Time Stands Still for No One

Most certainly, these days are blending very well into each other. Yesterday afternoon, the two crews that were out on the wildfires in San Diego came back. I heard a few stories of the wildfires, and it sounded like the first two days when the winds were blowing so fiercely were the worst. There was nothing anyone could do to contain the fires at that time so the crews spent the day staying out of harm’s way and cleaning up the highway with all the blown debris. When they finally went to work, they worked 20 hours straight, but after that, the work became less intense. The crews were in the same base camp that President Bush visited. Since they were “inmate” crews, they were not allowed to come out of their tent while President Bush was there. This is so unfortunate because the inmates/firefighters are an integral part of fighting the wildfires. California has had this program for over 50 years, and it most certainly works well; however, there are certain times such as last week when the crews were sequestered during the President’s visit that there is no doubt this is still prison.

One of the reasons why I took an in-camp position was exactly this. The treatment at times is less than human, and I did feel like a five year old. I always believed that the way you treat people is almost identical to the way they will act. This means when you treat a collective group of men like they are five years old, chances are they will act like five year olds. I thought this to be sad because it doesn’t need to be this way. Everyone at fire camp has gone through a lengthy process, and those that are deemed unworthy don’t make it. Everyone here is worthy, yet the treatment could be better. Yes, I understand this is prison and will always be prison. The adage, “If you don’t like it, don’t come to prison” springs to mind. I have been blessed all through my journey, and being at fire camp is most certainly one of those blessings. I am extremely grateful that I am here. All that I am trying to say is that the treatment of my fellow inmates could be a little better. We are all adults, and it would be nice to be treated accordingly.

I listened to the stories of the wildfire campaign and thought to myself how fortunate I am to be in-camp. I didn’t have to concern myself with sleeping in the dirt while the wind blew 90 miles an hour all night long, nor did I have to go in the fire bus which is a mini-prison on wheels. I am grateful for the experience I had, and I am now looking to spend the next four months in complete harmony. The past two months have been wonderful, and each day as I get closer to my release date gets better and better.

Yesterday afternoon, I finally took the time to start the outline for my possible book. The ideas flowed out of my naturally, and before I realized it, I had an entire legal page filled with ideas. I would like to model the book after “The Glass House” which was a memoir. This book started in the present and worked backward. My idea is very similar; however, I am a little uncertain how to tie things together. This was the only criticism I heard of “The Glass House” because even though there was a tie-in, I felt more stories would have been beneficial. Maybe this was the point since less is usually more. My story is nowhere near as tumultuous or fascinating for that matter as the author of “The Glass House.” I do have a message which is very simplistic. The message is personal responsibility because it doesn’t matter how I got here. What matters is that I take ownership of my life and my life continues to improve. I have a long way to go in completing the book, but it will happen. Little by little, I will get there, and who knows, maybe it will be published.

After dinner, the mail call was announced. I received three letters. One letter was from my unexpected pen pal who started writing to me back when I first started this journey some 15 months ago and has kept in touch ever since. In the letter was a picture of me taken nine years ago at a company Christmas party in Las Vegas. The picture is not the greatest, but when I looked at the date imprinted on it, I realized time stands still for no one. I was holding my daughter who was 10 months old at the time, and she was so tiny (also cute I must add). I looked relatively the same, and I believe I have those clothes somewhere in storage. I have aged, but looking at my daughter made me realize that time flies. I remember that Christmas party very well because the gifts given to the children were so generous. I remember doting over my daughter all day as she was just learning to walk, and I would walk with her by holding her hands. Wow, has it been nine years already? I know I shouldn’t do this, but in nine years from now, my daughter will be 18 years old and, presumably, will be getting ready to go to college. Is there any way to slow the calendar down? No, there isn’t, which is why I am making the most of every day, and when I am released in four months, this will be made even more special when I rejoin my family. I can never make up for lost time, but I can make the most of time, and I will.

I was very grateful for this photograph because it helped put everything in perspective for me. Time will continue to move no matter what I do or don’t do. The key for me is to enjoy each and every day one day at a time. Here I was looking at a photograph nine years ago and seeing how much my daughter has blossomed. Life does go on, and thankfully, my life goes on in a positive manner.

I read those three letters I received, and each one was wonderful in its own regard. I composed two letters after reading the mail, and then I lay down to go to sleep while listening to the Billy Joel CD. My sleep was not sound, and this time there were actual external interruptions. My roommate had just watched a movie and was telling me all about it. Once again, another interruption happened at 2:00 a.m. because my roommate received his wakeup call for the fire meal breakfast. This was planned, and two crews were headed out to Orange County. An hour later, the crew which resides in the same dorm received their wakeup call. I was still able to get up at my usual time and begin my exercising.

After exercising, I started my day as usual, and it was on to check-in. At check-in, I was asked about the bad reports on the cleaning of the bathrooms once again, and this time I had a short, succinct reply, “We know, and it won’t happen again.” Apparently, this reply was good enough, and the issue should be put to bed. I am certainly more mindful of the bathroom even after we have cleaned it. An example of this was last night when the two crews came back they had a great deal of garbage that filled up the trashcan in the bathroom. I had to take this trash out to the dump station on three different occasions, and one of these occasions was prior to 5:00 a.m. I know I am doing my best, and if there are more complaints, so be it. I also know the bathrooms are much better kept since my friend and I started to clean them. I can recall a few times prior that the trash was overflowing and the entire area appeared dirty. This won’t happen for the next four months because I am constantly monitoring the bathrooms. Okay, is this actually good that I really care about the cleanliness of the bathrooms? I think so!