Reading Voracity Has Waned

Coming out of the dining hall, I passed a sergeant while carrying my vegetarian lunch (aka cheese sandwich) and this sergeant called out to me to come over to him. He noticed my clear plastic bag was different from everyone else’s and asked me rather harshly, “What you got there?” while pointing to the plastic lunch bag.

I politely replied, “It is the vegetarian lunch.”

At my response, he seemed to soften up and said, “Oh, thank you, sir.” I then went on my way back to the dorm. I guess the sergeant wanted to ensure I wasn’t getting something I wasn’t supposed to get. I have noticed that certain sergeants like to push the inmate’s buttons, but I don’t fall for this trick. There are times when I have to bite down hard on my tongue but I treat them with respect and kindness.

I saw an advertisement in the newspaper attempting to recruit people to become correction officers for the CDC. The title of the advertisement was “Starting Salary $73,000” and as I read further, I discovered the only requirement for this position was a high school diploma or equivalent. I’m not going to get into a discussion of pay for the CO’s because obviously someone in the state of California is willing to pay these salaries. It is truly sad that teachers with advanced degrees start at salaries which are half of this or less.

Yesterday was beautiful with clear skies and temperatures in the low 70’s. Unfortunately, I couldn’t’ take advantage of the beautiful weather right away as I had to wait my turn at the “store”. The process goes by the last two digits of the CDC number and as you know mine is 91 so I am usually last to get called. Every other month the CO’s are supposed to reverse the numbers which was the case this week. As the CO was calling, he skipped my name and number completely. I approached him and asked why. He told me he called my name earlier in the week. This certainly could have been the case, but I was in the firefighting training class and couldn’t attend the store. I told him this and he replied, “Well, that is on you.” This was one of the times I really had to bite down hard on my tongue to keep it in place. First of all, I didn’t quite understand his comment and secondly, I couldn’t believe he said this.

My only response was, “Excuse me?” I’m not sure if he heard me because he told me he would see if he would get to me and dismissed me from the area of the store window. I went back to where everyone was waiting and tried to cool down. After about 5 minutes he called my name and I handed him my store list. He was allowing me to go to the store. I waited another 30 minutes for my order to be processed which came out to $77.00 which was surprising, but $12.00 belonged to my friend and I bought some items for my Bunkie and other inmates I am friendly with.

I was able to get into the shower before count time. I actually took a one minute shower, I think I used soap and shampoo! I was in and out in no time and didn’t have to worry about taking a shower in the evening. Incidentally, the dorm mate who got in the shower after me had to get out right in the middle because count time had arrived. Maybe my timing is getting better?

My dorm mates went off to the dining hall for dinner while I stayed behind. I swear they were gone 5 minutes – it seemed anyway – they were actually gone for 15 minutes - I was still eating my dinner when they came back. It certainly is peaceful when they are gone and the decibel rate increases when they come back. Anyhow, I ate the rice and beans while listening to the radio during dinner and all night long. I really didn’t feel much like reading and over the past week and a half my reading voracity has waned considerably. I stopped reading so I could study for FTP class and have not started back yet. I only have 2 more of my books left to read and maybe subconsciously, I am conserving these for a later time. Whatever the case, I passed the time listening to the radio and reading a local newspaper. The evening passed quickly and bedtime came at the usual 10:00 pm.

This being a Saturday, my dorm mates and I had to make special preparations for hanging the clothes. I didn’t want my clothesline to be cut down in the middle of the night which happened over the past few Saturdays. I made sure I was completely visible with no clothes in the way. They were still damp but I was able to hang them on the front and the rear of the bunk which provides no obstructions. We were ready for the CO. Amazingly, there weren’t any middle of the night episodes of cutting down the clotheslines. I did have the CO walk through and felt the light of the flashlight as it shined on my face in the middle of the night but all was relatively calm.

I don’t understand why many of my dorm mates always seem to ask what is for breakfast on Sunday mornings. The breakfast is ALWAYS the same – the Grand slam! Again this morning someone asked and I couldn’t contain myself but fortunately I wasn’t too sarcastic with my response. I really do have to concentrate on thinking before speaking because I could get myself into trouble with my smart mouth.

I had to wait for the morning yard unlock which arrived late because the CO’s were searching another dorm. They must have found something – probably pruno – because I noticed the CO carrying out their television set. Losing the TV (literally) is punishment for the entire dorm when a contraband substance is found. I believe the first offense is losing the television for one week and the second offense is losing it for 30 days. I don’t know what the third offense would be since none of the dorms have achieved this yet. Finally, after the search the morning yard unlock arrived and I went outside for a 12.3 mile run!

Shower Schedule

It was back to the prison and again the ride did not last nearly long enough. Once again it was back through the “Strip Shack” and as we finished Day 6 of the class I have noticed the wait times have decreased tremendously. This was my last chance to get to the store before having to potentially ruin my Saturday afternoon by waiting. As was the case again today my number was called before I got there and there was no way for me to go.

I decided to give my blistered ankles a rest yesterday afternoon. I figured the 5 mile hike was enough exercise for the day and went back to the dorm to “debunk” a very bad rumor I heard earlier in the day. This rumor came from one of my dorm mates who is not exactly credible and has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. The rumor had to do with the coach – the one who is going to help me get to the fire camp as quickly as possible – rumor has it that he was fired. This is potentially damaging news for the coach but I couldn’t help to think of myself. He was going to give me a recommendation to the fire camp in Southern California upon my completion of the FTP class which is this coming Wednesday. I had planned on seeing him on Thursday morning with all my pertinent information so he could make the call to the fire camp. This became complicated when he moved to the other yard and now irrelevant if he was fired. Rumor has it that he was fired and rumor has it that he wasn’t fired! I will find out soon enough.

I arrived back into the dorm and as I made my way to the bathroom area I noticed a memo taped to the wall next to the bathroom. This memo detailed a new shower schedule for all three yards. Apparently, the water usage for the institution has exceeded acceptable levels over the past few weeks. Hmm, does this coincide with the institution operating beyond maximum capacity in the past few weeks? I believe it does. The showers will only be available in three two hour increments everyday. All the other times the water will be shut off in the showers. Our yard is only allowed to shower from 9:30 am to 11:30 am, 2:30 pm to 4:30 pm, and 7:30 pm to 9:30 pm. Also, to complicate matters we must be on our bunks for count at 4:15 pm and 9:15 pm. Lets see, 6 hours per day for 36 inmates equals a 10 minute shower per person which is very doable. However, most inmates like myself have jobs or are attending the training classes so their shower availability is now limited. If I arrive back in the dorm after the FTP class at 4:00 pm, I only have a few minutes to get into the shower prior to count and prior to the water getting turned off. If I don’t get into the shower, I would have to wait until after dinner and after 7:30 pm – thus cutting into evening yard.

Okay I could go on and on about the new shower schedule but I won’t. I must say the water usage correlates directly with the overcrowding issue which has been much publicized for the last year. I know what I did was against the law and wrong which is why I am being punished. I was not expecting a country club environment and have been very fortunate all through this journey. However, the situation with the overcrowding is tenuous at best and a powder keg ready to explode. I certainly hope to be long gone to fire camp when it does explode because I don’t want to experience it at all.

I was able to get into the shower prior to it getting turned off and it was a good thing since I smelled like smoke from the controlled burn. I wonder what the life expectancy is of a wild fire firefighter who is exposed to all that smoke?

After the shower, I opened two very nice letters which were postmarked February 20th which is a major improvement and hopefully the mail delivery will speed up. The other was postmarked February 13th which has been typical. Reading these letters is always the highlight of my day. In one of the letters I received a photograph of my children who were standing back to back in their pajamas. My oh my, they are changing right before my eyes. They are growing up very fast and will be very different the next time I see them in the summer. Their appearance will be different but they continue to remain great kids inside thanks to my wife who has provided them with stability in a world of chaos. My wife is a blessing, my children are a blessing, and my life is a blessing.

I had a 7:45 pm telephone call scheduled and I barely made it to the telephones in time. I didn’t want to further burden my wife with the extra telephone expense so I decided to call my mom. Unfortunately, she wasn’t at home but fortunately I was able to speak with my step father. This was the second time speaking with him in 7 ½ months and once again it was a very good conversation and he sounded great.

I awoke the usual 3 and 4 times a night but I was able to fall back to sleep. I sure hope I will be able to sleep through the night after I am released and don’t suffer from type of post traumatic stress disorder. I guess only time will tell.

I have to report about my dorm mate who is also the Instructor and say what a joy he is to be around at both breakfast and dinner. He is always happy when he eats his meals and has never said a disparaging word about the food. Also, he always eats everything on his tray no matter what he is served. I marvel at his attitude because he could be the only inmate who has never complained about the food. I really enjoy eating my meals with him!

This morning he once again had a big ‘ole smile while he ate his favorite cream beef with biscuits. Then of course there is the other dorm mate – who will be paroled in 20 days – who never says a good word about anything and the odd thing is we all seem to sit together. It is the ying-yang at meals. I much prefer the positive to the negative because the negative person really brings me down and I find myself wanting to tell him to just “shut up!” I don’t say anything, I just sit there and listen. Positive attitudes are absolutely more infectious while negative attitudes are infecting. Why can’t people be more positive?

Hiking Through The Woods

The ride back to the prison yesterday was not nearly long enough. I didn’t want to go back but obviously I had little choice about the matter. It felt great to be outside the prison in a natural setting. The good thing was yesterday was Day 5 of the 8 day training program and we had 3 days remaining including today. Before going back inside the prison was a visit to the “strip shack”. Talk about a blast of reality! I didn’t feel like a prisoner while we were outside the prison walls. However once I entered the “strip shack” I was instantly reminded of where I was and what my life has become. Yesterday, being Day 5 meant the “strip shack” has become second nature – it is a necessary evil. I went through very quickly and was returning to the yard.

