Everything Great!!

I need to apologize since I am getting very behind in posting these entries. I appreciate the emails and the concern but I assure everyone all is well; I am just busier than I have been in quite some time. This blog is very important to me and my recovery as is the Gamblers Anonymous meetings. I have made a commitment to myself that I would attend at least on GA meeting per week which would be most likely on Sunday evenings but this Sunday I blew that so I had to find the time today and I did. Not only will I continue the GA Program because it continues to save my life each and every day I will do my best to post daily entries into this blog. I am grateful for those folks (mostly my friends) who read this on a daily basis and once again I assure those folks that everything is going well which is why I haven’t posted in awhile. I am blessed and continued to be blessed by so many people and thank you so very much.

I do keep a mental journal in my head when I don’t post on a daily basis so please forgive me or commend me for that matter if I am more brief than usual!! Life is indeed wonderful and now with the family here along with having a “real” job these so called “demands” of life are present but I wouldn’t trade any of this for anything knowing the “other side”. In my first five months back in the free world I did have a great deal of free time and God knows I had a great deal of time the preceding 19 ½ months while I served my sentence. I am still afforded the same 24 hours in a day but this time is filled with so much; life is indeed magnificent.

This morning I found myself back at the gym as I enter the tapering phase of my training for the Long Beach Marathon. I purposely took off yesterday because I had to make the long drive to the conference knowing full well I would be back at the gym this morning. I didn’t have a very long run planned so I decided to hit the weights this morning going back to a very familiar routine. I have concentrated on running and my core over the past 10 weeks but since I had more time I got in a very good weight workout. I need to establish a better balanced program once the marathon is concluded but that is in the future so I will concentrate on today. Today was very good and I had a great start to the day.

I have developed a better routine at my “home” office. I was thinking about turning the guest bedroom into an office but in 30 days we will have a houseguest or better put a “border”. This is a very good friend of mine and I am very happy to help in any way I can. I have settled on having my office in the “lounge” area which is great during the day when everyone is off at school. My plan is to setup appointments two days a week and be on the road the other three days a week. I have done some very good things in my first 30 days of employment but the bottom line is getting people who are paying customers through the door. Later today a meeting would possibly help getting these people in the door.

Prior to this very important meeting I finished up some work and had to put on a full suit and tie for the first time since my sentencing day. I even put on the same suit that I was sentenced in but the shirt and tie were different. It felt strange being in a tie for the first time in over 2 years. In my previous career I had to don the shirt and tie everyday which didn’t seem to bother me. As I put on the suit and tie I had to smile seeing myself in the mirror. This was a far cry from the “orange” garb I had for so long and the suit felt great. Of course the suit fit just like it did over 2 years ago and I was ready for the meeting.

The temperature reading stated 102 degrees which isn’t so great in a full suit and tie but that is what air conditioning is all about. We made our way to the meeting as I was joined by two principals from our company who would do all the talking. My job was to setup the meeting and gain the contact. The two principals were effectively selling the company and did a great job. We were surrounded by 10 people who represent people such as me who have encountered some legal trouble. These were Probation Officers which is the County’s equivalent to Parole Agents so I sort of knew what everyone was saying.

The meeting was well received and who knows what this will lead to. The barrier was money because normally people in this predicament lack funds and it cost money to run a recovery center. Our principals bent over backwards without giving away the company to make something work so I am confident something will come of this as we will be able to help people. It is great to help people but ultimately this is a business and people who run the business need to be paid. It would be an interesting world if we didn’t need money but the facts are money is necessary in this day and age. Thankfully I am no longer fixated on having a great deal of money; however; I do understand the realities of running a business. As long as it makes economic sense and we are helping people everything will be great. I do have faith everything will be great because it is!!!

Ah the "Attitude"

It wasn’t a very pleasant conversation with my daughter last night and it really wasn’t a conversation; it was more like a one-sided directive. My daughter has a tendency to be moody. Usually these moods happen in the morning and as the day moves along she progresses into more of a human being. However; last night while we were at our dear friends’ house my daughter displayed some of this moodiness and was reprimanded by one of our friends. It was unusual to see this behavior displayed outside of our house since it is normally relegated to the confines of our home. This is a disturbing event and I was very happy to hear our dear friend say something to our daughter. The display was of disrespect not to our friend but to my wife and I and for this my daughter lost her bicycle privileges for the next two days.

The “attitude” of my daughter continued to this conversation and she was giving this “attitude” to my wife which is not unusual. Over the past two years while I was “away” my wife and daughter have had their run-ins but last night the attitude spilled over to me as well. I won’t stand for this attitude and when I saw the rolling of the eyes I let my daughter have it. I screamed so loud I had to close the windows because I think the people on the other block had heard me. My daughter immediately knew what she did was wrong and started to cry.

Things calmed down over the next few minutes as we had a conversation about this attitude but apparently my daughter was having a hard time controlling her attitude. There was another glimpse of this attitude as we spoke and once again I had to raise my voice to get my point across. According to my daughter she is not “afraid” of her mother because my wife (again according to my daughter) doesn’t follow through on the threats. However; my daughter is afraid of me because of my “voice” (very loud and threatening). My daughter received a full dose of the “voice” last night and I’m not sure if any of this had an effect on her. Yes, she lost the bicycle privileges but the only activity my daughter holds near and dear is playing on the softball team and we broached that subject about her losing that privilege. I certainly hope it doesn’t get that far but if she continues she will lose the softball privilege very soon.

The conversation and ordeal were over as my daughter calmed down. I did my best in telling my daughter all I want is for her to be respectful to both wife and me. I understand there are times that the attitude will come through but hopefully these times will be few and far between. My daughter assured me she wasn’t “perfect” and once I heard that I assured her I am not seeking perfection. There was much more resistance from my daughter than I had expected so I am guessing the road to teenage land will be a rocky one!!! Only time has the answers and I will continue enjoying even these “moments” one at a time.

This morning I had to once again make a long drive for my new position. There was a very big conference for the recovery industry about 2 hours away from where I live. I didn’t have to get up at the wee hours of the morning because it made no sense since the traffic is horrendous in this part of Southern California. I took my time this morning and was out the door before the children departed for school. I made my way to the conference and yes, the traffic was still horrendous but fortunately my attitude is very good when it comes to these types of situations; live and let live along with knowing where I was this time last year. The world is wonderful and traffic jams are wonderful too because I know the alternative. I will trade sitting in a prison with sitting in traffic any day and today was a very good day.

The conference was at a picturesque hotel on the Pacific Ocean and I had to stop and enjoy the view. The hotel overlooked the beach and the ocean which is a very serene setting for a recovery conference. It is my job to get to know anyone interested in recovery and today I got to know some of the players in the industry. It is funny how this industry is not unlike any other industry since it appears most of the people in attendance knew one another from all across the country. This was identical to the industry where I have most of my experience (gaming industry) and those conferences were sort of like mini-reunions much like this conference. I was the outsider but was made to feel at home by my boss who knew just about all of the “players” at the conference. I had a very good time and I do need to work on developing an outgoing personality in these types of events but all was good.

Reasons and then Some!!

We are just wiped out after these Saturday morning on the diamond. Everyone just about collapses when we get home and yesterday was no exception. We were going strong since early in the morning (not to mention my very early morning 20 mile run) and returned home early in the afternoon. No one felt like doing anything and today was exceptionally hotter than it has been. I guess it is officially fall but the temperature read the dog days of summer. I’m not sure how those kids do it but no one seemed to be worse for the wear playing in the 100 degree heat; however; when we arrived home I could see the heat had taken a toll on everyone.

The afternoon was filled with movie watching as the children watched the “Bad News Bears” movies and my daughter commented that the original movie was much better than the remake of a few years ago. It was good to hear my daughter who wasn’t even a thought when the first “Bad News Bears” movie came out enjoyed that movie over its predecessor. I guess it is a “money” thing with the studios and it doesn’t matter that the remake is worse than the original as long as it makes money.

My wife and I watched “The Departed” since I have a great deal of catching up to do with movies released over the past two years. As I served my sentence there were very few movies I viewed and I had heard “The Departed” was a good movie so we spent the afternoon watching this. In my opinion it was a horrible movie with a horrible ending. The acting was good and Jack Nicholson was vintage Jack Nicholson along with the solid acting of Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio but the story line was terrible and the title was very appropriate.

The rest of the evening was uneventful and everyone was sound asleep prior to 10:00 pm. Oddly even thought I was exhausted I was up very early staring at the clock radio. There is no turning off my internal body clock and when I set it very early this continues whether or not I am due to get out of bed. Fortunately I did fall back to sleep and wasn’t woken up until my son made his daily appearance into our room. I don’t mind my son coming into the room at all and even when he is half asleep he always brings a smile with him and today was no exception.

