Why

Is why such a great question? I attended a training seminar and a very prominent employee trainer never wanted to know why he just wanted to get the situation corrected. In other words it didn't matter why you did what you did and in this case if it interfered with customer service he would rather have the problem corrected. There was a discussion the other day regarding why; and how why is such an empty word. I am not sure if I agree with why being an empty word but if I dwell on "why" I will never be able to change anything. I believe the answer to why comes with doing the right things consistently and living a life with a purpose. The key concept to understanding "why" things have happened is to understand myself. Without a proper understanding of myself I would continue on the path of self-destruction and this is not where I want to head. I want to find myself living with conviction and working on my character defects.

The topic at last night's Gamblers Anonymous meeting was character defects. Everyone has character defects it doesn't matter who you are if you are human you have character defects. It is understanding these character defects and doing something to change these defects which makes you a better person. I know I am arrogant, self righteous, lazy, dishonest and a liar to name a few! Believe it or not I didn't realize any of these seven months ago. I was going through the motions and never really looked at myself. Through Gamblers Anonymous and working the 12 Steps of the Program I have learned so much about myself. Step Six is "we are entirely ready to have our defects of character removed". This Step lists at least 20 character defects and I can go down the line and pick out mine. Seven months ago I would have picked out maybe 2 and that was the problem. I thought I was above everything, "mister high and mighty". I tried not to come off this way but I am sure I didn't fool too many people.

When I first started working after getting out of college at a Big 8 (now there are 4!!) Accounting Firm I had a supervisor tell me (mind you after 2 months on the job) that I was going to be a "prick" when I got to be a supervisor. This person meant it as a compliment but I didn't take it this way because I thought I was treating people with respect. Unbeknownst to me I didn't really know how to treat people at this early age. So I took it upon myself to try and treat people as if I would be treated myself which means with dignity. I think each year in my career I accomplished this but some where along the way I fooled myself into thinking I was better than everyone else even I thought I was treating them with respect. Which led to what is known in psychology as "stinking thinking". If I thought I was better than everyone else than I could do things better than everyone else. This was a very wrong thought pattern. I wasn't better than anyone I just fooled myself into thinking so.

I am working on being honest and humble. The first step in my honesty is to be honest with myself. If I cannot be honest with myself than there is no hope. I have finally admitted I am powerless to gambling and it has caused my life to become unmanageable. This is my first step in honesty and recovery. Secondly, I have been humbled, humiliated and mortified by my actions. I know there are dire consequences to my actions but it is not the end of the world. I am working to be the person I am meant to be and with the support of my family, friends and Gamblers Anonymous I will accomplish this one day at a time.

Lastly, I have read so much on compulsive gambling in the past seven months and have met so many people who have been affected by this disease. It is amazing to me how much of myself I see in all of these people. It doesn't matter if they are young, old, male or female each one of the stories I can relate to and I take something away each time. The question on everyone's mind when they enter Gamblers Anonymous is "how do I stop gambling". First Step; is to admit we are powerless to gambling and our lives have become unmanageable. Many people including myself have problems with this first step; however; without honestly answering this question gambling will continue to cause problems in your life. I have admitted honestly I have a problem and I am powerless to gambling and I am embracing the Gamblers Anonymous Program because without them my life would be over. There is life after gambling and this life is worth living because even though I have no money I am richer now more than I have ever been in my life.