I immediately headed over to the “store” as I did the previous day. I missed my number by 2 minutes and the CO wouldn’t make an exception. My own needs are not pressing for the store but I did have the time yesterday which didn’t work out. When I left I was able to get in a 5 mile run where I reflected on the days events. I am also a bit nervous about the next destination which is fire camp. I haven’t been a big outdoors person. In fact when I worked for a major accounting firm a number of years ago, part of the training was “how you would survive in the wilderness module.” I completely failed and not only would I not survive in the wilderness for any prolong period of time – according to the training module – I would have died within the first day! Of course, this was a training session, but it does illustrate my lack of outdoor skills. As I stood around and worked the practice fire with our “Pulaskis”, I wondered how I would do with a real fire. I’m sure there will be an adjustment period and I may see limited fire calls since I will be at the fire camp for one season. The rest of the time will be spent on projects and I will adjust.

As I was returning back to the dorm, my dorm mate who is still an instructor informed me of some changes with the PFT coaches. Apparently, there was some discussion with the three of them and the coach on the yard was switched over to the Level 1 Yard and the coach over there was sent here. This simple and possibly insignificant event does affect me because I was hoping to return as an Instructor when the PFT class concludes next week. However, now there is a different coach who doesn’t know me from Adam. Also, I was hoping to speak with the regular coach when I finished the class and inform him of my choice of fire camps so he could recommend me. Now that he is on the other yard, it is impossible for me to speak with him. I can send him a note and I will but I would much rather have personal contact with him. I don’t mind not being an Instructor if I can get transferred within a month but if I am going to be here any longer then I would prefer to be an Instructor. These little events seem to go a long way in a place like this. I will probably speak with the new coach who by the way does not get along with the old coach – and ask if I can come back for the interim and see what he says – it can’t hurt. Also, I will write the old coach a note and hope he responds.

Dorm life is starting to wear thin on me and I can’t wait to move on. The dorm has now been at capacity for the past few weeks and we have lost some members from when I got here 4 months ago. For the most part everyone is respectful but with 36 guys in a small space with 36 different personalities there is bound to be some issues. I try to let everything go but lately I find myself becoming increasingly irritated at certain actions by my dorm mates. In the big picture these things mean nothing and all of this will be a distant memory. I keep reminding myself this journey is only temporary and everything will pass. Some days are better than others but lately things seem to be accumulating. I have very little interaction with my dorm mates which I prefer. I need to let go of certain things because they don’t mean anything.

I was extremely anxious to start the FTP class today because the “Swamper” promised us he would take us on a long hike through the woods. We boarded the fire bus which is also know as a CCV vehicle (but I don’t know what the CC stands for). We grabbed our gear and filled up two water bottles. The Swamper was able to give me a new water bottle this morning as I accidentally (Spaz!) tossed the other water bottle in the fire yesterday. Once again it felt great to get outside of the prison as a person. As we exited the bus, the Swamper gave each of us a Pulaski to carry on the 2 ½ hour hike through the woods. We liked through some very beautiful trees and alongside a vibrant stream. The Swamper took us up some very steep inclines. I didn’t have any problems with the hike but I prefer going uphill as opposed to downhill. I prefer this even when I am running. There is something unsettling about going downhill especially when it is a very steep decline. I believe it is a control issue for me because I have total control when going uphill yet very little when going downhill. Yes, I am a bit of a control freak!

As we were on the hike we saw some very large cat paw prints in the snow which must have been those of a mountain lion. Thankfully, the paw prints were the only thing we saw of the mountain lion but at least we were all armed with the Pulaskis.

The hike amounted to 5 miles and the terrain was fairly steep. I could feel the effects mostly on my ankles. I didn’t have any problems keeping up with the person in front of me as we were required to maintain a ten foot space between each person. My new boots were finally broken in during the hike but the feeling I had on my ankles were the formulation of two large blisters. I knew it was only a matter of time before the blisters occurred and I was surprised I hadn’t developed any blisters prior to yesterday while wearing the hiking boots. I pressed on through the hike and the rest of the day even though I just wanted to take the boots off.

The purpose of the hike was to simulate a hike to a fire and according to the Swamper the hike today was typical and sometimes the hikes are longer to get to the fire. The demands of firefighting are real and can be physically exhausting especially being on a wildfire for 3 weeks straight. I realize I am conditioned for the hikes because of my excessive cardio activity; however, the demands of fighting the fire will take some getting used to. The one thing that is somewhat perplexing is many of the inmates who go to fire camp gain a great deal of weight in spite of the demands of the job. Apparently the food is good and served in large portions so I guess these inmates are consuming more calories than they are burning. Also, judging by those in the class who have already been to fire camp, there seems to be an emphasis on candies, steaks, and other hardy foods. I’m sure I will figure out what is available to me when I am at fire camp. All in all the hike was very good and we were essentially finished by noon. After the hike, we started another control burn in the same area as the day before. Today everyone was armed with an axe and I took a few swings. I think my testosterone level may be lower than those of my classmates because I didn’t actually get into the swinging of the axe as much as they did. I did okay cutting up some trees and placing them in the controlled burn. However, I’m not so sure I can make a living at it!!

Lunchtime was once again spent underneath an oak tree eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This concluded our day and it was back in the bus for the return trip to prison.

Taste of Freedom

The afternoon session was spent with the “Swamper” which is the inmate firefighter in charge of the 17 man crew. He showed us how to deploy a fire shelter which is basically a six and a half foot pup tent which is flame resistant. When a firefighter deploys this shelter, it usually is not a good thing. The best fire shelter is the one not used; however, wild fire is very unpredictable and things happen. Once the fire fighter is inside the shelter it resembles a very large baked potato wrapped in aluminum foil. It is very claustrophobic inside one of these but they do provide relief from the fire. I really thought I was going to have difficulties with these because I don’t possess the best mechanical skills. But the deployment is very easy as it is – open, shake, get in and lay down. All of this must be accomplished in 30 seconds. I wasn’t the fastest to get in but I wasn’t the slowest. Hopefully, the semi annual training with these fire shelters will be the only time I have to get in these.

The rest of the afternoon was spent listening to the Swamper tell stories about fire camp which were very positive. It is hard to believe the fire camp is part of the prison system. There are many “freedoms” but from what I heard yesterday, all of these are earned with hard work. The California Department of Forestry makes good use of the inmate fire fighters and has a high rate of return on the inmates. The pay is $1.00 a day when not fighting a fire and $1.00 an hour when fighting fires. I am more interested in having my time cut from 50% to 33% when I get there. For each month I am here I am losing 10 days to seeing my family.

I sure hope I don’t have to wait three and four months as some of my race have waited. Yes, it is racially balanced. Hopefully, the Coach will be able to expedite my transfer as quickly as possible. Yesterday, I spoke with the normal inmate and he is being transferred to the camp of his choice in Southern California only 2 weeks after his training. I need assistance in getting transferred just as the normal inmate had. I am hoping and praying to move on as quickly as possible.

Since I couldn’t call my wife on Monday, I really needed to speak with her and fortunately I was able to do so. It was a great conversation and she made me aware of something very important that I have been thinking a great deal about. I was very pleased and relieved to hear what she had to say. The consequences of my actions are far reaching beyond myself and certainly extend to my wife and children. I realize I don’t live in a vacuum and the things I have done have hurt my family tremendously. I cannot undo this damage, I can only recover which is what I am doing everyday. My family also needs to recover from my actions.

Day 5 of the FTP training is a very special day because it is when the class piles into the “bus” and goes off into the hills for practical hands on training. I was very excited for this day and couldn’t wait for it to start. The Swamper went over the protocol. He showed us how we must line up, where we must sit on the bus and how we handle the tools. He also gave each one of us a helmet, goggles, shroud, web belt with two water containers and a fire shelter. We then drove to the hillside which was a 35 minute drive and it was the first time in 7 ½ months that I had been in a vehicle NOT wearing handcuffs and leg irons. This was the taste of freedom I have been waiting for.

As we drove higher and higher into the hillside which is the backside of Yosemite National Park, I saw snow on the side of the road. The higher we drove, the more snow there was. It has been very cold this past week and on Tuesday of this week the rain changed to snow briefly at the prison which is less than 1200 feet above sea level. The higher elevations experienced more snow and when we reached our destination high in the hills there was about 6 inches of now on the ground. We got out of the bus and the Swamper took us on a very small hike and led us on a 20 minute trek through the woods. It felt incredible being outside with no walls or barbed wire around. The scenery was amazing as the sky was crystal clear and the sun shone brightly.

After the brief hike, the Swamper built a fire which took awhile because everything was wet. He built a fire to show us how to cut a fire line around the fire using an axe which is called a “Pulaski.” We did this the entire day. It was quite amazing because here stood 17 convicted felons swinging a “deadly weapon” yet it is standard operating procedure for fire camp. In my opinion, what is also fascinating is a quote I read from a California Assemblyman who was referring to early release due to the overcrowding. This person said, “No criminal can be released until their time is served. If they are, it will pose a threat to public safety.” Here I was standing on a hillside with 16 felons swinging an axe which is okay in someone’s opinion, but an early release is out of the question. Anyhow, the day was great as I ate my P&J sandwich under an oak tree. I am looking forward to getting to fire camp so I can experience this very special part of my journey.