We lounged around in bed watching our ritual television program CBS’ “This Morning” which is a wonderful to start a relaxing Sunday morning. These Sundays are wonderful since we don’t have any scheduled events but we had to do something today since we are getting our first visitor later this week. Yes, that is correct we are having our first visitor from the East for a short visit starting Thursday. We are looking forward to our visitor and we need to get the house in order. The process of moving in has been very slow but there really is no urgency other than the fact that we will have a houseguest in a few days. The urgency is upon us and I even pitched in with the cleaning.

This is going to sound horrible but I stay away from the cleaning and organizing of the house for the simple reason that my wife always seems to undo what I have done so my philosophy is to stay away. I couldn’t stay away today because we needed the family cleaned and really I would do it myself if my wife would let me but she just won’t. I took my cleaning skills that I honed for the six plus months of cleaning then bathrooms at camp and cleaned the family room. I was amazed how dirty blinds can get and these blinds were extremely dirty. We like to keep the windows open when the temperature is less than 100 degrees but there is so much dust and dirt in the area it is impossible to keep the dust from accumulating and the dust accumulated very much. The blinds were so dusty I didn’t mind it when my wife had to come with a bucket of soapy water after I dusted the blinds to the best of my ability.

The day had gone by so fast and I had all intention of attending the Sunday GA meeting but when it came time for the meeting I had three faces asking me if I could skip the meeting today. My son went as far as asking, “Who is more important family of the meeting?” This was a fascinating question from a 7 year old and I couldn’t explain to him that these two or not mutually exclusive. I know I have my family because of recovery and if I fall away from recovery I won’t have a family. It isn’t exactly a Catch-22 as these are positive consequences so it was difficult for me to explain. The prudent thing to do was to stay home today and do my best to get to a meeting during the week. I do have an opening on Tuesday and I would hope to attend the Tuesday meeting.

Since I didn’t attend the meeting we were invited over to our dear friends’ house for dinner. Prior to dinner we stopped at a local store to pick up dessert and in the store was a person I hadn’t seen in over 2 years. This was a person who I met through the GA Program and this person even visited me while I was at the County facility. I looked down the aisle and instantly recognized the person and the person recognized me as well. We approached one another and gave each other a big hug. Unfortunately this person no longer goes to any GA meetings but there life is getting better because they are abstinent from gambling. I don’t believe in pressuring anyone in coming to meeting because that is a personal choice. I know I need and want to attend the meetings and hopefully others will see this as well. It was good to see that this person was moving forward in a positive manner and who knows I think I wasn’t supposed to go to the GA meeting tonight anyway??

We picked up the desserts and headed over to our dear friends’ house for dinner. These are always great dinners and we always have lots of laughs. Tonight was no exception and we didn’t need any game playing to have fun. The dinner and conversation were wonderful along with just being with our dear friends. This was a great way to conclude another fantastic weekend with the family.

Was that Johnny Bench???

This morning was my last “long” run prior to the Long Beach Marathon in two weeks from Sunday. I was up very early because yes, since it is a Saturday meant we were back at the diamond all morning long. My daughter had another doubleheader and the second game of this doubleheader coincided with my son’s baseball game. This meant I had to (really I wanted to get up because I didn’t “have” to do anything!) get up very early; get to the gym and get the 20 mile run in. While I have been preparing for the marathon I wanted to get in more long runs compared to my last marathon in June. I faded at mile 21 but did hold on for a personal best time so I wanted to be better prepared.

For those of you who have never run a marathon it may seem like a daunting task running 26.2 miles (yes, every mile counts) but with the right preparation and mindset anything can be accomplished. My first marathon was my worst because I didn’t know what to expect and after that marathon I was very upset with myself knowing I could do better so I set a goal to do better. Well, I have run 5 marathons since that first one and my times have always been better than that first marathon. My last marathon nearly shaved an hour off my initial marathon time so I guess I have been doing something right. Now back to this morning and following my training regimen. The training regimen called for two runs of 20 miles just like it did when I ran in June; however; in June I only did one of those runs and riding the bicycle for an equivalent of the other 20 mile run. This time I made it my goal to run both 20 milers and this morning I accomplished this very well.

I felt great after running the 20 miles today and compared to two weeks ago when I ran 20 miles I had much more left in the “tank” today. I didn’t bother with the IPod as I didn’t want to hassle with the earphones and just let me mind relax for those 2 ½ hours as I covered the 20 mile distance. If I had more time I could have covered a few more miles but I had to get home in order to get everyone ready for the day on the diamond. I returned home and much to my surprise my daughter was awake, dressed and ready to go. This was a huge change for my daughter who relishes her “sleeping in” and even with the enticement of playing softball I thought she would still be in bed but that was not the case. My son was awake and coming down the stairs as I came home. His game wasn’t for a few more hours but we all were going to my daughter’s game first.

Since we had to take two cars I took my daughter in order to get her to the field in time. She is required to be at the field one hour prior to the game in order to warm-up properly. The game was slated to start at 9:00 am and this meant she got more sleep on a school day than today a Saturday!! This didn’t seem to bother my daughter this morning and she was almost human at this early hour. We arrived at the ball field and I watched as the team warmed-up with my wife and son on the way. They made a few stops for breakfast prior to arriving at the field but we were all there in time for the game to start.

My daughter’s team didn’t fare too well as they lost 4-0 and my daughter only got to bat once; walking and obviously not scoring any runs. She did make a great play at shortstop tagging a runner out as the throw from the catcher bounced in front of her but she had the wherewithal to go down on one knee, catch the ball and tag the runner out. It was a very cool play especially knowing my daughter only weighs 66 pounds and the runner was almost twice her size!! She was so proud and had a bright big smile on her face as she walked off the field.

The game was over and now it was on to my son’s game while my wife stayed behind to watch our daughter’s second game of the morning. My son has been gaining so much confidence since he started a month ago and it is wonderful. He is getting great at the catcher’s position and today he looked like Johnny Bench. The batter from the opposing swung and hit a little dribbler out in front of home plate. My son jumped up, threw off his mask, grabbed the ball with his bare hand and made a great throw to first base getting the runner out. This brought a big roar from the bench and the parents in attendance. I was so impressed I gave him two high fives. This was the play he has hoped for ever since he started catching and he was flawless.

My son was nearly flawless at bat as well; going 4 for 5 driving in 4 runs and scoring two runs. He hit the ball all five times and this was the first game he didn’t strike out. Also; I have been instructing him to stop throwing the bat after he hits the ball and today he didn’t throw the bat at all. He made a huge improvement today and if it hadn’t been for the smallest player on the team reaching base all five times my son would have gotten the game ball. Everyone on the team was rapping the ball all around the field and I think the final tally was 20-12. The league has a rule that when a team scores 6 runs the inning is over and today my son’s team scored the 6 runs in 3 different innings. It was a great game and now my son’s confidence is at an all time high. Wow; these are the Saturdays that I have longed for and being here means the world to me.

On the "Other" Side

I once again found myself arising from bed very early in order to make arrive at my appointment with plenty of time to setup. This was my first “solo” health fair with my new company in my new position. I have been to many of these health fairs over the years not as an exhibitor but as an attendee. These health fairs are a service of the employer for the employee and bring many health providers to the employee all in one area. In my previous “life” I didn’t think much about these health fairs because I would just cruise through picking up some of the interesting giveaways for my children never really paying attention to any of the exhibits.

I am a contrast in so many ways because my health has been very important to me for so many years as I have developed a fairly healthy diet along with a pretty good exercise routine. However; I would destroy myself with my compulsive gambling which I know took a toll on my body. Sure there isn’t a “substance” that enters the body much like there is with alcohol and drugs but I know I was not at my best while I was lying, cheating, stealing and gambling my brains out. I would use the exercise to blow off steam that had accumulated over the years. Now thankfully in recovery I am getting to be my best and it is no coincidence that my best marathon occurred back in June as I embrace recovery every day. I won’t make any predictions for my next marathon in two weeks but I will say my focus is so much better now in recovery as opposed to when I was not in recovery.

Today I was an exhibitor at a health fair and I was at a company that I was very familiar with since it was in my old industry. My gambling of choice was on the internet and it was predominately sports betting. I have been known to go into a casino over the years and having worked in that industry for over 12 years I sort of know how it operates but that didn’t preclude me from becoming a compulsive gambler. I knew enough to stay away from the casinos and to this day I have never gambled (nor do I intend to!) in a Native American casino inside and outside of California. This is yet another one of those contrasts as I am most certainly a compulsive gambler and once I discovered the anonymity of the internet I was hooked which led to some very bad things. It may have led to some very bad things but there is beauty in all of this and it is called recovery.

