The Program

Anyone who has read this blog with some regularity knows I am a very big proponent of the Gamblers Anonymous Program. Today was a day where the Program was at its best. My family and I were able to attend a function for a fellow member and their wife with other fellow members in attendance. It was a lovely afternoon followed by a wonderful Gamblers Anonymous meeting. The Program works and I am so thankful to have it and the fellow members who come with the Program in my life.

The function was great and the people were even better. I think what makes the Program work is the people. They are warm, generous, sympathetic, always willing to listening, wise, compassionate and much much more. I could go on and on but the people in the Gamblers Anonymous Program make it something very special. Today was filled with love and devotion. I know without this fellowship I would be in a world of pain. I am not in a world of pain I am in a world of love. Life does have a way of working out and as long as I continue working the Program everything will continue to get better.

Tonight at the Gamblers Anonymous meeting I was told something by another member that really made me feel good. I will not share the exact thoughts because it was between a fellow member and myself. I will not betray their confidence but I will say for all the bad my situation has brought I can see some good coming out of it. Not only am I becoming a better person as each day goes by I can see other positive things happening. Yes, I have caused pain and suffering to my family and myself do to my inability to acknowledge I have a gambling problem. However; this pain and suffering is turning into pleasure and endurance. I will endure this ordeal and will continue to embrace life one day at a time because life without gambling is a magnificent life.

Lastly, my son who is four years old asked me what does the word "blame" mean. I am not sure where he had heard this or why he even asked me but I tried to answer his question to the best of my ability. I told him blame is to NOT take responsibility for your own actions rather you point the finger at someone else. He had a bit of a blank stare on his face and his seven year old sister told me she "didn't get it". I tried to simplify the answer with an example, which went like this; think of blame as if you were to break something and when Mom or Dad asks you what happened you tell us your brother broke it. When the truth is you broke it. Then my daughter asked me isn't this lying? Yes, it is a form of a lie and it is always better to tell the truth than to lie and blame someone else. I am not sure if she or her brother fully understand what I was saying.

My point here (if there is one!) is I have no one to blame except myself for what I have done to my family. I will not lie and say someone else made me do it. The responsibility of my actions is on me and me alone. I did what I did because I have and will always have a gambling problem. Now I am getting treatment and finding my true self. I cannot continue to blame anyone including myself because it will only set me back. I will continue to move forward correcting the wrongs and living a life with an honest purpose. This life is so much better than it was nine and half months ago because the blaming, lying, cheating and deceit are gone. I know I have a long way to go to become the person I can be but I do like the progress so far. I thank the Program for this progress. Without the Program I wouldn't know how to progress and would be stuck where I was nine and half months ago.

I would like to wish my brother-in-law Dennis a very happy birthday. I hope you had a great day and many many more.