Two Years Since My Last Wager

I am going to make a slight departure from the regular prison life for two reasons: One – I need to get this in the mail tonight and I have little time (which is actually a good thing) this evening due to the FTP class and evening yard. The second reason is today marks the 2 year anniversary of my last bet and I need to acknowledge this. There is a third reason which is to give my dear wife a break from typing the long blogs.

First I just need to report that I did survive the cut in the FTP class and barring any unforeseen circumstances, I will complete the class next Wednesday, March 7th!

It seems unimaginable how fast the last two years have gone since my last wager. It does seem like yesterday that I was placing those last 2 bets. I would love to say I stopped betting because I wanted to but that would be untrue. I stopped because I had to and my world was collapsing all around me. Those two wagers were so insignificant when I made them, yet they are now very significant in my life because it marks the end of the madness and insanity. Of course, I lost those two bets but that would provide to be a positive because if I had won I would have continued to bet until I lost it all. Thankfully, I lost it all in that one night two years ago. So much has happened in these past two years – not withstanding my current situation. Most of what has happened has been a direct result of my compulsive gambling addiction. Yes, I lost my job, money, house and car but amazingly, I didn’t lose my family and even more amazing, I regained my sanity.

I continue to regain my sanity through recovery which has given me my life back and subsequently has given me my family back. When I was gambling and stealing, I was slowly losing my family and now even though we are separated by a continent and prison walls, I am closer to them than I have ever been. I am closer because the lying, cheating, and stealing have stopped and now my mind is clear for the very first time since I have found recovery. Two years ago my world was swirling and I was thinking of ways to “escape” my situation. When I mention “escape”, I don’t mean run away or something worse, I mean I was trying to connive my way out of the situation. It wasn’t until the next day (after placing my last wager) that I realized I could no longer live this way and had to tell the truth. My brain was searching for ways to get out of that situation and thankfully I was not allowed to escape. I shudder to think what would have happened if I were allowed to escape. I know I wouldn’t have discovered the wonderful world of recovery and would still be living in a fantasy world.

I lived in this fantasy world all my adult life and when I discovered the “beginning of the end” at the place of my former employer, this fantasy world was magnified tremendously. Fortunately, this world came crashing down on me two years ago and now I am still paying for these consequences as I sit behind these prison walls, but my life is better now than it has ever been. Thankfully, five days after my last wager, I found the GA Program and the incredible people who are part of this great organization. I have been reaping the benefits ever since. It took me over 20 years to find the doors of GA and it is one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life and it has saved my own life as I practice the principles one day at a time. Two years ago I had no idea what was going to happen in my future and I still don’t know what will happen but I do know as long as I stay in recovery, my future will be full. The last two years has given me an incredible foundation of recovery to build on. In less than one year, my prison term will come to an end and my life will continue to reap the rewards of recovery. I realize I am capable of great things – with recovery - and I also realize I am capable of bad things – without recovery. I have done many of these bad things and my life became unmanageable. Once I utter the words, “I am a compulsive gambler” and realized I am powerless to gambling, my life changed for the better.

Two years have gone by in a blink of an eye and time continues to tick on. I am missing a significant part of my family’s lives; however, had I not found recovery I would have missed their entire lives as well as my own. The consequences of my actions have been severe, but not dire. My life has many twists and turns but through these past two years, the turns have been more than positive. Each day is a blessing and I am blessed with an incredible family and friends. I will continue to be in recovery and my 3rd anniversary will be beyond these prison walls.

10's and 18's

The protein drink saga ended and I walked back to the dorm in the rain. As I made my way in, I saw my dorm mate exercising and decided to join him where we did over 600 pushups together. As I was working out, I couldn’t help but to think about what the doctor said earlier regarding exercising and losing weight and how I should stop exercising. I could not imagine this journey without any type of exercise!

Last night was an evening yard but the weather was not cooperating as the rain continued. I stayed inside writing and waiting for “Heroes” to start. I had a multitude of letters to return because when the mail came earlier I received 9 pieces of mail which by the way is at least 2 weeks or more behind! One of these pieces was the monthly bulletin from Gamblers Anonymous. This is the second time I have received this and it certainly keeps me in contact with the fellowship. I love reading the inspirational letters each month because they are filled with experience, strength, and hope. I do keep in touch with so many dear friends from the Program and every visit I have received has been from a friend or friends in the GA Program. Now I am able to receive the monthly bulletin and the only missing thing is a real live meeting. Unfortunately, I will have to wait another year before I can attend a meeting. In the meantime my dear friends and this bulletin will be sufficient. Receiving this from GA does wonders for me and I am so glad I have been added to the mailing list.

I was able to secure a “prime seat” to watch Heroes. I was not disappointed with last night’s installment but once again the commercial interruptions seemed more than usual. Much like last week I wanted to talk about the episode but no one was interested in engaging with me. I realized it was a lost cause on my part and quickly returned to my bunk when it was over. I did want to mention that Eric Roberts (probably better known as Julia’s older brother) had a role on “Heroes.” He was an accomplished actor prior to the arrival of his little sister but as of late, I have not seen him in anything. I was surprised by his appearance and he did get older since the last time I saw him but this is what happens with everybody.

Last night being a “school night” I immediately went to sleep when the show was concluded. I needed a semi- good night’s sleep because the firefighting class started up again this morning. I woke up freezing and needed the extra blanket. Some of my dorm mates sleep with their wool hats on to keep warm.

The unlock after breakfast arrived a few minute late and I made my way over to the gate where I met up with other members of my class. Everyone was very serious because the big test for the 10’s and 18’s was today. The 10’s are the FIRE ORDERS and the 18’s are the WATCHOUT SITUATIONS. We were already to take the test and get it over with. Thankfully, the class was not cancelled but the fire captain we had for the first 2 days was off and we had a replacement for him. We were given 35 minutes to finish the test which I completed in 6 minutes. I breezed through it without any problems and checked it over twice. Everyone also breezed through it and mostly everyone was done in 15 minutes.
We still have 18 people in the class and as I have mentioned only 17 will move on to Day 5 because the vehicle which moves us to the hillside only fits 17 people.

The entire day was spent watching videos and the Fire Captain gave a 5 minute lecture on the safety of our tools. We were subsequently quizzed on this lecture and all but two of my classmates received a 100% on this quiz and the other 2 got one wrong. We did see a very interesting documentary produced by PBS on the huge wild fire in New Mexico back in 2000. The fire started as a “prescribed burn” – which means it was intentionally started by fire fighters to clear out dead brush – but quickly got out of control and burned thousands of acres while destroying 235 homes. This was a very tragic series of events. The documentary also detailed the work of a group of fire fighters from Southern California called the “Hot Shots.” This is an incredible group of men and women who travel around the country between May through November fighting the most difficult wild fires. They are paid $10.00 an hour – plus overtime – and are on the road for almost six months away from their families. These are incredible people who are dedicated to fighting these fires and are obviously not in it for the money. I was very impressed with their tremendous work ethic and determination. This documentary was the best video we have seen and also the most recent. All of the other videos appear to have been made in the 1950’s but the message was clear – SAFETY COMES FIRST!

Part Two the Medical Appointment

I arrived on time for the 11:00 am appointment. I knew I was in for a long wait when I saw a full waiting room. After one hour the nurse called me and took my vital signs. My blood pressure was 110 over 69 and my heart rate was 46 beats per minute. I was also weighed and my weight has not fluctuated since the last time which was back in December. I still weighed 149 pounds fully clothed with boots on. (This will be a big issue later, please be patient) After the vital signs were taken I returned to my seat in the waiting room where I waited another hour before the doctor called me. Yes, it took two hours before I was seen, but this is part of the program and standard operating procedure. The doctor was well aware of why I was there – to reinstitute the protein drinks. However, the policy has changed since I last saw him when he prescribed the drinks. The doctor greeted me and immediately wanted to weigh me again. I told him I was already weighed and we went back to his office.

This can be a very long story so I will try to condense it. While we were in his office, he took my height without boots which is 5 feet 9 ½ inches. He then calculated my body mass index. As he was doing this calculation, I was acutely aware of what he was doing. He was trying to prove my need for the protein drinks. Prior to the body mass index calculation, I said to him it might be better if I weighed without the boots since he calculated my height without them. I hopped on one of the scales which had me weighing 150 pounds. I didn’t understand how this could be and the doctor said, “I don’t like this scale; try the other one.” I moved to the other scale and weighed in at 143 pounds without the boots. This was more like it and I have actually gained 2 pounds since my incarceration started last July. The doctor seemed to agree with this weight and we proceeded back to his office. He then recalculated my body mass index at 21. I thought this was high and I thought it would be 19 which is obviously on the thin side.

Oops! I am going out of sequence. Before we made our way over to the scale, we saw another doctor in the hallway. At the time I didn’t realize this was the Chief Medical Officer. My doctor showed this doctor my stomach and ribs in hopes he would get me clearance for the drinks. He went on about how much running I could do and how active I am and how the protein drinks were necessary. The other doctor was not buying any of it and said, “He is naturally skinny and he is not here to muscle it up.”

My doctor was not deterred by this answer as we went toward the scale. Back in his office the doctor sat silently over my medical file trying to think of something. As he was thinking I asked him what he knew about the possible early release of some inmates. He then gave me the Friday edition 2/23 of the San Francisco Examiner or Chronicle and showed me an article relating to this topic which was on the front page. I asked him if I could read the article while he was thinking about what to do. He said, “Of course.” I won’t go into the contents as it will make this story even longer.