I was at the health fare as an exhibitor offering recovery to anyone who may have been interested. Talk about the proverbial “500 pound elephant in the room”. I didn’t give it much thought when I was setting up our booth but after I setup the booth I walked around the hall noticing all the other vendors and there was not one other recovery center in attendance. It didn’t take me long to figure why this was as it became evident no one wanted to enter our booth for fear of appearing to have a “problem”. This really was a tough venue for someone who may have been on the fence for treatment since all their peers were present. However; we were providing a service and those who came to the booth invariably had a loved one with a substance issue. I was able to give out our brochures and my business cards to more people than I first thought and who knows maybe somewhere down the line this will help someone.

One of the best contacts I made all day was the very nice person from a local university who was presiding over the booth adjacent to me. We talked about addiction and this seemed very personal to this person who had been affected by addiction over the course of their life. No, it wasn’t their own addiction but addictions by loved ones. Addiction is very personal yet affects some many more people than just the person battling their addiction. Whether it is gambling, alcohol, drugs, food, sex, etc, the addictions have a way of taking down those innocent by-standers. As we talked I assured this person that with the right treatment life does get better and I am a prime example. I didn’t go into detail of my situation but I gave the important facts which are gambling ruined my life but now recovery continues to save my life each and every day.

I do believe a person can recover from any addiction as long as that person admits they have a problem. In Gamblers Anonymous we read that a person will never recover if they don’t face squarely their addiction and I do believe this to be the case for any other addiction. There has to be willingness and I wasn’t willing for so long because I thought I was better than my addiction and the fact that I denied my addiction. Of course; I know now I was just living a lie and life isn’t about making that next bet it is about experiencing the wonderment in life and I am experiencing so much wonderment it is truly incredible. It was a wonderful day and hopefully someone will find our brochure along with what we spoke about helpful.

As I was driving home I spoke with a dear friend who is also in Gamblers Anonymous. This is a new dear friend and I learn so much from this person even though they have less time in GA than I have. This is the beauty of the program that someone with 40 years and someone with 4 hours of recovery can say something I can relate to. Today we had a very good conversation even though there were some very disturbing things happening in this friend’s life. I assured this dear friend that everything does have a way of working out and I do believe in karma. What goes around does come around and it works just like the “Power of Intention”.

As long as my intentions are positive and good there will be positive and good in my life. If I slip and intend negative actions I will receive negative consequences along with bad things that will happen. As long as I do my best the best will continue to happen and all those negative influences will go by the wayside. There are people in GA that “work” the program but the people who truly believe in the program are the ones who reap the most benefit, it is a great program and I am eternally grateful.

Bailout in Recovery is Not So Good

The old saying “attitude is everything” served me well this morning. I was awake very early with the mindset of getting my 10 mile run in before I had to venture off for a lunch meeting. Normally getting a workout in prior to a lunch meeting wouldn’t be very difficult but this lunch meeting was two hours away and I wanted to be home when the children woke up for their school day. I set my mind yesterday evening and in spite of having a very intense workout (in fact this was my last “intense” workout of my training regimen as I prepare for the Long Beach Marathon) yesterday I was mentally prepared to get to the gym and get in my run.

I was awake before the alarm went off and I wasn’t exactly in the “right” frame of mind to just jump out of bed but somehow I managed to get to my feet and once I was on my fight half the battle was over. I went about the early morning routine and was out the door before I could really think about anything. I was at the gym before I could think about anything and for the first 8 miles of my run I was preoccupied with my IPod. I finally purchased headphones that wrap around my ears as the ear buds wouldn’t fit in my rather smallish ears. I was eager to try out the new headphones while running but I guess my ears are “freakishly” small since these wraparound headphones kept falling off.

I had a pair of wraparound headphones while I served my time and these were the best $12 headphones I have ever purchased. The sound quality may not have been that good but these headphones were secure in my ears. Strangely enough I cannot locate these headphones (I guess they are only available to the “captive” audience!) and have struggled with the ear buds and now these headphones. There was a positive side to all of this finagling with the headphones because 80% of my run was complete before I realized. I guess it is back to the drawing board in search of new headphones but I must comment that it was very nice listening to music while I was running even as this music played in one of my ears!!

Nonetheless I got in a good workout and I returned home in time as the children prepared to go off to school. I got their breakfast ready and kissed them as they headed off to school. I had a few things to do before I joined a colleague for our drive to the lunch meeting. While I did these tasks I tuned into CNBC where all the talk was about the bailout. It is interesting because one of the Gamblers Anonymous principles talks about “no bailouts” and this makes sense for me a compulsive gambler. Does it make sense for a financial system that would allegedly implode without a bailout; I don’t know for sure but I taking the principles of the program to heart the reason for no bailout in GA is to stop the enabling of the compulsive gambler.

In my experience I was “bailed out” twice before my total fall from grace. The first time I was 18 years old and my father saved my “hide” from a bookmaker and the second time was 10 years later as I expunged all my gambling debt when I declared bankruptcy. No, I certainly didn’t learn much in those two incidents and in my third and hopefully final incident there weren’t any bailouts afforded to me. I have been blessed because of recovery but I lost 2 years from my family which I will never get back. Sure I lost many material possessions but these don’t mean a thing compared to the losing those two years of hugs, smiles, kisses and just general amazement of my family. This was the best medicine for me and as my father told me when I first got into trouble when I was 18, “don’t ever forget this feeling”. I did forget that feeling the first time and the second time but in recovery and as long as I stay in recovery I will not forget that feeling. The great thing is everything is working out for the very best.

I don’t know if there is a correlation to the proposed bailout but hopefully those in charge won’t repeat the same mistakes that were made and the economy goes into a recovery instead of recession or even worse a depression. Only time has this answer and if I had a vote I don’t know if I could vote for the bailout based on my recovery principles. Anyhow that is neither here nor there as I made my way to lunch appointment with a colleague. We did have a long drive and fortunately it wasn’t me who did the driving and the two hours passed so quickly as we talked the entire way. The talk ranged from the bailout to politics to work and everything in between. This colleague happens to be my boss and even though I am older than my boss I am learning a great deal about not only the recovery business but business in general.

We arrived at our lunch meeting and as fate would have it the restaurant which was not selected by me actually had options for my picky tastes!! I am a horrible restaurant date of any nature because of my limited selection of food; however this particular restaurant which was situated in the heart of the “granola” corridor in the Hollywood Hills had items I would never get where I live so I thought this to be a good sign. It was indeed a good sign as the meeting went very well and I think we made one of those “connections” I have been seeking. The meeting had to do with the “Intervention” show and yes, the details have been finalized but I am contractually bound not to mention anything about the content of the show. I can say the episode should air in either January or February of next year and everyone is very excited.

I had envisioned the lunch meeting and it was exactly to my expectation. The person who I had spoken with many times on the telephone was exactly as I pictured which doesn’t necessarily happen all of the time. My advice to my boss was spot on and everything went very smoothly. Yes, I do have a very cool job and as long as I keep doing the right thing everything will continue to fall into place very nicely. Today was another wonderful day and as we drove home through the Hollywood Hills I had to stop and stare at the picturesque canyons and take a deep breath knowing how far I have come in the past three years, wow recovery is so powerful!!!

School can't be that bad???

I subscribe to the Google alert under the title of compulsive gambling. This means that any story or any blog on the internet that mentions these two words (compulsive gambling) I received a notification of that story or blog. As an aside I think Google is a phenomenal company and there was a time when I wondered how they made money but it is very apparent now since they are the progressive company on the internet. Anyhow; there are times where this blog appears in these email notification as I am sure it will tomorrow since I have type the words compulsive gambling three times now!!

Yesterday I received one of these emails and it was a story about a good friend of mine. I have written about Arnie Wexler in the past and this was one of the best articles I have read regarding this dear friend. Here is the story; http://www.philly.com/inquirer/sports/20080924_He_s_compulsive_about_helping_gamblers.html
Please if you have time read the story because it characterized this dear person very well. He is truly compulsive about helping others and he continues to help me. I spent three days with Arnie at the National Conference for the National Council on Problem Gambling and learned so much. This man has a vast knowledge of this disease called compulsive gambler and I hope someday he does write a book detailing all the deep dark secrets.

Today was one of those days that passed by so quickly since the children only had a half a day of school. Yesterday and today were half days for the children and this seemed to be a prescription for success since both of them have had their “issues” with going to school this week. This morning my son had a private conversation with our son as my son did not want me privy to this conversation. Of course my wife let me in on this little secret and just like the conversation my daughter had with me the other night my wife had a similar conversation with my son.

Last night after my son’s baseball game he wasn’t feeling very well and I attribute this to the fact that he had a very limited amount of water before, during and after the game. I think he was a bit dehydrated after the game since he was complaining of a headache. He had some dinner and some fluids but he wasn’t he usual chipper self. He went to sleep early and this morning he appeared to be feeling better but the private conversation offered an opposite opinion. My wife convinced my son to go to school and he too complained about school being too hard and wanting to stay home. I don’t know why both of our children have had similar complaints this week but just like my daughter these complaints are not supported by my son’s teacher. He is doing well and I think my son’s major complaint had to go to school in the first place.

