my mother. It should be a wonderful occasion, and I certainly look forward to it.

The rest of the evening was the usual as I talked along with read until it was time to go to sleep. The rains started during the evening, and as I went outside, I noticed a little freezing rain coming down. Snow never materialized, but the forecast calls for more rain and snow in the higher elevations. There seems to be some controversy as to what elevation the camp sits. I heard people say 1700 feet above sea level, and I heard others cite s800 feet above sea level. The forecast calls for snow at above 2000 feet, so I shall see. The surrounding mountains are dusted with snow, and it is very pretty. Yes, this is southern California, but it is still wintertime, and even though the song says, “It Never Rains in Southern California,” it certainly does. It even snows!

The workout this morning was very good for me, and the day of rest did me good. My roommate may have slightly injured his shoulder, and for the first time one of us “tapped out” (which means stopped) before all of the exercises were complete. It was the right thing to do, and as my roommate went inside, I continued on. At one point during the workout, I was completely alone in the weight area. This is a rarity, and with the rain coming down, it was a very pleasant setting. I finished up and went inside to shower. Then came breakfast which was uneventful, and then it was on to clean the bathrooms. As I was cleaning, I found a shelled peanut in the showers. I not only found one but another. I thought this to be strange because it meant someone was eating peanuts in the shower! I’m not sure how this is possible, but it was evident as the peanut shells were on the ground in the shower, and the skins of the peanuts were on the faucet for the showers. Strange things do happen, and I had to laugh as I cleaned up the peanuts in the shower. Either someone was eating peanuts in the shower or someone was battling an elephant! I will go with the former! Is this informative, interesting, both, or neither??

Enjoy The Present

I’m not sure if there will be another time where I can do what I am currently doing. I do my very best to enjoy the present, and why not? My days are essentially the same, and what is not to like about that? Well, the simple fact I am separated from my wife and children is a large factor, and that I am a convict is another thing not to like. I do choose to focus on the positive, and last night, my roommate prepared another delicious dinner of fish in mushrooms. Also, parsnips were prepared, and they were mouth watering. As I reread those last two sentences, I can’t believe I actually wrote them. Here I sit in prison (okay, it is a fire camp thank God!), and I am eating better than a majority of the free population. I am so grateful for this experience, and as I piece things together, all those pieces fit very nicely. I remember having trepidation before I was sentenced as I face the unknown. As I sat in the county jail shortly before my sentence, I took a deep breath and said, “I will get through this a better person.”

With less than five weeks remaining on my sentence, I am getting through this, and hopefully, I have become a better person. I cannot pass objective judgment on myself, so I will leave that up to someone else. I can say it was great to be myself with my mother and dear friends this past weekend. I was wondering when I could finally be myself, and a little of this showed over the weekend. I am certainly myself with my roommate, but no matter how I slice it, we are still in prison, which lends itself to being guarded. I didn’t need to be guarded over the weekend, and it felt great. My mother even commented that I hadn’t changed. It was an off-handed comment, but I took this as a compliment because it meant I was getting back to being my true self. Slowly but surely, everything is coming all together. Last night was very nice, and we were not subjected to the roast beef (also known as roast “beast”) served in the dining hall.

The night was filled with the delicious dinner followed by conversation and some reading. I also threw in some listening to music as I borrowed the Pink Floyd CD from my friend. My roommate and I decided to finally take a morning off from our weightlifting routine. As I mentioned, I had gone nine days in a row without a day off, and my roommate had gone 17 days in a row. I was awake at the usual time but fell back to sleep for the extra 90 minutes. Sleeping later was good because my body needed it. The early mornings do provide lots of movement in the dorm, and my light sleeping habits prohibit me from sleeping through it. I ignored most of the commotion, and my body received the rest it required.

