Diagnostics

Sleeping last evening was more difficult than the previous evening. I am not sure why, but being confined to the bunk all day may have something to do with it along with the fact that the bunk really isn’t all that comfortable. It is very hard (my Dad probably would like it) and finding a comfortable position is very difficult. I woke up early and didn’t have a book to read so I did my push ups and sit ups between bunks out of site of the correction officers. I know during the day many inmates exercise without any problems, but again my emphasis is to keep a low profile and stay off the radar. But I needed to do something and I was able to complete my repetitions.

Breakfast is served a little after 7:00 am and I traded my sausage for an additional helping of farina. After breakfast, we are given a sack lunch which contains a package of tuna fish. Much to my surprise the tuna fish is wrapped in a vacuum pack and is plain. I can add another meal to my list along with the peanut butter. It appears that I should be okay during my stay for the next 3 months so I won’t starve.

My expectations are very low in terms of when I get moved and when I am put through the system because of my past experiences. The first official step here is a battery of psychological, dental, and medical testing. From my discussions I ascertained that these tests are usually administered in the first few days. Not counting Saturday and Sunday, this is my fourth business day. I didn’t want to put any expectations on when I would be given these tests because as I mentioned my expectations are very low.

Much to my surprise I was called to the front and told to follow the other inmates. I wasn’t specifically told where to go and didn’t want to ask the corrections officers since they get cranky when asked too many questions and as I said, I wanted to stay under the radar so I remained silent. This proved to be a minor mistake because I got in the wrong line even though in the back of my mind I knew I should be in “Diagnostics” and not “Testing”. A different correction officer pointed out my faux pas and directed me to the proper line.

The first test was a dental exam that proved to be somewhat ironic in a place like this since most of the inmates are missing teeth. This is due to the drug use which destroys the teeth. I am one of the very few who have all their teeth. I went into the 10x10 exam room. The dentist was impressed by my dental work and told me that someone did very good work and to keep those teeth. He reassuringly tapped my shoulder. I told him that I will do my best. The next stop was the psychological test. I’m not sure if the person was a psychologist or just someone filling in. I entered the small room and sat at what appeared to be a classroom desk. The person asked me if this was my first time to prison to which I replied, “Yes”. He asked me what I was in for and I told him embezzlement. Then he asked how much time I got and replied, “Four years”. He asked, “At half-time?” I answered, “Yes”. He said that’s not too bad; do you feel like killing yourself? I assured him that I didn’t and he said, “You’re probably just kicking yourself and asking how all this happened?” I told him that I was taking it one step at a time. Next, he administered the exam which consisted of him giving me a verb and matching it to the corresponding picture. He asked me four questions that took 25 seconds in total for me to answer and then he told me I was done.

Next it was on to the medical tests. First, a nurse took my weight – 140 pounds, height – 5’10”, eye test – 20/20. After this I went to another nurse who took my blood pressure which was 106/67. The final test was for cholesterol that has to get sent out. This is a key number which will make me eligible for Fire Camp. Hopefully, it will be in an acceptable range (it darn well better be) so I can participate in this program.

I have stated this before, but my goal is to get into this program for two reasons: one – it’s hard work but it means I am doing something constantly; two – it reduces my sentence form 50% to 35%. This is significant because I could possibly be out by my daughter’s 10th birthday and my son’s 7th birthday. This is in the future and I shouldn’t get ahead of myself, but I do need something to look forward to and it is difficult not to look ahead.

The final stay was with the medical doctor. He took my history and asked pertinent questions. She listened to my heart and I was done. All told the testing process took 2 ½ hours, however, the actual testing took no more than seven minutes. Lots of waiting around, but it was good to be outside even though the temperature was in the mid 90’s. It was great to feel the sun on my face.

I was finally done and headed back to my building. I was able to obtain two more books. I started A LIGHT ON THE VERANDA by Ciji Ware. At this point I will read just about anything. I am starting to understand how some authors are just better writers than others. It’s hard to believe that I have read as many books as I have, but if I didn’t I would only have thoughts and that would be bad.

Before dinner tonight, there was another negotiation with the same inmate as last night. Tonight the main entrée was a chicken leg that I traded for salad, mixed vegetable, and potatoes. This is really working out well and this inmate was also going to give me his ice cream sandwich. I told him that I didn’t want it much to the dismay of the inmates sitting at the table. After I turned it down, they told me to take it next time so one of them can have it. I guess I am being a little too nice with my food but I will learn.

After dinner, we are allowed to watch SUPERNOVA on TV which is a very popular show here. This is the show much like American Idol but on this show they are looking for a lead singer to front a new Super Rock Band. The only reason I bring this up is because this is the last television show that my wife and I watched before I went away. It was odd to see many of the inmates interested in this program. All I can think of was my beautiful wife and how I haven’t spoken to her in a week. We knew there wouldn’t be telephone conversations for at least 30 days, but it appears there won’t be any while I’m at this processing center. There are no telephones anywhere and no one makes phone calls even those inmates who have been here 5 and 6 months.

I haven’t received any letters since I left the county jail. I guess it takes a few weeks for the mail to catch up and I do miss all those letters. I also miss reading the newspaper, but here there aren’t any available. I will keep writing my daily journal because it helps so very much.

After dinner and before Super Nova came on, I felt very depressed and sad. I don’t know what triggered the sadness, but I had an overwhelming urge to cry so I thought about all the wonderful things in my life, most notably Monica, Lauren, and Jonathan and I started to write. Of course, this place is very depressing but I must accept my fate for the next few years. If I keep fighting it, I will have more depressive episodes. I don’t want to end up in the Psyche Ward and I hope I have enough of a foundation in my recovery to overcome these episodes.

I do know had I not entered the GA program 1 ½ years ago – this part – being separated from my family would have been even harder. There are times when I do feel extremely bad, but I have a few “tricks” to get past the depression and one of them is to do what I am doing now ~ writing. I have no idea if anyone out there gets anything out of this blog, but I do know that it is saving my life. Without being able to get the thoughts out of my head, I would be completely lost. Now I feel much better and will return to my romance novel.