He did go to school and came home with a big smile basically forgetting the earlier conversation as everything seemed to go very well at school. No, he wasn’t elected the class vice president or anything of the sort, he had a good day at school. My son approaches school differently than my daughter and he may not be as quick a learner as his sister but he has plenty of smarts. He is easily distracted and much like other 7 year old boy he would rather being playing instead of learning. Comparing my daughter and son may not be a fair comparison so all I will say is they have very different learning styles; my son needs more nurturing whereas my daughter was and continues to be very self contained.

I had my weekly sales meeting to attend this afternoon and it is amazing what only three weeks will bring. Three weeks ago the sales staff was booming but for some reason a bit of difficulty has set in and sales aren’t booming. Sales are a bit off but this is to be expected and there was no sense of panic in anyone. I really enjoyed how the meeting was handled since there were many fragile egos in the room. This is always a balancing act and I was just an innocent observer. I am sort of immune from the sales staff since my responsibilities are different than everyone else but ultimately I need to produce in order to achieve the goals I have set for myself. I have complete confidence and I have a great deal of guidance. The glow of the connecting with the “Intervention” program was still evident but I can’t rest on these laurels and I will do my best.

Triple Play!!!

Oh yes, what a difference one day can make. The other night my daughter was lamenting how difficult school has been and that she didn’t want to go to school yesterday morning. My wife had to go back to school yesterday afternoon with my daughter because she forgot one of her assignments. As it turns out my daughter didn’t forget her assignment she couldn’t find it in one of her folders and when they returned home my wife was able to retrieve the piece of paper. When they were at school my wife ran into my daughter’s teachers and they started talking of course about my daughter. It was no surprise our daughter was doing very well in all of the subjects and the teachers spoke very highly of her. She received a huge boost of confidence and as it stands now she is earning mostly A’s and B’s not the B’s and C’s my daughter had thought.

This was wonderful to hear but as I mentioned much as I suspected since my daughter is certainly her own worst critic and puts so much pressure on herself. I wish I could get through to her that she needs to start having fun since life moves so fast. I don’t care if she receives straight A’s; I care that she is doing her best and apparently her best is close to earning the straight A’s. I can’t erase those two years I was away as much as I want to all I can do is concentrate on today. I am a realist and know things will continually crop up about those two years especially with my family. I won’t run and hide and I certainly won’t revert back to my old ways. I am here to stay and I really like what I am seeing, doing and most of all I love being with my family. My daughter is an amazing young lady and I know she can do amazing things because I have seen those things. I do know everything will continue to work out for the very best.

Yes, the difference between yesterday and today could be seen in my daughter’s eyes when she returned home from school grinning from ear to ear. Her class has a president and a vice president and in all fairness these terms only last two weeks giving most students a turn. My daughter had low expectations about being elected either one of these positions since she was away from this school for the past two years and is essentially the new kid on the block. Well that all changed today as she was elected the class vice president and as it turns out the president was absent so my daughter assumed those duties. She was so proud of herself and couldn’t wait to go back to school.

Yes, this was the same girl who less than 24 hours ago didn’t want to go to school. I will take this change of events any day because her bright beautiful smile returned in earnest. Wow; how things can change so quickly and of course for the better. This was great and I continue to learn in recovery that patience is a virtue along with all good things does come not necessarily to those who wait but to those who do the right things. My daughter always seems to do the right things and those good things are coming her way. Is this all just a coincidence; I think not and it is all part of that thing we call life.

My daughter was very happy and now it was my son’s turn to show some happiness. This evening his team had their third game of the season. I must say my son’s team is loaded with good hitters and it seems everyone hits on the team even those who have trouble in practice. There were no shortage of hits this evening as his team scored somewhere in the neighborhood of 18 runs and one of my son’s teammates even hit the ball out of the park for a homerun.

My son had four good hits in five at bats; he reached based three times striking out once. One of my son’s best hits was turned into an out as the opposing shortstop made a great play stopping the ball and throwing my son out at first base. I was very happy for my son because after striking out his first at bat he came roaring back with the four hits. As my son was on second base he experience a baseball anomaly being party to a triple play. Yes, that is correct the opposing team turned a triple play. It is always suspect when the batter hits the ball in the air because most times the little guys have difficulty fielding the pop flies but on this occasion the pop fly was fielded; my son was caught off second base and the runner on first was also caught off guard thus completing the triple play. I had to laugh because many of the kids had no idea what happened but it was just one of those things.

In spite of the triple play the game went great and unofficially my son’s team has not lost a game. My son played a few positions but finished the game as a catcher. He is getting much better as a catcher and as long as I can get my son to stop throwing his bat after he hits the ball everything will be great. I had been telling my son to hold on to the bat when he hits the ball but in his excitement he continues to throw the bat. Thankfully one of our other coaches had seen this as well and spoke with my son. I do think there is some validity to having a non-biased bystander add their knowledge to my son and it seemed to help. It was a great game and everyone had a great time. I certainly enjoyed every moment of the game and it is beyond wonderful to be able to witness these moments.

Crack of Dawn---Not Really

My intention was to get up very early and start my day just like I have in the past. Even though I don’t “go” to an actual office I wanted to start a routine where I would be going to an office even though I would be just returning home. This was one of those best laid intentions because the time rolled around when I wanted to get out of bed but my brain “forced” me to stay in bed a little longer.

There was a point in my life where I would get up at 3:30 am (which is either very early or very late depending on your point of view!) in order to get to the gym before going to the office. I had this routine for about one year because my work schedule had me working 4 nine hour days and one 4 hour day essentially having a half day on Fridays. I didn’t mind this schedule probably because I was much younger and at the time didn’t have any children. As I left that particular job for another job with a more “routine” work schedule I adjusted my departure time in the morning to a more reasonable 5:00 am. I continued this for quite some time until my sojourn into the California Prison System.

I developed a very good routine while I served my time and once again I was awake well before the “crack of dawn”. Over the past 7 months since my release (yes, it is approaching 7 months and I am officially past the half way point of my parole) I have struggled with the early morning routine especially since my family has returned. I want to spend as much time with my family as possible and seeing my children wake up is very rewarding. Either I wake up very early and return home in time to see my children wake up or I wake up when my children wake up then go to the gym. I have gone with the ladder over the former but this week I wanted to change this; well; this will have to wait because I wasn’t getting out of bed this morning.

I was able to wake up the children and waking up my son is very easy since he comes into our room very early where he snuggles with us until it is time to wake up. My daughter is always another story but the tickling routine continues to work very well. I turn her frown into a smile with the tickling routine each time and today was no exception. Everyone was awake and off to school while I had some things to do prior to departing for the gym. I completed those tasks and got in a very good workout.

I am always concerned when I return to my training routine after I depart from the regimen like I did on Saturday. This is truly a “mind of matter” issue and I had my mind in the right place this morning. The regimen called for an 11 mile run and I had no problems with the run. I am a bit leery about my goal for the upcoming marathon since my legs are at the “tired” stage right now but I got through today’s workout very well, feeling great.

I returned home where I had a writing day planned. I am in the process of producing some written materials for my new position and today was the day I needed to get these done. I did all I needed to do and I find when I am writing no matter what it is I am at peace. I get into a mindset where it is me and the keyboard. Sometimes the words flow freely while other times the words are hard to find. I had one of those in between days where I was flowing and ebbing at the different times. The bottom line is I got things done and scheduled some appointments for later in the week.

On Friday I will be at a casino which is probably not the best place for a compulsive gambler but it is part of my job. No, this won’t be at my old employer since I am very reluctant to enter that establishment even for work related events. In fact last week I past on attending a work related event since I don’t know if I am “legally” able to enter the premises. I passed this on to a co-worker and it was just as well. This Friday is a different establishment where I had played golf several times. The last time I was there was for a charity golf event with the bank that ultimately turned me in. Let’s face it my life is filled with ironies and these ironies will be with me for a very long time.

I would be remiss not to mention the Gamblers Anonymous meeting from last night. My hope was to attend 2 GA meetings per week but with the softball and baseball schedules being what they are I am down to one meeting per week for the near future. I made the point to attend last night since I wouldn’t be able to attend the rest of this week. It seems the folks that “get it” were in attendance at the meeting and those new members of the past few weeks were nowhere to be found. It really is ashamed but I can’t work anyone’s recovery other than my own and I was very grateful to attend the meeting. The meeting was very good and it is my nutrition for week. The reason is clear why my life is progressing so well and that reason is recovery.

