Smile On My Face

The visit with my family had come and gone so quietly. I had been looking forward to it for so long, and now it is all over. There is some sadness in their departure, but my goal was to have a smile on my face as they drove off along with the same smile as I went to sleep last night. I accomplished my goal as I smiled as they departed and smiled as I went to sleep. In between these two times, I kept myself occupied with writing, talking, and reading. Almost immediately upon returning to my room, I gathered my writing materials and headed off to the library. I didn’t want to disturb my friend/roommate because he was taking a nap. Also, I needed a change of venue to keep my mind occupied on something other than thinking about my family. I got on a very good writing roll while in the library and decided to write a few other letters. My grandmother turns 85 at the end of this week, so I composed a letter to her. Also today, a very good friend of mine celebrates a birthday, and I hadn’t written him in a while. Writing is certainly a great outlet for me and very therapeutic. I did keep my mind occupied, but I did have many thoughts about my wonderful family. All the thoughts I had were very positive, and I could lament the fact that I am not with them at this moment; however, this is impossible, and I have accepted my situation. I have an outdate, and when this outdate arrives, I will be with my family. Until that date, I will maintain a positive attitude along with a smile on my face. I have been blessed with such a wonderful family, and I won’t spoil it by feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for myself does me no good and is counterproductive to my recovery. I am very happy for myself because I am a very fortunate person, and everything is working out perfectly.

I wrote all the way up until dinnertime, and I went and got my plain spaghetti along with green beans. Dinner was very uneventful, and afterwards, I finished up my writing. I did have a telephone call scheduled last night. I called my mother to report on the week’s visit with my family. Yes, as I told my mother, it was so hard to see them leave, but this is all part of the process. Unfortunately, I couldn’t put my son my pocket (as he requested) and take him back to my room. As much as I would have loved for them to stay, our visit was over. The next time see them I won’t be wearing all orange as I will be in civilian clothes. I do miss being “Dad”, but “Dad” time will come soon enough. My children are in great hands with my wife, and she will continue to do an amazing job with them providing stability. My children, and my wife for that matter, had not changed in one year, and I don’t expect them to change in the next seven months. My life is beautiful, and the beauty comes from my family. It was great to speak with my mother, and I will see her in less than two months when she comes to visit with my younger sister. I do have milestones to look forward to in the coming months which will help to pass the time. Also, my incredible friends from GA will reconvene the GA meeting this coming Sunday, which is also great. My weeks are filled with work, and my weekends are filled with visits. This is a great combination as the time passes quickly. Today marks the two-month point for me here at fire camp, and those two months have gone by quickly.

The very good telephone call was over, and I stayed outside and talked. Thankfully, this was a very positive discussion on taking personal responsibility for one’s own actions. There is an inmate here, for all intents and purposes, that was wrongly accused. He was convicted by a jury and is currently serving a sentence. This must be very difficult. In my own case, I caused all of this on myself and have taken responsibility for my actions; however, I have often thought about how I would react if I was wrongly accused. I cannot put myself in this inmate’s shoes because this is not the case for me. I can only guess, and I do know this inmate is doing a remarkable job accepting his current lot in life. As the “Power Of Intention” states, “Life is filled with random acts, and we are completely powerless to the Source.” Things happen, and I believe it is how I react that will determine my life. So far, so good as I continue my recovery and maintain a positive outlook. The conversation was very good and lasted until the sprinklers came on, which is our alarm to end the discussions. This was a very good way to pass the time.

I headed into my room where I started to read “Associates Devil”. I read a few pages before going to sleep, and before I went to sleep I kissed my bookmarkers. My wife gave me two bookmarkers my wife had given me with photographs of my daughter and son on them. I did have a smile on my face as I drifted off to sleep. Everything is all right and will continue to be great. My family means the world to me, and I will not disappoint them again.

My night’s sleep was the usual for me as I got up twice during the night. I got up once for the usual reason of going to the bathroom, but the second time was due to the fact I was warm. Thankfully, there is air conditioning inside the dorms. This air conditioner works very well; however, there is no moderation, either it is freezing or not. Last night, I started out freezing, but somehow during the night, it was hot. Anyhow, this morning rolled around, and it was back to my normal schedule; my “vacation” (amazingly, my last week felt like a vacation in prison) was over. I started this morning like many of the other Monday mornings in the past two months. I ran for almost 100 minutes. This morning was more humid than I have experienced since arriving here. It didn’t take long for me to achieve a sweat, but the run was very good. After the run, it was on to shower, dress, and off to breakfast.

Breakfast was over, and it was back to my room where I would boot up for the day. There appeared to be a full compliment of fire captains on duty so a lay-in was not in order. I didn’t want a lay-in because I wanted to go out of the camp. The regular fire captain for my crew was on vacation, but the replacement captain had worked with the crew on last week’s fire. I had heard reports about this captain and all were positive. These reports were dead on because watching and listening to this captain was very impressive. This fire captain has been around over 20 years but is in great shape. He has a very good personality, and more importantly, he has great conversation skills. He calls members of the crew by their first names, which is something that is unheard of in the prison system. This captain is extremely organized and has a very high energy level. There seems to be no comparison to the regular fire captain as he is somewhat unorganized and has no communication skills and very low energy. High energies are very infectious in a positive manner, and I could see the crew being motivated right before my eyes.

Today was a very good day on the grade all due to the new captain. Our assignment was very basic, weed-whack one the areas around a local aqueduct. We accomplished this task without any problems, and when we were done, we were done. This means the captain did not find another project to do even though we were finished about two hours ahead of schedule. At the end of the day, the captain even commended us for a job well done. I enjoyed watching his mannerisms, and it was good to see how much he enjoyed his job. The adage, “love what you do and do what you love” showed through in this fire captain. One person can make a difference, and this captain made a tremendous difference with the crew. I believe we will have him a few days a week and have the regular captain the other half of the week. I was extremely impressed by the replacement fire captain, and the day went by very quickly.

The replacement fire captain even checked us in a few minutes early, which has always been a point of contention in the past; however, the fire captain takes no guff from anyone, and we were checked in. After being checked in, it was on to the showers as I was very dirty, grimy, and sweaty from the weed-whacking task. By the way, my weed trimmer only jammed once during the day, which is very impressive for me! The shower felt great, and afterwards since we got back early, I had time to start writing, and I did. As I was writing, one of my crew members came into the dorm and reported the federal judge had agreed to institute a three-judge panel to put a cap on the prison population for the state of California. This crew member had just seen the news and visited to spread the word. This is all part of the prison overcrowding crisis, and presumably, is the decision that should have been rendered three weeks ago. Details of this are sketchy, but my guess is, barring any appeals by the State of California, the three-judge panel will institute a cap of X for the population of the inmates. This means some inmates/prisoners will be released early to reduce the number of inmates in the system. I don’t know how long it will take to establish the three-judge panel or how long it will take before any prisoners are released early. Someone had mentioned January of next year as being the starting point. I’m not sure if I am affected, but this is certainly good news. It would be wonderful to be able to share the birthdays of my children which occur in early February. I know my release date is February 28, 2008, but any day before this would be an extra blessing. I’m sure I will learn more about this decision as the days pass. I do have my eye on my actual release date, which is about seven months. This will pass soon enough, and I will be with my family with a big smile on my face.