Life What it Should Be

The days are flying by and really that is an understatement. Last night I posted on Facebook my status which read “Paul is wondering how to maintain the “balance” in life”. I received many comments from my “friends” and the main theme of the comment was all the same which stated, “When you find out let me know!” It was easier to ponder my life when I was away for those 19 ½ months because life wasn’t moving fast. Now out here in the real world life does come at me fast and these are the critical times where I am grateful for recovery.

I have had several opportunities in my life to address my compulsive gambling addiction but thought I could do it my way. My way didn’t work out so well and thankfully everything continues to work out for the very best and I am finding a life without gambling is so much better than the previous life. I must say that I like being so busy there isn’t time to think about my compulsive gambling addiction but I do know that this addiction is mine for life. I must stay diligent and as life continues to move by at warp speed I am very mindful where I have come from and where I am today. My sponsor put it best when we spoke on Sunday evening; my sponsor told me I could fall face first in a pile of manure and come out smelling like a rose!! Yes, this does seem to be the case but we both agreed it is all thanks to recovery that I smell like a rose.

I have had my share of good fortune in the past and really in spite of my misdeeds my life has been surrounded with good fortune. I never really understood the good fortune and fell into a period of entitlement which ultimately led me to those horrible misdeeds. Once again thankfully recovery continues to keep me focused on today and doing the right things. As long as I continue to do the right things and as long as I continue to be positive life is wonderful. This is truly the Law of Attraction as I firmly believe (and so does my Mother!) what I send out to the universe is exactly what I get back. I sent out negative energy for a dismal two year period and I paid for my negative energy by being without my family for two years. Now positive energy is an integral part of my recovery and positive events continue to transpire.

There was some controversy last night as grandma was going to the airport for her return trip back to New Jersey. My daughter’s softball practice ran late and my son had been promised something which had to be delayed. My daughter wanted to join my wife for the drive to the airport with grandma and that looked doubtful. However; all went well as my daughter got home in time to go to the airport. However; my son had a dilemma which was rectified and he went from miserable to happy in an instant. My son is very interesting when it comes to things that are said to him and he ensures these are always carried out. Once again he did get his way and was back to his old self as the “boys” got dinner and some frozen yogurt while the “girls” went to the airport.

This morning I was back at the early morning routine. I was at the gym very early and had an excellent workout. A very good friend attends the gym at this early hour as well and I have been helping this friend with a project. There was more to do on the project and gladly told my friend that I would be available after work. It is so strange how things go full circle and this project is very interesting considering the parties involved. I am interested to see the outcome but that seems to be a ways away so in the meantime I will continue to assist in any way possible.

Work was once again very good and I am finding it difficult to accomplish even the smallest task when I get pulled in every direction. I am so grateful for this opportunity and I do get a second chance to finally function without my personal albatross my compulsive gambling addiction. I always wondered what it would be like if I didn’t have the compulsive gambling addiction consuming my life. Yes, I get that opportunity and it is amazing how much clearer my head is without all that extraneous stuff. My boss used a gambling metaphor to describe my lot in life and although the metaphor was exactly right I understood the meaning. The meaning had to do with getting that second chance and making the most of the opportunity. This is what I have hoped for and by God it is all coming true all thanks to recovery!!

Happy Birthday Dad, I love you!!