On Wednesdays, I turn my sheets into the laundry for washing. This is another one of my little time markers. I now have only four more Wednesdays where I need to turn in my sheets to the laundry. The day is approaching, and on the fifth Wednesday from this very day, I will be a free man. Someone mentioned that next Friday is February 1st and the month in which I get to go home. Home is certainly relative as I will be going to my dear friends’ house where it will be a temporary home for me. It won’t be a home with my wife and children but certainly better than my current situation. It is sort of strange because my current situation is very peaceful with hardly any demands. The demands consist of cleaning the bathrooms and arriving for the counts on time. These aren’t exactly earth-shattering demands. The peace of my life will increase precipitously upon my release, but hopefully, I can maintain the inner peace I have garnered over the past 18-plus months.

Today was a perfect example of this slow pace. I leisurely got out of bed, dressed, read a little, and went to breakfast. I didn’t shower because I would shower after I cleaned the bathrooms. After breakfast, it was time to clean the bathrooms, which I did. I get lost in thought as I clean the bathrooms, and before I knew it, both bathrooms were cleaned. I find myself thinking about inane things such as how the camp operates. Maybe sometime in the future, I will detail this but until then, I can say Jerry Seinfeld said it correctly, “bizarre world.” As I completed the bathrooms, I showered and had my obligatory peanut butter sandwich for lunch. I took the entire afternoon to finish reading “Just One Look” by Harlan Coben. This was a more recent novel published in 2005 and another very good story. I do enjoy how Mr. Coben interlaces main characters in his other novels within this novel as very minor characters. His writing style is so matter of fact, and the twists are unforeseeable. The novel did lost lose some of its steam toward the end, and it wasn’t a happy ending at all; however, all in all it was a very good novel.

So there you have it – a very peaceful day at fire camp. The early days of trepidation have passed, and now, it is all positive. I do look ahead to 34 days from now as it will be a whole new, bright, beautiful world to me. My roommate and I were talking the other day about what it will be like that first day of being released. My roommate likened it to an animal that was being returned to the wild after being held in captivity. At first, the animal is apprehensive as the cage opens but slowly gets the sense that they are not in captivity anymore and darts into the wild. I’m not so sure about darting into the wild, but I can see the apprehension. I can also see enjoying the “wild” for all that it’s worth. I am being given a second chance, and thankfully, this second chance will be with recovery. Everything in my life is truly better now that I embrace recovery.

Oh, the Days!

The rainbow of yesterday afternoon is firmly etched into my mind. This was a bright, vivid rainbow which was so close. I could have almost reached out and touched it. I don’t remember the scientific explanation for rainbows, but I can say it was, indeed, exquisite. As my roommate and me bounded up and down the hill, we took a few minutes gazing at the vivacious rainbow. A few other inmates who had seen it as well stated it was one of the most magnificent rainbows they had ever seen. I remember seeing several rainbows when I visited Hawaii but none this close and this big. Yes, nature does provide extraordinary sights.

I was tire last night and settled into bed much earlier than usual. I did have two cups of some lovely vanilla chai tea prior to falling asleep. I guess the caffeine content was nonexistent since the more I drank the more tired I became. It appears this tea had more of a calming effect than anything else. Once again, my roommate came through for dinner. Each holiday, a special dinner is prepared, and yesterday being Martin Luther King’s birthday, we were served barbecued chicken, hot link sausage, collard greens, black-eyed peas, macaroni and cheese, salad, ice cream, pecan pie, and soda. I only ate the black-eyed peas and salad, but I did have some pasta waiting for me back in my room thanks to my roommate. I had enough pasta for two meals, so I only ate half.

The evening was the usual with reading and talking. The early part of the week my roommate is able to get the local newspaper, so I spent most of the evening reading the paper. It appears the primaries/caucuses are heating u, and everything points to Tsunami Tuesday, February 5th, where there are something like 24 primaries that day. I am interested to see those results, but I have a sneaking suspicion there won’t be a clear-cut winner for either the Democrats or Republicans. It may come down to those states that didn’t move up their primaries.

Sleep came easy and so did dreaming. I know I had dreams, but I couldn’t remember any of them. This happens to me from time to time. It does appear as I get closer to my release date (5 weeks away!), the more dreams I have. My subconscious is back to working full throttle, but this is all positive and a far cry from before I started the odyssey. The dreams made the night’s sleep go quickly, and it was time to get up for the daily workout. My roommate and I are on a streak as today was the ninth day in a row working out for me, while my roommate has now worked out 16 straight days. We are due for a day off as my triceps and biceps are a bit tender from yesterday’s workout. Today, I didn’t have to use these body parts as we did legs. Once again the temperatures were warmer than recent days, and with this workout, we heated up very quickly. The workout was excellent, and it was on to officially start my work week.

