Amazement

People continue to amaze and surprise me. I am truly blessed with a wonderful family and wonderful friends. I have to thank one of my wife's friends for helping out our family and especially helping me out. I am assisting her husband with his work and it truly gives me a feeling of accomplishment along with some type of income. I haven't had this feeling of accomplishment in a long time and it feels very good. I just hope I am providing him with a good finished product, I am really trying. Thank you so very much Juliana and Joe I am so blessed to call you my friends.

We did receive a phone call from an appraiser who will be by tomorrow to appraise our house. I am some what shocked because I thought this would be another delay in the court proceedings. I just hope the appraiser can turnaround his finish report by Friday so the Assistant District Attorney can review it before Monday's court appearance. I don't have such a "positive" feeling when I am dealing with the court so I am "hoping for the best but expecting the worse". I know I cannot control anything that goes on in the court so what ever is going to happen will happen but I am very nervous. My attorney assures me everything is going to workout and getting someone to buy the house so quickly is a good thing. However; I haven't heard anything negative from my attorney with the exception of last week's 8 YEARS proposal from the Assistant District Attorney. I guess my attorney has the right kind of attitude after all when my case is said and done he will go home to his wife and children and life will go on so why wouldn't he have a positive outlook.

There are so many possibilities running through my head and most of them are bad. I am trying to prepare myself for the worst case scenario but I am not dwelling on it. If I were to dwell on it I will end up in a mental institution because I wouldn't be able to function. I need to get something out; yes, I caused my family to lose our house and for this (and many other things) I am so very sorry. I will make amends for every wrong that I have done and each day I grow stronger with more resolve.

Today, the reporter from the Los Angeles Times stopped by to add to her story (which hasn't been published yet and I am not sure when it will get published) and one of the things she asked me was; do I ever get an urge to place a bet. My answer was an unequivocal NO because if I were ever to go back out and gamble I would lose everything including my family and my LIFE, it would literally be the end of me. I have been given a chance to get my life together and I am going to stop living by my mistakes and start learning from mistakes.