Sister and Brother Getting Along???

The rest of yesterday was very laid back since the entire family was “fried” from being on the diamond basically all morning. We got home had some lunch and the next thing I realized everyone was upstairs in the “lounge” laying on the couch watching a movie. This is really the most comfortable spot in the house since the family room only has two seats (an aged recliner and an aged glider). My wife was able to purchase the couch at a garage sale for a very reasonable price. Sure the couch has some damage but the three people laying on it yesterday afternoon appeared to be very comfortable. I decided to join them as the movie was about to end.

Once the movie ended my wife suggested we play a family game and after much dissention we decided on “Uno Spin” which is a great deal of fun for the entire family. My wife made quick work of everyone followed by my son and I as my daughter brought up the rear. We had a good time and it was so wonderful being with my family. As the game ended it was time to prepare dinner and we decided to go with the very easy “barbecue pizza”. This recipe has come from a dear friend and yes, it is very easy if you remember not to overcook the pizza on the barbecue. I had left the pizza on too long and the bottom was burnt beyond recognition. Actually, the grill’s burner was not secured properly and the heat was much higher than expected. Oh well; I had to throw that pizza away but it was quickly rectified with a new crust.

Dinner was over and the lounging continued the rest of the evening. Morning came very quickly and everyone was exhausted. We all stayed in bed much longer than last Sunday and I think this will be the way each and every Sunday during softball and baseball season. This was okay and when we family all got out of bed I took a bicycle ride with my son to the bagel shop. My daughter wasn’t feeling up to riding her bicycle with us as she was recovering from her two softball games from yesterday. It was just my son and I riding our bicycles to the nearby bagel shop. I was observing my son as we rode and it really is difficult for him on parts of the journey which go uphill since his bicycle is very small. He has to work much harder than a regular size bicycles but his little legs were pumping so hard he had to stop several times for a water break.

The ride took much longer than expected but that should have been expected. The fact that I was able to ride with my son this Sunday morning meant the world to me. This was a very cool moment and with bagels in tow we returned home for a late breakfast. The rest of the day was uneventful with the exception my son was included to play with his sister and her friends. This was a very big step and I think my daughter might still have been tired and not up to her senses since there wasn’t a big fuss about having her brother included. First they played handball in the driveway then they were invited over a neighbor’s house to go swimming. Yes, even my son was invited in spite of not having any boys in the house they were going to. I found this fascinating because usually my daughter tells her brother to “get away” and won’t even entertain the idea of having her brother included.

I asked my daughter later on in the day why she included her brother and her response; “I don’t know.” I left it at that because there was no sense in disturbing a “good thing” but I had to marvel at how some things do work out very well. There wasn’t an incident and my son had fun hanging out with the “chicks”.

The day was over and I had put both our children to bed. My son was so tired he was asleep in no time which is always the case. My daughter on the other hand was seemingly wide awake and we had a very nice conversation. My daughter had something on her mind and it was school. She told me she doesn’t like school because it is “hard”. She went on to tell me that she wanted to go back to New Jersey because school was much easier back there. She was very concerned that she wouldn’t earn straight A’s and I told her that the straight A’s don’t mean anything as long as she is doing her best. I know she is doing her best but sometimes (often times) my daughter is her own worst critic. I went on to tell her that I would rather have her get B’s and C’s knowing she did her best than getting A’s without trying. She didn’t quite understand where I was coming from so I reiterated the fact of her doing her very best.

This was a good conversation but I remember when my daughter first started school six years ago how excited she was about school. I didn’t think that enthusiasm would last forever and apparently it hasn’t. I remember my daughter’s first day in kindergarten where most of the other children were clinging to their parents as they were saying their goodbyes. My daughter on the other hand just gave my wife and I a kiss and waved goodbye.

She loved school back then and loved school up until the second grade. I guess that is where it all ended but I must say this is the very first time I heard my daughter complain about her workload. I have no doubt she is doing her best I suspect she will do much better than she is leading on when we receive her report card in a few weeks. She is a great kid and a very intelligent girl I know everything is going to be great, and the fact that I will be around to experience this greatness means the world to me. I am extremely blessed with an incredible family and thankfully in recovery I get to reap the benefits.

"Diamond" Days

Last night was a “guys” and “girls” night respectively. My wife took our daughter to one of those “parties” where friends are enticed (or more likely obliged) to purchase something; I think last night the product du jour was food. While my wife and daughter were out I was home with my son and since we had a busy day planned today we just hung out all night long. We returned from my daughter’s softball practice and as I have mentioned in the past my son makes good use of the skate park while my daughter has practice. He is usually all sweaty after one of these sessions and yesterday was no exception.

My son took a shower and I prepared dinner while my wife and daughter departed for the evening. It was a very relaxing evening for us as we ate dinner and afterwards watched a movie. My daughter had wanted “The Bad News Bears” and we had rented. I understand this movie has been remade since the original was shown in 1976. As we searched for the movie I discovered the remake is rated PG-13 which would be off limits for both my son and daughter. However the remake is rated PG so we decided to go with the original. I had seen the original some 30 plus years ago and I was my daughter’s age. I had seen the movie in the movie theater because back “then” the only way to view a movie was in the movie theaters. Things certainly have changed in the world of technology as our “lounge” is filled with all types of electronic equipment; DVD, VCR, Wii, Playstation, etc.

Anyhow we watched “The Bad News Bears” and although the rating was PG there was some inappropriate subject matter for those under 13. Also; when I went to see this movie in the movie theater at the age of 10 I was not accompanied by an adult and the last thing I wanted was to be “accompanied by an adult”. Oh yes, the times have changed and I would have to think long and hard before I let my 10 year old daughter attend a movie with just her and a friend. Has the world become a more scary place in the last 30 years; probably but with so much information being disseminated it is probably much better to be safe than sorry.

The movie was as I remembered it and my son actually enjoyed it even though it was sans action along with slapstick comedy. The humor was more subtle and the content was much more complex than movies today. I had to laugh at the end scene where the Bears having lost the championship game were given beers by their manager (Walter Matthau). Some of the kids actually drank the beers but for the most part the beers were used to dowse each other much like baseball players dump champagne on one another after they win a championship. I wonder how “politically correct” this scene would be today, probably not so much!!

The movie was over and I put my son to bed. As I was getting ready for bed my wife and daughter came home; their evening had ended as well. Everyone needed to get to bed as well since we had a big day ahead of us today. Yes, another Saturday on the diamond for both my daughter and son. I was up very early in order to get my run in before the day’s activities commenced. I had to go to an alternative workout this morning because after 5 miles of a 16 mile run my shins were hurting much too much in order for me to continue. Instead of completing the next 11 miles I got on the cycle and rode for the next hour and 20 minutes which adds up to the same amount of time it would have taken me to run the 11 miles. This was my first “deviation” in my current training program and I did feel a little guilty but my legs did thank me.

I returned home where my wife would take our daughter to her game and I would take my son to his game. Yes, they were having games at the same time but I would be able to see my daughter later this morning as she was playing “two” games today a doubleheader in baseball parlance. My son’s game went well and he reached base twice driving in one run and scoring another. He made a very nice play at shortstop for the last out in the game and had a very good game, and so did his team. His team is filled with kids who can hit and even though no score was allegedly taken they won the game again 12 to 10.

After my son’s game we got in the car and headed over to my daughter’s game. Thankfully I arrived just in time to witness my daughter throwing the first pitch of the game. Yes, that is right my daughter was taking her turn at pitching and I was informed she pitched in the first inning of the first game. I think my wife was more nervous than my daughter because my wife wanted my daughter to do well. My daughter did do very well only giving up three runs and striking out three batters in the inning. My daughter is just learning how to pitch and she does need a great deal of practice but she has such a great coach who cares more about teaching the girls the game of softball than actually winning the game. Her coach has provided my daughter the opportunity to gain some experience pitching and we are very grateful.

My daughter’s game went very well and she faced a very seasoned pitcher who threw the softball rather fast. I could see my daughter was very nervous as a fast pitch came on the inside of the plate. My daughter did walk twice and had a good time. I think playing two games was a little too much for the girls because they were dragging in the second game but that is a part of the game. Next week they have the same schedule playing two games in the morning. Her team did not win the game but I think the girls have more fun cheering for their teammates rather than winning the game. It is so nice to see the kids having fun and this is all thanks to my daughter’s coach. The morning on the diamond had ended and we returned home a very tired family which is why we didn’t do much the rest of the day.

Life = Greatness

I found myself back on the highways and byways towards Los Angeles International Airport yesterday evening for the second time three nights. Yes, my friend who departed on Tuesday was returning last night for a whirlwind of a bicoastal trip. I could see myself doing this type of trip a few years ago because I wanted nothing to do with the east coast; however; now I understand how quickly life moves and it is best to enjoy life one very small day at a time. I can’t blame my friend for returning so quickly because he accomplished what he set out to do and he didn’t not want to linger any longer in New Jersey longer than needed. So last night I completed the second part of my promise to my friend; picking him up from the airport.

