Six Years Already

Oh my, did I have the evening to myself! About an hour prior to dinner, the fire alarm call went off, and the four remaining crews went out on the fire. This left only those (such as myself) who are not assigned to a crew in the camp. This amounts to only a handful of people, so the camp was exceedingly quiet. Dinner was designed as a “drive thru” for the advent of Monday night football. This meant we were given our food (hamburgers and hot dogs) to go, and we could eat it outside. Since there were only a handful of us, the process went quickly. Once again, my new roommate came through because he made me a Boca (soy) burger and a Boca sausage. He also made these for himself as he abstains from eating red meat. These Boca products were part of the donation from the Girl Scouts, and of course, I thoroughly enjoyed them. I also thoroughly enjoyed talking with my new roommate as we finished our dinners. We remained outside talking since the camp was more quiet than usual. We had a great talk, and the evening was very peaceful.

My new roommate decided to turn in early since he most likely would have to wake up early when the crews returned to feed them. Lately, I have been going to sleep earlier and earlier. I figured by the time January rolls around, I should be in bed by 7:00 p.m.! It was a good thing my new roommate went to sleep early because he received a 1:00 a.m. wakeup call to assist with the breakfast service. Of course, I heard this wakeup call because I am a light sleeper. As he groggily got up, I so wanted to say, “I guess it’s time to make the donuts” (the line from the classic Dunkin Donuts commercial where the donut maker had to rise very early each day to make the donuts), but I remained silent and watched him go off to the kitchen. I managed to fall back asleep and got up at my usual time with the intention of running. I was allowed to run, and usually there are a few guys lifting weights at this time, but due to the fire call, no one other than me was outside. It was a strange feeling to have the camp to myself, but once I started running, it was just like any other run. I did have a very good run, and as I ran, I thought about the significance of today’s date, September 11.

Has it already been six years since that awful day in 2001? Yes, it has been six years already, and yes, I do remember exactly where I was that awful day. I was settling into my new job out here in Southern California, and we were also settling into a new house. I had only been at my new job for two months, and we had only been in our new house for 12 days. As all the events transpired on September 11, 2001, I was exercising (just like today) at a local gym. I watched as the second airplane slammed into the World Trade Center tower. I didn’t process the magnitude of the events as they were happening, but by the time the day was over, I had a very good idea about the magnitude of these events. Amazingly, six years later, I am still exercising, but I am not at a local gym. I am in a California state prison. Our house has been sold, I have lost my job, and my wife and children now reside in New Jersey; yet I am more at peace than I was six years ago, thank God. I hadn’t started my thievery at this point six years ago, but my mind was a mess as I was once again in the early steps of my compulsive gambling. Things progressed badly for me over those six years, but gratefully, due to recovery, I can see more clearly now than ever. It was the most tragic day in United States history six years ago today, and the country came together after those terrible events. The United States, much like myself, has a very selective memory. I had two previous events in my life due to compulsive gambling prior to the last event which could have prevented a great deal of problems, but I turned my back on those events. Six years later after that tragic day, the country is not as focused as we were after those events, which is sad. I remember flying the American flag in front of our house after the September 11 events and seeing many of my neighbors doing the same; however, as time progressed, fewer and fewer flags were flown, and by the time we moved out, our flag was the only flag on the entire block. The key for me is to not dwell on the past, but I must never ever forget the terrible events in my life. I believe the same holds true for our great country; never forget and always remember those true heroes who lost their lives six years ago today.

My life is so much different than it was six years ago today, and this is positive in every way. I have had my freedom taken away over the past 14 months, but each day I get better and better. I have less than six months remaining until my freedom is restored, and I know I am moving in the proper direction. I love this country so much and pray to God another September 11 tragedy does not occur. There isn’t much I can do to prevent such a tragedy, but there is much I can do to keep myself on the right path. I am doing the right things, and the right things are happening. It is my intention to keep doing these things one day at a time. I do love my life, family, and friends very much and look forward to the next September 11 as a member of the free world.

I completed my run, and with so few people in camp, I had to shower and dress quickly to get to breakfast. We were given a fire breakfast because all of the crews still had not returned. I thought I had eaten my last fire breakfast, but if all the crews are out and another camp sends crews to cover this camp, everyone is given a fire breakfast. Yes, these fire breakfasts are packed with calories. How anyone can eat all the food is beyond me. There were fried eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, Corn Flakes, oatmeal, milk, orange juice, fruit cocktail, and biscuits. I ate the oatmeal and also had a bowl of Corn Flakes along with the orange juice. Once again, my roommate had me in mind because he made me a Boca sausage. Of course, I was very grateful, but I had to take the Boca sausage back with me because I had no room in my stomach.

The very filling breakfast was over, and the crews were coming back shortly. Normally, I clean the bathrooms when all the crews are out. With them being out all night, it meant they would be in camp all day. It is difficult, not to mention a disservice to the crews, to clean the bathrooms when everyone is in the camp. Thus, I made an executive decision (sounds serious but not so much!) to clean the bathrooms before the crews came back. I teamed up with my able assistant, and we finished just as the crews came back. It was a quick service, but the bathrooms were, in fact, cleanse just like they are every day. Normally, we finish by 11:00 a.m., but today we were finished at 9:35 a.m., so I had more of the day to myself. I spent most of the morning putzing around listening to the radio and sitting outside. My roommate came back to the room. Now mind you, he had been up since 1:00 a.m. and still going strong. He saw me lying on my bed listening to the radio and sarcastically asked if I had to go to work, and I responded, “Already done.” He gave me a big laugh and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “What am I doing wrong?” Anyhow, he quickly departed as had more things to do for the kitchen. There are times when I am jealous of my new roommate because he has the job I would want here since it is somewhat like what I used to do; however, due to the nature of my crimes, I am ineligible for that position since it interfaces with a computer. It has taken me awhile to accept this, but I have, and I am enjoying my time as the bathroom porter.

One last thought regarding the anniversary of those tragic events of September 11, 2001. I remember going to New Jersey three months after the attacks and seeing all the flags and stickers on everyone’s cars in remembrance. Those events are forever etched into my memory bank, and I will do my part to always remember. This goes hand and hand with my recovery. I can write about things to my heart’s desire, but if I am not practicing what I write, then the recovery will fail. This is why I am grateful for the GA program and thus my recovery because I practice these principles each and every day. May God bless everyone not only in the United States but on the entire planet.