After a few minutes of deep contemplation, my doctor took me over to another doctor seeking a third opinion. This doctor was of no help and said if I wanted to gain some weight I should stop exercising. I didn’t take too kindly to this remark, and said something like, “That’s absurd.” But I did say it in a dignified manner.

She then said, “We could probably prescribe 3 hot fudge sundaes per day and you still wouldn’t gain any weight.”

Again, I was a little less dignified this time and said, “I wouldn’t eat the sundaes anyway.” Somehow after this exchange, we managed to agree to disagree and my doctor saw that she was of no help.

I really must give my doctor tremendous credit because he tried his hardest. After this latest rebuff, he took me into the Associate Warden’s Office to plead my case (I knew I opened up a can of worms when I wrote that memo a week and a half ago, but I didn’t realize all this would transpire). The Warden wanted to help but his hands were tied since the decision on the protein drink policy came from a higher authority. My doctor did tell the Associate Warden to move me out as soon as possible so I could get more food. He even went as far as stating my last name several times. I’m not sure if this is good, bad, or neither, but now the Associate Warden knows my name. My doctor still wouldn’t give up and sought out the first doctor we saw earlier. He found him and it was here that I discovered it was the Chief Medical Officer who implemented the protein drink policy. The three of us had a very good discussion and as it turns out I am just not skinny enough to receive the drinks. Go figure? As we were talking, the Chief medical Officer said to me. “You look like you don’t belong here. Why are you here?”

I can now sum up my deeds in one sentence. “I made a grave error in judgment and I am being rightfully punished for this huge error!” I did follow up with compulsive gambling addictions but I did not go into a big discussion.

After this conversation, I thanked my doctor for going beyond the extra mile and I appreciated all he did for me. He told me to get myself to a fire camp and if I do lose weight or feel sick to come and see him anytime. I was amazed at the lengths my doctor went through and now the issue of the protein drinks is dead. He did mention the appeal process but it is not worth it. I am maintaining my weight and frankly getting the protein drinks was a hassle. I only wrote the memo based on principle and as it turns out other inmates are losing their drinks because they do not fit the new policy which is only inmates who are severely malnourished with BMI’s of 15 or below and those with severe medical conditions such as hepatitis and HIV. I certainly don’t fit that criteria and I suspect all the other inmates who are currently receiving these drinks will soon have them taken away very shortly.

The medical staff of the CDC has been much maligned over the years. However, someone must be looking out for me because I am blessed with a doctor who truly cares. I wrote this the first time I met this doctor back in November and today he exceeded my expectations. He did all he could without getting into trouble and I respect him immensely. Even though I was not able to get the protein drinks, I felt very satisfied with today’s outcome. I am very happy I wrote that memo earlier because now I know I did all I could and I accept the outcome wholeheartedly.

Part One Self-Imposed Lockdown

February 26 Self Imposed Lockdown

I believe it is Lionel Richie who sings “Easy as a Sunday Morning”. Well yesterday being a Sunday was not and all of the previous Sunday mornings are not exactly “easy” while I am in a place like this. It was a pouring down, miserable, dreary day. As I was outside leaving the dining hall to go back to the dorm, one of my dorm mates had made a shift raincoat out of a plastic bag. It was quite clever because it protected his head and coat. As he walked past one of the CO’s, he called over and told to give-up this makeshift raincoat. Apparently, according to the CO, the plastic bag is state property and he destroyed it so he is not allowed to wear it. The sad part about this is the dorm mate is elderly and just wanted to keep dry. He only made it two steps out of the dining hall before being asked to give it up which he did begrudgingly and walked back to the dorm in the pouring rain. He did get very wet as did everyone else.

It was certainly a perfect morning for sleeping in. However, I don’t really like to sleep during the day and I did stay awake enjoying the peace and quiet of the dorm. I took advantage of this time to write and to do more studying. There are good days and bad days along this journey. Thankfully, the good days outweigh the bad days. There are also sad days and I believe the weather of yesterday made it a sad day. I settled into my bunk staring at pictures of my family. It rained all morning and I didn’t have much to do so my mind went to them. I also revisited the misdeeds of my past. This is never a good thing but sometimes my mind ventures back to the past. Thankfully, it was only a visit and I didn’t dwell on anything. The past is gone and there is nothing I can do to change those horrible events. I can only concentrate on today and although it was a sad day, I know that everything will work out well thanks to my recovery. Dwelling in the past is detrimental to my recovery and the key is to recover and not move backward. I continue to move ahead in a positive manner (some days are more difficult than others) and the benefits of recovery are astonishing. I am making it with recovery in my life and I know without it, I have no chance.

As I finished working out inside, the afternoon yard was opening and the rain subsided. At this point I was a sweaty mess and I could have gone out and did some running or the Harvard Wall. It was still cold and very windy so I gave myself a self-imposed lockdown as I remained inside the dorm all afternoon.

I spent most of yesterday afternoon reading the local newspapers and catching up on the local news. As I was reading, I realized it is going to be very difficult to start anew in this area for several reasons. The one main reason is housing costs are very expensive and any job would require a significant commute. Also, I’m not sure if I will have an option of where I can live upon my release because of the parole conditions. I have drafted a letter to my attorney asking him questions regarding my parole. I have to start now and I have to start planning for the future. Some of the decisions my wife and I have to make may have already been decided for us so it would be good to know this before coming to any decisions. The one very pressing issue is where I can live upon my release and this needs to be answered. Hopefully, my attorney will get back to me with answers prior to next year so I can move forward.
I must say the area in southern California where my family and I spent five years was very good in terms of all the special friends we met. It had a wonderful school system for our children and for me the GA group was excellent. I cannot predict what is going to happen upon my release, but I do know I will be with my family “somewhere” which has yet to be determined. I have a great deal of baggage to tend to upon my release in terms of restitution issues. I cannot allow myself to get overwhelmed with this because I must take it one day at a time.

As I was going over my study materials for the thousandth time, I received a ducat to go to medical on Monday. This was very good news but at the same time – bad – because I had a telephone call scheduled to my wife at the same time as my appointment. I must arrive on time – even though I will probably have to wait an hour – otherwise the CO’s will get very upset. Hopefully, this will be the last of the protein drink saga.

I remember one of the dreams I had last night. It had to do with me getting out before my release date. However, I didn’t go directly home to be with my family. One of the terms of the early release was that I had to spend 3 years in a halfway house. This was located in NJ about 2 miles away from where my family is currently staying. The odd thing was the halfway house was a bakery and I was assigned to live there and help with the business. The rules of staying there were very liberal and the owners whom I did not know were very kind and understanding. I was to report there the next day in a car much like the Honda Civic I had in college. I drove off down a main street and looked at all the old style stores – then I woke up. I am sure a psychologist would have a field day interpreting this dream. I won’t go into what I think is the meaning of this dream. I am just happy to be dreaming because it means I have reached a deep sleep.

On my way to the doctor’s appointment, I heard someone calling my name from one of the dorms on the upper tier. It was an inmate from my firefighting class who wanted to show me the quiz that we will be taking tomorrow. I quickly ran to his dorm to look at it. Yes, it was the actual quiz without the answers and I was able to answer all of the questions in about 4 minutes without missing any. I had to stop and think on a few of them but for the most past I breezed through it. He asked me if I wanted him to make me a copy which would have required him to handwrite the 18 questions. It was a very nice offer but I passed and knowing I could answer all the questions was enough for me. I thanked him profusely and made my way back down the stairs for my medical appointment.

Don't Tell Paul

I decided to join my Bunkie in his workout inside the dorm. Inmates on the whole are very creative and since we don’t have any free weights, they make them out of sandbags from the horseshoe pit (yes, there is a horseshoe pit) and sometimes the weights are made up of water bags with a broom handle. I used these for my workout.

My Bunkie could literally be my son since he is 20 years younger than me. Essentially he is a good kid but has a messed up dysfunctional life. He spent most of his teenage years in the Youth Activities Center which is a prison for teenagers. Apparently, he didn’t learn any rehabilitation methods during his stay there, but he did learn how to be an adult criminal. I have spoken with a few inmates who are well versed on the YA System and they all agree it is a training ground for future inmates of the CDC. I do feel badly for my Bunkie because if he continues his ways he has many unfortunate years ahead of him behind bars. He too is going to fire camp but I fear this program may not help him because he views the freedoms of the program much differently than I do. These freedoms may not be a good thing for him but I hope and pray he gets his life straightened out. He has a lifetime of many wonderful things to enjoy yet he is on the wrong path. Hopefully, he finds the right path and starts enjoying the positive qualities life has to offer.

All the necessary hygiene and eating rituals were out of the way so I started on the writing ritual. I finished up and now it was time to study the wild land terminology and safety measures. I am most likely putting too much pressure on myself over these quizzes and memorizations. I am a fairly (okay somewhat) intelligent person with an above (not too far above average IQ) yet I am fretting about memorizing 18 sayings. My self-imposed pressure is not limited to me because it seems everyone in the class is the same way. Yesterday afternoon, for almost 2 hours, I spent memorizing the 18 WATCHOUT SITUATIONS. I got out my legal pad and started writing these over and over again. Since I still have a few more days, I need to relax and pass the test.

Three of my dorm mates came back from early dinner and one of them whispered something to another dorm mate. After they were done whispering, the one dorm mate said, “Don’t tell Paul – he’ll spoil it,” as he looked over to me.

I knew this had something to do with another early release rumor. I instantly said, “Don’t tell Paul what?” He smiled but wouldn’t tell me so I asked him again and he finally broke down. This is a good one – apparently, the vocations (trade schools at the prison) are closing down starting with welding this week. The rumor has it that they are closing because all of us are soon to be released. Me being the realist chimed in, “How does this have anything to do with the early releases, surely there is a plausible explanation.