I have to say once again the time of his arrival was without incident and more importantly without any significant traffic. However; for the second time my GPS device led me astray. I would have hoped that I am slightly smarter than a machine and knowing the mistake happened on Tuesday I trusted the machine and made the same mistake again. Apparently “keep to the right” really meant “keep to the LEFT” but as soon as I repeated the mistake I knew where to make the u-turn. Even with this slight detour I made the trip in very good time and did pick up my friend.

I was out much later than I have been in a very long time and thus I was awake much longer than I have been in an extremely long time. I took precautions knowing I would be awake much longer than usual prior to departing. I had purchased one of those energy drinks earlier in the day and I had it with dinner. The extent of my energy intake has been the “natural” energy drink FRS and I have enjoyed these; however; the supermarket had run out of these so I decided to try one of the “mainstream” energy drinks.

This was one of the “Monster” brands and had no sugar and very low in calories. Apparently this also meant very low in taste and all that goes along with it. This drink was probably the worst tasting drink I have ever had in my life and that is not an understatement. It tasted like bad tonic water and I don’t like “good” tonic water. In my quest to ingest the drink for the energy benefits I drank much more than I really tolerated but couldn’t do anymore so I dumped the rest in the sink. A scary side story is my son as me if he could try it and I thought no harm would come of a sip so he tried it and stated; “I like that it tastes good.” I don’t know what this means for his future but I wouldn’t give him anymore since a 7 year old boy doesn’t need any added “energy”!!!

I returned very late or early depending on your point of view and went to sleep. I was awakened by my son who entered the room at his usual time but was very tired and quickly fell back to sleep. I came as close to oversleeping as I have come probably in my life because I glanced at the clock when my son entered the room and then what seemed like only a few minutes glanced at the clock once again; apparently a few minutes accelerated into an hour and a half so quickly. I got out of bed and had to wake everyone else up in the house. It is amazing how the children do make it out of the house in time to get to school without incident. This morning may have started sluggishly but went off very well as there was limited yelling and cajoling.

Everyone was off to school and had some work to tend to before I headed off to the gym. I completed this work and went off to the gym for the continuation of the intense portion of my running regimen. I got through the session but my legs are certainly feeling the effects. If my memory serves me correctly the same thing happened as I trained for the San Diego Rock n’ Roll marathon and had to make some adjustments. I didn’t need any adjustments today but my legs were hurting.

After the gym I made my way to a few work and personal errands and the day had lapsed by so quickly. It was time for my daughter’s softball practice and although I know I don’t “need” to go to these practices I “want” to attend these practices. It is wonderful being able to attend these practices, games and just being with my family means the world to me. We sat at the softball field watching my daughter practice while my son was at the nearby skate park. This is the best of both worlds because my son is occupied and doesn’t interfere with my daughter’s practice. He is very happy to be at the skate park with a friend and my wife and I are very happy he is at the skate park as well. This was yet another way to end another wonderful week; life is truly wonderful!!!!

Listen to Thy Body!!

Hopefully at this point in my life and having spent 43 years in this body I would know my body by now. I say that not in jest or to be funny because in my zeal to exercise and now to run my 7th marathon I often times neglect what my body tells me. I received an email from a very good friend today who is the same age as me and who is also an avid exercise person; and it turns out he has been dealing with an unknown foot affliction for the past several months. He seemed to work through the pain but in the last few weeks the pain got worse and he thought he actually had a fracture in his foot. As it turns out it is not a fracture but a bout with gout. I don’t know much about gout other than the fact that my brother in law has had his battles over the years and what I have gleaned from the internet.

According to what I have read on the internet gout is the accumulation of uric acid crystals in the joints and surrounding tissue. The causes seem varied and all I know my brother in law has been on a very restrictive diet and when I refer to a diet as restrictive you can believe it is restrictive!!! Anyhow as it turns out my friend was diagnosed with gout and I got to thinking about myself which I often do especially since I entered recovery over three and half years ago. I am trying to do my best in listening to my body and I do believe I have gotten much better over the years.

This brings me to this morning as I was scheduled for a run but due to the intense run yesterday I was not ready so I took the day off. This may not sound like much but for a person like me who is probably addictive to running this is a big step (no pun intended!!) I felt some tightness in my calves and shins and thought better of the 11 mile run I would endure. My body needed the rest and I finally acquiesced which is a small step in the right direction. I have often thought about me running right through an energy much like my friend has but in the end it isn’t worth it. There is only so much time I have here on earth and it is up to me to make the best of it. I enjoy running tremendously but I also enjoy a wonderful quality of life and this is accomplished one small step at time.

With no need to venture to the gym I concentrated on a few work projects this morning and I set up another meeting my boss has wanted for quite some time. The ground work has been laid out for me and I am just picking up the pieces. I seem to be making the right connections and the next thing I know I have appointments set up with people who are genuinely interested in our services.

As long as I am on this topic here is a link to our website and I know people find this blog a myriad of ways through search engines. It appears most people stumble on this blog as they are researching compulsive gambling not for themselves but for a loved one. It would be great if the compulsive gambler would search out the help but having been there and done that I can tell from firsthand experience that the compulsive gambler (which is me) doesn’t get help until there is some type of event. I don’t know how interventions work in the world of the compulsive gambler but ultimately the decision has to come from the person with the addiction or no amount of recovery will ever work.

I received another interesting email today from a person I have become friendly with over the past few months who just so happens to be a fellow compulsive gambler. This person has a very interesting story and here is a link to their website. I do have a few issues and one is personal responsibility which I am sure exists in this case but it isn’t very well documented. In my case I had a decision to make and it became very clear. I could continue to deny my compulsive gambling addiction and blame everyone around me or I could take personal responsibility and get the help I need. Thankfully I continue to make the right decision and get the help I need because this help continues to save my life. I do believe there is a service this person is doing because it is publicizing the compulsive gambling addiction and with this comes awareness; hopefully one person has been assisted with their addiction.

The email I received was in regards to a rally being held next weekend in Washington D.C. Anyone interested in the press release please send me an email and I will forwarded it. The rally seems like a big undertaking and I am a bit skeptical as to those who will be in attendance but with that stated it does bring the awareness out about compulsive gambling. In this uncertain economy the timing of the rally maybe a bit off because believe it or not most of the casino operators are having tough times and are actually laying people off. The casinos were once sought as a recession proof industry but I believe our current economic times are more like a depression than a recession so this industry is just as susceptible as any other. I am interested in seeing how this rally is received and if the mainstream media will report on it.

It Really is a Game

I spent the bulk of yesterday evening on the highways toward Los Angeles. A good friend of mine needed a ride to the airport and I agreed to take this good friend. Our location down here in Southern California is strategically tucked far away enough from most of the major airports yet closes enough to be able to get the best available fare. I have always lived within 30 minutes of a major airport until moving to California in 2001 and for the most part this isn’t so bad. I have been fortunate enough to have a job close by the area and not having any need for the airports other than the occasional visitor. I don’t mind taking the trips to the various airports and yesterday evening that trip didn’t go so bad.

This particular airport is about 90 miles away and I guess everything can be put into perspective because when we used to live in New Jersey this would equate to flying out of Philadelphia. Interestingly enough back when we lived in New Jersey this was never an option and we would always concentrate on the nearby airports. Even the airports closer than 90 miles weren’t considered because they were “over the bridge” in New York which seemed to be off limits. Now the perspective has changed so driving 90 miles to the airport is really no big deal and last night it was no big deal.

My friend was taking a quick trip to the east coast and would return in two days. It does seem like a long way to go for such a short time but who I am to argue. I took my friend to the airport and fortunately it was non-rush hour so the trip was limited to 90 minutes. I have taken this trip in the past and it has taken over 3 hours at other times so everything worked out well. I returned home at a reasonable hour and went to sleep.

This was one of those mornings where I had a few things to do before venturing to the gym and my phone seemed to be ringing constantly. This is a good sign because I am starting to get into a “groove” with my new position. It really is all about me making things happen and fortunately I do have a great supporting staff so I have something to fall back on; however; it is me that either makes things happen or doesn’t make things happen. I am in the making things happen category this week and today was yet another good day.

The day took its course and it was time for the weekly sales meeting. I couldn’t stay for the entire meeting because my son had a baseball game. It is my priority to be at every son’s and daughter’s game and today was no exception. I gracefully excused myself from the meeting and headed off to the baseball field. As it turns out my home office is only two blocks away from the baseball field so I was at the field in no time. I even had time to change into my “coaching garb” (shorts an Angels shirt) and today I was even given a complimentary Angels hat for my service as coach. This is all working out very nicely and my son along with his team had another great game.