Everything the rest of the day was the usual, and oh, these days are moving along nicely. As I mentioned, I now have only five weeks remaining, and the day count is 35 days and 1 wakeup.

It was funny over the past weekend as I mentioned how many days I have remaining to my mother and dear friends. I said 37 days and 1 wakeup. My mother replied that this is how she used to count down the days to the end of the school year. My mom is a retired school teacher, and the last of school usually ended at 10:00 a.m., so it wasn’t considered a full day. This is the same for me because officially I can leave at 8:00 a.m. on February 27th, so I don’t count that final day. My wife is planning on picking me up, and when she arrived for the two family visits, she was an hour late each time. I joked with her when I last saw her in December about being late on my release date. Quite frankly, I don’t want to spend an extra minute here, which is why I am hoping she arrives early.

I took all of the morning to clean the bathrooms as they need a full service from the three-day weekend. The camp installed a hand sanitizer about a month ago due to the potential staph problem. Now, these dispensers are empty, so I took it upon myself to ask if I could refill them. Nothing is as it seems in this situation. Yes, I am responsible to fill them, but I must wait until the first of next month. In a very different situation, I would question this logic but not here. I am finished making sense of an illogical situation. I just nodded and said, “Okay.” I think I have stopped being angered at situations such as these. I almost expect the completely unexpected. I don’t understand, but I am not in a position to question why. I’m not sure if there is anyone who questions why because these things happen often. This does make me long for a “normal” situation, but then again, what is “normal” to me may not be “normal” to anyone else!

The lunch hour came, and I decided to resume running and run I did for the entire lunch hour. The lunch hour flew by, and my afternoon was filled with writing. I wrote four more letters this afternoon, and I think I am current. Oh, the days are moving along very nicely, and now I am one day closer to being released. These days will add up, and that wonderful day will be here soon.

Rainy Holiday

I didn’t need dinner last night because I was so full from the visit. After the Giants game, I returned to my room for the Sunday night ritual. However, 60 Minutes was preempted by a CBS News Special on Global Warming. I listened to this along with my roommate. The show was very fascinating and I am not sure how people can refute global warming. I realize it may not appear to be an exact science, but humans have been (?mucking?) up this planet for a number of years especially in the last 100 years. I believe the evidence is overwhelming – yet there are people who have their doubts. I don’t know what it will take to overcome the oil “addiction” in this country, but this does appear to be a problem. I have never been a “green” person, I have done my part to recycle but little else. I do intend to be more judicious when it comes to the environment because it all goes to living simply. It is the excess that got me into trouble and it appears an excess is getting the world into trouble. There are so many lessons I continue to learn and even global warming has entered this equation.

It was a very rainy and dreary day on this Holiday and I didn’t run as part of my exercise. After breakfast I cleaned the bathrooms and decided to call my dear friends who visited this weekend. I wanted to see if they made it back okay and they did. Everyone had a late night so I only spoke with my dear friend which was great! Again I thanked him for an outstanding weekend and I am glad they made it home safe and sound since there was some type of “electronic” tire problem on the way to the camp.

The rest of my day consisted of writing, writing, and more writing. I was a bit behind having to write 8 letters today, but this is a blessing in everyway. I responded to each of these remarkable people and just like that my day was over. I did take time out to hike the hill with my roommate as the rain and dreariness cleared. As we hiked we noticed one of the most beautiful rainbows I have seen. The rainbow emanated from only one mile away and stretched to the mountains 15 miles to the East. It was a stunning sight and we watched it form and then disappear. Here I am in prison experiencing a beautiful natural wonder. Nature has amazing powers and I am in awe. The rainbow did disappear, but it was a sight to behold. I continue to be grateful for this experience and that rainbow didn’t need a pot of gold for me to enjoy every minute of it. I am blessed and blessings are everywhere!