A Day at a Time

My favorite daily reading comes from the Gamblers Anonymous little blue book; "A Day at a Time". These are a collection of daily reflections which I read every day and send out to the compulsive gambling internet site I belong to. I must say something first some members in Gamblers Anonymous refer to this as One Day at a Time but the title of the book is "A Day at a Time". I think we in the GA Program have ingrained into our head's "One Day at Time" so why isn't this book called that? I don't know and to me they both mean the same things and it is my mantra each and every day.

Enough of the digression (which I am sure no one cares about!!) Each day in this little blue book are questions and I wanted to share today's question; "Do I believe that none come too soon to the GA Program, and that none return to it too late? Do I believe that, with my Higher Power as guide and my fellow GA members cheering me on, no level of elevation seems unattainable?" As is always the case this little blue book hits the mark directly. Yes, there is no doubt I needed GA when I was 18 years old but I did find it 22 years later and this is a good thing. The fellowship is phenomenal; the Program really does work; and my Higher Power is back in my life. All of these things were presented to me nine months and 24 days ago and it took me 22 years to find it but it is NEVER too late.

This morning my alarm clock rang at 4:30 am and I was set to catch an airplane at 7:00 am to Las Vegas for a job interview. The prospective employer did not know my particular situation even though we had an hour and half telephone interview last week. They asked me the standard questions for a Consultant type position and I guess I had answered the questions very well because they wanted to see me in person. I was contacted on Tuesday to come out today and I initially said yes, but the more I thought about it the more unfair it was to the prospective employer. Eventually I would have had to explain my situation and until it is resolved there is no way a company would hire me in any Financial related position even though I would not be directly involved with handling money.

I didn't want the company to waste its time and resources on me when they would be able to find someone with a similar background. When the alarm sounded I looked at the clock and said I cannot go to this interview. I called the lady who had set up the interview at 7:00 am because my appointment was at 10:00 am and told her about my situation. She understood or at least that is what she told me and wished me the best. There were no hard feelings and I felt good about my decision.

Thank God for a good friend because without this good friend I wouldn't be able to do anything in terms of work. He has kept me busy for the past five months and I am forever in his gratitude. I know when this is all said and done there will be things I will be forbidden to do so I need to formulate a plan. I think I have come up with something and it entails going back to school. It is something I have ignored for quite awhile because of my laziness and complacency but not any more. I will take some classes starting next month in psychology and if it takes me the next 10 years I will get my Masters in Psychology.

I have ignored the fact that I am good with people (for the most part) and people (at least they used to!) are comfortable with me. I have immersed myself in my addiction and know compulsive gambling quite well. I by no means are cured and never will be cured from this addiction; it will be a daily endeavor but as long as I continue doing the RIGHT things everything will work out just fine.

I would like to help others and educate others in regards to this addiction. I have done two pieces on my battle with this addiction (one television interview and one radio interview) and if I could get past the second page will write a book about my addiction. The stories need to be told because the awareness of problem gambling is just not there. There are so many people who struggle with this addiction and yes, it has to come from the individual to seek help but if there is awareness of help which is available then I think this is a step in the right direction. I would like to continue my education in regards to my addiction and hopefully along the way help others.

The first thing I need to do is educate all the people who will sit in judgment of me. Yes, my previous actions do speak volumes but on the other hand my current actions do also speak volumes. I will not go down without a fight because I owe (in so many terms!) so many people especially my wife and children and I want to be there for them. If it doesn't work out then so be it but at least I know I tried my hardest.