Not Yet

I went back outside for the afternoon session of PFT Plus yesterday. We lost our best instructor (my fitness rival) as he finally got into the Firefighter Training Program after a long wait. I was very happy for him because he deserved it more than anyone, but I was sad to see him go. He was the longest standing instructor, and now I am the longstanding instructor. Earlier in the PFT class, I decided to take a step back and let another instructor handle the duties; however, for PFT Plus, I had to take charge because everyone was just standing around. I didn’t want to stand around in the 90-degree heat, nor did the inmate participants. I was very surprised because 6 inmates actually showed up for the PFT Plus class in spite of the soaring temperatures. I was all about getting the class started and did so without problems. The class went well, but I was preoccupied looking for the clerks who pass out the fire camp ducats. They have passed them out as early as 12:30 p.m. to as late as 2:30 p.m. I was in this window and did not see them yet. Also, my friend was very curious to see the clerks as well, and he was my second set of eyes. The PFT Plus class finished without my seeing any of the clerks.

I had some nervous energy and decided to run a few miles. One of the instructors wanted to run with me, and I told him I was planning on doing 8 miles, which takes about an hour. He thought this would be too fast for him but did give it a try. Well, after 1-1/2 miles, he told me to go on, and one lap after he stopped, but I continued. As I continued, I had my eyes peeled for the clerks. I finally spotted them as I got to my 6th mile. One of the clerks even stopped by my dorm to drop a ducat off. This meant someone in my dorm would be departing today. There are 8 dorm members (including me) who are waiting for the transfer to fire camp. My bunkie has been waiting the longest (15 weeks), and I really thought if only one ducat was dropped off at my dorm, he would be the one to depart. I continued to run, and as I ran by my dorm, I figured one of my dorm mates would have yelled out to me that I received a ducat. No one yelled to me, so my transfer would have to wait as I was not yet going to fire camp. I decided to cut my run short at 7 miles and go over to my dorm to see who received a ducat. This ducat that was passed into my dorm was a mistake. It was for an inmate in another dorm, so no one from my dorm will be departing today, and we all have to wait until next Tuesday.

At this point, my friend joined up with me, and he, too, did not receive a ducat. My friend will be here with me for at least another week. He was disappointed, but selfishly, I was glad that he was staying with me. I may have been a bit disappointed if he, who has been waiting 2 weeks, got transferred to fire camp. At least we can commiserate together, and I won’t feel abandoned. As for me, I was disappointed even though my expectations and hopes were low. I have to keep reminding myself fire camp will happen. It is just a matter of time, and this is happening for a reason. I was down, but just like the previous weeks, I won’t let it get me down for very long. I have emotions, and I have to process those emotions. I can’t just say, “Oh, well”, and move on. It is, indeed, a process as I fell disappointed initially but then I started the cycle all over again. My friend and I took turns cheering each other up, and we went back to our dorm with smiles on our faces. This is my recovery (all of it), and it continues to make me a better person. I am not going to moan, groan, or belabor the fact I have yet to be transferred to fire camp. My life goes on, and the days tick on by. I will be reunited with my family soon enough.

I went inside my dorm for my afternoon ritual. I washed my clothes and shaved while securing the second spot for the shower. I decided to drown my sorrows in a PB & banana sandwich along with a glass of lemonade. Now that I will be here for another week, I can open more of my food. At this rate, I will have very little food to take with me to fire camp! I recently traded for a bag of hot & spicy Chex Mix. I needed to trade off my excess beans, and my neighbor was willing to accept my offer. I opened the bag of Chex Mix and had some with my PB & banana sandwich. I am very judicious when I open bags of chips or pretzels. I intend to make this bag of Chex Mix last until next Tuesday. It is a small bag (only 8.75 ounces), but I should make it last until next Tuesday. I completed my late lunch, and I didn’t have to wait long for the shower. I got into the shower second and treated myself with the very fragrant Head and Shoulders shampoo. The shower wasn’t scalding hot, but it was hot enough. With the temperature well into the 90’s, it would have been nice to control the water temperature. This is certainly not the case. I have to take what I can get, and the bottom line was I got clean. The mail call arrived after my shower, and surprisingly, I didn’t receive anything. It appears the mailroom goes in streaks because yesterday there was very little mail for anyone in my dorm. After getting shut out of the mail call (to the surprise of my dorm mates), I returned to my bunk and started writing. I wrote until the dinner release arrived.

Dinner was over, and it was back to the dorm to wait for the evening yard to open. I anxiously awaited the evening yard to open because I wanted to pick up the books which were sent to me. I waited, but the evening yard never opened. Not only did I not get to pick up the books, I couldn’t place a telephone call to my wife informing her I will be here at least another week. I don’t know why the evening yard never opened, but I was relegated to the dorm all evening. As soon as I realized it was not going to open, I returned to my bunk and listened to the New York Mets/San Francisco Giants baseball game on the radio. The Mets did much better last night winning the game 4-1. It appears the Mets have a solid team, and if their pitching holds up, they should make the playoffs. I am not sold on their pitching staff, but so far so good. I had a little difficulty listening to the broadcast because the reception was spotty. The radio station is out of San Francisco, and I am currently 120 miles east of San Francisco. It comes in very well during the day but sporadically at night. In order to get some type of reception last night, I had to move the radio all over my bunk. This continued as I listened to the game, but the good part was I passed the entire evening doing this and then went to sleep at my usual time.

