That Damn Telephone!

Considering I wasted all morning waiting for the Nurse there was no reason for me to stay out in the yard until it closed only 40 minutes later. I wanted to workout but those plans quickly were altered as I waited for the nurse. I thought I would be better served if I went back into the dorm prior to the closing of the yard. I did this and decided o eat lunch even though I planned on running in the afternoon. I wanted to experiment since I have been able to exercise after eating breakfast I thought why not lunch. Also, I was very hungry at this time and needed something to eat. Somehow I ended up with 3 bananas from breakfast over the weekend and had 2 remaining. I knew I had to eat the bananas very soon as they ripening quickly. So I made yet another PB and banana sandwich for lunch. I am able to get 2 sandwiches with one banana and two peanut butter pouches. I ate both sandwiches which may not have been a good idea since I was planning on running 10 miles in the afternoon. I also had enough time to start writing before I went out into the afternoon. Unbelievably the 2 hours passed very quickly and it was time to go outside.

As I ran I could feel the rather large lunch I had a few hours earlier and I didn’t like the feeling. I much prefer to have little to nothing in my stomach while running. Also, as I approached mile 5 I could feel a very faint twinge in my right knee. I know my body very well (I may not listen to it very well) and could tell where this twinge was leading. I’m not the smartest guy in the world (as evidence by my current situation) so instead of cutting the run short I continued. Fortunately the little twinge stayed little and I was able to complete the 10 miles but this 10 miles was so much harder than the 16 miles on Sunday, go figure.

Since I ate earlier in the day there wasn’t any need for me to eat at this time so I waited for the “mail call”. The mail call came and I received 2 letters postmarked some 17 days ago. This seems to be the case lately as the mail is running 2 ½ weeks behind. In those 2 letters I received great correspondence from a dear friend and my mother. My mother was also kind enough to enclose some editorials on the California Prison crisis.

I enjoy all the correspondence I receive especially those who write about the outside world. I am so fortunate to receive so much mail which keeps me in contact with the outside world. Many of my dorm mates seem to never receive mail so their “real world” are these “prison walls”, sad very sad. I am always encouraged when I receive mail and know I am on the right road to recovery. Everyone in my life is a special person and I am enjoying a special life. Reading the mail not only helps me to pass the time, it helps me stay in touch with the people who matter and I thank everyone for their tremendous support.

The yard opened in time enough for my 7:30 pm telephone call, I even had time to walk 2 laps with my friend prior to the phone call. I was fully prepared to speak with my wife and now that I was out in time for the phone call I thought there shouldn’t be any problems. Well, just when I thought I have experienced it all with the telephone something different cam up. I dialed my wife’s telephone number (actually it is my mother-in-law’s telephone number) and received a recording stating there is a block on the number and the call would not go through. I thought I may have misdialed so I dialed the number again and received the same recording. Oh great not another problem with the damn telephone. I need to back track a bit, my friend has not been able to speak with his girlfriend for the past 2 months because she too had a block on her telephone. She has tried unsuccessfully to remove this block for the past 2 months. As I heard the recording this went through my mind and thought I wouldn’t be able to speak with my wife and children for at least 2 months, I was very frustrated. Then I dialed my mother’s telephone number in hopes of getting through to her and letting her know what is going on with the telephone. Thankfully I was able to connect with my mother and I did let her know about the telephone block preventing me from speaking with my wife. As I spoke with my mother I was very down and was not myself. I was thinking the worse case scenario which was not being able to speak with my wife for some time. Unlike the conversation I had with my mother on Sunday I was not very talkative and I need to apologize for my actions. I know these circumstances are beyond my control and I need to do a better job of letting these events go. However; in the heat of the moment it is very difficult to let go and let things happen so I apologize to my mother for my down attitude.

My mother was great (as usual) taking down all the necessary information to pass along to my wife. My mother did have some questions to ask me so it did work out well that I called her last night. The minutes on the telephone passed as quickly as they normally do and our conversation was over. Now I just have to wait and see how long it will take for the block to be removed so I can speak with my wife and children. Last night I was not thinking clearly regarding getting in touch with my wife on the telephone. There are other ways to contact my wife such as through the Bail Bonds Company who have assisted in contacting my wife in the past. This has to be accomplished during regular business hours, Monday through Friday, thus the window to call my wife is certainly narrowed down. However, I will find a way to get in contact with my wife very soon. Initially I was thrown for a loop but the longer I think about it the more I realize it is not that bad.

I was not my usual self last night after the “blocked” telephone call. Even my friend had to make sure I was okay. We only walked about 2 miles as I am breaking in the new hiking boots and the weather was much cooler than normal. I was able to sign up for another telephone call for Thursday but I didn’t know if I will be able to call my wife. I do have the time and it won’t hurt just to dial the telephone number. After the telephone sign-up I want to go back into the dorm, however; I missed the unlock and had to wait until the yard was closed to get back in. Once I got back in I made oatmeal because I could feel myself falling into all four categories of HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, and tired) and I had to check myself. I was getting over my anger with that damned telephone. I am most certainly lonely even though I have met some very good people all through this journey but right now I am doing my best. Finally I get tired at the end of the night but during the day I am fine. I am not about to jeopardize my recovery by doing something stupid because that would only make matters worse. I understand things happen but I have complete faith that everything happened for a reason and everything will be fine. Yes, frustrations are inevitable in a place like this but in one year’s time this will all be over and I will be a better person.