Interesting Development

I somehow managed to have the best of both worlds last night. I was able to complete my daily writing, and I was able to attend the daily table for a very good discussion. Being able to do both of these made for a very fast evening. The discussion around the “table” centered on writing as three out of the four of us talked about writing a book about our experiences in prison life. I got more in depth about discussing my compulsive gambling addiction. As it turns out, another member at the “table” is also fighting several addictions including alcoholism. We all believe there is a market for the book, but I am still having difficulty making my experiences a little less boring. No one wants to read about the inner workings of the kitchen inside the California Prison System or about the physical training for the Inmate Wild Land Firefighter Program. I believe there is an interesting story somewhere inside the mundane existence, but I have yet to find it. Anyhow, the conversation was very good, and we even stayed out later than normal. We just moved our conversation from the table to the sidewalk when the sprinklers came on. After the conversation, I retreated to my room where my friend was already in bed. We bid each other goodnight and went to sleep.

I only got up twice during the night, so it was a successful night. My normal wakeup time rolled around, and I started my Tuesday pushup/burpee routine. I completed these and returned to my room, and even before I got back from taking a shower, my friend had gone to breakfast already. Yes, things have changed between my friend and me, but as the day progressed, things got back to the usual. I believe the key for both of us is space. We don’t have to do all things together, and if my friend wants to go to breakfast or dinner without me, it should not be an issue. It is not an issue, and we do need to maintain separate identities because we are separate people. I really enjoy the company of my friend, and I also enjoy being alone and also being at the “table”. There is no reason why these events cannot coexist with one another. My friend has other inmates he plays cards with and has conversations with. We are not beholden to each other, and I believe it is healthy for our relationship if we broaden our horizons. I do rely on my friend when we are out working on the grade or fires. I appreciate all his help. I just don’t want to be a burden to him, and hopefully, if I do become burdensome, he will inform me.

Breakfast was the usual with pancakes and oatmeal being served. As I made my way through the food service line, I reached the end where the camp sergeant stands. As I approached, him he said in a very matter-of-fact way, “Come see me after breakfast.” When he said these words, my heart dropped because I thought I had done something bad. My brain started to go into overdrive thinking up why the sergeant would want to see me. I came up with three possible scenarios. The first scenario was that he wanted to see me because I wrote some unflattering comments about him in this blog last week. Normally, I wouldn’t concern myself with this thought, but last week a very cool C/O asked me some specific questions about a passage in the blog. Apparently, he read the entry when I sent it out to my mother. The second scenario was the sergeant was angry with me because I keep putting divots in the grass when I do my pushup/burpee routine. (Incidentally, I mentioned to another inmate that the sergeant wanted to see me, and he jokingly came up with that second scenario). The third and final scenario wasn’t negative at all. I thought the sergeant was going to ask me if I wanted to work in the kitchen since the kitchen is currently experiencing turnovers, and I have previous experience. I did manage to eat my breakfast, and when I was finished, I went over to the sergeant. He then told me to come see him in his office when the entire breakfast service was finished. Of course, I had no choice but to wait an additional 20 minutes. I went back to my room, and as I was approaching my room, the fire call siren went off. I hurried into my room and put on my boots. There was no need for me to have hurried because my crew was not involved.

I did want to know what the sergeant wanted to see me about, so I headed over to his office. The Sergeant told me to come into his office. I went in and sat down with an accelerated heartbeat. As I sat down, he said, “Your previous employer wants your time.” I had no idea what this statement meant, so I said, “I don’t understand.” By the way, I had all kinds of thoughts running through my mind when he said this, and none of them were positive. He then went on to say, “Your previous employer wants to talk to you regarding a situation they are having currently.” As he spoke further, I surmised my previous employer has a similar situation happening now, and they want to speak with me to pick my brain. The sergeant assured me I was not in any trouble. He was extremely cordial during entire exchange and just wanted to know if it was okay with me to speak with my former employer regarding the current situation. All throughout the dialogue, I wasn’t thinking clearly, so I didn’t ask any questions. I was nervous when I first entered his office, and when I heard mention of my previous employer, I got even more nervous. I did tell the sergeant that I would not have any problem speaking to my former employer, and I would be happy to try to assist them in any way I could. I just wanted him to know I would follow his plan for the meeting. He wasn’t sure if it would be a telephone call or an in-prison visit. He didn’t get any details because, as I mentioned, his first concern was ensuring I was okay with all of this. Yes, I am okay and am very interested in this new development.

I don’t know who placed the telephone call from my previous employer, but I believe it came from the parent company where the board members sit. I can only guess what is happening or what has happened, so I won’t get into conjecture. I do hope this meeting does transpire, and the sergeant will get back to me with all the specifics. The sergeant did mention he would send them a visiting form, so they could be approved. I didn’t think of it at the time he mentioned it, but this doesn’t seem to be the best way to conduct this meeting. I really don’t want to take up my visiting hours meeting with my previous employer. I am hoping the sergeant (who is very “by the book) can set up an alternative time for this meeting. Whatever happens, this is, indeed, an interesting development, and all of my scenarios weren’t even close.

I came out of the sergeant’s office somewhat bewildered at the chain of events. I mentioned this development to a few other inmates including my friend. They all had very interesting opinions ranging from, “Okay, what’s in it for you?” to “They are going to offer you a job” to “Screw them!” For me, it doesn’t matter what’s in it; although, I would like to rectify the 401K matter and nothing else. There is no way they would offer me a job, so that is out of the question, and no, I can’t turn my back on them because I wronged them, and if I can truly help, then I most certainly will. Only time will tell what, if anything, comes of all this, but it did make for an interesting day.

The day on the grade was the same as yesterday; however, something happened on the bus on the way to our jobsite that was eye opening for me. Many of my fellow crew members smoke on the bus, and it seems to be an acceptable practice even though it is against the rules. Something also against the rules happened this morning on the bus, and I really wasn’t very shocked. I have been here over a month and have been surprised this hasn’t happened sooner. I cannot disclose what “this” was because it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. I can state I do see why so many inmates return to prison because their behaviors never change. The changing of destructive behaviors is very difficult as it took me over 20-plus years and coming to prison for me to address my compulsive gambling addition. I cannot and will not judge anyone. I can only look at myself, and I do thank God for my recovery because it continues to save my life each and every day.

Today on the project was more weed whacking and raking. I now have developed a blister on my thumb from using the McLeod. According to my friend, the blister will turn into a callus since there is no getting around this even with wearing gloves. We finished the project about an hour ahead of schedule, and the captain was kind enough to show the entire crew the lake from the observation area. This lake is very big (I think it is the biggest manmade lake in California), and when we are doing our projects, we are always below the dam levels. We have been coming here for the past three weeks, and I hadn’t seen the lake area. Today was the first day I saw the lake, and I was very impressed. It is a large and relatively uninhabited. I only noticed two watercrafts on the lake. This was built as a backup water supply for southern California in the event the water transfer from the Colorado River is interrupted by an earthquake or some other natural disaster. The lake contains a nine-month water supply for southern California, which is very impressive. Our crew was once again with the captain from yesterday, and I do like him. He talks to everyone like they are a human being and doesn’t judge anyone on their past. We asked him to show us the lake, and he showed it to us. There are some perks to this grunt labor.

I returned to camp in the hopes of finding out more about the interesting development earlier in the day, but the sergeant had gone home. I won’t get overly excited about this because a few things have to happen prior to the meeting. As with everything, I will take it one day at a time. Today was a very good and interesting day.