My son once again went 3 for 4 with three singles, one run scored and one run batted in. His only out was a strikeout and really if any of the players puts the ball in play they will reach base. The majority of outs come by the way of strikeouts but there were a few putouts during the game. My son played right field, third base and catcher. He had a tough inning at third base making a few errors and one of the high pops hit his arm which caused him to cry. He was able to shake it off and I think he was more hurt by not making the play rather than the impact of the baseball on his forearm. After a few tears and my consoling him he was right back in the game and made the ending inning out.

This is a non-competitive venture during the spring and no one is “supposed” to keep score yet each team has an “official” scorekeeper. I don’t understand but the non-competitive unofficial score had my son’s team ahead 12 to 10. The rules are very good for this age group and the game moves along quickly. These games can only last one hour and forty-five minutes by rule and the first two games have been complete in an hour and a half. The key is to teach the kids the fundamentals and some kids understand more than others. An example of this would be one of our players running past second base not knowing he had to stay on the base. We do have a great deal of work to do in the base running department but it is very cute seeing these little guys run the bases without much of a clue.

This was yet another great day and the type of day I had yearned for as I served my sentence. I had to smile during the game because it really is all about having fun. I am sure the competition will commence shortly for my son as the game of baseball gets more serious but hopefully my son will understand it is a game and outside of a life and death situation he will take it for what it is worth. He is having fun even as the ball bounced off his forearm; he didn’t want to come off of that field which I took as a very good sign.

Tickle Tactic

There are those days where nothing seems to work no matter what you try to do. Then there are those days where everything things to work in spite of what you try to do. Today was one of those days where everything was clicking. I purposely took the day off from running because these next few weeks of training are going to be very taxing on my body and I need all the energy I can muster. I did wake up very early and I was awake several times during the night. At one of those points I swear I saw my son enter our room but as soon as I checked the clock (which read 2:24 am) he seemed to vanish. When I went into his bedroom he was fast asleep.

My son does have a habit of sleep walking; however; this usually occurs much earlier in the evening and my wife or me leads him back to his bed. This is a bit frightening because the stairs are very close to our bedroom and as of yet my son has not tried to go down the stairs while he is sleep walking. I do remember my younger sister sleep walking at a very similar age to my son and she did this for an entire summer. It was scary back then and I don’t remember how or why she stopped but she did stop and I don’t think she has any issues with it at this point in her life. My wife and I don’t know what to do other than leading him back to his bedroom which seems to work but last night was more frightening than usual. I could have been dreaming because when I entered his bedroom he was indeed safely tucked into his bed fast asleep.

Yes, I was awake at other times during the night because my mind is becoming more and more active as I think of what I want to do during the day. I have a job which requires some creativity and this is a wonderful change of pace from the past 20 years. I want to build relationships and I am trying to think of different ways to build these relationships which sometimes wake me up during the night. I can deal with the disruption in sleep because it is a far cry from where I was this time last year. I would wake up every hour on the hour for apparently no reason whatsoever as I just wanted the time to accelerate so my sentence would be over. Now I want the time to last forever since I am having so much fun enjoying every moment one at a time. It is amazing how from I have come in just over 3 ½ years and yes; this is all because of recovery.

I was awake but I lay in bed as my son did enter our room at his usual time of 6:00 am. He is such a loveable little guy and I can’t help but to smile as he comes into the room even before the sun rises. These are those little moments and I will be damned if I don’t continue to enjoy every facet of these moments. It came time to get going in the morning and this required the movement of others. Not everyone moves quickly out of their respective beds in our household and even my son was a bit hesitant to get moving this morning. It seems to take a good 10 minutes to get my daughter up and moving. I have noticed that tickling seems to work the best because at the very least she is laughing when she gets out of bed. This is a far cry from her usual grumpy self so I will employ the tickle tactic from here on out.

I took the children to school for a reason. I wanted to see the principal since yesterday the announcements for the GATE (advanced subjects) Program were made and my daughter was not part of this program. She was visibly upset to have not been selected for the program and I wanted to find out the criteria for the program. The principal of the school is a very nice man who is always available. I have not really spoken with him at length in the past until today. I did approach him this morning and he was very cordial explaining how the GATE Program works.

He knew who my daughter was which a very impressive task with over 800 students in the school. As he explained it turns out that the selection process occurred over the past two years for the students and my daughter was attending school in New Jersey during this period. He went on to say that it may have been an oversight that my daughter was not selected and he would look into it especially since my daughter was enrolled in a similar program back in New Jersey. He did explain to me that my daughter is clustered with the “advanced” children in her grade which was very good to hear and my daughter also has the advanced math class. I’m not looking to add extra work to my daughter’s plate all I wanted was an explanation and the very kind principal did explain the process. I don’t know if my daughter will be added to this program at a later point but according to the principal the emphasis is having the children ready for middle school and having them in this program in the middle school is a big advantage. We shall see what happens.

After meeting with the principal I went about my day and as I mentioned everything clicked very well. I was given a “lead” from a co-worker and was informed that this lead had been worked on for the past year to no avail. I took the lead and made the telephone call. This was quite possibly the best telephone call I have made during my very brief tenure with the company. I not only converted the lead into something very positive for everything I think I made one of those “personal” connections.

I would like to say that I said something magical which persuaded this person but the truth is I didn’t do anything magical I was just in the right place at the right time. It was one of those “meant to be” moments and now everyone at the company is very happy. I will detail the specifics when everything is firmed up in the next week or so. Yes, another great day and yes; there aren’t any coincidences, just the way it has been Designed.

"Aren't We All"

The whole “one day at a time” is a fantastic principle and really it makes so much sense not only in recovery but in life as well. I had heard this term prior to entering recovery but really paid it no attention. One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Keith Olberman who would state in response to a sports player getting injured and their prognosis was “day to day”; Mr. Olberman would say, “Aren’t we all.” This would make me laugh well before I entered recovery and now it is very poignant. I do believe everyone is “day to day” and really “moment to moment” since nothing is guaranteed. These are building blocks in the early stages of my recovery now they are the tenets of my recovery which allows me to face life with head held high and a positive attitude.

I like to take this concept to my business dealings and today I started cultivating business relationships one step at a time. I would love to have all the people I needed to speak with in one room at one time which would save an enormous amount of time but then I would miss those moments that occurred today. Today I sat down with a person who I had never met before and we spent 45 minutes talking about recovery. I don’t believe this other person was in recovery but this other person certainly understood recovery very well because they had been dealing with people who fight with their addictions on a daily basis. We also covered the topic of parenting and my goodness we were on the same wavelength.

This was my first face to face encountered with someone in my new position and if this is any indication of things to come I am certainly in the right position. I am technically not selling anything I am just spreading awareness of our company and if someone has a need for a recovery center be it inpatient or outpatient services we can fit that need. I have a wonderful job of sitting down with people and telling them about our services. I am not a big talker and I am more of a listener which is what I did this morning. I went through our services and one thing lead to another and I was listening most of the time we spent together.

In the past 20 years I pretty much sat behind a desk and crunched numbers as an accountant and auditor. This is something I went to college for and the only reason I chose this field was due to the fact that I did so well in Accounting I and II. I figured I could get a job out of college and I was correct. As my career progressed I climbed the “company ladder” and my career was going well. I had that “dirty little secret” which was my undoing but now I realize I want more out of life and this does not constitute crunching.

As I moved up the company ladder and my career progressed I found myself the “go to” person in the office. People would come to me with their problems and I would just sit and listen. Of course I wasn’t fully there mentally as my mind was on the countless wagers I had placed or was about to place among other nefarious activities. However; even with all the extraneous stuff going on I enjoyed listening to people and more often than naught their problems would be resolved. It wasn’t me who resolved these problems; I was a mere facilitator as the solutions came invariably from the person presenting the problem. I remember one person say to me after they had confided something to me that I wasn’t the “typical accountant” and if this was brought to another person they would have been scolded. I wasn’t the scolding type and always thought that everyone should be treated as an adult.

There was a time where management decided to have the hourly staff punch in and out at their breaks. I was part of this management but I spoke out in defense of these employees saying we should treat people like adults and this policy was soon rectified. God knows I have had my difficulties over the years but in retrospect I was most happy when dealing with these non-accounting issues. Now I have the opportunity to work in a field that truly helps people.
Who knows maybe somewhere down the road I will seek a higher degree where I can become a counselor but I still have this driving force wanting to be more involved in the business operations. I have been afforded the opportunity to get involved with the business operations and today was that first step in a very rewarding process.