As soon as I said this, they said, “Yes, you are probably right but we can dream can’t we?” Sure they can dream but lately it seems that if something out of the ordinary happens, it is because we are all going home soon. This gets very tiresome which is why I focus on my release date of next year. By the way, as it turns out the welding classes are closing down because the teacher is retiring and they cannot find a replacement. The answer to all questions is not early release!

The yard ended at night and it was back to the dorm where I studied for a few minutes before falling asleep. During the evening the “Clothesline Police” were back again for a return visit. At 2:00 am the CO ripped and I mean RIPPED – loudly – down the neighbor’s clothesline and all his clothes fell to the ground. I was in a dreamlike sleep when this happened but had enough sense to pull my clothing down so I was not next. The CO didn’t touch my clothesline because all my clothes were down. This was the second Saturday night in a row this has happened to all different dorm members. It is quite unnerving seeing a CO three feet away from my bunk in the middle of the night yanking down the clothesline with a vengeance. Once again, the inconsistencies are glaring because the clothes can be fine for six consecutive days, yet on the 7th day they are not. Oh well, it appears that the best course of action is to keep the clothes down on Saturday nights. This way there shouldn’t be any issues. I keep saying to myself, “This is only temporary and I will be back with my family soon enough.” Soon enough will be here before I know it.

Safety Certainly Comes First

Safety is paramount when fighting fires especially in the wild lands. The emphasis in the class for the first 2 days has been on safety. Lets face it- an injured or worse yet – dead firefighter is of no use to anyone so we must keep safe at all times. I have watched videos on how wild land firefighters have gotten seriously burned in fires. A few months ago 5 firefighters were killed in a fire located in Southern California wild land not far from where I want to get sent to fire camp. Sometimes the fires are very unpredictable and the key is once again awareness. Even while working, digging, and cutting – we are required to keep an eye on the fire at all times. I can imagine that it is very exhilarating in a wild land fire and also chaotic. The fire captains see to it that the chaos is organized. I learned yesterday that back in the 1980’s, Yellowstone National Park had a huge fire which destroyed hundreds of thousands of acres which lasted for 2 ½ months. There were thousands of firefighters on hand but the only way the fire was extinguished was by Mother Nature – the rains came. The footage of the fire was incredible as it seemed to move with a vengeance. Nothing could stop this fire and all the best efforts by the firefighters were tried. I hope I don’t get to experience something of this magnitude because it was much too destructive and many firefighters were injured. Frankly, if I would be content working on projects throughout the remainder of my sentence and if I don’t experience a fire I wouldn’t be disappointed.

While waiting for the unlock I decided to get in a quick 3 miles of running which whet my appetite for more exercise. When I got back to the dorm I decided to do 500 pushups. After eating my soup with tuna fish and mustard, I decided to listen to the radio trying to confirm the latest prison overcrowding rumor.

Lately the overcrowding rumors are coming fast and furious and apparently it is my job to decipher what is fact or fiction. Anytime one of my dorm mates hears something about this issue, they immediately come to me. My rendition of these rumors is somewhat different than most of the other inmates. When they hear something, it immediately becomes fact and if what they have said was true, I would be with my family already. I always give the “reality” version of the information which is until something happens - to me I won’t believe anything I hear. The latest article states that the Governor will consider releasing the “old” and the “sick” early from their sentences. The reality of the situation is that no one is being released before their sentence is served since nothing as of yet has been mandated by the Governor. I am concentrating on my new release date which will hopefully be February of next year. I will receive this new release date when I arrive at fire camp so until I learn otherwise I have one more year to go before I get to be with my family. This is what I tell everyone who asks about the early releases; concentrate on your present release date and anything earlier –consider a blessing.

I am able to separate fact from fiction and in my opinion - which I have shared with my dorm mates - is something will happen but it won’t happen for a few more months. What this something is, I really don’t know. However, the state of California is in a crisis within the prison system which I have witnessed firsthand over these last 7 months. I have no idea where all the new inmates are going to be housed because it seems every dorm here is full for the first time in the past few months. It seems logical to me that something has to give and the overcrowding must be relieved.

I was able to stay awake past 10:30 pm writing but it was time to go to sleep. The temperature had dropped once again and the dorm is without any heating so during the night it gets cold. Even though it has gotten so cold, two of my dorm mates like the ceiling fan on. Earlier on when I arrived here, I was rather timid about turning the fan off but after 4 months I have gained some courage. Last night before I went to sleep I turned off the fan. However, 30 minutes later it was back on. Finally somewhere during the night the ceiling fan was turned off but yet again 20 minutes later it was back on. Finally somewhere during the night it was turned off for good. If the weather remains cold, I can see the ceiling fan becoming a problem. It does seem only 2 of my dorm mates want the fan on and the other 34 want it off – the numbers are in my favor. Hopefully, nothing will arise from this silly issue but this is prison and stupid things happen. By the way one of my dorm mates wants the ceiling fan on because it keeps the “dust down”!

Strip Shack

It was hard to believe how fast yesterday went by. It seems as if I was standing in the pouring rain waiting for the class to start and then it was time to head back to the yard. There is a downside to being outside the gates for the fire training. Not only was I drenched earlier in the day as well as extremely cold but I was subjected to the “strip shack.” This represents the reality of my situation in prison. Since we are outside the prison going on hikes in the mountains when we come back we must strip down before going back into the yard.

The “strip search” is an outdoor podium where several CO’s stand and inspect all the inmates as they arrive back inside the gates. The process is somewhat efficient as 9 inmates enter the podium and strip down while the CO’s go through out clothes for contraband. The air was quite cool – in the 40’s – and I actually felt better without my clothes than with my wet clothes on.

I almost had a very embarrassing moment yesterday as I was progressing through the “strip shack”. Inmates are required to wear only state issued clothing when going outside the gates which covers “all” clothing. Well, I was wearing state issued clothing with the exception of my underwear. About a week and a half ago, my white laundry bag did not come back from the laundry (for the third time). I had a difficult time rounding up the CO to give me the lost laundry slip. I finally got hold of him about a week later but the since the PFT class started I haven’t made my way over to laundry to receive new clothing. I only had one “state issued” underwear – boxers – and they were still drying as I departed to class yesterday so I wore my own. As I was stripping down the CO reminded me that only “state issued” clothing must be worn when going outside the gates and he also told me I could lose the personal underwear which means he would take them at this point. I did respond in a pleading tone letting him know I was unaware of this policy and it would never happen again. I guess the CO thought I was sincere or pathetic because he let me keep the underwear. If he took them, it could have been a very embarrassing situation for me!

Before entering the dorm, I found out that our dorm was searched earlier that morning and apparently after the CO’s didn’t find anything, they realized they were in the wrong dorm! They were supposed to go to the dorm next door. When I first heard about the search, my thoughts turned to my peanut butter stash and I wondered if it survived this search as it survived the previous searches. The unlock came and I went directly to my locker. I realized it was most definitely searched as all the items were out of place. The other day I had arranged everything in order. However, the peanut butter was still in my locker as was the lone cardboard shelf. I had to rearrange the items but nothing was missing even the banana was still there.

I decided to stay in and not go to dinner since the meal was pasta with meat sauce and it was still pouring outside. So, the rest of my evening consisted of studying and doing homework. I had to look up 122 fire terminology definitions. I could have obtained the answers but I wanted to do this right way and learn the material. I was second guessing myself as I spent over 3 hours completing the assignment but I felt good knowing I did it myself. In the process I was able to study for the quizzes since they were on terminology. I ended up going to sleep after 10:30 pm because of the lengthy homework.

The entire day yesterday went by so fast and as I laid in my bunk I was asleep within minutes. However, I woke up a few hours later shivering. It was very cold inside the dorm and the fan was even off. All of our heating ducts have been sealed off because there isn’t a way to control the temperature. Either it is very hot or very cold. Last night I had to add a second wool blanket and with this I was still cold. My goodness, I have no idea how I am going to live in a cold climate because with my thin blood and lack of body fat, I seem to be cold all the time. I guess if the Global Warming continues I won’t have to concern myself with living in a cold climate because all climates will be warm!

The only exciting thing which happened at breakfast was I had 2 bananas in my hat ready to take out of the dining hall but as soon as I saw the Sergeant standing to the exit, I quickly threw out the bananas. I really don’t make a good thief! (Hmm, maybe that’s why I am here) I walked up to the Sergeant to get my vegetarian lunch and he once again asked for my card. I quickly showed him my chrono and once again explained the whole card scenario. I’m not sure if I was rude ant this point but I did tell him it was okay and started to walk out of the dining hall. He said something, but I kept walking and I am really tired of the same old “card inquisition” and didn’t want to engage in any further conversations. He didn’t seem upset at all and hopefully the next time I see him he won’t ask me for the card. By the way, he never did search me for the bananas so I could have taken them, oh well!!!

The fire class started much like yesterday with a video but unlike yesterday, we were given the first quiz. It was 20 multiple choice questions all on fire terminology. These quizzes are very important because there are 18 students in the class but only 17 will be able to advance. One person will be eliminated because only 17 inmates fit in the fire vehicle which will transport us to the hiking trails on day five. The student with the lowest score on the quizzes will be eliminated and have to repeat the class. I’m not going to take anything for granted because I want to move on.

