Good Life?

Does leading a good life mean you have to a great deal of money? Absolutely not, sure money does buy convenience but it doesn't buy humility, love, happiness, pride, self-worth, sensibility, affection, confidence and all the other things in life you cannot put a price on. I always thought having money would make a difference in my life but what it brought me was a total lack of purpose. Life was meaningless and I was meandering in an idiotic sense of self importance.

One of my gambling triggers was money but it was never about the money. The first time I got into trouble gambling I was 18 years old and there was no internet; everything was done through a bookmaker and was done on credit. Meaning I had no sense of what money meant at an early age. The first bet I made was for $25 when I was 16 years old. When I got into trouble with the bookie my bets had risen to $500 a game in just two years. I was able to "get out" of this situation but I didn't learn the value of money until a few months ago.

After the first time I got into trouble gambling I stayed away for 5 years but then I got out of college and found myself with money. I started gambling again without any sense of what had happened to me earlier. Of course my main bets were $500 a game and of course over the next 4 years I found myself in a great deal of debt. I was able to "get out" of this situation but I still didn't admit I was a compulsive gambler. I stayed away from gambling for the next 4 years but I discovered the "internet" and I could control my gambling because they didn't allow credit like a bookie. I had to deposit "real money" and when that was gone I would stop. Funny it didn't work that way. When the "real money" was gone I tapped credit cards and found myself in worse shape than I was before.

Gamblers Anonymous teaches that compulsive gambling is a progressive disease it gets worst never better if it is left untreated. I am a true testament to this fact because my $25 bets in the beginning ended up being $2000 and $10,000 bets in the end. No matter what the dollar amount of the bet was it was never enough and for what? What was I going to do with the winnings? I was going to make more and more bets until it was all gone. It really is insanity and yes, for you "normal" people it really makes no sense.

In a few days it will be seven months since my last bet and I am starting to see my stupidity a lot more clearly than I have in the past but that doesn't mean I am "cured". There is no "cure" for this disease. The only known "cure" for me the compulsive gambler is to not gamble again ever. Yes, forever is a long time but I cannot get to forever without going through today and today only. This is why I choose not to place a wager today because today is the only thing I have.