One Step Closer for Reuniting

The Tuesday evening GA meeting in this area is the most well attended meeting of the week. I often wonder why this is the case whether it is the time (7:00 pm), the day of the week or the location of the meeting. Whatever the case we seem to have the largest turnout and last night was no exception. I do remember prior to me being sentenced the Saturday morning meeting having a high attendance factor but that seems to have diminished over the past two years.

I guess the Tuesday evening meeting is the only “regular” GA meeting during the weeknights whereas Monday is a “speaker” and “topic” meeting and Thursday is a “step” meeting. I do enjoy all of the meetings and I seem to get a great deal out of the meetings. There are some days where I am very surprised to learn something more about myself all due to the meeting and this is a very strong element of my recovery. I am eternally grateful for the GA meetings and I am very fortunate that the meetings take place right down the hall from my office. I do believe this all part of a grand plan for me and I am enjoying every step of this journey.

The meeting was very good and there was a great mixture of members who had been with the program for a number of years along with newer members. The subject of how significant others view our compulsive gambling came up and I am always baffled by this. I have been blessed with an exceptional wife and from day one she has never wavered her support. I do know of others who have lost loved ones due to the destruction of their compulsive gambling and others who’s loved ones continued to hold the old compulsive gambling behaviors over their spouses even though they were fully immersed in recovery for a number of years.

This all goes to the “Serenity Prayer” for me because I understand there are things I cannot change and things I can. I cannot change perceptions of anyone except for myself. As long as my thoughts, behavior and actions are all aligned in a positive manner I know everything will continue to work out for the best. It is sometimes very difficult to explain this to a new member who just broke the news of their destruction to their significant other. Compulsive gamblers affect others more so then any other addiction and I believe the statistics state that compulsive gamblers affect no less then six people directly. I think my numbers were a little larger but it does make sense.

An alcoholic or a drug addict can overdose on their “drug” of choice but a compulsive gambler can take down an entire family with all the emotional and financial damage they cause before anyone realizes what had happened. Those consequences have a direct affect on others. Take for instance my situation; I directly affected my wife and children as I took them away from their home and moved them across the country for things I did to propel my compulsive gambling addiction.

My family didn’t know and they certainly didn’t deserve being displaced for the past two years. I am not beating myself up as I am just stating the facts. I am beyond blessed to know that my family will return in less then two months and we will have a place to live that we can call our own. I do believe that last statement is a direct reflection of recovery; do the right thing and the right thing happens.

I may have gotten off point a bit so to bring it back a little; we compulsive gamblers affect others more so then most and when we enter recovery we want it all fixed right away. I learned very quickly when I entered recovery that the damage won’t fix itself and it won’t be fixed right away. I don’t know if “fixed” is even the proper word. I cannot “fix” the sins of my past I can only do the right thing today which is staying true to recovery and having a positive purpose. I was a broken person all thanks to my compulsive gambling but thanks to recovery I am picking up the pieces one day a time.

I was very tired this morning and contemplated sleeping in for only a few minutes. I did drag myself to the gym and got a very good workout. I was a slow starter this morning but by the time my aerobic conditioning kicked in I was feeling great. After the workout I made my way into the office where I have discovered a new breakfast. In the past and up until recently I would eat a protein bar but at $2 a bar I need a new low cost alternative so I have made my own breakfast concoction which consists of granola, yogurt and bananas.

This does have its roots in my prison stay where many items were mixed together such as the oatmeal and peanut butter along with the soups and peanut butter among others. Instead of adding milk (soy in my case) to the granola cereal I purchase the very inexpensive and low calorie yogurt which is a great protein source along with a chopped up banana and I have a wonderful breakfast. It is not only a wonderful breakfast but much less expensive then the protein bars. The box of cereal lasts all week and the yogurts only cost 40 cents. I think the whole meal is less then $1 per day which I think is very inexpensive compared to the protein bars. In addition the mixture does taste very good along with being a great way to start the day.

Today I registered my children for their school and it was great walking into the school my daughter had attended prior to their departure. I have so many great memories of that school and now I look forward to many more. We are very fortunate to be able to enroll both our daughter and son in the same school. The transition for them should be seamless because even though my son didn’t start school out here he knows the school and some of the teachers very well all thanks to his sister. Also; we have some awesome friends who have children in this school as well. As fate would have it I ran into two of these awesome friends as I was registering our children. It was great to see them and know we are one step closer to starting anew.