I was energized all day today because this initial meeting went very well. I went from a great workout to the excellent meeting to a really great day through and through. In my new position I am also afforded the time to spend with my family and this afternoon it was time for my son’s baseball practice. Summer is still holding on here in Southern California and the temperature reached over 100 degrees but this didn’t matter to those 6, 7, and 8 year old boys. All they wanted to do was play and whether it was fielding baseballs or just chasing one another around the infield those little guys had a great time. There is so much joy in these children and I had to smile as the baseball practice turned into a game of tag!!! This culminated a wonderful day through and through.

Amazing Queries

The question, “Why do companies still make cigarettes if they know that people will die from using them?” This was the question posed by my 10 year old daughter at the dinner table last night. I was very impressed with this question and it took me awhile to phrase a response. The people to the rear of us were having a party (yes, another party but at least the hour was reasonable) and the smell of cigarette smoke wafted into our family room which provoked this question. My response was preempted by wife as she went into a discussion on addiction and how it is a very difficult habit to stop. This prompted another question from my daughter; “why would people start smoking knowing they could die?” This was another “WOW” question and I sure hope my daughter maintains these thoughts as those around her choose those bad habits.

We had a very nice discussion how “young” people think they know better than their parents which causes some bad choices like smoking cigarettes. I’m not sure where, how or why my daughter appears to have such a good head on her shoulders but she is certainly on the right road. She is a very mature 10 year old and I don’t mean this from a physical standpoint, I mean this from a mental standpoint. She has always been an “old soul” and has been an advanced thinker. I could equate this to my own youth but she is her own person and what a wonderful person she is turning out to be. There will be some “tense” moments as my daughter goes through her teenage years but I have complete faith everything will turn out wonderful. Thankfully because of my recovery I will be able to enjoy these moments as they come.

It appears Sundays will be the day of rest as Saturdays are filled with activities. Everyone was wiped out this morning and I was very surprised I stayed awake until 11:00 pm last night in spite of waking up at 4:00 am. This was a major improvement and I think having more caffeine than I normally do had something to do with it. Prior to my incarceration and during my incarceration my caffeine intake was severely limited. I must admit prior to my incarceration this was by choice; however; I have read a few articles regarding the positive benefits of caffeine so I have added caffeine to my diet. This has made a difference in staying awake and I am still able to refrain from coffee.

I haven’t had a cup of coffee in 20 years and I have no intention of starting. I do drink tea and I do enjoy the Starbucks chai tea soy latte. Also; I have discovered a healthy energy drink and the only reason I tried this drink is due to the fact that Lance Armstrong endorses it. If there is one person I admire outside of my friends and family it is Mr. Armstrong. He is the epitome of perseverance and anyone who could overcome cancer is a hero in my book let alone win 7 Tour de France’s in a row. The name of this energy drink is FRS and is a breath of fresh air from the multitude of caffeine, ginseng among other ingredients induced energy drinks. The FRS drink does work very well for me and also doesn’t taste half bad.

Anyhow everyone was very tired this morning and even my son slept very late. This gave my wife and I time to watch our Sunday morning standby of the CBS Sunday Morning Program. These are the moments which mean so much for me because I didn’t have a single one of these moments over 19 ½ month span. The highlight of my Sundays were receiving visits and thank God I was able to receive those visits but now the highlight of my Sundays are just hanging out with my family. This is exactly what we did today as there wasn’t any activity planned and it was a great day.

The time came for me to attend the Sunday evening Gamblers Anonymous meeting and it was a very good meeting. There is a wonderful member who doesn’t necessarily attend the requisite one meeting per week because this member is very busy with life. I always enjoy this member’s therapy and it was wonderful seeing this member tonight. The level of the meeting was raised because of this member and there was even a new member in attendance. The focus is always on the new member as the longer term members recount how and why they started attending Gamblers Anonymous. It is amazing how the tenor of the meeting changes with a new member and I had something in common with this new member as we both had our addiction amplified by the internet.

This is a relatively new phenomenon even for Gamblers Anonymous as it was created over 50 years ago. Fifty years ago there wasn’t the internet or the prevalence of gambling throughout the country. Thinking back to 50 years ago the only place to “legally” wager in a casino was Las Vegas; now the casinos are a “click” away. The advent of the video poker machine lead to the label of the “crack cocaine of gambling” but I think this has taken a step further with the internet.

There are people out there who become addicted with the first click of a mouse. These people may have never stepped into the casino in their lifetime yet they have lost their life savings with that click of the mouse. I do believe the principles of GA apply to the internet gambling addiction because for me it is all the same; an addiction while having one’s life goes out of control. I know the GA Program works and hopefully this member will come back for a second meeting because life does get better and better with each passing day in recovery.

Lots of Joy in Muddville!!!

I have often heard the excuse of “I don’t have the time to exercise” and I have taken the position that anyone dedicated to exercise must find the time. Well this morning with softball and baseball games taking up the majority of the day the only time I could find was very early this morning before the very busy day commenced. I was out of bed at 4:00 am in order to get in a 20 mile run so I could be back at the house in time to depart for my daughter’s softball game. I had mentally prepared for only getting a few hours of sleep so when my alarm (yes, I needed the alarm this morning) went off I was out of bed ready to get the day started.

The next few weeks are very intense in my training program for the Long Beach Marathon and today marked the first of a few heavy mileage weeks. Since I had a 20 mile run this morning I had to allow for the 2 ½ hours in order for it to not interfere with the softball and baseball games. I found the time and it was a wonderful run and a fantastic way to start the day. I have less than a month before the marathon and I have logged more miles now than the marathon I ran in June. I still have some work to do in the next month because I was feeling it at the end of the 20 mile run. However; any aches or pains completely disappeared after the 8th mile and I was feeling great from mile 8 to mile 20.

I have read articles on how a marathon begins at mile 20 and having run 6 previous marathons I agree. Sure it is only six miles remaining but after running 20 miles the leg muscles are screaming to stop. The key is to move past the pain and keep the legs moving. I have a few more long runs to accomplish in the coming weeks and I feel great about my preparation for the marathon. I will be ready and look forward to the run. This morning I was looking forward to the very active day on the diamond.

My daughter was first as her game commenced at 9:00 am which meant she had to be there an hour prior. No matter how hard we try we are always 5 to 10 minutes late and today this was the case. My son was the first to awake and I thought with the impending softball game my daughter would have been incentive to get out of bed by herself. No, this did not happen as I had to coax her out of bed and get her going. As I mentioned my son was ready because he gets to utilize the skate park. He had donned all his gear and was ready well before my daughter and wife.

We made it to the field and the morning was cool along with being overcast. This is usually the case in June but the “June Gloom” had moved in this September morning. It felt very nice and didn’t seem to affect the girls on the softball field. My son was all ready to venture into the skate park but since we were there so early the skate park had yet to open. This disappointed my son very much but he kept himself occupied. We tried to find out when the skate park would open but no one had any answers. The skate finally opened 2 hours after our arrival. This made my son very happy and he had a wonderful 45 minutes in the skate park.

My daughter’s team did very well and they won their first game of the season. My daughter didn’t do as well as she did in the first two games but she continues to the hit the ball. Unfortunately she hit the ball at people making two outs. She did drive in a run with her ground out; however; seemed a bit despondent when she popped out to the first baseman with the bases loaded. This feeling subsided as her team did when the game. My daughter puts so much pressure on herself and has very high expectations. It was good to see her enjoying the game with her teammates and there were a few smiles. I guess there can be some joy in Muddville!!

As my daughter’s game ended we headed home for some lunch and prior to lunch I was outside with both of my children taking some batting practice along with having a game of catch. There wasn’t much time to relax because after lunch we had to head over to my son’s game. My son got very quiet after lunch and he informed my wife his tummy hurt. He sat down after donning his uniform and I had a conversation with him. As it turns out he was nervous about his game because he was going to be the catcher. I did my best to alleviate any concerns he may had and basically I told him just to have fun. He did have fun and any concerns he had were eliminated very quickly.

This was my son’s first game of the season and it was a blast. These are 6, 7, and 8 year old little boys and the rules have been modified to accommodate this skill set. Each child is allowed only six pitches and if three strikes occur they strike out. This means there is no walks and either the child strikes out or puts the ball in play. Pitching is performed with a pitching machine which eliminates any issues. I was amazed because no child used all six pitches and either put the ball in play or struck out before the sixth pitch.

I was able to coach third base and the game went very well. My son’s first at bat didn’t go very well as he stuck out but the next three at bats went very well. He had three singles with three runs batted in and two runs scored. His last at bat was the most impressive because with two strikes on him and the base loaded he lined a single to centerfield. I was very impressed and I could see his confidence improving with every at bat. My son did play Little League baseball in the Spring back in New Jersey but he was grouped with 9 year olds which may have been too big a jump. The league out here seems better suited for him and he will learn the game of baseball much better. It was a remarkable day and there was total joy in Muddville.