Yard Day

It is hard to believe that it has been one week since I arrived at the Reception Center. In the GA program we have a few sayings “Take it One Day at a Time” and “Be patient, don’t worry the days and weeks will pass soon enough and your recovery will really accelerate”. In a place like this I really just want to accelerate the days into weeks – into months – into years. Yes, I would like to fast forward ahead a few years so I can be with my family again.

It has only been a week and in some ways it seems longer. One week ago tonight, I was confined to a holding cell which seemed like an eternity, but I am no longer confined. I am moving through the system just like all the other inmates and I do look forward to these weeks turning into years. Patience is certainly a virtue and something I have come to accept. I do pray to God that my family has the same patience and know I miss them more than anything in the world. Once I get to the next stop there will be a real program and hopefully the days will fly by. Also, my children will start school shortly and their days will fly by. The inactivity is a difficult aspect of my incarceration. I just finished my 20th book, FOREVER AND ALWAYS by Jude Deveraux.

Today was Yard Day and I actually got to go outside and walk for the hour and a half. I was eligible for this because I had my ID card and wanted to go to walk the yard. It is interesting because “Yard” is mandatory for those under 35 years of age.

Over the past 17 years, I have had a very regimented workout schedule which consisted of weight and aerobic training. During this period of time, I have missed one week without working out, but it has been 38 days since I had a “real” workout. I miss this so much and as I was walking the yard it felt so good. I couldn’t run because of too many inmates being in the yard, but I was able to walk fast. In fact, there were a few other inmates who wanted to walk with me but they gave up after one lap because they couldn’t keep up. As I walked, each lap got faster and faster.

Yard days are Mondays and Fridays. I am looking forward to Monday. I felt so differently today than I have felt all week which is attributed to being outside and getting exercise. I need an exercise program in my life because it is another essential part of my recovery program. I do try to some type of exercise everyday, but it’s not much of a substitute for what I am used to. Again, this is temporary and I will get through it. Once I get through it, my life will start all over and this time I will try everything in my power not to screw it up.

As I was walking, there was one inmate who did keep up with me for a few laps. This inmate was only 21 years old and fortunately for him he is getting out in two weeks and going home. He had already served a year and a half at the county jail and a few months here. As we talked, I realized this young man is very scared because this is his second time in prison and doesn’t want to come back. I discovered he doesn’t have a clear plan to battle his addiction to drugs. He believes he can do it on his own and wants to focus on his 2 year old daughter. I wanted to shake him and tell him he doesn’t have to but that is not my style. I told him about my addiction to compulsive gambling and how I have battle it all my adult life. I also told him about receiving help from GA and how it saved my life. I told him that there are many programs available for drug addicts and to try to find one. The unfortunate part is that there is nothing magical I could say to save this young man. He will be in my thoughts as he embarks his journey back to society. I wish I had a crystal ball for this young man. I shared my story with him and I have no idea whether it made sense to him. But the more I share my story, the better I feel because it is a constant reminder of how far I have come. I am certainly not done and in fact, I have just begun this positive journey.