Three Days

Wow, three days and I didn't post anything, maybe my compulsive disorder is getting better or maybe I am just lazy??? First off a Happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers in the world and a very happy Mothers Day to my wife, mom and mother-in-law. Without these people I don't even want to think of the alternative. Thank you so very much for your support, I love you all.

On Friday I set out to do 20 miles in preparation for the San Diego Marathon next month. Somewhere on mile 11 I wasn't feeling very good and decided to cut my run short at mile 13. The only other time I cut a run short was when I hurt my knee a year and a half ago. My knee was feeling fine; however; about 2 hours after the run my other knee was hurting very badly. I couldn't put any pressure on it at all and the pain was in a different place (inside of the knee). I did the right things and iced it all day Friday and stayed off my feet.

Saturday I attended the final part of the California Counsel Certified Problem Gambler training course. When I woke up Saturday morning I still could not put any pressure on my right leg but luckily I still had crutches from my last incident and was able to hobble around the training session. The training was very good and it gave me some great insight to my addiction. Compulsive or Pathological Gambling is an extremely difficult addiction some call it the hidden addiction. If treatment is not sought the addiction gets worse NEVER better. My three episodes were progressively worse and lead me directly to where I sit now. People have committed murder, extortion, embezzlement, kidnapping and larger among other things due to this addiction/disorder. (Please note the American Psychiatrist Association calls Pathological Gambling a disorder not a disease and this is maybe part of the reason why it is so difficult to raise funds for treatment.) The class had about 14 people and 11 of those people were clinical types (meaning psychologists, MFT and therapists). I can see why compulsive gamblers stop going to treatment because the therapist or counselor doesn't understand. This class gave a background on gambling and the compulsive gambler. There is some drug therapy being developed but it is a long way off and in the mean time it really is a life long disorder that does not go away.

I know first hand that things I did were "stupid" but yet I did them to the point of self destruction. I don't want to do stupid things anymore and I do want to live my life the "right" way. I have to concern myself with me and my family first and foremost. I would make a great employee because I want to right the wrongs but I am a long way away from being an employee. I have to take it one day at a time and good things will come (they have already). Getting back to the training session I did decide that I want to help in training the counselors about gambling and problem gambling and who better than me would know. I have worked in the Gaming Industry for 11 years and understand the business side very well and I am also a compulsive gambler and understand those feelings as well. Hopefully, I can convey those thoughts and the counseling will be better. I am talking to a few people about training opportunities and hopefully something will come for it because I would be very good.

On Sunday the final session of training there was a 100 question test regarding the material we covered for the past 30 hours. I will know my results in a few weeks and even if I don't pursue the counseling I will always have the certification. I want to be a productive member of society and even though no one will hire me (right now) I feel I am doing what is best for the future of me and my family. Some people might say I am being compulsive about my attendance to Gamblers Anonymous and the pursuit of Problem Gamblers. I say to them, yes, I am because let's face it I am a obsessive compulsive person in most of my endeavors and I believe as long as it is positive and doesn't interfere with my life only good can come of it. I am being responsible to myself and my family because I am getting the help that I have needed for the past 23 years and it doesn't change overnight, it is a slow and steady process.

Getting back to my knee (sorry about the digression) by Sunday afternoon I was off the crutches and was just limping around. Not having health insurance will prevent me from going to the hospital unless the pain increases and I literally can't stand on it but it appears to be getting better. I won't run for a few weeks and will change my training program so I can "baby" my knee for a few weeks. Like I said before, I want to stop doing "stupid" things!!

Finally, I have met so many wonderful and fascinating people in the last 70 days that I would not have met had I not had this addiction and for that I am very grateful. Also, I continue to look forward to meeting more wonderful and fascinating people in the years to come.