Sabbatical??

At this very moment, it is Monday afternoon, and I am sitting at a picnic table. It is located at the foot of the hill in the back of the camp. As I look to the hill, I can see squirrels running around, rabbits jumping about, and not one cloud in the sky. On top of the hill rests a white cross that is 12 feet high. No one seems to know the significance of the cross, and I remember my mother writing me about this when she visited last week. I didn’t have an answer, and she surmised that it was an escape attempt gone bad! I don’t believe that was the case. The temperature is in the low 80’s with a slight breeze. If ever there was a tranquil setting, this is it! I can only hear the wind rustle the trees, and I am at peace. When I entered the prison system over 14 months ago, this setting was the furthest thing from my mind. I am forever grateful for this sabbatical which has allowed me to continue on the right path.

I don’t know the proper definition of sabbatical, but I have seen it often enough to know this journey I am on has turned into one. Over 2-1/2 years ago, my world was spinning out of control and came crashing down on me. Instead of hiding and blaming, I took responsibility for my actions. I was hoping against hope to avoid prison back then, but now I am grateful for this opportunity. I do miss my family so very much, but they are doing extremely well. My daughter has started the fourth grade, my son has started first grade, and my wife in an assistant to an attorney. Everything continues to work out for the best. I have five-plus months remaining on my sabbatical, and then I enter the real world. Life does pose some challenges along with frustration, which is why I must remember this very afternoon as I enjoy peace and tranquility. Yes, the setting here does lend itself to serenity, but ultimately, my serenity comes from inside. Challenges (I like to refer to these as opportunities) lie ahead, but the foundation I continue to build will carry me through one day at a time into a glorious achievement.

This is my fourth week as the bathroom porter, and I certainly have made the right decision. Yesterday marked four months since I arrived here, and I cannot believe how fast those four months have gone. One month ago today on my 42nd birthday, I was at a fire in Santa Barbara, which feels like just yesterday. Time has a tendency to slip right on by, and as I wind down this journey, I have a whole new appreciation for time. I have said this in the past, but it bears a reiteration, “I am doing time, but time isn’t doing me.” In a sense, every person on this planet is doing time in one way or another. The key for me is to make the very best of this time. Yes, I would rather do this time with my family at my side, but that is not an option. I am making the very best of this time and growing as a person. I have discovered a new way to live, and I will take this with me for the rest of my life. Recovery has been so good to me, and discovering the works of Mr. Dyer has been a Godsend. This may seem strange, but I was on the right path all along. I just let my gambling addition get the best of me, and as it turned out, this has saved my life because I finally did, and am doing, something about it. It may be the hard way, but I am learning.

I have met some magnificent people over the course of the past 2-1/2 years inside and outside of prison. Many of these magnificent people are associated with the Gamblers Anonymous program. Even people who no longer attend the meetings, for whatever reason, have touched my life. I realize 12-step programs aren’t for everyone, but I am glad to have had an opportunity to meet these people. The same thing goes for the people I have met in prison. Some of us made bad choices which lead to bad consequences; however, thanks to recovery, the bad has turned into good.

Last night, I had the pleasure of speaking with my mother on the telephone for the first time since our visit last week. She has returned to New Jersey after spending a few days with my sister and her family in Colorado. As always, it is wonderful speaking with my mother, and we talked for 30 minutes. She did tell me the visit was much better than she expected. I knew the visit was going to be great, but it turned out even better than that. Yes, it has now been over one week since I saw my mother and sister. Now, my hope is that my wife will be out here for a family visit in November. I still haven’t heard any word on this from the powers that be, and I will be as patient as I can. I know everything will work out perfectly. The conversation with my mother was outstanding, and my love for her grows more and more each day. I am blessed, and my mother is one of these blessings. The telephone call ended, and I wandered into the television room to watch a little of the Sunday night football game, but it wasn’t much of a game so I headed back to my room and went to sleep.

My new room has a few early risers (even earlier than me), and there is much more early morning activity than in the previous dorm. This is okay by me because my early morning routine went uninterrupted. I got a great workout. Today, being Monday, was the start of my work week and the last week for my friend who helps clean the bathrooms. He is paroling on this coming Sunday. He is completing about 20 months of a 24-month sentence. This is a little more than I will serve but very close. I am very excited for him, and I couldn’t help but think of how I will feel doing my last week—the words excited, ecstatic, joyful, and happy come to mind. This system has a way of putting many of us on guard, which is why he isn’t yet ready to feel these things. I can understand because “you never know” runs rampant in this system. I do believe everything is going to go well, and come Sunday morning, he will walk out with a big smile on his face. I will reach my last week soon enough, but for now, I will concentrate on one day at a time.

The day continued to be peaceful. I received three pieces of mail – one from my mother, one from a dear friend in GA, and the GA monthly bulletin. All three were great reading material, and I am so grateful to receive the bulletin. I spent some time reading and then started to compose this entry. Today was an absolutely beautiful and tranquil day.