Easy?

Today was an odd day. My wife and children went to the beach with friends and I was able to play free (no cost) golf today with a dear friend. I say it was odd because I have played a great deal of free golf since moving to California and most of the time I was the one to set up the free golf. Today was different; my dear friend has a neighbor and his family owns a golf course. It was interesting because we played as a five some (meaning five people played on a hole). Normally courses only allow up to four people playing on a hole; however; because he was part of the ownership the course let him play as a five some. (I am sure this is so very interesting for no one but maybe I will make a point somewhere!) The other four members were all neighbors and I was the only that wasn't. I really felt like the odd man out. My friend who has a wonderful soul made me feel comfortable and after all how bad can it be playing free golf in Southern California so I am not looking for any sympathy I am just stating how I felt.

I think I was going into self-pity mode because I had remembrances of how it used to be when I played golf with my work colleagues. In addition tomorrow is a different neighbor's golf tournament that I have played in the last three years but not tomorrow. In fact last year my Dad and two former work colleagues and I played and we won. It was the first time I had been part of the winning team in a golf tournament and it was fun. We had a great time and today I was thinking about how much has changed in one year. Yes, it is MY FAULT but I am human and have human feelings so sometimes it is difficult. I will state this again I am using this medium to convey my emotions and it helps me so very much. I had a few good days this week and had been empowered by certain events but like the roller coaster there are ups and there are downs. Today even though it was a good day I was feeling a bit down.

I know I shouldn't feel down because I have so many positive influences in my life and I am so grateful for everyone of them. When I get the whoa is me attitude I think about the smiles on my daughter and son which brings me back to center. It is so important I try and stay centered each day because this centering process has been missing in my life for such a long period of time. My wife, children and certain other people keep bringing me back to center and I must continue this thought process or the off-center life begins to rule my thought patterns. This off-center thinking will undermine all the good I have done in the past five months and hinder my recovery. Summing up today; it was a very good day, I had some not so good thoughts but I remembered the most important things in my life which overruled the not so good thoughts. I hope this makes sense?