October continued

Out of Body?

As I was reflecting on this passage, I fell into a deep meditative state for almost 15 minutes. This may sound strange, but I was floating outside my body, but I couldn’t see anything. I felt a floating sensation and was very peaceful. I snapped out of it and was very relaxed. I wasn’t trying to meditate – it just seemed to happen. I really enjoyed how this felt and I think it had a great deal to do with what I had just read. I am getting in touch with my true self and I like the results very much.

Today I was asked to play chess and for the first time in over 30 years, I did play. I got killed but had fun and it brought back memories of when I first learned how to play chess. I remember playing with my grandfather, father and older sister. Nothing has changed as I am still getting killed. And, in a first time in a very long time I played ping-pong with my roommate. Again I got killed which brought back memories of playing with my father at my grandparents’ house in the Poconos. My father and I had some very good matches and I remember getting very angry when I lost unlike I do today.

Mother Dear

I had some writing to do since yesterday I received 5 pieces of mail. I started out the week receiving 5 pieces and ended the week with amazingly 5 pieces. However, the surprising part of the mail last night was that I didn’t receive a letter from my mother. It does happen, not often but it does. My mom has been nothing short of superlative during this entire ordeal and I have lost count of all the mail she has sent me.


Visit from the Past, Present, and Future

My good friend was coming today for a visit from Las Vegas and was bringing me a special sandwich. Yes, “my pain in the ass ways” about food have now infiltrated my friends as I was specifically asked what he could bring. As I was called to visiting, I happily made my way down and saw my good friend. We greeted each other with a handshake and a hug. He said, “It has been too long” and he was correct since I hadn’t seen him since last year. Here I sat with a friend who has seen my past and is now in my present. Hopefully, as I go forward and start work in Vegas, he will be part of my future. He is a remarkable friend because he has never once judged me nor said, “How could you?” He is a true friend and it was great sitting and talking with him. I have always looked up to him and there are many similarities between the both of us. The time flew by so quickly and I enjoyed every minute of the visit. I realize I have lost friends because of my actions and I am positive at one point or another these were friends but my actions negated any friendship I may have had. The very good friend who came today is yet another blessing in my life!

As the visit ended and I walked back to camp, I was a bit down because I saw a glimpse of what might have been for me had I not gone down the road I went down. I quickly snapped out of this and focused on reality. My intention is to walk the walk and so far so good. Today was yet another fantastic day as I was touched by a very dear friend.



Wind and Fire Seemingly Everywhere

All of the crews with the exception of one were called out to the fires on October 22nd. I was speaking with a seasoned inmate/firefighter and someone I would consider the ultimate firefighter. He was asked if he had been out on a fire with such high winds as yesterday and today. His reply was, “Yes, and it is scary as Hell!” Two of our crews are in San Diego and the other is about an hour away. Thank Goodness I chose an incamp job when I did. One year ago this week the deadliest fire in California history started which was the Esperanza Fire which is not far from here. Unfortunately five firefighters lost their lives trying to protect a house.

Around camp there were tree branches and debris strewn all throughout the camp. The winds were so strong that if I tied a sheet to my back, I would have gone airborne! The blowing dust was causing an eye hazard even I didn’t exercise outside today.

Pressure

Being in camp doing my bathroom maintenance, I have been receiving threats in regard to keeping the bathroom clean or I will be sent back to the fire crew. Apparently, the bathrooms weren’t maintained well over the weekend (which are my days off and covered by another person) and I felt the wrath of the “dirty bathroom”. I’m not sure what has happened since I started last month but only until recently I have received these threats. The bathrooms have been cleaner than ever before and we have received many compliments regarding this. But, my opinion doesn’t count for much and I adhere to the thought process in THE POWER OF INTENTION and realized I am powerless within my existence here and I fully accept my lot. I am respectful, have a genuine smile, and say “yes” at all times. In Dr. Dyer’s book he states, “It is much better to observe and say nothing in most scenarios.” This works well for me and my life continues to get better and better.


Fire Seemingly Everywhere but Here

I am approaching the two month mark of coming in camp to become a bathroom porter. These two months and for that matter – the five months I have been in camp have gone by quickly. In these past five months I have had a routine which was no different yesterday than any other day. Since there was so much dust blowing, I went to the library to do my writing which I have done many times in the past. While I writing away, one of those small “tests” cropped up. Sometimes it is difficult to really understand why the rules change on a day to day basis or sometimes it is minute to minute! I have learned not to question and say only “Yes” and “Okay.” One of these scenarios happened yesterday and afterward I was back cleaning the bathrooms for a second time. I didn’t mind this because after all it is my job. A few of the visiting crews used the bathrooms and I along with my partner straightened them up. There are sometimes when I am feeling like my old cynical self and think it would be nice to have a scorecard displaying all of the rules depending on the time of day. I am doing my best and these small tasks are good for me since I continue to learn and grow.



Entitlements

After the bathrooms were cleaned for the second time, my day was officially over and I completed my writing. Since all of the crews were out on fires and there were other crews from other camps here everyone would get afire meal which consisted of steak, fried shrimp, corn, beans, rolls, soda, candy bars and ice cream. The amount of food served is tremendous and I don’t quite understand the rule which entitles the in campers to a fire meal. Really this should be reserved for those directly involved in the fire fighting. I am not complaining at all because my portion was enough to fill me up and I made several people happy. I guess my point is that there is a small faction here who really believes into this entitlement. I know I used to believe heavily into entitlements which caused the bulk of my problem. I do my best to stay away from this type of thinking because for me it doesn’t work. Entitlement is a word I have dismissed from my vocabulary which is why when I hear people speak this way I just smile and remind my self where I have come from.

Letters

The fire meal was over and I watched a little of the football game before mail call was announced. Last night I received four pieces of mail – two from my mother, one from my sister, and the other from a very dear friend. Once again my mother came through with two poignant letters as did my sister and dear friend. These are all blessings in my life and I thoroughly enjoyed reading them.


Firefighters

It wasn’t until lunchtime today that far off in the distance I could see plumes of white smoke billowing into the air. The winds intensity had diminished somewhat but it has been blowing all day long. Hopefully today will be the last windy day so the firefighters can get the ole upper hand on the wild fires. I see that it is very bad in San Diego County with over 300,000 people now being evacuated. I do know a few people who reside in this county and my thoughts and prayers are with them. The firestorm is very reminiscent of 2003 when the state’s largest wildfire occurred in San Diego County scorching nearly 300,000 acres and destroying nearly 5,000 homes. It seems the third week in October is when all these terrible fires occurred over the past few years.

Fire is all around Southern Cal, but the camp seems to be insulated. Since the winds diminished a bit, I was outside early this morning working out in the weight area. My day started threat free and ended the same way. The bathrooms were essentially cleaned twice and the outside areas were cleaned as well. All in all it was a good day and hopefully the weather will change and some of those horrible wildfires will be extinguished. My thoughts and prayers to all!