Thinking Out Loud

As it turns out, all of my visitors that were scheduled to arrive yesterday did, indeed, arrive only to find out I was gone on the fire. None of my visitors called ahead to check to see if I was still here because yesterday was the first time I was out on a fire, and subsequently, I missed the visits. My dear friends in GA did find themselves a local park and had the meeting anyway without me. This was very nice, and I hope they had a good meeting. The fact that they still held the meeting says so much for the commitment my friends have for the program. These are great people who help others (they help me everyday), and I am grateful they are in my life. My dear friends also arrived to find me out at the fire. They were disappointed (as I was), but the visit on Saturday did resonate with them as well.

Yesterday was an interesting day all around. I missed my visits but wasn’t too distraught because things happen completely out of my control. I do accept this, which makes like so much better. The work at the fire was also interesting because I am starting to notice a breakdown in my crew members. May of my crew members go home in less than four months, so the motivation is just not there. I completely understand this because at times I, too, struggle. I maintained a positive attitude all day yesterday, and this got me through a potentially depressing day. I was not depressed; however, as I was talking with my friends later in the evening, I started to think out loud, wondering if it would be better for me if I took an in-camp job. At this point, I have roughly 6-1/2 months until my release date, and ideally, I would like to stay in the crew at least another 2-1/2 months, which completes fire season. By the way, an in-camp job means I would no longer be on a fire crew, nor would I go on any fires. The in-camp positions are of a precious commodity and consist of working in the kitchen, working as a porter, and other assorted special skills. Since I don’t have any special skills, my options are limited to the kitchen or working as a porter. Unfortunately in the environment, I cannot pick and choose when I come in-camp. Since these positions are few and far between, I must take what I can get. The position of porter is coming up in early September along with another porter position in late September. If I had my choice, I would wait until late September; however, once again, it is not my choice. I know the two people in these positions very well, and one of them took my interest in the position very seriously. He is going to see if he can assist me in getting one of these options.

I do enjoy going out of camp on a daily basis. I equally enjoy all of my crew members. I am having a good time with the manual labor. I do like the fire captains. Since I have all of these things going for me, why would I want to take an in-camp position? This is a very good question, and I believe it all goes towards having some control of my destiny. I never know when a fire call will occur, nor do I know where and what I would be doing at the fire. I am at the mercy of so many others, and I do accept this to a point. With an in-camp position, I have much more control of my destiny and much more control over my time. There are many things I want to work on in the next 6-1/2 months prior to my release. When I am summoned to a two- to three-week fire, there is a great deal of wasted time waiting around. Having an in-camp position, I would free up so much more of my time, and I know my time would go even faster. This may not sound correct, but I hasten back to Jamestown where I worked as a PFT instructor and had more free time than I do here. Oddly, those 7 months flew by, and I suspect the next 6-1/2 months will fly by as well. Being in camp will accelerate that time even more. Also, I will have more time to write and exercise. I have become quite fond of these two activities, and I can see my routine being even better.

All in all, I have not pressed the issue about coming in-camp to anyone but my friends. I do believe they will assist me, but that does not guarantee me a position in-camp. Right now, I am strongly leaning toward coming in camp, but if it doesn’t happen, oh well; and if it does happen, great. As long as I maintain a positive attitude everyday, I know I can do any job, and the time will pass soon enough. I am so grateful for all these learning experiences. My life as an inmate is not exactly my own. There are so many events outside of my control, and I am mustering the courage to change the things I can. The only downside to coming in camp will be the blogs which will get even more boring. After all, how exciting is it to clean bathrooms on a daily basis? Maybe I will start writing that book everyone tells me I should write.

This morning, I felt great during my early morning run. I can’t put my finger on why, but I enjoyed all 100 minutes of the run. The temperature outside got considerably warmer from the very unseasonable temperatures of last week. The forecast called for temperatures in the 100’s today, and I guess we have reached the dog days of summer. I was having a good time during my run, and I swear this is the fastest part of my day. (I imagine if I could do this twice a day if I came in camp, my day would be twice as fast). It did feel more like a Tuesday than a Monday since I went on the fire yesterday. We don’t get a day off because we worked yesterday. Our schedule is Monday through Friday and any fire calls. I did not mind getting up this morning, and as usual, my Monday morning run invigorated me.

Breakfast was over, and now the guys who work the food service line are giving me more food. I was offered a second bowl of oatmeal, which is usually a no-no, but the very nice inmate implored me to take a second one. Maybe, everyone is taking it upon themselves to put weight on me. I do think it is working because I am eating so much more than I ever have.
Quite possibly, my “Jewish Grandmother’s” intention is rubbing off on others! This is okay by me, and I am certainly well-nourished.

Work call arrived, and it was back to the mountain community where we were on Friday, and most of this month, the work is the same each time we go up there. My goal all throughout the day is to keep moving, and I did accomplish this today. During lunch, the other crew we were with received a fire call and departed for Fresno. They teamed up with yet another crew, which left only my crew and one other crew. The camp is quite deserted with four crews out on fires. This is considered the heart of fire season, and I am seeing its effects first hand. As soon as the other crew departed, everyone on my crew started predicting we would be going on the fire in Santa Barbara by the end of this week. This very well may be true because the two crews there are only allowed a 14-day stay, and this ends on Friday, the 17th. We could be going up to replace them, and we could stay for 14 days as well. Of course, this is only rumor, not fact, but it doesn’t stop anyone from talking about it. I wouldn’t mind going for the 14 days because I missed the first trip to Santa Barbara last week, and I here it is very beautiful this time of year. I know there is nothing I can do to control whether or not I go to this fire, which is why I love living one day at a time. If fate has me going this week, so be it, and if not, so be it. I will continue to enjoy each and every day no matter where I am. My life continues to get better with each passing day, and today was yet again a great day.