Tough Night

When I was gambling there was only one person who knew and I would commiserate with them because there was no one else either one of us could tell about our gambling exploits. We would share the bad beats and good wins. Toward the end it was just bad and I think we both became robots, immune to the feelings of winning and losing. I bring this up because each morning we would email each other and discuss the night before action and many of the emails were titled "Tough Night". Well "tough night" now has a new meaning for me. Last night we had one of those terrible thunderstorms move through the area and living in Southern California I have gotten spoiled with the nice weather so anytime the weather goes bad it seems very bad. I am sure it is all relative but last night was a tough night for the children.

Around 1:00 am there was a flash of lightening and a clap of thunder. My wife looked up and low and behold my daughter had "morphed" into our bedroom. Neither my wife nor I heard her come into the room and as my daughter gently tapped my wife as she lay sleeping my wife jumped up extremely startled. She would make a good cat burglar, so very quiet!! Of course we invited her to stay in our bed because the storm was just starting. About twenty minutes later our door flew open and yes, my son came to join us. He startled us in a different way because he was so loud!! Two children and yes, they even look alike but they certainly have different personalities.

A few minutes after my son joined us the power went on and off and for some reason our pool filter turned on. I got up and went outside in the rain, thunder and lightening and turned off the pool filter. Now it is about 2:00 am and all four us were in our bed, thank God we have a king size mattress! The storm was still going strong with very brilliant lighting and very loud thunder. It lasted for another hour and I think all of us fell asleep around 3:30 am. Being a school day the children had to be up around 7:15 and it was 7:45 when they finally got out of bed. Needless to say it was a tough night for everyone. My daughter is very tired and tried to take a nap this afternoon but she couldn't. Hopefully she will be in bed very early this evening.

My wife received a fantastic report on my daughter this afternoon from her teacher. My daughter's teacher asked my wife if she could give my daughter more math homework because she feels Lauren isn't being challenged enough. She went on to say Lauren is one of her top students. I know all parents are proud or their children and it really doesn't matter to me whether my daughter is the top or bottom student as long as she is happy and treats people with respect. My daughter is very happy and is very respectful and it is also nice to know she is intelligent. I have been blessed with a fantastic family.

I don't know why I do this to myself but I get emails on gambling, compulsive gambling and embezzlement. Today was particularly harsh because in one of the email newspaper stories regarding embezzlement there was a sentencing and a quote from the convicted person's former employer; here is the story. The quote which haunts me is by this lady's former employer; "The insurance agency and property company lost a lot of money; many people lost their trust; friendships have been ruined, and Blachly has ruined her life." It doesn't appear this case involved compulsive gambling but I feel terrible when I read things like this because I know my former employer feels the same way. In fact I have already received the "you have ruined your life" quote from my former employer.

Yes, I have ruined my life and the lives of my wife and children but my life is far from over and no matter what happens in the future my life has gotten better because I have stopped gambling and met some magnificent people. In addition to the stopping of gambling my life has a sense of purpose. I don't just exist from day to day I live from day to day. There is a difference between existing and living and for the first time in a very long time I choose to live.