Never Too Late

It does not matter what other people say it only matters what I think and I think it is never too late to change for a better life nor is it too late to make amends. Earlier today I found myself telling my story and each time I tell the story I discover something new. My earliest recollection of gambling came when I was 8 or 9 years old and there was a poker game being held in our basement. I remember my Uncle coming up to me after the poker game and giving me all of his change he won in the poker game.

I remember being mesmerized by the coins much like my daughter was mesmerized by her fifty cent piece given to her by the Tooth Fairy. I also remember sneaking down into the basement and watching the poker game for a few minutes until my Dad chased me away. I don't know what it was but the combination of the money and playing cards caught my attention. I didn't really understand how to play poker but I was intrigued. I hadn't thought about this for a long time until I was re-telling my story earlier today. Is this significant in my recovery? Maybe or maybe not but there are so many things I have repressed over the years it is good for me to get them out in the open.

Also at the end of my story I was having a discussion of how it is never too late for anyone. As long as I have breath in my body I can make a difference and I can change my bad behaviors. It has been almost seven months since my last wager and this is a great starting point. Everyone has to start somewhere. It took a long time to get this point in my life and I will make the best of it.

Yes, I may be going away for a number of years due to my bad behavior but as long as I keep my self awareness in tune each and every day things will work out for the best. Of course I regret my actions and I am truly sorry for hurting those that trusted me but that doesn't change history. I must face up to this history and learn from it. I once told someone very near and dear to me; "Learn from your mistakes don't live by your mistakes". I was always good at giving advice to other people but I would never really listen to myself now I am listening and understanding myself and these mistakes must be learned from and I intend to learn something each and every day.

I always fancied myself an intelligent person but I was only fooling myself. I am no smarter than the next person. A truly intelligent person knows themselves and knows their own shortcomings and does something to address those shortcomings. Also, a truly intelligent person embraces their own shortcomings and those shortcomings of others. They do not criticize, complain, or exacerbate the problem they make the necessary changes to live a life with a sense of purpose. An ignorant person continues on the path of denial and keeps making the same mistakes over and over again. I was so ignorant to myself it was not funny. Ignorance is not bliss at least in my case. Ignorance was a sort of insanity and I intend to break away from this ignorance and insanity by taking (working) the steps necessary to make me a better person because it is never too late to change.