The quiz was given orally through a video which I believe is to eliminate any reading deficiencies that some of the inmates may have. The 20 questions were fairly basic but a few were worded a little tricky. There was only one question I was uncertain on and I changed my original answer. As it turns out my initial response was correct but since I changed it, I got it wrong. I was a little angry with myself because I did want 20 out of 20. I guess 19 out of 20 isn’t so bad but the highest score was 20 out of 20 and the lowest was 17 out of 20. The next test will be on Tuesday and I do believe someone will be eliminated on this and that someone won’t be me because this is too important for me to mess up on!

Day 2 of the class also went very quickly and from what I have observed life in a fire camp is very hard work. These projects range from painting community centers to clearing brush in the wildland. Whatever the project is, it is very labor intensive. This will be good for me because I need it. Also the work on the fire is basically digging, clearing, and cutting trees, brush, etc. We may get to run a hose line if it is a brush fire but for the most part I will be “digging ditches”

Not only will I receive 1/3 time for my duties at fire camp, I will be paid as well. Each day I am at fire camp I will earn $1.00 per day. However, when I go to a fire, I will earn $1.00 an hour from the time I leave the camp to the time I get back. Some very big wild land fires can take 2 to 3 weeks to control. I can be on the fire “campaign” for those weeks – sleeping, eating, fighting the fire the whole time in the wild land. Some inmates have earned $1500. to $2000. for a fire season. The math is easy: they spent 1500 to 2000 hours in fires for a few short months. I don’t like to speculate but with the lack of rain Southern and Northern California have received this past year, it could be a very long season. I do know that the next 12 months will be very interesting and will also fly by. I know it is going to be very hard work but this is certainly something I need and I do look forward to it very much.

FTP Training

After finishing the Harvard Wall, I attempted to call my wife. I thought I would try her directly and if that didn’t work I would go through the Bail Bonds Company. Much to my surprise, my first attempt to call went through without incident. I was caught by surprise when she answered the phone. I asked her why the call went through today but not yesterday. She told me she paid the bill earlier in the day by calling MCI – the company who has been contracted by the prison to process the collect calls – directly since she never received a bill. Apparently with all the deregulation and now consolidation of the telephone companies collect calls no longer appear on a regular telephone bill if they are provided by a different carrier. This was the case for my wife as she had no idea when she was going to get billed for my collect calls. MCI has $100.00 threshold before they block the collect calls. The threshold was hit and that is why I was unable to connect with her the night before. My wife had to do some investigating on her own earlier in the day to see how to rectify the missing bill. She was able to contact MCI and pay the bill via the telephone and the block was taken off.

I don’t understand how a company cannot send out a bill for these collect calls in a timely manner. I wonder how much money remains uncollected from having this procedure. As my wife explained, she has to keep track herself before reaching $100.00 because once this amount is reached the collect calls from me will be blocked. There has to be a better less expensive way for me to call her direct. Long distance rates are now very inexpensive and there are low priced carriers out there; however, it appears MCI has an exclusive contract with the CDC. I have seen fliers where inmates can purchase blocks of time for the collect calls. I have passed the phone numbers onto my wife but she has not been able to speak with anyone form these companies as she has received busy signals each time she has called. I do need to limit the collect calls to my wife because each time it costs between $12.00 and $15.00 which is ridiculous. I will start using the Bail Bond Company once again to bring down the cost of calls. Once a week will have to suffice because my wife is working with a very limited budget (all because of me) and there is no need to add to her expenses.

My routine has been altered for the past week since I got assigned to the FTP class. The class hasn’t started yet and I feel as though I am in limbo. I have made the best of this past week but something is missing. I have also scaled back my reading as I have been studying the fire fighter materials. I still haven’t memorized the WATCHOUT SITUATIONS which is an acronym for the safety hazards. Here they are:

W ind increases and / or changing direction
A ttempting frontal assault on fire
T errain and fuels make escape to safety zones difficult
C annot see main fire and not in contact with anyone who can
H otter and drier weather
O n a hillside where falling material ca ignite fuel below you
U nfamiliar with weather and local factors influencing fire behavior
T aking a nap near a fireline
S pot fires across fireline
I nstructions and assignments unclear
T here is unburned fuel between you and the fire
U niformed on strategy, tactics, and hazards
A nchor point not established while construction fireline
T he fire has not been scouted or sized up
I n ??? not seen in daylight
O perating on a hill with fire below you
N o communication link with crew members
S afety zones and escape routes not identified

There were 19 of us in the fire training class and all but one of us made it out to the classroom. The one person who didn’t make it did not match his picture and he was turned back. I had to fill out at least 6 forms and then the captain entered the classroom. He is an older man with a no nonsense attitude and some inmates labeled him the “toughest” captain. I didn’t find him tough, I found him very knowledgeable and he wanted all of us to learn the material to stay safe out there which is the most important aspect of being a wild land fire fighter.

The rest of the day was spent watching very old and outdated videos on fire camps and fires. I am very fortunate to be placed in this program because only 3000 inmates out of 174,000 make it into the fire camp program. I learned more than I ever wanted to learn about the atmospheric conditions influencing fire behavior. All throughout the videos, the underlying theme is something my father told me about since he is a retired fire fighter. He told me to be very aware of my surroundings when I am fighting a wild fire and this was echoed all throughout the day.

That Damn Telephone!

Considering I wasted all morning waiting for the Nurse there was no reason for me to stay out in the yard until it closed only 40 minutes later. I wanted to workout but those plans quickly were altered as I waited for the nurse. I thought I would be better served if I went back into the dorm prior to the closing of the yard. I did this and decided o eat lunch even though I planned on running in the afternoon. I wanted to experiment since I have been able to exercise after eating breakfast I thought why not lunch. Also, I was very hungry at this time and needed something to eat. Somehow I ended up with 3 bananas from breakfast over the weekend and had 2 remaining. I knew I had to eat the bananas very soon as they ripening quickly. So I made yet another PB and banana sandwich for lunch. I am able to get 2 sandwiches with one banana and two peanut butter pouches. I ate both sandwiches which may not have been a good idea since I was planning on running 10 miles in the afternoon. I also had enough time to start writing before I went out into the afternoon. Unbelievably the 2 hours passed very quickly and it was time to go outside.

As I ran I could feel the rather large lunch I had a few hours earlier and I didn’t like the feeling. I much prefer to have little to nothing in my stomach while running. Also, as I approached mile 5 I could feel a very faint twinge in my right knee. I know my body very well (I may not listen to it very well) and could tell where this twinge was leading. I’m not the smartest guy in the world (as evidence by my current situation) so instead of cutting the run short I continued. Fortunately the little twinge stayed little and I was able to complete the 10 miles but this 10 miles was so much harder than the 16 miles on Sunday, go figure.

Since I ate earlier in the day there wasn’t any need for me to eat at this time so I waited for the “mail call”. The mail call came and I received 2 letters postmarked some 17 days ago. This seems to be the case lately as the mail is running 2 ½ weeks behind. In those 2 letters I received great correspondence from a dear friend and my mother. My mother was also kind enough to enclose some editorials on the California Prison crisis.

I enjoy all the correspondence I receive especially those who write about the outside world. I am so fortunate to receive so much mail which keeps me in contact with the outside world. Many of my dorm mates seem to never receive mail so their “real world” are these “prison walls”, sad very sad. I am always encouraged when I receive mail and know I am on the right road to recovery. Everyone in my life is a special person and I am enjoying a special life. Reading the mail not only helps me to pass the time, it helps me stay in touch with the people who matter and I thank everyone for their tremendous support.

The yard opened in time enough for my 7:30 pm telephone call, I even had time to walk 2 laps with my friend prior to the phone call. I was fully prepared to speak with my wife and now that I was out in time for the phone call I thought there shouldn’t be any problems. Well, just when I thought I have experienced it all with the telephone something different cam up. I dialed my wife’s telephone number (actually it is my mother-in-law’s telephone number) and received a recording stating there is a block on the number and the call would not go through. I thought I may have misdialed so I dialed the number again and received the same recording. Oh great not another problem with the damn telephone. I need to back track a bit, my friend has not been able to speak with his girlfriend for the past 2 months because she too had a block on her telephone. She has tried unsuccessfully to remove this block for the past 2 months. As I heard the recording this went through my mind and thought I wouldn’t be able to speak with my wife and children for at least 2 months, I was very frustrated. Then I dialed my mother’s telephone number in hopes of getting through to her and letting her know what is going on with the telephone. Thankfully I was able to connect with my mother and I did let her know about the telephone block preventing me from speaking with my wife. As I spoke with my mother I was very down and was not myself. I was thinking the worse case scenario which was not being able to speak with my wife for some time. Unlike the conversation I had with my mother on Sunday I was not very talkative and I need to apologize for my actions. I know these circumstances are beyond my control and I need to do a better job of letting these events go. However; in the heat of the moment it is very difficult to let go and let things happen so I apologize to my mother for my down attitude.

My mother was great (as usual) taking down all the necessary information to pass along to my wife. My mother did have some questions to ask me so it did work out well that I called her last night. The minutes on the telephone passed as quickly as they normally do and our conversation was over. Now I just have to wait and see how long it will take for the block to be removed so I can speak with my wife and children. Last night I was not thinking clearly regarding getting in touch with my wife on the telephone. There are other ways to contact my wife such as through the Bail Bonds Company who have assisted in contacting my wife in the past. This has to be accomplished during regular business hours, Monday through Friday, thus the window to call my wife is certainly narrowed down. However, I will find a way to get in contact with my wife very soon. Initially I was thrown for a loop but the longer I think about it the more I realize it is not that bad.

