Gorgeous Sunday Morning

I waited as long as I could to start my portion of my workout yesterday. I didn’t wait for the official end of quiet time which is 11:00 am before starting my workout. I decided to commence an hour earlier since I am not very noisy when I exercise. I have found that splitting my workout into two sessions works very well on the weekend that I have afternoon yard. This allows me ample time to sign up for the telephone which I did yesterday afternoon. I was able to secure a 3:00 pm time and the way it worked out I was going to be assigned the horrible connection once again. I quickly asked for a different telephone and the clerk satisfied my request. The telephones are frustrating enough so when I finally do get to make a phone call I would like the other party to hear what I am saying. I have gotten to a point where I know which telephone works and which do not. Also, I am no longer afraid to speak up and ask for things. Keeping a low profile is fine but there are certain circumstances where being assertive helps and yesterday I was able to secure a telephone which operates properly.

“Don’t you wish you were home with your family?” This question - actually was more of a statement - was said to me yesterday as I was waiting for a bathroom sink to become available so I could wash my sweaty workout clothes. The dorm mate who stated this to me is a very nice man who is in his early 50’s. He is having a hard time dealing with all the prison overcrowding rumors and seems to believe he is going home very shortly even though he has 2 years remaining on his sentence. After I heard this statement I smiled and thought about my response for a moment. I thought to myself of course I want to be with my family; however, at this point this is impossible so I said to him, “Yes, I would love to be with my family right now but I have another year to go so it does me no good to wish for this fantasy!”

He did seem to understand what I was getting at and I didn’t have to say anything further. I didn’t say this in a harsh tome or as a smart alec. I was very sincere since I meant what I said. Wishing, hoping, and pining away are fine to an extent as long as this is not what I do all the time. If I become preoccupied with wishes and dreams I am no longer living in reality and I am not certainly living for today. I made a mistake and this is my punishment and I understand this completely. There is an end to my sentence which is why I must ensure this is the last time I have to be in a situation like this. The only way to ensure this is to live one day at a time and recover. Recovery is not filled with wishes; it is filled with getting better each day. Each day I am getting better and at the end of this current journey I will be with my family and a much better person. Thankfully, I discovered the GA Program before starting this journey because without it I am not sure how successful I would have been. However, with it each day is a success and I know my life is better (in spite of the surroundings) now than it has ever been because I am now sane. It has taken me a long time to get to this station in my life and the only way to continue is in recovery.

The rest of the evening was spent composing letters and once again the night went by quickly. The evening sleep was filled with odd dreams but the sleep was not restful due to the warmth of the dorm. I woke a few times during the night but the “Saturday Night Clothesline Stealer” was not on duty or he was just very quiet since no clotheslines were cut down. There was some activity by my dorm mates in the early hours of the morning and what they were doing doesn’t bode well for when they get released. One of the tougher things about prison is the boredom aspect and these dorm mates were obviously bored and had time on their hands. Someone devised a way to have something they weren’t supposed to. These things have happened in the past and I suspect will continue to happen in the future. All I can say is thank God I live each day in recovery.

The Sunday breakfast was the usual “grand slam” and as I walked to the dining hall I noticed what a gorgeous Sunday morning it was. The temperature had cooled off and 7:00 am this morning it was in the upper 50’s with a slight breeze without any clouds in the sky. I spent 5 years in Southern California and the weather was superb. I am currently in Northern California and the weather is very similar which is amazing because I am 350 miles away from where I used to live. I can understand why many people move to both Northern and Southern California since there really isn’t any better weather anymore. I was born and raised in New Jersey. I spent most of my college years in Maryland. I lived in Las Vegas for 7 ½ years. As I mentioned I lived in southern California for 5 years. Out of all those places the weather was the best in California. Here it is the middle of March and shirts are a must.