Labor Day 2007

Yesterday afternoon I got a feel what it is like when all of the crews are out of camp on fires. The fire call occurred during the mid-afternoon, and the four remaining crews were called out. Since I am an in-camper, I did not need to join the rush in order to leave for the fire call. I just sat back on my bunk and watched my former crew members get ready. In the past, I was only concerned with getting myself ready so I didn’t notice anyone else. Yesterday, I watched my crew members, and they spanned the gamut of emotions. Some of the crew members were genuinely excited, others went out about getting ready with professionalism and others begrudgingly got ready. I would not get overly excited or disappointed. It was part of being an inmate/firefighter. Yesterday, I was a mere observer, and it did feel very good. I thought I might miss the connection with the guys on the crew, but I made the right decision for myself. In the past, I would get myself caught up in the simple fact of being left out. I found myself in strange situations because I wanted to be one of the fellows. Over the past 2-1/2 years, I have discovered it is okay to be me, and I don’t need to be included with others. I am now at peace with myself, and this makes a world of difference.

All of the crews went out yesterday afternoon into the early evening. The camp was exceedingly quiet. There were only 30 inmates remaining in camp which made for an intimate dinner service. During dinner, I was given a soy burger in lieu of the chicken. My friend who works with the kitchen made the soy burger just for me. After dinner, I sat outside near the waterfall watching the sunset. It was peaceful, and I enjoyed every moment. Being an in-camper does have its benefits, and being outside by myself was very good for me. I am on the right road to recovery, and my peace of mind continues to grow every day.

The crews came back close to 9:00 p.m., and they all were given a fire meal. There won’t be any more fire meals for me, which is okay with me. I did give away most of the food served at the fire meals, and the regular meals are more than sufficient. While the crews were at dinner, I went back in my room to get ready for bed. I listened to the radio before falling asleep. The reception on the radios here are not the best as the stations fade in and out. I was listening to a fascinating program on UFO’s, but I lost the station. I did fall asleep a little past my usual time, and as I fell asleep, I thought about the telephone call I had placed earlier in the evening to my mom. I spoke with her for 30 minutes, and this time went by so fast. This was the last time I will speak with her before I see her on the 15th with my sister. We had a great conversation, and I can’t wait to see them. I did fall asleep with a smile on my face.

Today being a holiday meant even I, the bathroom porter, had the day off along with everyone else in camp. Even though I had the day off, I still wake up at my usual time and wanted to embark on my Monday morning run. I made my way over to the office to inform the officer on duty that I would be running on the track. I have done this without fail for the past three months and haven’t had any problems. Well, this morning the office on duty did not allow me to run because it was too early. Yes, it is dark at 5:20 a.m., but the makeshift track is well lit, and I ran at this same time on Friday without any problems. As I have mentioned before, there are 10 officers assigned to this camp, and sometimes there are 10 different interpretations of the rules. This morning I got caught up in one of those interpretations. I did ask when I could run, and I was told, “I will let you know.” I certainly did not argue and just said, “Okay” while walking away. The sun doesn’t fully rise until 6:40 a.m., which wouldn’t leave me much time to run. I needed to alternate my workout, so I did 90 minutes on the Harvard Wall. I did not allow myself to get down when I was told I couldn’t run. This is all part of the journey, and it is a fact that other people control most of my daily life. I completely understand this and wholly accept them as well. Other people or factors do control parts of my life at the present time, but the only person who controls my attitude is ME. It is entirely my responsibility to maintain a positive attitude no matter the obstacles. Sure I was looking forward to running this morning, but I was not allowed to so I happily changed my plans. I did have a very good workout and could always run later in the day.

After my first workout of the day, I showered, dressed, and went to breakfast. I walked out of breakfast with a bounty of bananas. I do like bananas, and the kitchen had to give them out because they will be overripe by tomorrow. When breakfast was over, I returned to my room and started to read “Maximum Achievement” by Brian Tracy. One of my old crew members lent me this book. The book is promoted as “strategies and skills that will unlock your hidden powers to succeed.” As I started reading, I agreed with every word with no exception. The book is a road map to success and was very good even with that one exception. The once exception is that the author states over and over that life is hard but everyone should get over that fact. I believe life is a blessing and anything but hard. I have taken a cue from Dr. Dyer and “The Power of Intention.” Incidentally, the author does allude to “The Power of Intention” where life is wonderful. Sometimes, the road of life takes twists and turns which could be difficult, but my life is truly great. One passage in the book talks about relationships and how the best test regarding relationships is laughter. The more people laugh the stronger the relationship, and I do believe this. As I read this, I thought of my wife and children because we laugh all the time. We do have incredible relationships, and I look forward to returning to the laughter. The book was an affirmation for me because each chapter started exactly what I am doing. The affirmation was good, and I am headed in the right direction.

I spent a few hours going through this book, and then it was time for my second workout for the day. I wanted to run and slotted the mid-morning for a long run. I embarked on the long run with the temperature and humidity very high. This was very different than running in the early morning where the temperature is much cooler. I ran a bit slower but did cover 12 mile in 1-1/2 hours. As I ran, there were more distractions than when I run early in the morning. There were all good distractions as most of the guys asked me how many laps I was running. The weather was again strange as it started and stopped drizzling several times as I ran. The rain felt good but didn’t last very long. I only ran on the flat surface, and it felt great. I was considering starting my training for the L.A. Marathon in three months, but the training started today. I exercised for over three hours today, and my legs felt very good. I do have some soreness, but this is a good soreness, and I will improve in the next six months.

The run was over, and I was drenched with sweat. I was also very thirsty. One downside to my coming in camp is that I had to give back the CamelBak. The CamelBak came in handy for cold water. Now, I am relegated to filling empty Gatorade bottles with ice and water, which does take a bit of time. Oh well, if this is the only downside, it is certainly okay. I hydrated myself after the run and showered. The rest of the day I read and wrote while waiting for the special Labor Day dinner. The best part about this Labor Day holiday 2007 is that it is my last Labor Day being incarcerated. Next Labor Day I will be with my family and laughing up a storm.