I was not my usual self last night after the “blocked” telephone call. Even my friend had to make sure I was okay. We only walked about 2 miles as I am breaking in the new hiking boots and the weather was much cooler than normal. I was able to sign up for another telephone call for Thursday but I didn’t know if I will be able to call my wife. I do have the time and it won’t hurt just to dial the telephone number. After the telephone sign-up I want to go back into the dorm, however; I missed the unlock and had to wait until the yard was closed to get back in. Once I got back in I made oatmeal because I could feel myself falling into all four categories of HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, and tired) and I had to check myself. I was getting over my anger with that damned telephone. I am most certainly lonely even though I have met some very good people all through this journey but right now I am doing my best. Finally I get tired at the end of the night but during the day I am fine. I am not about to jeopardize my recovery by doing something stupid because that would only make matters worse. I understand things happen but I have complete faith that everything happened for a reason and everything will be fine. Yes, frustrations are inevitable in a place like this but in one year’s time this will all be over and I will be a better person.

Waits Are Endless

I surprised my friend yesterday by asking him to run a mile. My friend has a problem regarding running the mile in the required 9 minutes so as the yard opened yesterday afternoon I more or less told him I would run the mile with him. I left him little opportunity to say no and he somewhat begrudgingly agreed. A 9 minute mile is the last exercise on the PFT test and many students have difficulty with this run. My friend falls in this category but with practice the run is really no big deal. We started the run and made the first lap in the required 3 minutes. However; shortly after this lap my friend started breathing very heavily. This happens to so many people when they run and the only remedy is to relax so I told my friend to relax. He did relax a little but halfway through the second lap he wanted to stop. I was not going to let him stop since he was right on pace for the 9 minute mile. When he informed me he was quitting I told him “oh no, you can do another lap.” Much to my surprise he did the next lap and finished the run in 8 minutes and 56 seconds. When I showed him the stopwatch with this time he was elated and now has confidence with the run. As we crossed the finish line he wanted to stop and basically sit down but I wouldn’t allow him as I told him to walk a lap. Amazingly he continued to follow my directions. This unexpected mile run proved to be very rewarding for both of us. The look of joy on his face as he saw the time on the stopwatch was indeed priceless. I was happy to help my friend and everything worked out well.

I was able to get in and out of the shower right before it was time to leave for dinner. Last night was one of the dinners I actually look forward to because it was once again Mexican night. As I reached the front of the line to receive my tray even the very nice C/O commented “at least this is a filling meal for you” I agreed with her and said “yes, it is one of the few where I can count on getting full.” I did receive two servings of Spanish rice and two servings of Mexican beans. The meal was indeed filling but certainly lacking in flavor.

Returning to the dorm from dinner meant I would be inside all night long. Having finished a book earlier in the day and knowing I will be starting the firefighting training program this week I was hesitant to start a new book. I had one local newspaper to read but this was missing an entire section on California and World News so I got through it rather quickly. I was waiting for “Heroes” to start and this being sweeps month (February) I knew it would be an interesting show. It was a very interesting show and I realized something as the show was airing and when it was over, even though 16 of my dorm mates watch the show no one discuss the content. I find myself asking open-ended questions to get a dialogue started but no one wants to engage in a conversation. The same thing happens when I lend out books to my dorm mates. They return me the books when they have read the books and all I get is “thanks”. No one ever comments on whether they enjoyed it or not. Once again I try to engage in a somewhat meaningful conversation but it seems to fall on deaf ears.

After “Heroes” I was up walking back to my bunk from the bathroom area and one of my dorm mates said to me “what are you doing up so late?” (It was after 10:00 pm). They were concerned because I am always in my bunk at this time. I assured them I was going to sleep right then and not to be concerned. I have established a regimented routine even my dorm mates are aware when I am awake too late.

This morning meant I had to dress in my “Oranges” in hopes of finally starting the firefighting training program. I sort of knew there was little chance the class would start but I still had to get dressed and go through the motions. I was up, dressed, and watching the local news by 6:00 am. Breakfast time is getting closer to normal since it was only a few minutes late this morning. At this point I went over to the gate and lined up for the FTP class. I was correct and my class did not meet today. I have surmised that the class won’t start until Thursday since all the classrooms are occupied and one will be available on Thursday.

It was sort of good the class didn’t meet because I received a ducat to see the Nurse in regards to the memo I sent to the doctor about the protein drinks. I am still somewhat wary of doing this but there is no turning back now. My appointment was for 9:30 am but since I was already out in the yard I showed up at 9:00 am. However; I didn’t get to see the nurse until 10:15 am. She explained to me tat only inmates with severe medical needs and severe weight loss can obtain the protein drinks now. I completely understand but this is not what is happening. The only reason I was singled out was because I was wearing my PFT Instructor uniform as was the other Instructor. Other inmates are receiving the protein drinks without interruption. I told her that the doctor told me to contact him if the protein drinks was cancelled, this is what I was doing. She then asked me if I wanted to see the doctor. Yes, I wanted to see the doctor but it really isn’t that simple. I don’t want anything interfering with the FTP class and a ducat to see the doctor could cause me to get kicked out of the class. The class does not meet on Mondays so I wanted to ensure the appointment was on a Monday. The nurse could not guarantee this but did note it on the chart she sent to the scheduler.

She did tell me that if the appointment to the doctor does conflict with the FTP class I could re-schedule the appointment without any problems. I took her word for this but I also had her write this down on both the note to the scheduler and the paperwork she gave me so I was covered. Yes, I am probably making a big deal about these protein drinks but now it is a matter of principle. It would be great to get in to see the doctor this Monday so there wouldn’t be a conflict, this is most likely wishful thinking but at least I think I covered myself properly if there is a conflict, only time will tell. Once again the waits are endless but it is all worth it.

Looking Ahead

When I completed the 50 lap run yesterday I was doing a short stretching routine out in front of my dorm. I was on the ground stretching out my legs as my friend came around towards the dorm while walking on the track. He saw me on the ground and called out to see if I was okay. He told me he has never seen me lie down on the ground after running and that I was exhausted. I quickly told him I was just stretching but my friend couldn’t help himself to make this into a joking situation. As he saw a few of my dorm members congregating in front of the dorm he proceeded to tell them I collapsed after running and had a great deal of fun at my expense. I was not offended in the least because I knew it was a joke and it did provide some levity. Later on yesterday evening my friend continued with the joke but unlike he did earlier when he demonstrated how I was lying on the ground he just recounted the story. Earlier he did demonstrate but as he got up from the ground he hurt his back a little. I told him that was God’s way of punishing him for making fun of me. All of this was in good fun and without some light moments this would be a very dark place.

The afternoon yesterday was spent inside the dorm as is required when there isn’t afternoon yard for my tier. I certainly prefer the early morning yard so I could get in a good exercise routine in order to relax the rest of the day. This was the case yesterday afternoon. Typically on weekend days when there is morning yard there isn’t a big rush on the showers when the morning yard is over. Most of my dorm mates choose to sleep in (probably invoking their “half-time” rule!) during the morning. Most of my dorm mates were in the television area watching the new movie “Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest: on the prison channel. While this movie was airing the dorm was eerily quiet. The quiet was enjoyable at first; I though something was wrong because it was well past quiet time but I discovered everyone was intrigued with the movie.

I completed writing prior to dinner and when dinner time rolled around I was not very hungry. However; I realized that if I didn’t go to the dining hall for dinner I wouldn’t eat anything the rest of the night. I went to the dining hall for the mashed potatoes and lime bean dinner. The portions weren’t very big hat was just as well because I wasn’t very hungry. This was more of a snack than a dinner which did hit the spot for me. Also, I made my “Bunkie” very happy when I gave him the rather large brownie on my tray and he didn’t even have to trade anything back to me in return. I was certainly done eating for the rest of the evening after the dinner snack. It was also evening yard night which was good because it meant I got to get out of the dorm for a few hours. Not only did I get out of the dorm I walked a few miles with my friend and was able to speak with my mother once again.

The telephone call was more productive/efficient than the telephone call from the day before. However; it still whizzed by and I couldn’t believe the time was up as the next group of inmates were fast approaching the telephones. We were able to cover a wide range of topics and my mother did tell me about the birthday party for my daughter and son which took place yesterday. Also, my mother told me about how my brother-in-law took my daughter to a Brownie function. This function was essentially a father/daughter gathering and of course I was sad that I was unable to attend. I was happy that my daughter was able to attend with her uncle. I am so blessed with a wonderful family and it is great to know my daughter is able to experience these things without me. Life most certainly goes on. I do doubt that when my time is served I will be able to attend a father/daughter “Brownie” functions because in one year’s time my daughter would have graduated to Girl Scouts. I most certainly look forward to attending many father/daughter functions including Girl Scouts when I return to my family. I am grateful for recovery which continues to provide me with great tings and I know as long as I work my recovery each day life is better.

We had to wrap up the telephone call in a hurry because my time was up. I felt like I could speak with my mother for hours and this is simply amazing because in the past - out in the free world - our conversations weren’t this good. This journey continues to amaze me because there is so much good that continues to come out of it. We said our goodbyes and I don’t know when the next time I will be speaking with my mother but whenever that is I am looking forward to it. At this point it was time to sign up for the telephone on Tuesday evening. Unfortunately I was not able to secure a sign up slot but there were other options such as my friend and one of his dorm mates who were able to secure slots. Both of them have had difficulty in connecting to their significant others so I should be able to use one of their time slots to call my wife. It is also hard to believe now I have developed a network (so to speak) of inmates who are providing me with options on the telephone sign up and other areas. I would have never guessed that this would happen when I started this journey 7 ½ months ago. I am very fortunate in so many ways.

