So-Long New Jersey

I have had a wonderful journey these past two weeks. I drove across the country where we stopped and saw some magnificent friends in Las Vegas. After leaving Las Vegas we visited with my dear younger sister and her family in Denver. Then we headed east where it took us three days to get across the country before finally landing at my mother’s house in New Jersey. I spent a very good week in New Jersey visiting with my family and my wife’s family. I had a wonderful visit with my mother, older sister and her family and my mother-in-law. We got to see the newest addition to the family; my brother-in-law’s brand new baby boy. I also attended three fabulous Gamblers Anonymous meetings; one in Denver and two in New Jersey.

These past two weeks have provided with so many blessings which will be with me for a lifetime. My wife and I are departing for Southern California this evening which means it will be the last time I get to see my amazing daughter and son for awhile. I am not serving a life sentence and worst case scenario means I will see them again in two years. I will miss many things in those two years but this is the consequence of my compulsive gambling addiction. I stole from my employer and the laws are fairly clear; when a person steals they are punished.

There are so many forms of punishment; such as being away from my wife and children; losing my home, my career, my car, my savings and being incarcerated in state prison. All of these are a direct result of my denial of my compulsive gambling addiction. However; over sixteen months ago I enter a Program which has given me back my life and my family. I am forever grateful for the Gamblers Anonymous Program and I intend to be a part of this fantastic Program for the rest of my life because it is the most essential part of my recovery.

Last night it was my daughter’s turn to sleep with me. A few months ago when I thought I was going to be sentenced I promised my daughter she could sleep with my wife and me and she did. However; as many of you know I was not sentenced a few months ago and came home. My daughter was very surprised to see me that day but I assured her I would be going “away” sometime in the future. She made me promise her that the day before I go “away” she could sleep with me. Of course I made her that promise. She remembered and waited for me to come home from the GA meeting last night. She did sleep with me the entire night.

We had a little visitor (my son) a little before 6:00 am this morning who also joined us. My daughter made it about another hour before my son’s snoring kept her awake so she headed downstairs at my mother-in-law’s house to watch cartoons. I laid in bed with my son watching him sleep as I did when my daughter slept earlier. These are two magnificent children that I pray to God I have messed up for life with the things I have done to them. All I can do is do my “time” and get back to them as soon as possible and have nothing but time for them.

A very wise man recently told me the way to say you love your children is to spend time with them which I have done in these past sixteen months and I intend to do once again when my “time” is served. I love these two more than anything in the world and the look of sadness of my daughter’s face as my wife and I departed for airport will stay in my memory for sometime to come.

She didn’t want me to go and she hugged me so very tight. She had asked me if I got delayed once again would I return back to New Jersey by the end of the week. I didn’t know how to answer her question because yes, I want to be with my children more than anything but if I am delayed again for the third time another six weeks I don’t know how I will react. If the delay is for an extended period of time (four weeks or more) I do need to get back and be with my family because they matter most.

I took my children to see an old dear friend this afternoon. I know my daughter wasn’t too thrilled to go because my friend has two boys; one a few years older than my daughter and one the same age as my son. I knew my son would have a good time because he always has a good time no matter where he is. My daughter was a trooper and I am so glad she came and spent the afternoon with me and my friend. She wasn’t too bored and I am so impressed with her politeness; she really is a great child.

I had a very nice visit with my old dear friend and we said our “so-longs”. After arriving back at my mother-in-law’s house I immediately took my children to the park across the street. I played baseball with my son and played some games with both my daughter and son on the jungle gym. It was a wonderful afternoon and a perfect way to end a perfect two weeks.

Before departing for the airport I took my two children aside and said my “so-longs”. My daughter was very emotional as was I and my son really doesn’t know what is going on. I know my wife will get about a thousand or more “where is Daddy and when is he coming home?” from my son in the coming weeks, months and years. I told my son to be a good boy and to be respectful to everyone. I told my daughter not to worry and if she has any worries to write them down and put them in her “Worry Box”.

This was an idea from my younger sister and I think it is a great idea; anytime my daughter starts to worry she gets out a pen and paper and writes down her worries then she puts them in a box. After the box gets filled up she and her mother will go through them and the worries will be all gone. The key is to get them out of my daughter’s head and to the box so the box does the worrying not my daughter. She started this last night and she filled up two pages. She didn’t show the worries to any one so she is in control of what she writes down. I know this will help her tremendously.

After telling my daughter not to worry and just enjoy her new surroundings because before she knows it I will be back. We told her it will be two years before I come back (worst case scenario) and she knows she will be ten years old when I come back. Yes, two years is a long time in the life of an eight and five year old but in the life of a forty year old this two years will go fast. I know there is such a bright future ahead of my whole family thanks to my recovery and I look forward to getting on that road very shortly. I need to do my “time”, continue my recovery and get back to my family so we can be together forever.

We finally left for the airport and my dear mother-in-law took us. She is a very kind and generous person. I don’t know what I would have done without her. She is also very emotional and there were some tears as I said my “so-longs” to her. I assured her everything would be alright because I have been given the time by my Higher Power to ensure everything was in order. Now that everything is in order and I continue working my recovery my life is a blessing. My mother-in-law is one of those blessings and I am at peace knowing my family is in her house surrounded by all her love.

All of us arrived at the airport; I unloaded the mini-van and gave my daughter and son a big hug and a kiss. My daughter held on extra long and I assured her everything will work out for the best. My son gave me two extra kisses after receiving his hug and I know whatever happens on Wednesday I have some incredible memories to hang on to. I also have a very bright future to look forward to as long as I get through each day while working my recovery. All of my fond memories are a direct result of my recovery and I know as long as I stay in recovery the blessing will continue.

I said “so-long” to my dear daughter and son and I told them that I love them very much and I will always love them no matter where I am. I am blessed with a great family and my love for them in endless.

Finally; a big CONGRATULATIONS to my dear friends in Canada; Ann and Dan. Today they made their marriage legal. These are two great people and I am honored to call them dear friends. I hope the day in Canada was lovely and I know the ceremony was magnificent. Thank you so much for all that you both have done for me; you have given me so much hope knowing that there is a recovery from this horrible addiction. The two of you are proof positive there is a positive great life after gambling. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!