The Visit - Part 4 - and The Last Day

My crew came back last night and the dorm area along with my room was back to normal. I got filled in on the details of the week and it appears I missed the “hike of the century” on the Santa Barbara Fire. The first part of the week was very laid back as my crew didn’t do much other than cover the other fire camp. However, when they were diverted to Santa Barbara the one day they worked made up for the 7 days they did not.

Apparently, they hiked 6 miles up a fairly steep incline. One member from the other crew hurt his ankle on the rocky terrain and had to be brought to the nearest prison facility. Each of my crew members spoke about the hike with reverence in their voices and a small part of me would have liked to experience this hike. Make no mistake about it, I much rather had been with my family then on the hike and I know there will be other “hikes of the century” in my remaining time here. It was good to see everyone from my crew make it back safe and sound. Speaking of sound, the sounds were back in the dorm and the eerie silence was gone. I do not mind the sounds because they are comforting which means I am not alone. Every person on the crew is a good person and I have been very fortunate to have been placed with them.

After getting the details of the past week from several crew members, it was time to turn in for the night. I had mixed emotions about the next day because this would be the last day my family would be visiting with me. The saying goes, “All good things must come to an end” which when thinking about it, this is not exactly an optimistic thought. My good thing was not ending, it was just beginning because in a short period of time, we will all be together and it will be the best it has ever been.

I managed to fall asleep and had a dream about playing golf with my father at a golf course in NJ that we used to go to years ago. All I can remember is hitting a few golf shots and walking down the fairway with my father.

I waved off breakfast and waited for my wife to pull in. I walked down to the visiting center and as I approached, I spotted my family and right on queue, my little boy came running at me full speed ahead. He maybe small in stature, but he packs a great deal of power in his almost 4 foot frame. He ran toward me and I picked him up with a great big hug. My daughter was behind him and she was a bit more reserved. She is the more sensitive of the two and she knew today was the last day of the visit as there was an edge of concern on her face. Be that as it may, I did hug her mightily and stole many kisses throughout the day. I warmly greeted them and my children wasted no time running over to the swings and calling out to me to push them. These are great moments and after being on the swings, we played games of Uno and Monopoly prior to the arrival of our dear friends.

I was very happy to hear that our friends were coming today. This is where my family stayed for the past 2 weeks and I briefly got to see them when they dropped off and picked up my family for the family visit. They prepared a very special lunch – barbecue pizza. I have had a great deal of pizza in my life but not one prepared on a barbecue grill, especially one prepared in prison. Our friends came armed with all the fresh ingredients, but there were some things left at home. Our friends improvised so well as they used wood for the grill in addition to the charcoal. We borrowed a can of cooking oil from one of my fellow inmates. I was so impressed as to the lengths our dear friends went to prepare and cook this pizza. These are truly wonderful people, and in spite of all the obstacles in front of them, the pizza turned out excellent! It was the best tasting pizza I had in a very long time and still can’t believe it was made from scratch right in front of my eyes at the table.

They did have to leave to pick up their children and our game of Pictionary was interrupted. I believe I have written about this game in the past and our friends have a running joke about playing with me. You see I am a horrible drawer and would rather write a 1000 words than draw a picture. As our friends entered the visiting area, I spotted them carrying Pictionary and tried to convince the CO on duty that the game was prohibited in the visiting area. Unfortunately, he allowed the game to be brought in. Surprisingly, my team – the team of males – was actually far ahead of the females. We continued to play as our friends left. It was wonderful to see them and even though the visit was brief they are part of the many blessings in my life. I am truly surrounded by incredible people.

As we were playing, there was a minor meltdown between my son and daughter as my son didn’t want to draw one of the answers, but my daughter was making him. This caused my son to cry which caused my daughter to cry. My wife and I consoled them and their meltdown didn’t last that long. The children finally tired of Pictionary and went to play on the swings. My poor wife who has made this week extra special just wanted some alone time with me on the bench. Our time together was few and far between, but we did manage to hold one another as the visiting hours clicked down.

The visiting hours were coming to a close so I gave my son and daughter piggy back rides and in between I was able to give hugs and kisses to my wife. My daughter was getting sad which was making my wife sad which brought tears to my eyes. I did my best to maintain a positive attitude and yes, it won’t be until next year when I se them again. However, the time is shorter than this past interval. I tried to instill in my daughter that there are so many things happening in the next coming months that my return will be here sooner as opposed to later. I could see the tears in my wife’s eyes which even now brings tears to my eyes. She is an incredible person and I love her so much. My son ever being the character that he is said, “Daddy, put me in your pocket so I can stay with you.” I laughed and so did he. My sensitive daughter did very well to hold things together but knowing her I am sure she had her moments in the car. Yes, this was a bittersweet moment; the bitter was that they were departing and I won’t see them in over 7 months – the sweet is the essence of my family. They are extremely sweet and I am blessed by their presence.

I watched them drive off for the final time with tears in my eyes. They waved, blew kisses, and called out to me as they drove off. It has only been 2 hours since their departure and I miss them so much. This is all part of the Plan and I know it is working out exactly the way it is intended. My love for them grows everyday and thanks to all the blessings in my life, I do have a second chance.

Over 4 years I was headed into a downward spiral which culminated with my current arrest and incarceration. However, as my life came crashing down, I discovered true hope in recovery. I can function as a normal law abiding person without gambling in my life. I have spent the past 2 plus years in recovery and loving every moment. Over the past year, I have been separated from my family and discovered everything I ever wanted was right in front of me. I didn’t need a nice house, car, pool, or other material items but I do need my family. They are truly fantastic and have stayed with me through this entire ordeal. What started out as the worst moment of my life has blossomed into the best period of my life. Gone are the days of lying, deceiving, cheating, and stealing. These have been replaced with love and honesty.

I can choose to be sad and lament the fact that I won’t see my family sometime until next year. However, I choose to look at the positive which is my family. I cannot erase the mistakes I made, I can only learn and continue to grow into a better person. There will come a time where I can sit with my family and hold them for as long as I would like. I had a fabulous weekend and this will carry me the rest of my term.