Unlike the previous night when I slept all the way through, I did have to get up once during the night. Other than that, I had a good night’s sleep. I had a dream which included my wife, and in this dream, it was my wife’s face. This was a very peaceful dream as the 2 of us (no children) were at an ice cream store (where I don’t know because it did not look familiar) holding hands and talking. My wife ordered an ice cream sundae, and I ordered a frozen yogurt (of course!). Nothing much else happened in the dream, and I woke up feeling very good. As I woke up, it was time for me to get out of my bunk and start my day. This also meant the “cycle” started once again for the 10th time as I gear up for next Tuesday on whether or not I will be transferred to fire camp. It is hard to believe I am going into my 10th week since I completed the fire training program because even though I have not been transferred to fire camp, this time still has gone by quickly.

My morning routine was the same, and that memo which was distributed at the beginning of the week became nonsensical. I guess there needs to be a learning curve with the method of communication from the CO’s. I appreciate the attempt at keeping the inmates informed, which is a big departure from no communication whatsoever. Now if they can stick with what they say, things will get even better. Unfortunately, what that memo stated and what actually happened were 2 different things. This meant the breakfast release came late instead of early, which is really not so bad since I got to enjoy Good Morning America this morning. We were watching the Today Show, but the reception on this channel became terribly scratchy, and I made the “executive” decision to change the channel. As I changed the channel, my dorm mates thanked me. Apparently, no one wanted to change the channel, but when I did it on my own, everyone was grateful. “Good Morning America” is not a bad morning show. In fact, it is as good as the Today Show. I might make “GMA” the preferred morning show for the dorm if the static continues on the Today Show.

The very late breakfast release arrived, and it was of to the dining hall for one of the breakfasts that I don’t trade away. One week Danish is served, the next week cinnamon rolls, and the following week cinnamon coffee cake is served. This is a 3-week rotation, and today it was the cinnamon coffee cake. The “Fruit Nazi” was very lonely because prunes were served and there wasn’t any fruit to steal. As I walked out of the dining hall, I wished him a “good day”. It was back to the dorm where I would wait for the work call in order to start day 2 of the PFT class. The work call arrived, and I made my way over to the basketball court.

This morning I decided to assert more of a role for myself than yesterday. Now that the head instructor has departed to the Firefighter Training Program, I have the next seniority and seem to know what is going on. I like direction, and my fellow instructors lack this. It does bother me when things are disorganized. This is why I asserted myself this morning. Unlike yesterday where the coach talked incessantly, he had to be somewhere in less than 2 hours, and the class worked out more. We were able to do a 3-mile power walk, which I led, and a 1-mile run, which I also led. We even did sets of sprints, and I actually enjoyed doing these today. I was nowhere near the fastest, but as we continued doing more sets, I was at the front for the last sets. This is where my endurance came in. Everyone, including my fellow instructors, was winded except for me. I do like to test my fitness level from time to time, and today, I passed with flying colors. Keeping with the theme of testing my fitness level, I decided to run a mile by myself after the class was over to see how fast I could run it. I was able to complete the mile in 6 minutes and 25 seconds, and I believe I could have gone faster. One mile equals 3 laps, and my time for the first lap was 2 minutes 11 seconds; second lap 2 minutes 9 seconds; and the third lap 2 minutes 5 seconds. I improved every lap, and as I watch other people run, their times always seem to decline the further they run. I felt very invigorated when I completed this brisk mile run (at least for me). It was a good way to close out a very good morning exercise session. A few minutes after I completed the mile run the yard was closed, and I had to return to my dorm.

I went inside the dorm and did an abdominal workout session. I need to do more of these as my stomach is my problem child. Sure, my stomach is flat to the point it is concave, but I am not happy with it. (Yes, I am aware I have mental problems!) I will incorporate more abdominal exercises into my daily routine just to appease my brain. After the AB session was complete, I had a snack of a South Beach protein bar. I broke down and opened the box. I have never had these until today, and I thought it was quite delicious. It did satisfy any hunger I had, and it was a good snack to hold me over for the next 3 hours. The lunch period was a bit extended today, so I had more time before the afternoon yard opened. I spent the time reading a Prisoners Advocate Newsletter. This newsletter is published by Saunders and Associates legal firm out of West Sacramento, California. The material in this newsletter was very informative. If anyone is interested in reading their newsletter, please go to www.justiceforall.tv and sign up. I believe the information will open a lot of eyes on what really happens in the California prison system. Yes, I broke the law, and I am paying the consequences for my law breaking, but I continue to learn so much about myself and other issues. Some of these other issues have to deal with the California prison system itself, and all I can say is thank God I have a support network of family and friends because so many inmates have no support system. These inmates are trapped in a horrible cycle of “catch, release, catch, release” and so on. The system is broken, but John and Jane Q. Public just don’t care. The politicians tow the hard line of “tough on crime” and criminals should be locked away. I’m not sure when California became such an uncaring state, but this is what has happened. When people can be incarcerated for not committing a crime, I believe there is a BIG problem. The system is overcrowded, and with the latest reform proposal, the system will only become more crowded. I realize there is big political machinery at work in the prison guards union, and they are extremely effective; however, if the present system continues in California, the state will go bankrupt. This won’t happen next year or the year after, but it will happen. Incarceration is a costly process, and right now, the only people prospering are the CO’s. This may be a naïve thought, but if less and less people are sent to prison, people will lose jobs. I know there will always be bad people who require prison sentences, but California appears to have so many more than any other state. I wonder what is the real reason behind this.