Conversations

It is hard to believe it is the 29th day of September and it was 101 degrees today! Three quarters of the year is complete and my where has the time gone?? Yes, we are having a heat wave in Southern California and yes, it seems the fire season has began in earnest. If you have been watching the news there have been a series of brush fires about 100 miles north of where I live and these fires are threatening multi-million dollar houses. Which brings me to something I heard the other day; "money can be a house but it can't buy a home". I just wanted to throw that quote in and I will leave the money discussion to another day. Back to the brush fires; I found several ashes from these fires or other fires in our pool. I thought the "closest" brush fire was 100 miles away so this is a long way for an ash to travel.

I had several different conversations today and most likely in the past I would have taken these conversations for granted but not anymore. It all started when I woke up my daughter for school and as I tried to get her out of bed she asked me (completely out of the blue), "Daddy do you miss your old job?" I am not sure where this came from but I answered her with; "yes, I certainly do but I am enjoying spending more time with you and your brother". This was the extent of our conversation because she went on to something else and much like any other morning I showered her with tickles. It is so nice to hear my daughter laugh first thing in the morning; she really is a good soul.

As I was driving my son home from school today he said (again totally out of the blue!) "we should get a new house." I have no idea where this came from but he wanted to get a new house. I asked him why and he replied, "because we should". Hmmm......I didn't really know how to continue this conversation but I did ask him if he wanted to live with his Grandmother? His reply; "yes". It didn't matter which grandmother because he would be happy with either one and I tried to get out of him why but he would have nothing to do with it. Very soon after we were home and all he wanted to do was play with his friend. My children may not know exactly what is going on with their Dad but they certainly are not stupid.

Finally, I had lunch with a new friend and I have found that there are some extraordinary good people in this world and he is one. We had a very good conversation and these are things I am so thankful to be around because without these fabulous people I would truly be lost. One of the things we talked about was how I was doing. This really is a loaded question and one that has been asked by many other caring people. My answer is not simple because I have good days and bad days but the good days are starting to out number the bad days. Most importantly I concentrate on today only. It is very difficult to make any plans considering I really don't know how much of my future will be lost and it is detrimental to dwell in the past. Today is seven months and one day since my last bet and as long as I continue doing the right things my future and the future of my family will be better.

Here is an interesting article about the future compulsive gamblers which has been caused by the poker craze. One line from this article hit a nerve with me; "Only a small percentage of college students who play poker will develop a problem, Fowler said, but because the number of those playing is so large, that small percentage will be a significant number of people." Yes, a small percentage will become compulsive gamblers but this small percentage will be a significant number. Awareness through education will not eliminate compulsive gamblers but may help in slowing it down.

Television and the movies make gambling look so easy but for every winner there are over one million losers. Of those million losers some will dream bigger dreams and will continue to lose until everything is gone including their lives. I was on this path seven months ago. If things didn't happen the way they happened I would have ended up in a gutter somewhere. I must keep this in mind as I work the recovery steps because one bet leads to disaster and I thank God each and every day I still have my family and I am abstaining from gambling one day at time.