I was able to venture in to the television area this morning to watch the local news and “Today Show” prior to breakfast. The breakfast was my favorite of pancakes, peanut butter and today the hot cereal was Farina. After breakfast I finished “Countdown” my Iris Johansen which turned out to be an okay novel. It seems as if there was more dialogue than other novels I have read, this did make for a quick read but the tone of the book felt different with so much dialogue. The author did refer to “silver mornings” which rang true with me and I can’t wait for these “silver mornings” when I return to my family. I have already experienced many of these but just didn’t realize it. Now I am fully aware of these and can’t wait to fully embrace each morning one day at a time for a lifetime.

Full Dorm

The phone call with my mother cut off and once again I felt a little frustrated with the telephone system. Obviously there is nothing I can do about it so I just shook my head and walked around the track. The yard was closing and it was time to go back to the dorm. When I walked in, I noticed that every bunk is filled with an inmate. All 36 of the bunks are filled and it is a full dorm. I believe it is the first time since my arrival here back in October that the dorm has been full. It never seemed to fall below 4 bunks unoccupied and now there aren’t any unoccupied bunks. It appears there has been an influx of inmates over the past 2 weeks. I’m not sure what is going on because of instead of relieving the overcrowding situation which has been mandated by a Federal Judge, this institution is doing the exact opposite. It appears to be more crowded here than it has ever been. Many of the inmates who reside in other dorms also report that their dorms are full. I’m not sure if this will have any affect on my transfer to fire camp such as speeding it up because space is needed here. There does appear to be a logjam somewhere in the prison system since there should be a fixed number of bunks available, yet more inmates keep arriving. I would be very interested in seeing the logistics which go into the shuffle of inmates as we make our way through the prison system.

One of the dilemmas of having a full dorm is the shower. I noticed there were about 17 dorm mates waiting when I arrived back from my visit. I passed on going to dinner for the black eyed peas which have tasted like “dirt’ over the past few months.

The rest of the evening was filled with writing and thinking about the wonderful visit I had. I was asked a few times if I had a “good” visit. I don’t know how a visit couldn’t be good especially since I had 2 friends who went out their way just to visit me. Also, during this visit I noticed the other inmates in the visiting room holding newborn children, holding hands with their wives or girlfriends and others were sitting and chatting with family and friends. How could any of this be bad? Everyone of these inmates looked happy. Yes, it could get a little depressing when the visit is over because it is back to the reality of prison. Thankfully, I was so happy from the visit I focused on the positive well after the visit was finished!

Back at the dorm, I was watching two of my dorm mates play chess on my neighbor’s bunk. I learned to play from my grandfather when I was around 8 years old. I remember playing a great deal when I was younger but it has well been over 25 years since I played. Even though my neighbor asked me to play, my recovery keeps me away from these games even without any wagering. I certainly wouldn’t mind teaching my son and daughter to play, but while I am here I will refrain from any game playing.

I was speaking to another inmate the other day. The neighbor sleeps 12 hours each day and somehow we got on the topic of sleeping. He did confess to sleeping this long as a way to get his “Half-time.” He must serve 80% of his sentence before he is eligible for parole. My neighbor rationalized if he slept 50% of his time he would effectively be serving only 50% of his time while he was awake. It is a rationalization, but I thought this was somewhat creative and sad because I’m not sure how sleeping 50% of the time prepares him for the real world when he is released. I’m fairly certain he is not independently wealthy and will have to obtain a job on his release. Sleep is necessary but 12 hours daily can interfere with many things including a steady job. The other sad part is he is only in his late 20’s and has a lifetime ahead of him to look forward to, yet with this attitude, he will miss half of it because he will be asleep.

I was able to fall asleep quickly with a smile on my face thinking about the wonderful day. However, my sleep was disturbed as the “Clothesline Police” reared their ugly heads. It has been a few weeks since they have shown up, but last night they were back. Fortunately, for me I had nothing hanging from my clotheslines so my bunk went undisturbed. Unfortunately, some of my dorm mates weren’t so lucky as their clotheslines were cut down and clothes thrown all over the floor. This was a big production as the CO’s made their presence known to everyone in the dorm.

With the dorm being full, it seems we have acquired some early risers because I am not the first person up in the morning anymore. Two of the new dorm mates got out of their bunks and made their way into the television area. Now if these new dorm mates continue waking up early there is no way I will over sleep because as soon as there is movement in the dorm, I wake up.

After breakfast, I stopped for my vegetarian lunch and was asked by the CO if I had the “vegetarian card”. I only received a response because I put in a request. I gave up on the CO who I had asked 3 weeks ago. The answer I received is exactly what I thought it would be – the Medical Department does not issue cards for vegetarians and the Chrono (authorization slip) is sufficient. Only the inmates who have religious reasons for being a vegetarian are issued the “Vegetarian Cards” by the prison chaplain. I explained this to the CO who looked at me rather strange when I was telling him this information but did say “okay” and I was the cheese lunch. I’m sure this won’t be the last of the “Vegetarian Card” issue so I am now prepared.

Visit #3

It was time for my telephone call to my wife. The conversation took a serious turn and I knew this was coming at some point. Frankly, I am surprised it took this long. Unfortunately due to my circumstances, there is little I can do to help. In fact, all I can do is make suggestions and then it is entirely up to my wife to make the decisions. This serious turn in the conversation is certainly part of the consequences of my compulsive gambling behavior which has affected my wife. I know we will somehow work through this dilemma but it won’t be easy. I can’t dwell on these very real issues because the damage is done and thankfully I am no longer adding to this. This damage will be around for a long time and eventually I will be more help but for now it all falls into my wife’s lap.

I felt badly when the conversation ended and our time was up. I didn’t like ending the call this way. Fortunately, my friend had a telephone call scheduled later and was able to connect. I used his phone time to call my wife back and offered her another suggestion. I felt much better when we ended this conversation than the prior one. I’m not sure what my wife is going to do, but I do know that everything is and will workout very well.

Shortly after 10:00 pm I went to sleep. I am still amazed I am able to fall asleep at this time with all the radios and laughter. I was eagerly awaiting my 3rd visit from two very dear friends who are coming from a long way. Since I was anticipating a visit, my morning routine was altered when I awoke. I shaved and showered and wanted to be fully ready when the unlock came for the visit. I was ready when the door was unlocked for breakfast, but I was missing a nice shirt. I was able to borrow a button down “blue” shirt from a former Instructor. I was happy to have a different blue shirt because mine aren’t very nice. I wanted to look my best for my dear friends.

Since there is no way of knowing the time of any visits, I sat on my bunk and waited patiently while reading. Finally around 10:15 am, the CO came into the dorm and called for the “White Guy”. I’m not sure why he referred to me that way since there are other “white guys” in the dorm but this is how he called me. I quickly put my book down, put my nice shirt on, and went out the door making my way towards the visiting area.

I went out the “Plaza Gate” and as I pushed the door open, I instantly spotted my two friends on my immediate right. They both looked great and we embraced each other with a fabulous hug. It has been over 7 months since I last saw these great friends. They traveled a very long distance just to visit me and I am truly honored. The visit today marked the fourth and fifth persons who have come here and each of these people I have known a very short period of time yet it is like we are old friends who are very dear and fantastic people.

The next 4 ½ hours flew by as the conversation centered on recovery and the extraordinary GA Program. Yes, I have met these friends through the program and the benefits keep on coming. I realize I have written a great deal about the GA Program and now I will continue. In 11 days I will reach the 2 year mark since my last wager and in this 2 years not only have I discovered an incredible program of recovery, I have developed lifelong friends. I spent today with 2 of these friends as we shared experience, strength, and hope. I couldn’t believe how fast the time went by and during our conversations I became quite verbal. As we spoke about recovery, my interest was at a high level because during my days here I am quite low key and other than my exercise and waiting, I don’t have a verbal outlet. It was so nice – heck it was great – to spend an entire afternoon speaking about recovery. All of us today are novices in the GA program but we certainly “get it” and know what it takes to recovery from this baffling addiction.

This was once again a fabulous visit and I am eternally grateful to my dear friends. They bought me food I can eat from the vending machines. They purchased two diet 7 ups, yogurt, sunflower seeds, and peanuts. We were able to get our pictures taken and I was able to take one back with me. We were also able to sit outside on a glorious sunny warm day talking. I had a smile on my face the entire time we were together. My dear friends had a very long drive to get back to Southern California so we had to say our “good-byes”. Again, we embraced for a great hug and as we hugged I thought how blessed a person I am, all thanks to the GA Program. I would like to thank my two fantastic friends for taking the time to make my day today extra special. Thank you!

As I walked back to the yard I still had a big smile on my face. I had a telephone call scheduled to call my father on his birthday. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get through because there was a block on his phone. Not everyone has the ability to accept collect calls which is the only way I can place a call. I wanted to wish my Dad a very Happy Birthday and also wanted to hear his voice. I have not spoken to him in over 7 months and thought today would be a special day to call him. Oh well, Happy Birthday, Dad and many more to come. I love you!

Since I couldn’t get through I tried to call my younger sister but she wasn’t home. I still had time left and I decided to call my mother even though I was going to call her tomorrow night. We didn’t have the full 15 minutes, we had about 11 minutes which seemed more like 11 seconds! The telephone call was abruptly cut-off as I was in mid-sentence. Thankfully, I can call her tomorrow because we really didn’t discuss much of anything. I talked about the fabulous visit and not much else. Hopefully, we can pick up where we left off tomorrow. If those 15 minutes on the phone go by as fast as the 11 minutes today did, this is always good because the faster time goes by, the faster I get to be with my family. All in all, today was one of those special days and my friends are exceptional people.